The Blizzard
by sheviking
Summary: Bella is walking home during a blizzard and stumbles on a homeless man on the ground. Despite her better judgment she decides to save him from the cold, and the night turns into something she never expected. ON TEMP. HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

**This is an idea that I have had for a while, and I couldn't stop myself from writing it. For now it's just a one-shot, but depending on people's reactions I may continue it when my other fic is done. **

**I hope you enjoy it. :) **

_Jesus, it's freezing! Just a few more blocks, Bella. Then it's hot chocolate and a warm blanket for you. _

I was trying to make my way home in what must have been the blizzard of the century. Ok, maybe that was an overstatement, but I could hardly see where I walked. Snow was coming out of the sky blinding my vision almost completely, as I stumbled through the deserted streets.

"Why did you come in to work on your day off to read in this weather?" they had asked me repeatedly.

_To get away from my loser ex-boyfriend, who as we speak is moving out of my apartment. _

I hadn't told them that for some reason, but now I wished that I had. The truth was that I was thrilled to finally be rid of Mike. Things had been awful for a long time, and walking in on him fucking some girl from his office had been something of a relief. Now I had an excuse to get him out of my life and out of my apartment. He had been horrible to me, but before that I had been too chickenshit to end it with him. He was my first serious boyfriend and I had never lived alone before. My friend Angela had moved out six months ago when her boyfriend Ben had invited her to come and live with him, and the prospect of conjugating with a perfect stranger was not enticing. In stead, I had agreed when Mike suggested that he could move in with me. But now he was gone, and I was not looking forward to being alone, although it was better than living with him any day.

_Good riddance and I hope he's very happy with his office tramp!_

I pulled my scarf up around my face and wrapped my arms around my torso, wishing that I would make it home soon. My coat was already completely soaked through, and my feet were practically numb from walking the short distance between the library and my apartment.

_Just a little longer. Almost there. _

"P-p-p-leeease."

I stopped in my tracks and looked around, feeling utterly confused.

_Did I imagine that?_

I brought my hand up to shield my eyes, and by the side of the building I saw something huddled on the ground. It was hardly visible, almost completely covered in snow.

_Is that a person?!_

I squinted and took a step closer to the unmoving shape which was pressed against the wall.

"Are you alright?" I asked uncertainly.

_What do you think, brainiac? It's something like five degrees out here and snowing like crazy. _

"P-please."

It came out low and pleading and my breath hitched in my throat. It was a man, and he was obviously in trouble.

_He'll die out here in the cold. _

I looked around for someone to help me, but by the looks of it we were the only two people foolish enough to be outside in this weather. I turned my attention to the man on the ground again. He was lying on his side facing the building, all curled up in a ball with his arms covering his head in a failed effort to stay warm. His clothes were worn and completely soaked through.

_He's homeless. He has to be. Look at the rags he's wearing. Why isn't he in a shelter?_

I couldn't linger here any longer. Should I maybe call the police and notify them? But the roads were impossible to drive, and by the time they got here he could have hypothermia or worse.

"Can you walk?" I asked and placed my mitten covered hand on his shoulder.

He recoiled instantly and pressed himself against the wall.

_He's afraid of me!_

"Hey, I won't hurt you. Let me take you inside," I said and pulled on his arm.

_Inside? Inside where? Your apartment?! Bad idea, very bad idea. _

But what else was I supposed to do? I couldn't just leave him out here to die. He lowered his arms and started to raise himself off the ground slowly. I saw that he had been shielding a backpack between his body and the wall. He almost slipped on his way up because his body was shaking so much.

_He must be so cold! How long has he been out here?_

I shivered in my warm clothes and couldn't imagine how much pain he must be in after having laid on the frosty ground for god knows how long. He found is footing and stood up next to me. My jaw dropped.

_Holy shit! How tall is he?!_

This was a full grown man. A full grown man, who I had just asked to come home with me. Alone. And he was a homeless stranger.

_Bad idea, Bella. Really bad idea. _

The man shivered violently next to me and almost dropped to his knees. Before I knew what I was doing I had my arm wrapped around his waist, and his arm slung over my shoulder for support. He was leaning on me and found his bearings again. I could hear his ragged breaths above me as he straightened himself a little and took some of his weight off me. He didn't smell like alcohol and that calmed me a little. He probably wasn't a drunk, but he was still really big and from what I could feel also strong. He could easily overpower me if he wanted to.

_This is such a monumentally bad idea! But I can't just let him die out here!_

Thankfully we were only a block from my apartment, and I did my best to keep him from falling as we both stumbled into my building and up the stairs. Once inside, he leaned against the wall with a heavy sigh of what I assumed was relief. I took of my wet coat, hat and mittens and turned to him.

"You…You should take off your coat. It's soaked," I said quietly.

He complied without a word, revealing more ragged old clothes underneath which incidentally were also wet.

_Shit! _

"Um. Wait here," I said, and rushed into the bedroom to see if I still had some of Mike's old clothes. I found everything from jeans to sweaters and even boxers that the bastard had left behind because he was too lazy to throw them out himself, and now I was actually grateful for it. I returned to the hallway and the man hadn't moved a muscle since I left him. His head was still down, and he shaking and holding himself tightly to find some warmth.

"Do you want a hot bath?" I blurted out.

_What the fuck? A bath? Are you completely insane?!_

But before I could retract the offer he nodded vigorously, and removed his black knitted gloves and hat. His hair was an indefinable color and looked like a bird's nest. He bent down to remove his boots and almost fell over in the process. I stood there watching him, and I realized that my heart was pounding wildly in my chest.

_Of bad ideas this is the worst possible one! What the hell was I thinking?!_

I felt myself start to back away as he advanced slowly with his backpack in his hand, but suddenly he stopped and looked up at me for the first time.

_He's young! _

The man couldn't have been more than thirty, but it was hard pinpoint his precise age behind the heavy stubble and the grime on his face. His eyes met mine for a second before he quickly lowered his head again and stared at the floor.

"Um, t-the b-bathroom is in here," I said shakily and remembered that I was still holding all of Mike's discarded clothes. I thrust them into his arms and opened the door to the bathroom for him. I didn't want to get into the small room with him where there was no escape, so I just motioned for him to walk in.

"Towels are in the closet," I told him as I took a step away from the door.

He nodded again and walked into the bathroom. I let out a shaky breath as he closed the door and locked himself in, and I heard him turn on the water for the tub.

_What am I gonna do now? Call the police?_

I could just imagine how that conversation would go:

_Hello police?_

_Yes ma'am, what is your emergency?_

_There's a homeless man in my bathtub._

_He broke into your house?_

_Err…not exactly. I sort of invited him._

_Ma'am, do you realize that it's an offense to make prank calls to the police?_

_Oh, but I'm completely honest. He's in there right now probably using my honeysuckle scented bubble bath._

_Goodbye, nutjob!_

Ok, so calling the police probably wasn't an option. What could I do to get rid of him again?

_Food! He's probably starving! Feed him and then he'll leave. Good plan, Bella! _

I rushed into the kitchen and thanked my lucky stars that I had pot roast leftover from last night in the refrigerator. I wasn't used to cooking for just one person after I had kicked Mike out, and I had half a pot full just waiting to be reheated on the stove. I decided to slice him some bread as well to make it more filling. I put the pot on the burner and set the table for him. The absurdity of this situation wasn't lost on me, and my sole focus was getting the strange man the hell out of my apartment as soon as possible.

I could feel myself getting more and more worked up as the minutes passed. What if he wouldn't leave? I tiptoed out into the hallway and listened intently outside the door to the bathroom. I could hear him moving around in there and ran back into the kitchen with my heart in my throat.

_It's ok, it's ok. He'll eat the food, leave and you can forget that this ever happened. Chuck it up to 'my boyfriend of three years just moved out' temporary insanity or something like that._

I took a deep breath and decided to get something to drink from the fridge. I turned around and almost bumped into the man who was hovering right behind be with his eyes fixed on the pot on the stove. I let out a shriek and he practically flew back against the wall, wide-eyed and panicked. My hand flew up to my throat and my pulse thundered in my ears.

_Jesus Christ! Someone should put a bell on this guy!_

I started to calm down again, and finally got a good look at him. I had been right in my first assessment of his age, and he looked to be in his mid-twenties like me. I could see that his hair was reddish and that he was very pale.

_Wait? Did he shave? He did! He must have used one of my disposable razors. _

His eyes were green and he had dark circles under them, which was the only thing that contradicted his otherwise ethereal-looking features. He was incredibly handsome, and I found it hard to tear my eyes away from his face. He was wearing a pair of jeans that Mike claimed had shrunk in the dryer, but the truth was the he had been in denial about the weight that he slowly gained, because he was both lazy and a glutton. He had a cream-colored sweater on that had been discarded because there was a small hole in one of the sleeves and some loose threads here and there. The clothes were almost a perfect fit and he looked good in them.

He also appeared to have calmed down some after my freak-out, but I could see that he was still breathing heavily as he gauged my movements. I cleared my throat and motioned to the table.

"Are you hungry?" I asked.

_What an asinine question, Bella! Of course he is!_

He nodded carefully and approached me with what seemed like extreme caution, as if he was expecting me to lunge myself at him. I made him a plate and walked over to him on weak knees. I was almost scared that he would hear my heart pounding in my chest, as I placed the food in front of him. He sat completely rigid until I scurried back to my place by the stove. The second I was out of his direct proximity he started shoving food into his mouth at lightning speed. He was crouched over his plate and his left arm was curled around it in a protective manner; as if he was expecting someone to take it away from him before he could finish.

I realized that in any other scenario I would have been considered incredibly rude, as I gawked at him while he ate. He grabbed the bread, dipped it in the sauce and proceeded to consume large bites faster than he could possibly swallow them.

_He's gonna make himself sick._

"Hey, slow down," I said and took a step in his direction.

He flinched and crouched even more over the plate, effectively shielding it with his body. He let out a low noise that sounded like a growl, and I could see all his muscles were tense.

_Holy shit! He thought I would take it away. And did he seriously just growl? _

I took a step back again, and he relaxed a little. He sat up straighter and raised his head to meet my eyes.

"You'll make yourself sick if you eat so fast," I whispered.

He nodded once and went back to his plate, eating a little slower now and I think he even took his time to chew a couple of times before swallowing. His knife and fork danced over the plate and in less than five minutes he had devoured everything on it. He stopped abruptly then he realized that he was done, and his eyes had a distressed look in them.

"More?" I asked softly.

For the first time his lips curved up in a beautiful smile. It only lasted a second or two but it made my heart pound even faster than before. I approached him carefully, took his plate and put the last of the pot roast on it, making sure that I scraped the pot to get it all out. When I placed the plate in front of him he looked embarrassed and refused to accept it. He held it up to me even though he obviously wasn't full.

_Why? Oh, because it's the last of it._

"I'm not hungry," I said, and waved my hand dismissively.

He eyed me carefully for a second before he assumed his previous crouched pose and started eating again, but this time he ate even slower and savored the food. I returned to the spot by the stove and watched him finish the plate. He leaned back and sighed, I assumed that it was happily. He bent down and rummaged through his backpack and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He suddenly stopped and looked at me, for permission I think.

"Go ahead," I said, and grabbed him an ashtray and a lighter from the cupboard.

He gave me a quick smile and lit up. I watched as he inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. He exhaled the smoke and relaxed back in his chair. He ran his hand through his hair and looked at me again. I suddenly remembered that he hadn't had anything to drink and walked over to the fridge. I took out a bottle of water and a soda and placed them both in front of him. He opened the water immediately, and swallowed about half of it in huge gulps before returning it to the table.

He frowned all of a sudden, and quickly retrieved the pack of cigarettes and held it out to me.

_Why the hell not? This night can't get any stranger. I might as well indulge a little. _

I had quit a few years ago, but I figured that I deserved a smoke in this highly strange situation. I gingerly extracted one and lit it. I inhaled deeply as he had done and felt the familiar satisfying burn in my lunges. I could feel myself start to smile as I exhaled with closed eyes.

_Jesus, I've missed that!  
_I opened my eyes and saw that he was grinning widely at my reaction.

"I used to smoke," I said simply and he nodded.

I got myself a coke from the fridge and he opened his as well. I jumped up on the counter next to the stove and turned on the radio. He smiled when he heard the music and relaxed completely in the chair. The silence hadn't exactly been uncomfortable, but it was a little unnerving when this man clearly was the epitome of the silent type. In fact, he hadn't said a word since we entered the apartment, and before that it was just the word 'please' which had alerted me to the fact that he was lying there on the cold sidewalk. I shuddered at the thought of what would have happened if I hadn't brought him up here. Frostbite? Organ failure? Death?

I shook my head and took another drag of the cigarette. The man was watching me intently and I squirmed under his gaze. He must have sensed that I was uncomfortable because he lowered his eyes and I followed them to his left hand. That's when I saw that his knuckles were chafed as if he had been in a fight. The other hand where he was holding the cigarette was likewise afflicted.

_Who has he been fighting? _

"What happened?" I asked and pointed to his knuckles.

He shrugged and held up his backpack.

"Someone tried to steal it?"

He nodded and looked sad.

"Is that everything you own?" I asked carefully.

Again a nod of the head, and a sad smile.

I felt terrible for him that he had to live like that. He seemed alright all things considered. People were always saying that the homeless were either insane or drug addicts, but this guy didn't seem to fit either stereotype. I noticed that he clenched and unclenched his fist and winced a little.

"Do you want some ice for that?" I asked.

He raised his eyebrows and gave me an amused look.

_Why is he looking at me like that? Oh wait, I get it. _

"Probably not, considering the condition I found you in, huh?" I said.

He chuckled softly and flicked the ash off his cigarette while he shook his head a little.

_Yeah, 'silly girl', I agree. _

"Do you want coffee?" I asked out of nowhere.

_What are you doing? Stop offering him stuff and get him the hell out of here! _

He looked surprised, but nodded his head and smiled. I jumped off the counter and started making it. Then I got out two mugs and some cookies. I figured I might as well pull out all the stops since a part of me apparently wanted him to stay a little longer. Had I really become so lonely and jaded that this was my idea of a good time? Hanging out with a handsome homeless man, who for all intents and purposes may as well have been a mute?

Apparently so.

I shook my head and handed him the plate of cookies.

"Milk and sugar?" I asked, and looked at him over my shoulder.

_Nope. Same as me. _

I poured the coffee for him and was about to go back to the counter, when he motioned to the chair across from him. He raised his eyebrows expectantly as if he was asking 'will you sit with me?'

_Yeah, I can do that. _

I got my own coffee and sat down. He stubbed out the smoke, leaned forward and held the mug between his hands and looked at me.

"Are you…are you waiting for me to say something?" I asked.

He nodded and smiled.

"Oh, like what?"

He pointed to me with his index finger.

"Bang! You're dead?" I said with a grin.

Unexpectedly, he threw his head back and laughed. I gaped at him as he shook with laughter, and I felt my lips smile so widely that it nearly hurt my face. I wanted to record that sound and play it over and over. He chuckled across from me and lit another cigarette. I took another since he offered, and then he pointed at me again with a smile.

"You want to know about me?"

He nodded.

"There really isn't much to tell. I'm twenty-five, I'm a librarian, I bring home men who like my cooking, but don't talk."

He snickered at my last remark and motioned for me to go on.

_Why does he wanna know this? My life is so tedious that it bores even me to tears!_

"Um, I went to college in Seattle, but moved here to Chicago afterwards with my roommate Angela when she got a great job. There are libraries everywhere so I could easily come along."

He looked around, apparently for Angela.

"Oh, I live alone now," I said. "She moved in with her boyfriend."

He nodded, but then grabbed the front of his sweater and eyed me questioningly.

"It was my ex boyfriend's," I said with a grimace which made him laugh a little. "He just moved his stuff out today."

He raised his eyebrows which I equated with a follow up question.

"I caught him with some girl from his office on our couch," I said and took a drag of my cigarette.

His eyes widened and he shook his head.

"You don't believe me?"

He shrugged but still looked skeptical.

"Is it that hard to believe that he would cheat on me?" I asked, feeling a little annoyed that he thought I was lying.

He nodded and motioned to me from head to toe with a smile.

_Err…Is that his version of a compliment? I wish he would say something. _

"Oh," I said dumbly and hid my blush by looking down.

My heart jumped in my chest when I felt his hand on my cheek. I looked up and saw that he had lowered his head to sneak a peek at my face when I hid it from him. He smiled again and stroked my cheek with his thumb. Butterflies I had forgotten existed suddenly fluttered like crazy in my stomach, and I felt a little lightheaded.

_I need to get him out of here. Right now! I'm just hungry and high from the nicotine and that's all that's going on here!_

I pulled back from his caress abruptly, and the chair scraped loudly when I stood up. His hand lingered in the air for a few seconds before he pulled it back looking confused.

"Look, this was, err, fun but you should probably get going now," I said nervously.

He stood up slowly and approached me. He cocked his head to one side, and I felt myself back away until I hit the counter.

_Shit! Trapped!_

He softened his gaze and took two more careful steps until he was right in front of me. I swallowed audibly and my heart thundered in my chest. He reached out to touch my face again, and I closed my eyes and gripped the counter.

_Fuck! I can just see the headlines now: 'Cop's daughter raped and murdered in her own home'. 'Naïve small town girl who trusted everyone ended up paying the ultimate price'. And so on, and so on. I'll be a cautionary tale!_

His fingertips traced my cheek, and my breath hitched in my throat.

"Please don't hurt me," I whispered.

I felt his other hand take mine and I opened my eyes as he lifted it. He shook his head.

"You won't hurt me?"

He shook his head again, and placed a kiss in the palm of my shaking hand. He placed it on his cheek and leaned into my touch and closed his eyes. I don't know how long we stood there; my hand on his cheek and his on mine. Adrenaline was coursing through my veins and my breathing sped up. He opened his eyes and leaned closer to me. I couldn't look away. My mind was screaming at me to do something; scream, run, fight, anything really, and yet I didn't move a muscle as his angelic face came closer and closer to mine. His lips brushed against mine, and once again the butterflies in my stomach were going haywire, and I gasped as he did it again. I had never felt more alive than I did at that very moment.

He pulled back a little and sought my eyes. I blinked a few times and he smiled widely.

"You won't hurt me?" I repeated in a barely audible whisper.

He shook his head again and caressed my cheek. Then he leaning down and started placing soft kisses on my lips. Electric sparks shot through me and the hand that was on his cheek came down on its on accord and gripped his sweater. He placed his left hand on my hip, and his right continued to caress my cheek as his kisses became bolder. He parted his lips and brushed his tongue against my closed mouth, asking for permission to enter. I heard myself whimper softly as he did it again, and I opened my mouth a little. His tongue met mine and his hand on my hip tightened a little. His other hand went up to the nape of my neck and tilted my head slightly to give him better access to my mouth.

I moaned when the kiss deepened and my trepidation was quickly being replaced by curiosity and wonder.

_I know I should be terrified, but this one kiss is more exciting than three years in the bedroom with Mike_ _has ever been!_

Was I being insane now for allowing this to happen, or had I been crazy before when I spent my life with a man who I had felt zero amount of passion or desire for? I didn't even know this man's name and yet I was feeling things that I had only read about in books.

_Is this what it feels like to want someone? But it doesn't make any sense. I don't even like sex!_

He broke our kiss and looked at me for a second before he moved his mouth to my neck and attended to the area with open-mouthed kisses, licks and gentle bites. I was panting at this point, and I felt his hand on my hip travel to my lower back and press me lightly against him. My arms encircled him and meet on his back as his mirrored mine and did the same. His mouth found mine again and he sucked on my bottom lip sending tingles through me. His body was hard and firm against me, and he moaned when my hands went into his hair.

Suddenly he reached down and lifted my legs up around his waist. I gasped when I felt our bodies touching… _there_. He held me as if I weighed nothing and walked us into the hallway. He looked around and for some insane reason I pointed to the bedroom. He carried me through the door and smiled when he saw the bed.

_I can't believe I'm doing this, I cannot believe I'm actually doing this!_

I had never had a one night stand, because I had never seen the point. I didn't really enjoy sex, and it had just been a part of being in a relationship with Mike that I had come to accept.

_No wonder he cheated on me. Who the hell wants to sleep with someone who doesn't enjoy it?_

The man lowered me carefully onto the bed and stretched out beside me. His hand caressed my cheek again, and his eyes burned into mine in the dimly lit room. He wanted me. His lips sought mine and the kiss quickly deepened. He rolled on top of me and I spread my legs to make him lie between them. He smiled against my lips, and ran his hand down the side of my body tracing my curves along the way. He kissed me again and his hand slid under my shirt and came into contact with my naked skin. I gasped into his mouth when he gently cupped my breast in his hand and gave it a light squeeze.

"Shh," he whispered soothingly, and lifted his head to meet my eyes.

I stared back at him and lifted my hand to his face. I touched his lovely features with the tips of my fingers, and marveled at the fact that such a beautiful creature even existed. The fact that he was here in my bed and that he wanted me was just surreal. He smiled again as I touched his soft lips and his eyes looked back at me with…adoration perhaps? No one had ever looked at me this way before, and my heart pounded away in my chest. I felt his hand on my bra move slightly, and he flattened his palm over my heart. He gave me a curious look when he felt how fast my heart was going.

"I-I'm n-nervous," I stuttered. "I've never done this before."

His eyes widened and he bit his bottom lip as he stared at me in shock.

"N-no, I've done it before but never like this," I clarified. "Never with someone I didn't know."

He relaxed visibly and gave me a comforting smile.

_Would it really have made a difference to him if I had been a virgin? Would it have stopped him? What if I said 'no' right now?_

"W-will you stop if I say 'no'?" I asked him.

He nodded immediately and I found myself believing him. I hesitated. Did I want to say 'no'?

_No, I want this. I'm certifiably insane for wanting this, but I do. _

I tried to convince myself that this was no different than going to a bar and picking up some guy. People did that all the time. Angela had met Ben in a club, and their hook up had turned into a serious relationship afterwards. But deep down I knew this really wasn't the same. All I knew about this man was that he was homeless, had a beautiful smile and made me feel tingly all over when he kissed me. He was still looking at me questioningly as if he was waiting for me to tell him to stop.

I took a deep breath and nodded. He moved his hand back to my breast and sought my eyes again.

"Yes," I whispered.

His mouth was on mine immediately kissing me hungrily. Now that I had consented it seemed that he was throwing caution to the wind, and unleashed the full extent of his passion on me. I clawed at his back and moaned loudly when he pressed his hardness against me, and he sat up quickly and pulled the sweater over his head. The t shirt he had on came off next, and I gasped when I saw his naked torso. He was muscular and lean, but thinner than he should have been. He hadn't been eating enough for a while, and it made me sad to know that he was used to being hungry. But despite the beauty of his ripped abdominal muscles, they weren't what held my attention.

He was wearing a military dog tag on a chain, and his ribs on the left side had purple bruises, and I felt tears flood in my eyes when I realized that someone had hurt him.

"Oh no," I whispered and covered my mouth with my hand.

"Shh," he said and wiped away a tear that was trickling from the corner of my eye.

"Are you hurt?" I asked.

He shrugged and touched the bruises gently.

_He's used to being hurt it seems. No one should be used to that. _

"Was it the one who wanted to steal your stuff?" I asked hesitantly.

He nodded sadly and looked at his bruised knuckles.

"Did you win the fight?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"Did he take something from you?"

He nodded.

_He did have more stuff. It makes sense, I guess. I've never seen a homeless person without sleeping bags and blankets. He must have lost everything except his backpack._

"Is that why you were on the ground and not in a shelter tonight?" I asked. "Because you got beat up?"

Another nod.

"Won't you talk to me?" I asked carefully.

He looked torn. He chewed nervously on his bottom lip and ran his hand through his hair.

"Tell me your name, at least," I begged.

He lowered himself down onto me again and I think I actually sighed when I felt his weight against me. He leaned on his elbow so that he wasn't too heavy, and dangled the dog tag in front of my eyes. I took it in my hands and squinted in the dim light to make out the words.

"Cullen, Edward A.," I read out loud.

"Edward?" I questioned and looked up at him.

He smiled and ran his index finger over my nose, past my lips and throat before stopping between my breasts where he pointed at me.

_He wants to know my name, I think._

"Swan, Isabella M.," I grinned nervously, and made horrible attempt to salute with my right hand.

He laughed into my neck and the sound reverberated through me. It was melodic and light, and suddenly I wished I was funnier so I could make him do it again and again. He looked up at me and his eyes sparkled with amusement.

"Actually, I prefer Bella," I said.

He nodded and mouthed my name silently.

"Is it painful for you to speak?" I blurted out.

He nodded carefully.

"Oh. Oh ok," I said. "I guess I babble enough for both of us anyway."

He smiled and shook his head, as if to convey that he didn't mind me running my mouth nervously like I always did.

"Edward," I whispered and caressed his beautiful face.

He leaned into my touch and mouthed my name. The butterflies in my stomach were at it again, and I decided that there was no point in denying what I was feeling. Tonight I wanted Edward and he wanted me. My hands traced over his naked shoulders, under his arms and around his back where I ran them up and down feeling the muscles ripple under his warm skin. He sighed and buried his face in my neck. He placed small soft kisses on my throat and turned my head so that he could move his mouth to my ear.

He nipped at my earlobe with his teeth and sucked on it. His hand moved under my shirt again but before he could touch me I pushed on his shoulders. He sat up immediately and held up his hands in silent surrender. I just gave him a smile and reached down to pull my shirt over my head. His eyes lit up when he realized that I wasn't telling him that I wanted to stop, but that I actually wanted to move further. I took a deep breath and reached behind my back to unclasp my bra. I slid it off slowly and dropped it on the floor, carefully avoiding Edward's eyes.

The silence in the room was deafening.

_Are they too small for his taste? What is he thinking?_

Finally, I felt his fingertips between my breasts, lightly touching my pale skin. I looked up at him and his face held an ardent expression. He sighed and brushed his fingers over the swell of my breast, and I inhaled sharply as he traced over my nipple which hardened instantly. He pulled back his hand and looked apologetically down on me.

"No, it's ok," I said. "You just surprised me."

I held up my hand and when he took it I pulled him down on me again. More electric sparks shot through me as his skin touched mine and I shivered lightly.

"Do you feel that too?" I asked.

He smiled and gave me a wink. He ran his fingers through the length of my hair, over my face with his fingers spread widely and ended the journey at my naked breast which he cupped in his hand.

'Beautiful,' he mouthed and gazed into my eyes.

"No," I said immediately. "You don't have to say that."

He frowned and tsked at me. He leaned down and kissed my lips softly.

'Beautiful,' he repeated silently.

"Ok, thank you," I said, not wanting to seem ungrateful. "You are too."

He smirked wickedly and bit his bottom lip.

_Yeah, he knows he's gorgeous. He's probably been told so by many women. _

"Have you…have you been with a lot of women?" I asked.

He shook his head and held up two fingers.

_No way! _

"Only two? Why?" I asked, disbelievingly.

He tapped his thumb against his ring finger.

"You were married?" I gasped.

He nodded.

"Oh, but not anymore?"

He gave me a pointed look and shook his head. He obviously didn't want me to think that he would ever cheat on his wife, like Mike had cheated on me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to," I started, but was cut off by his lips as he kissed me again.

He moaned softly as his tongue found mine, and he fondled my breast with his large hand. I arched my back into his touch, and whimpered when he rolled his thumb over my hardened peak repeatedly. His mouth trailed kisses down my neck and chest and I my pulse raced when I realized what he was about to do. His tongue circled my nipple before he sucked it into his mouth and flicked his tongue over it.

"Oh," I cried out in surprise when a jolt of pleasure shot through me.

It was as if there was a direct line between my nipple and my pussy, but I had never discovered this hidden connection before. Edward glanced up at me with surprise written all over his face.

"I, uh, I guess that area has been neglected before, um, orally," I said shyly, and felt a blush creep up in my face.

He frowned, shot me an incredulous look and shook his head in disapproval. 'What sort of bozos have you been with before, Bella?' is what he seemed to ask with his expression.

_Selfish ones, I guess._

He reached up to kiss my lips before he turned his attention to my breasts again. I moaned loudly when he took my other nipple in his mouth and proceeded to lick and suck it. He switched to the other one and gave it the same treatment. I was getting more and more turned on by his unexpected ministrations, and my heart leapt when he moved his mouth lower until he reached my jeans. He sat up between my parted legs and started to unbutton them. He looked up at me and hesitated.

"Yes," I breathed, and he smiled widely.

He removed them quickly and grinned when he saw my white cotton panties with red hearts on them.

_Fuck! Why couldn't I have worn something nicer?_

"Sorry, I know they're…, uh," I trailed off.

He shook his head, pouted his lips and held his hand over his heart, as if to tell me that he thought they were cute or something. He hooked his fingers under the hem and looked at me again for permission. I nodded and he dragged them off me. He removed my socks and rubbed his hands over the muscles in my calves before dragging them up to my thighs. He parted my legs and I held my breath as he looked directly at my pussy. He swallowed audibly and dropped to his elbows between my legs.

_Whoa! Is he gonna put his mouth on me?_

"It's ok. I, you don't have to. No one's ever," I babbled.

He sighed heavily and clicked his tongue in obvious disapproval, and caressed my inner thigh with his hand. I looked at him and he raised an eyebrow.

"I mean, you can if you want, but, um, just don't expect anything to, err, happen, ok?" I said helplessly and hid my face in my hands.

_God, just shoot me already! Could this be anymore embarrassing?_

I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt him part my folds and his warm tongue flicked over my clit several times.

"Oh my god!" I shouted when I felt the surge of pleasure that it caused.

_I can't believe it! I think he could actually make me come if he keeps that up!_

I heard him chuckle softly at my reaction, and then I felt his tongue on me again. He massaged my clit hard and fast with his tongue, and I gasped and panted.

"Edward, oh shit, oh, I, god!" I shouted and tried to tell him that I loved what he was doing to me.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, he pushed two fingers deep inside my pussy and I arched my back when the sensations became almost too much to take. I felt him hit a spot inside me and my toes curled and I gripped the sheets tightly.

"How? How are you doing that?" I gasped and writhed frantically.

He pumped his fingers faster and I felt a sharp suction on my clit which pushed me over the edge.

"I'm, I'm, oh god, I'm coming!" I shouted as my orgasm swept over me.

Blinding lights flashed behind my eyelids and pleasure shot through me as Edward continued to work me expertly, until I felt my body relax and come down from the incredible high he had given me.

"I can't believe it," I gasped as he crawled up my body and emerged with a smug expression on his face.

"No one's ever been able to," I said and took a deep breath.

He gave me a curious look.

"I mean, I've had one by myself," I said, and flushed when I realized that I had just admitted to masturbating.

"This was, um, much better," I offered weakly. "Thank you."

_Try a hundred times better! So this is what I've been missing all along. _

He smiled and stroked my hair. Then he leaned down to kiss me eagerly and pressed his hardness against me. He moaned as he rocked his hips, and I could feel how turned on he was. He lifted his head and sought my eyes.

_He wants sex now. And I actually want it, too. I never thought the day would come. _

"Take your pants off," I said, feeling emboldened by my previous orgasm.

He nodded and sat up on his knees where he quickly pulled both his jeans and boxers down.

_Holy shit! Holy shit, that's big!_

I gulped when I saw his fully erect cock, and wondered if it would ever fit inside me. It must have been at _least_ nine inches, and it wasn't exactly lacking in girth either. Edward saw my shocked expression and looked regretful rather than smug, which would have been the reaction one might expect from a guy in this situation. He leaned forward on his arms to kiss me lightly and then lay down next to me on his side. He looked concerned and stroked my flushed cheek.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I didn't expect you to be so big."

He nodded and closed his eyes. I reached out and wrapped my fingers around his cock and felt it throb in my hand. Edward gasped a little and his eyes flew open. I stroked it firmly and swept my thumb over the head, which caused him to hiss and buck his hips involuntarily.

"I want to try," I said. "But I should probably be on top."

Edward's jaw dropped, and he was obviously taken aback by my sudden boldness. Then his lips curved up into a beautiful smile and I smiled back at him. I rolled over and opened the drawer in the nightstand and found a condom. I removed his pants, boxers and socks before I straddled his thighs and ripped the pack open with my teeth. He was looking up at me with the biggest grin on his face, and I could almost read his mind. 'I'm gonna get laid!'

I rolled the condom on his length and by some miracle it actually fit.

_Thank you Mike for buying extra-large ones even though you really didn't need to!_

Edward moved back, propped up a few pillows and leaned against the headboard. He smirked and hooked his index finger, motioning for me to come closer. I crawled over his body on all fours, and his eyes were hooded with lust when I cupped his face in my hands. I leaned down to kiss him, and his hands grabbed my ass firmly. Our tongues met and I felt his right hand come to my front where he stroked my slit with his fingers, probably to test if I was still aroused and ready. He pushed two fingers inside me again and I released his lips and cried out when his thumb rubbed my clit. I was more than ready for this.

"I want you," I whispered.

He cupped my face in his hands and looked at me. 'I want you too' he mouthed silently.

His eyes were so tender that it seemed almost impossible that I had only known him for such a short time. These weren't the eyes of a man looking for a fast fuck. He was looking into my eyes to establish a connection with me.

_Jesus, this could get complicated!_

He grabbed me and positioned me over his hard cock, and then he placed his hands on my hips. I kissed him one more time and lowered myself slightly until I felt the head at my entrance. I held his shoulders for support and took a deep breath. Ever so slowly I started to slide down on him, and to my surprise it wasn't painful at all. He fit perfectly inside me and I looked at Edward. He was already breathing heavily and his grip on my hips tightened as I lowered myself all the way. I sighed when I felt his thighs under me and I relaxed in his lap.

"Perfect," I whispered to myself, but Edward heard it and nodded.

His eyes were filled with longing and he rocked my hips back and forth. I lifted myself almost all the way off him and slid down again. Edward moaned loudly and threw his head back and I cried out.

_God, this feels amazing! What the hell have I been doing before?_

I started riding him faster and he kissed my neck and grabbed my ass again. I leaned back a little, reached behind me and placed my hands on his thighs. I heard Edward hiss and his mouth practically attacked my breasts. His right hand found my clit and he rubbed it frenziedly.

_Oh, he's gonna make me come again! Is that even possible?_

"Edward," I moaned when he sucked on my nipple and rubbed my clit even faster.

I was writhing on him, mewling and panting as my climax completely took me over. I came with a loud cry, and he held me tightly against him as my pussy clenched around his cock.

"Edward," I sighed, and ran my hands through his hair. "That was amazing."

He cupped my face in his hands and nodded. 'So beautiful,' his silent lips said.

"Did you?" I asked.

He shook his head and smirked. Then he lifted me off him and flipped me over, so that I was stretched out on my stomach. I felt him spread my legs and thrust into me slowly.

"Oooh," I moaned when I felt him fill me completely.

I expected him to raise me up on my knees and pound into me like Mike used to do in this position, but instead I felt him cover my body with his and support his weight on his elbows. He nuzzled my neck and placed soft kisses on my shoulder. Then he pulled back and pushed all the way into me slowly. He moaned and I cried out as his cock reached new places inside me I didn't even know existed.

"Edward, oh that feels so good," I panted when he did it again.

I brought my hands up to his and he laced our fingers. He started thrusting faster and deeper and I was dizzy with pleasure, writhing in ecstasy beneath him. He started moaning and gripped my hands tighter in his. I pushed back against him, making his cock thrust deeper into me, and I felt yet another climax build.

_Again? How is that possible? But, it feels so fucking good! _

"I'm, I'm close again," I gasped and Edward immediately sped up the tempo and strength of his relentless thrusts.

"Oh, oh, oh," he moaned in my ear.

The sound of his voice and his pleasure made my insides clench and I shivered beneath him.

"Edward, come with me," I panted. "Come with me."

He buried his face in my hair, thrust into me harder than before and my pussy started to contract around him again.

"Now, Edward, now!" I shouted and came with a loud yell.

"Oh, oh, Bella!" he moaned into my neck, and stilled completely above me as he came inside me.

I felt him tremble and pant heavily as he rested his head on my shoulder. I practically melted into the mattress and closed my eyes as my breathing slowly returned to normal. Edward planted soft kisses on my shoulder again and I hummed in pleasure. He pulled out of me slowly, released my hands and crawled off the bed. I rolled onto my side and watched as he walked into the hallway and presumably to the bathroom. After a few minutes he came back carrying sodas, cookies and cigarettes. I laughed when he proudly presented me with the loot and ran back out to get an ashtray. I rested my head in my hand and lit a cigarette. I detested smoking in bed, but tonight it just seemed like the thing to so. I could always change the sheets tomorrow.

Edward came back and smiled when he saw that I had stolen one of his smokes. He flopped down on the bed next to me, and I held my hand out so he could take a drag. He sighed as he exhaled the smoke, and ran his hand down the side of my body. I leaned over and kissed his lips gently.

"You said my name," I told him when I pulled back.

He looked confused and frowned.

"When you, err, came. You said my name," I explained.

He lifted his eyebrows in a surprised expression.

"I liked it," I said softly.

He smiled, but I could see the worry on his beautiful face.

"You don't have say it again," I said quickly. "I just wanted you to know that I liked it. All of it, actually."

He smiled brightly and nodded in agreement. I handed him the cigarette and jumped off the bed. I could feel Edward's eyes on me as I walked out and I turned to look at him. His eyes had been fixed on my ass and he actually blushed a little when I caught him staring. I laughed and went to the bathroom. When I came back in Edward had turned on my TV and was under the covers, against the headboard munching on a cookie. He held out the remote as I slipped in next to him.

"You can watch whatever you like," I said and opened a soda.

I looked at the watch and was surprised to learn that it was only seven o'clock. It had only been a couple of hours and I felt completely comfortable sitting next to Edward in bed. He flipped through the channels and stopped when he found a popular sitcom. He looked at me and I nodded. He leaned down, gave me a kiss and wrapped his arm around me. I snuggled into his side, caressed his chest and played with his dog tags.

We watched TV for a few hours, and I loved hearing him laugh whenever something funny happened. He finished off all the cookies and I stole more of his cigarettes. Around ten my eyelids started to get heavy, and I yawned sleepily which made him smile. I gave him a spare toothbrush and he looked at it like it was a precious gift. I switched off the lights in the apartment and came back to bed. Edward was lying on his side and smiled when I crawled under the covers. He gave me a kiss and turned me over to spoon me. I heard him sigh happily when he wrapped his arm around me and laced our fingers.

"Goodnight, Edward," I mumbled and snuggled closer to him.

He nuzzled my neck and placed a soft kiss below my ear. I drifted off to sleep in his warm embrace, happy and content.

When I woke up the next morning he was gone. He wasn't in bed and I rushed through the apartment only to discover that his clothes were missing and his backpack wasn't on the kitchen floor where he had left it. I walked back into the bedroom feeling sadder than I ever had before.

_Honestly, what did you expect? That you would live happily ever after? Get real!_

But I found that I missed him already, and I couldn't stop the unshed tears from burning in my throat. I had wanted to cook him breakfast and maybe take a shower together. I wanted to see his smile again and hear him laugh. I crawled back in bed and hugged the pillow that he had used. That's when I saw the note on the nightstand. I picked it up and it simply said:

Thank you for saving my life in more ways than one, my sweet beautiful Bella. I will never forget you.

Underneath the note he had left one of his dog tags. I picked it up with trembling hands and held it to my lips.

"Edward A. Cullen, come back to me and let me save you all over again," I said to the empty bedroom and burst into tears.

**I hope you liked this. I might make it into a short story when I have finished**

'**Taken'.**

**Please leave me a review and tell me what you think. Thanks! **


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilligh. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Hey everyone, thanks to the overwhelming response to the story I've decided to continue it. To my 'Taken' readers; don't worry, I'm not abandoning that story for this one. I might update a little less frequently if the two stories are going to run side by side from now on. I'm not really sure how this is going to work yet. But trust me when I say that 'Taken' will be completed. :)**

**Thus is Edward's or Homelessward's, as some of you have affectionately named him, version of the first chapter. **

**As always, I'm really wordy in EPOV and I've had to cut the chapter into two parts. The next one should be up later today. **

**Enjoy!**

EPOV

I wanted to sleep. I _needed_ to sleep. The numbness was slowly but surely creeping into my bones, blocking out the painful stabs of the cold around me.

_Stay awake, stay awake!_

I knew that if I gave in to darkness that was flooding my mind I wouldn't wake up again. There was no coming back from this. I would die right here on the sidewalk and they'd find me in the morning; a grotesque discovery that would surely scar the finder for life. I would be a human Popsicle.

_Please stay awake. Please! _

I was screaming on the inside, and I could feel my lips moving. In my barely conscious state I hadn't even realized that I had spoken out loud. I hadn't said a single word in over a year, and it seemed that now that the end was here, my subconscious needed to release a final utterance. I was shocked to discover that it didn't hurt, but then again my senses were being bombarded with equal parts pain and numbness, and I doubt that I would have been able to recognize the pain that the word would have caused me.

I was still shaking and this was a good thing. It meant that my body hadn't given up trying to raise my temperature just yet. I was so fucking tired, but I tried to move my body. Nothing. There was no point in trying to get up anyway. There was no shelter near by, and I would never make it before the cold did away with me. I felt another rush of darkness sweep over me, and I fought it with everything I had. I was exhausted from trying to delay the inevitable and I could barely even feel the cold anymore.

But suddenly my body was on full alert. Adrenaline flooded my system, and I became hyperaware of the fact that someone had just spoken near me. I didn't make out the words, but someone was definitely here with me. I could feel my weakened muscles clench involuntarily, preparing for fight.

_I'm no match for anyone in this state. Let it happen and hope that it's over quickly. Let them take the backpack and be done with this insanity. No more pain, no more pain. _

"P-please," I heard myself gasp, and a violent pain ripped through me.

I cursed my mind for betraying me like this, when at the same time it punished me for uttering the word.

_Let them kill me now and make it quick. No more pain, no more suffering._

"Can you walk?" I heard a soft sweet voice ask, and at the same time I felt something on my shoulder.

My mind was running in two opposite direction. One half of me wanted to reach out to this voice for salvation, and the other half instinctually recoiled from the touch. The latter won and I felt my body flinch and pressed myself against the hard surface.

"Hey, I won't hurt you. Let me take you inside," the voice said.

_It's a woman! A woman can't hurt me, can she?_

Logically, I knew that a female could harm me if she really wanted to. A crazed woman who also lived on the street had once kicked me in the gut when I was lying down. She had stolen a bag of food from me, and run away before I could even react.

But she had offered to take me inside somewhere.

_Warmth, shelter. I'm not gonna die tonight! Thank you! _

I felt her tug on my arm, and rather than moving away I felt my body start to raise itself off the ground. My muscles ached and protested, but I managed to stand despite my trembling which threatened to keel me over. I stretched my back out, but was suddenly lightheaded and I felt my knees buckle under me. Just as I thought I might fall, I felt a presence at my side supporting me. Her arm was around my waist and she slung my arm over her shoulder to hold me up. I steadied myself and noticed how small she was next to me. The top of her head barely reached my jaw and yet she seemed strong enough to keep me from falling. I took a shaky breath and that was when I smelled her; sweet and floral. I cringed inwardly when I realized that I must smell like to her. I tried to keep myself clean, but it was difficult to do since most of the shelters didn't have shower facilities. I honestly couldn't remember the last time I had done more than wash myself by a sink, and I hoped she wouldn't be repulsed standing so close to me.

She started walking and I stumbled with her, gripping my backpack tightly in my free arm. After just a few minutes she stopped at a door and pulled out a set of keys from her coat pocket.

I marveled at her bravery when she opened the door and pulled me inside and up a flight of stairs. She unlocked another door and I staggered after her and leaned against the wall.

_Inside. Thank god!_

I heard her remove her outerwear and her boots, and I stayed by the door unsure of what I should do. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before, and I wondered if she did this sort of thing a lot.

"You…You should take off your coat. It's soaked," she said.

I did as she told me. Following direct orders had become an automated response after my years in the service, and I barely even noticed it anymore until after I had complied.

"Um. Wait here," she said, and I heard her leave the hallway.

_Where is she going? _

I tried my best to stand perfectly still and await her return, but I couldn't prevent my body from shivering and I hugged myself tightly. I heard her walk back out and she stopped a few feet from me.

"Do you want a hot bath?" she rushed out.

_Oh my god! Did she just offer me? Yes! More than anything!_

I nodded eagerly and took off my hat and gloves. I almost keeled over again when I bent down to take my boots off, but somehow managed to stay on my feet. I grabbed my backpack which never left my side, and walked slowly towards her. I heard her back away from me, and her breathing had picked up considerable.

_Fuck! She must be terrified of me!_

I felt myself stop dead in my tracks when I realized that this woman was moving away because she considered me a threat. I couldn't let her think that I would ever harm her after having been so kind to me already. I slowly raised my head to look at her for the first time.

_Jesus Christ, she's just a kid!_

The woman looked to be in her late teens, and she was staring at my face with wide eyes filled with fear. I quickly averted my gaze, not wanting her to panic and throw me out. I had wanted to get a better look at her, but I all I managed to register was that she was young, small, had long dark hair and was holding a pile of clothes.

"Um, t-the b-bathroom is in here," she stammered

She was clearly terrified of me, and a part of me considered if it might be better to just leave immediately. But the promise of a warm bath and clean clothes was far too enticing to pass up, and I walked to the bathroom where she threw the clothes into my arms before opening the door.

"Towels are in the closet," she told me as I nodded and stepped in.

She didn't come inside with me, and I really couldn't blame her for that. I closed the door, locked it and leaned on it with a sigh.

_What the hell am I doing here?_

I really wanted the bath and turned on the water before I would change my mind. I used her toilet to pee, and hoped that she didn't mind. I turned to the clothes that she had handed me, and looked them over. They were obviously men's clothes and I held the sweater up to my nose to smell it. It had recently been washed, and I inhaled deeply with my eyes closed. How long had it been since I wore clean clothes? I couldn't even remember at this point. I placed them carefully on the small dresser by the door, and resisted the urge to look more at them. I didn't wanna taint them with my hands before I had had my bath.

_My bath. Imagine that!_

The bathroom was nice and warm, but I still shivered when I removed my clothes and placed them in an empty compartment in my backpack, since I didn't want to put them on her clean floor. I decided to wash myself by the sink before going in the tub. I scrubbed my face and hands and made sure to rinse the sink with water afterwards until it was spotless. I dipped my hand in the water, and assessed that it was warm enough for me to get in. It was tempting to take a very hot bath, but I was no fool and knew that it would hurt my icy skin me more than anything else.

The water was a little above body temperature and I sighed deeply when I slowly sunk in and its warmth enveloped me. I shivered again, but slowly started to relax. I knew that the door was locked and she wouldn't be able to come in here. Therefore I allowed myself to let my guard down, and closed my eyes while I leaned back against the edge.

My mind drifted back to the strange girl whose bathtub I was sitting in. What had she been thinking when she asked me up here? Didn't she realize how dangerous something like that was? I could have been a lunatic for all she knew, and yet she had given me a bath and clean clothes. She didn't seem like a careless person who usually did this sort of thing based on her reaction to me when I had approached her in the hallway. She had been afraid, and she was absolutely right to be. I sincerely hoped that she would never do something so reckless like this again in the future.

_She'll end up dead if she isn't more careful who she trusts!_

Yet here I was reaping the benefits of her faith in people, and I couldn't have been a bigger hypocrite. I didn't want her to do something like this, and I had still accepted the bath and the clothes. I shook my head and opened my eyes again. I started examining the bottle on the edge of the tub to locate some shampoo.

Luckily there was some lemon scented anti-dandruff stuff that didn't seem girly, and I chuckled a little at my insane thoughts. Did it honestly matter if I smelled like honeysuckle which seemed to be the scent that she preferred, judging from her bottles? It really didn't, and yet it pleased me even more when I found some body wash which was obviously intended for a man to use.

_She must have a boyfriend who lives here. That would explain the clothes and the bath products. _

The thought comforted me greatly. She wouldn't be alone here all the time, and that might stop her from doing something crazy like this again. I finished soaking in the bath and let the water out. Then I stood up and turned on the shower to wash my hair and body. The hard spray did wonders for my sore muscles that were already more relaxed from being in the warm water. I hummed to myself as I washed my hair twice to make sure that it was completely clean.

I squirted some of the body wash into my hands and lathered up. I sighed and enjoyed the sensation of feeling clean again everywhere. A rather unfortunate side effect of my thorough washing was the raging hard on that it had caused. I cursed my body for its reaction and tried to make it go down. It had been so long since my last release, and it seemed that my dick refused to miss out on this opportunity. It was almost impossible to do something like this in my world. The shelters were usually crowded with people and only once in a blue moon were I able to get a bunk in a secluded corner and take care of myself quietly when everyone else was asleep.

The water felt so nice and warm, and I very much doubted that I would get a chance like this again. I sighed and clenched my fists at my side trying to force myself to think of something disgusting to make my erection die down. I couldn't focus on anything other than being warm and relaxed for the first time in ages, and there was no stopping my body's involuntary reaction. I cursed internally and finally grabbed some more body wash to use as a lubricant.

_I can't believe I'm doing this in a strange girl's bathroom. I'm fucking so sorry whatever your name is, brown-haired girl!_

The decision had been made, and it probably took less than a minute for me to bring myself to climax. It had been so long since last time, and I had needed it badly. I tried to convince myself that it was probably a good thing that I had done it, since I was about to face the young woman again. I would never force myself on her, but if she turned out to be even moderately attractive I knew that my body would react to her in a way that I couldn't hide, if I hadn't gotten rid of my erection just now.

I quickly dried off and dressed in the clothes that she had given me. All of them were clean and fresh-smelling and I sighed when I felt the soft cotton of the t shirt against my skin. I wiped the steam from the mirror and looked at myself. My hair was still a little damp, and it was clean and sticking up in every direction. My stubble had almost turned into a full beard but even though it kept my face warm, I decided to pull out my shaving kit from my back pack. I didn't want to face the woman, looking like a mountain man and scaring her again. I used the last of the shaving cream I had and carefully dragged the blade over my skin, continually rinsing it off until I was clean shaven.

I studied myself in the mirror and smiled. I almost looked like my old self again, apart from the fact that I had lost around twenty pounds after living on the street. I took a dab of her moisturizer for my face, and hoped that she wouldn't mind. I decided to brush my teeth as the last thing, since she had toothpaste and I was all out. My toothbrush needed to be replaced soon, but it was low on my list of priorities since I had lost most of my things earlier that day.

Feeling clean and minty fresh, I emerged from the bathroom cautiously and looked around for her. I caught a whiff of a wonderful smell which made my stomach growl loudly. I followed it into the small kitchen where the girl was standing with her back to me next to a pot on the stove.

_Food! She's cooking something! Please let some of it be for me!_

I hadn't had a proper meal in days and I was starving. Whatever was in the pot had a rich delicious aroma, which made my mouth water and my insides ache with hunger. I was completely consumed by the thought of getting a hot meal, and I didn't even register that I had moved closer to the woman. She turned abruptly and let out a scream.

I reacted instinctually, and for a brief second my mind was once again pulling me in different directions:

Fight or flight? Fight or flight?

Somewhere the rational part of my brain registered that this small creature couldn't harm me, and I quickly flew backwards rather than fight her. I hit the wall and realized that my heart was racing in my chest and my fists were clenched at my side. I was completely frozen and unsure if I should just make a run for it and leave her, before I scared her even more.

But all those thoughts were eradicated when I finally looked at her properly.

_She is beautiful!_

I gaped at the vision in front of me, as she looked me over as well. Her age was hard to pinpoint because of her contradictory looks. Her hair was long and wavy with the color and shine of chestnuts. Her skin was flawless and pale, and her eyes were a deep chocolate color. She had pink pouty lips and a small nose that turned up slightly at the end. Her cheeks were full which gave the impression that she was in fact very young, and her eyes exuded innocence.

But her body told a different story. She didn't have the waiflike figure of a girl, but rather the soft full curves of a woman. The swell of her breasts, the roundness of her hips and her slender waist all bore witness to the maturity of her body. She was breathtakingly beautiful and my body reacted instantly. My hands were itching to touch her and I clenched them even harder to resist the urge. I was practically panting as I tried to calm myself down, hoping to convey to her that I was in fact _not_ a complete lunatic. I wanted to stay here and look at her just a little longer, but the chances of that happening were slim to none unless I got my shit together and stopped acting like a crazy person.

She suddenly cleared her throat and pointed to the table that had been set for one.

"Are you hungry?" she asked.

_What? Oh, the food. I forgot about that. _

I nodded and slowly walked to the table. I was very much aware of her presence and my instincts were taking over again. Although I knew that she didn't pose a threat to me, I had gotten so used to being on alert around strangers that I couldn't prevent the defensiveness in my demeanor. She placed a plate with some sort of food and slices of bread in front of me and hurried away. The smell hit my nose and my empty stomach convulsed painfully. I forgot about everything else and started eating at a rapid pace. I faintly registered that it tasted wonderful, but I was much too focused on emptying the plate to really appreciate the flavor.

"Hey, slow down," she said, and moved closer.

_NO! It's mine!_

I reacted immediately to the threat of losing the food and shielded it from her. I was prepared to fight to keep it since this was an almost everyday occurrence for me. There was no honor among thieves, and as I had come to learn, this was also true of the homeless. People were continuously stealing food from each other at the shelters and on the street. It was dog eat dog, survival of the fittest, and any other cliché out there. Though I had never stooped so low as to steal, I had been in my share of fights to keep what was rightfully mine.

I was suddenly mortified when I realized that I had growled at this girl, and had repaid her kindness by acting like a rabid dog. She quickly stepped back and I looked at her.

"You'll make yourself sick if you eat so fast," she whispered.

_I'm so sorry._

But all I could do was nod and continue to eat her delicious food while she watched me silently. Before I knew it the plate was empty and my stomach protested. I was still hungry.

_That was the best meal I've had in a year, and I hardly tasted it. What have I turned into?_

"More?" she asked me in her sweet voice.

I couldn't stop myself from smiling. I watched as she handed me the last of the food, which I could now decipher as being the best damn pot roast I had ever tasted.

_But what about her? She hasn't had any dinner and this was obviously for her. I can't take all of it!_

I tried to give it back to her but she refused and said that she wasn't hungry. I couldn't really tell if she was being truthful or not, but decided to take her word for it and dove into the second plate. I ate slower now, and thoroughly enjoyed the taste. She was still watching me carefully, but I didn't mind. I was so used to being ignored by people walking by on the street, that it was actually nice to be acknowledged for a change. I wasn't as invisible as regular people wanted me to be when I could catch the attention of one as kind and beautiful as this girl.

I leaned back and relaxed when I had finished the food. I sighed deeply and enjoyed the unfamiliar sensation of a full stomach and a warm place to rest. The only thing that could improve this moment was my one and only vice. I didn't drink and I didn't do drugs, but cigarettes were my one luxury when I could afford it. I had almost an entire pack and this was a rarity. I pulled it out but suddenly remembered where I was.

_You can't just stink up her place like that. _

I looked questioningly at the girl.

"Go ahead," she said and even found me a lighter and ashtray.

I smiled and lit up. The girl went to the fridge and got me a bottle of water and a coke.

_Does her generosity know no boundaries?_

I drank half of the water and relaxed again. I was feeling better than I had for a long time. I had a full stomach, clean clothes and cigarettes. I knew that these were things that other people took for granted on a daily basis, but to me it was heaven.

I suddenly realized that I was being incredibly rude. I didn't have much to offer her to show my gratitude, not even a 'thank you.' but I did have one thing. I handed her the pack, hoping the she might accept so that I could give her something in return, even if it was something as miniscule as a cigarette. 

I smiled brightly when she took one. Her face lit up in a beautiful smile as she exhaled the smoke with her eyes closed. She looked at me again, still smiling.

"I used to smoke," she said, and I nodded.

She got herself a coke from the fridge and sat on the counter. Then she turned on the radio and it made me smile. I loved music in every form, but like most things it was a rare luxury to me. At one point I had owned an mp3 player but it had gotten stolen one night when I had fallen asleep in a shelter. Sometimes I would find a spot to sit near some musicians who played for money on the street. It didn't happen often since people were more inclined to give them their spare change rather than me, who didn't contribute with anything. I was a simple beggar with a Styrofoam cup, and if folks had the choice they would always choose them over me. I could understand that completely, and begging for money was not something that I was proud of doing. It was a means of survival, and most days it ensured that I had a little to eat and drink.

I wondered if this kind girl ever gave money to homeless people. She didn't seem rich, although her apartment was a palace compared to the places I slept. Her clothes were simple but they were pretty on her. Of course, anything would look good on this enticing creature. She had on jeans and a long-sleeved black shirt, no makeup or jewelry that I could see. She was stunning in her naturalness and needed no enhancements.

She noticed that I was ogling her and seemed uncomfortable under my scrutiny, so I quickly look down on my hands in stead.

"What happened?" she asked curiously and pointed to my bruised knuckles.

I shrugged and lifted up my backpack, hoping that she would catch the meaning.

"Someone tried to steal it?"

I nodded. He had taken everything else, but I had managed to hold on to it even when he kicked me repeatedly in the side.

"Is that everything you own?" she asked cautiously, as if she was worried that it might make me upset.

I nodded and offered her a smile.

_Don't feel sad for me, sweet angel. I don't want your pity, just your company for a few minutes before I have to leave this little heaven and descend back into hell. Jesus, I'm even bumming myself out now!_

I examine my knuckles more carefully and made a face when I remembered hitting the guy. I didn't like violence but it was a part of the world that I lived in now. The irony wasn't lost on me. Being in a war had turned me into a pacifist, and still I fought almost every day.

"Do you want some ice for that?" she asked, referring to my chafed knuckles.

I almost laughed. I had been close to freezing to death just an hour ago, and the last thing I wanted was to feel something cold on my skin. I looked at the girl and tried to stop myself from teasing her with my expression, but it was rather unsuccessful.

"Probably not, considering the condition I found you in, huh?" she said, when she finally realized the foolishness of her offer.

I chuckled and shook my head a little. This girl was too cute for words.

_Which incidentally makes her perfect for me since I've lost my words. No, don't think like that! _

"Do you want coffee?" she suddenly asked.

_What? She doesn't want me to leave just yet?_

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had almost finished my cigarette, and was already dreading the thought that this little meeting would be over soon. I would have no excuse to linger here once the smoke was stubbed out, but now the girl had offered to extend my stay for a little longer. I would be crazy to turn her down, so I quickly nodded and gave her a smile.

I watched as she made the coffee, and she even dug out a pack of chocolate chip cookies from the cupboard. My mouth watered again at the sight of them when she handed me the plate, but I refrained from diving in immediately. I couldn't keep acting so rudely in front of her, and I desperately wanted her to talk to me for just a little while.

"Milk and sugar?" she asked me, and glanced at me over her shoulder.

I shook my head, and when she turned her head my eyes wandered down the length of her body. She was curvaceous and slender at the same time, and had an ass that you could bounce a quarter off by the looks of it.

_I wonder what it would feel like in my hands?_

I forced myself to look away from her. There was no point in thinking such thoughts since they would never become reality. I should just enjoy her like this, for as long as she would let me. I wondered where I would sleep tonight. The shelters would be full by now, and I resigned myself to a night wandering the streets to stay warm. At least I could do so with a happy memory of a kind beautiful stranger playing in my mind, and a stomach that for once didn't ache with hunger.

She placed the coffee in front of me and I saw that she was returning to her spot on the counter. I quickly pointed to the chair on the other side of the small table and gave her a pleading look.

_Please join me. Just for a little while. _

I was thrilled when she got her own mug and sat down at the table. She seemed much more at ease around me already, and I hoped that she would say something. I put down the cigarette and rested on my elbows with the mug in my hands. I had read somewhere once that leaning forward indicated that you were open for communication. Since body language was all I could offer her, I hoped that she would read me correctly and tell me something about herself.

"Are you…are you waiting for me to say something?" she asked.

_Yes! I knew that she would get it. _

I nodded and smiled.

_Please say something, my angel. _

"Oh, like what?" she asked and looked a little confused.

_Tell me about yourself._

I pointed to her and hoped that she would understand what I meant.

"Bang! You're dead?" she grinned widely.

I felt the laughter bubble up inside me and it erupted in my chest making me shake with amusement. It was the silliest little joke, and yet it in that moment I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever heard. She was so childlike in some of her mannerisms, and I found the girl to be a complete mystery to me. Why had she brought me home with her when most people would have pretended not to notice me? Was she so perceptive that she could sense that my reluctance to speak wasn't out of impoliteness, but necessity? Who was this kind beautiful angel who had saved me?

I suddenly wished that I could spend a lifetime unraveling the enigma in front of me, learning all her secrets, hopes and dreams.

_Maybe in another life, sweet angel._

I lit another cigarette and offered her one. She accepted it, and I was once again ecstatic that I could give her something in return. I smiled and pointed to her again, hoping that she would get it, although another joke would also be wonderful. I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed so hard.

"You want to know about me?" she asked.

_Yes, everything. Please, let me stay and listen to your voice all night._

I nodded and prayed that she would reveal something about herself like her name.

"There really isn't much to tell. I'm twenty-five, I'm a librarian, I bring home men who like my cooking, but don't talk."

Twenty-five! Her face looked much younger than that. I had started to feel like a dirty old man for lusting after her, but she was my junior only by a year.

_Not that it makes a difference. She'll never be mine. _

And she was a librarian. She would be well-read and had easy access to books then. I envied her that. I had never had much of an interest in literature, but now that I was denied it, I found that I missed reading. Such a typical response, really. People always wanted what they couldn't have. I couldn't get a library card because I didn't have a permanent address, and I couldn't get this girl for about a hundred reasons like it.

_And she truly is the most unattainable thing I have ever come across. Naturally, I want her more than anything as a result. Irony thou art a heartless bitch._

I chortled at her little stab at me for not talking. She was funnier than she realized, this girl. Or maybe we just shared the same sense of humor. She sat quietly watching me, and I motioned for her to continue.

_Please tell me more! _

"Um, I went to college in Seattle, but moved here to Chicago afterwards with my roommate Angela when she got a great job. There are libraries everywhere so I could easily come along," she said hesitantly.

I wondered why she was so careful about sharing this information. Did she honestly think that I wouldn't be interested in knowing about her?

So she wasn't from Chicago. I supposed I should have guessed from her lack of the distinct dialect many people had here. I had never been to Seattle myself, but had always wanted to go. It was the birthplace of grunge and Starbucks; two of my favorite things. I heard that it rained a lot there, but if this girl was at my side I could easily overlook that fact.

_No, you need to stop thinking like that! It will never happen!_

What else had she told me? She had a roommate, it would seem. I looked around for any signs of the other girl but could fine none.

"Oh, I live alone now. She moved in with her boyfriend," the girl said, almost as if I had asked her.

I loved we were almost able to have a normal conversation without my speaking. She didn't seem to need it in order to understand me, and not many people that I had come across had this ability. A thought popped into my head. She had said that she lived alone now that her roommate had moved out, but if she wasn't living with a man then why did she have bath products and clothes here? I motioned to the sweater and gave her what I hoped was an inquisitive look.

"It was my ex boyfriend's," she said.

Then she made a face of unadulterated disgust which made me laugh. Their break up had obviously been a relief to her.

"He just moved his stuff out today," she said.

_Wow, lucky for me, I suppose. I wouldn't be sitting here if he had still been living here. He probably wouldn't have allowed her to bring home a stray like me. _

I wondered what had happened to cause their break up and raised my eyebrows to her. She understood immediately what I meant.

"I caught him with some girl from his office on our couch," she said matter-of-factly and took a drag of her cigarette.

_No fucking way! What kind of idiot would ever cheat on a girl like this?_

I shook my head in disbelief. He would have to be both blind and eminently stupid to do something like that. From where I was sitting this girl seemed perfect; she was beautiful, funny, smart, easy-going and she cooked a mean pot roast to boot. What sort of man would jeopardize a relationship with her?

"You don't believe me?" she asked.

I shrugged. I didn't think that she was lying, but it was hard to understand why he would do such a careless thing. This girl was a keeper. That was for damn sure. Had I been my former self I would have dropped to my knees and begged her to go on a date with me.

_But you're not, so stop entertaining the idea, already!_

"Is it that hard to believe that he would cheat on me?" she asked, and I could sense a slight irritation in her voice.

_Yes, what the hell was he thinking when he did something like that? I mean, look at you, my angel. _

I nodded and gave her a big smile. I held out my hand, palm facing the ceiling and lifted it up and down in her direction.

_You are kind, sweet and stunning. I wish I could tell you. _

"Oh," she said quietly and looked down.

Why was she hiding her face from me? Didn't she like being complimented on her looks? I lowered my head to glance at her and saw that she was blushing.

_She is the cutest thing ever! I didn't think that grown women were even able to do that. _

I felt an overwhelming urge to touch her reddened cheek all of a sudden. I hesitantly reached out and cupped it in my hand. I felt a spark of excitement rush through me when she looked up at me with big curious eyes. I rubbed my thumb over her warm skin and smiled. How long had it been since I had touched a woman like this? Too long, much too long.

She suddenly pulled back and stood up quickly.

_Shit, I took it too far! _

I lowered my hand and hoped that she would sit down again, and that she could forget that I had ever been so stupid.

"Look, this was, err, fun but you should probably get going now," she said.

_Oh no! I scared her! I can't leave her with that impression of me. I just can't!_

I stood up and approached her cautiously. My mind was racing as she retreated and stood against the counter. What was I doing?

I stood right in front of her, desperately wanting to say something. To explain that I only did it to show her how much tonight had meant to me. I couldn't say a word to her, and touching was my only means of communication. She closed her eyes, and I took a deep breath and caressed her cheek again.

**Yeah, like I said earlier, I had to cut this into two pieces or it would have been even longer than chapter 1. What can I say? EPOV brings out the best in me. ;) **

**How did you like his version of things? Did it answer some of your questions or just create more?**

**The next part will probably be up later today, as I have already begun writing it. :)**

**I hope you'll leave me a review and let me know what you think! **


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Ok, second installment of Edward's POV is here. I really hope you like it since the ending was probably the hardest thing I have ever written. I think you'll understand why when you read it.**

**Enjoy (and if you're like me, have tissues ready!)**

EPOV

"Please don't hurt me," she whispered.

_Never, I would never hurt you. Please look at me, my angel. _

I took her hand from the counter and held it up to my face. She opened her eyes and I shook my head.

"You won't hurt me?" she asked.

I quickly shook my head and kissed her hand. I would never ever do a thing to harm a woman in the first place, and the thought of doing something unpleasant to this beautiful creature was downright ludicrous. Of course, she didn't know what sort of man that I was, but I wanted to show her. She should be worshipped, and I would do it if she would let me. I placed her hand on my cheek and reveled in the feeling. I hadn't felt a woman's touch in so long, and I realized that I needed it desperately. I closed my eyes and let the feel of her hand wash over me. I was touching her and she was touching me. It was so simple and yet completely vital to me. I wanted to feel her lips against mine and bury myself in her, but if I was only granted this one touch it would sustain me for years to come.

Affectionate touching had been a thing of my past, and something that I never thought I would experience again. I had to try and see if she was willing to do more. An opportunity like this would never present itself again, and I had to take it as far as she would let me. I opened my eyes and the girl was still looking at me. She didn't move when I slowly bent down to kiss her. I expected her to say something, to stop me, but she held perfectly still when I brushed my lips against hers.

_So soft and warm._

I pulled back and looked at her. Her pupils were dilated, her body was leaning slightly forward and her lips were parted a little.

_Body language doesn't lie. She didn't hate that. _

"You won't hurt me?" she whispered so quietly that I could barely hear it over the radio which was still playing softly in the background.

I shook my head, stroked her cheek and leaned down to kiss her again. I was feeling more courageous now and the kiss quickly deepened. I put my hand on her hip and tilted her head with the other, and now I was able to kiss her properly. It became more and more heated, and she was getting into it, as well. Her arms were now around me and I was kissing her neck. I sucked on her skin and inhaled her sweet floral fragrance.

My mind was reeling. How much would she let me do? She obviously liked what I was doing to her now judging by her panting, and the way she had moaned into my mouth earlier. I pressed her against me and she wrapped her arms around me. I quickly did the same and held her tightly as my mouth found hers again. I felt her hands in my hair and moaned at the sensation. I needed to feel her against me even more, and acting on impulse I lifted her carefully and wrapped her leg around my waist. I could clearly feel the warmth between her legs pressing against my hard on, and I walked us into the hallway, looking for a soft surface to lie down on. At this point I would settle for a carpeted floor, or that couch that her moronic ex had used for his adultery.

She was looking at me wide-eyed, but not afraid and she pointed to a door. I walked us in there and saw that it was her bedroom. Nothing had ever looked as welcoming as her bed, and I lay her down gently and was at her side in seconds. I touched her beautiful face and kissed her again. She didn't protest so I moved between her parted legs, and felt her small body against mine. Her curves were soft under my roaming hand, and I slid it underneath her shirt and cupped her breast. My head was spinning from this astonishing turn of events. Would this beautiful woman really give herself to me? I caressed her soft mound and she gasped.

"Shh," I said, in an effort to calm her down.

I hoped that she wasn't reconsidering, and I wanted to put her mind at ease. I would do all I could to give her a wonderful experience if she would let me. I had never been a selfish lover, and I wasn't about to start now if she would trust me enough to let me be with her tonight.

She caressed my face and looked at me with wonder. When she traced the curves of my lips and I smiled at her.

_You are so beautiful. Let me worship you. _

I could feel her breathing speed up and her heart beat rapidly under my hand. I looked at her again.

_What has got your little heart so worked up, angel?_

"I-I'm n-nervous. I've never done this before," she stammered.

_Fuck! How can this be?_

_But it does make perfect sense. She must be saving herself for marriage, and that's why her skeezy boyfriend cheated on her. What a moron!_

_Wait, I can't do this. I can't rob her of her virginity no matter how enticing she is! Relax angel, I would never do that to you. But maybe she would let me please her without having sex? I don't what the rules are for that sort of thing. God, I wish I could talk to her! _

"N-no, I've done it before but never like this," she suddenly said. "Never with someone I didn't know."

_Oh dear god, thank you! _

I gave her a smile to show her how relieved I was to hear that, and she looked at me with a bit of a frown.

"W-will you stop if I say 'no'?" she asked nervously.

_Yes, of course I will. I would never do anything you don't want._

I nodded immediately, and I could see that she was thinking hard about my answer. I was silently praying that she wouldn't refuse me, but if she did I would leave straight away. Nothing would happen tonight without her consent. I didn't want her to look back on this night with regret.

I was still very much aware of the intimate position we were lying in, and I could feel her warmth against my erection. It took all my restraint not to press myself against her while she made her decision.

_Please say 'yes'! I promise to make it good for you!_

She inhaled deeply beneath me and nodded. I hesitantly moved my hand back to her breast, and looked at her again.

_Say it, sweet angel. Out loud._

"Yes," she whispered.

_Thank you for trusting me with you. You won't regret it, I swear._

I kissed her passionately, and poured all my lust and longing into it. I needed this so badly that I could hardly understand it myself.

_No, not 'this'. 'Her'. I need her. _

She moaned into my mouth and tugged on the sweater. I sat up and whipped it over my head along with the soft t shirt that she had given me. She gasped when she saw me, and her eyes travelled over my chest and stomach and settled on my ribs where they widened to the size of saucers. They were suddenly filled with tears and she covered her mouth with her hand.

"Oh, no," she whispered.

I knew what had gotten her upset, and I had felt the bruises earlier in the shower but ignored them.

"Shh," I said, and brushed away a tear that escaped.

_Don't cry for me. I'll be alright. I'm here with you, and that makes a few bruises easy to endure._

I was almost grateful that the man on the street had beat me up and stolen my stuff. If he hadn't I never would have met her. I would be in a shelter tonight on a hard lonely sleeping cot, and not here in a warm soft bed with a beautiful sweet girl. I would gladly take a beating everyday if it meant that I could spend my nights with her.

"Are you hurt?" she asked me.

I touched the bruises and shrugged. Yes, they hurt a little but it was nothing out of the ordinary. I was quite fortunate that I had only broken my nose once, and that my face hadn't been disfigured by beatings. Most of the people I came across were cowards who would kick me when I was down, rather than take me on in a fair fight. As a result the majority of my previous injuries had been on my body, and for that I was truly thankful. I very much doubted that this girl would have taken me to her bed if I hadn't still been handsome.

"Was it the one who wanted to steal your stuff?" she asked carefully.

I nodded and looked at my hand. He had come at me out of nowhere. I had been tired from a night of bad dreams, and been remarkably unobservant for a change. When he went for my backpack and I realized what was going on, I managed to get a few hits in until he kicked me. Before that he had already grabbed my duffel and the shopping bag with food that I had bought earlier, when a kind elderly woman had given me the huge sum of twenty dollars. I had considered it my lucky day until the man had stolen almost everything I owned, but now that belief was restored in me. I would never be this fortunate again, and I wanted to make the most out of my tryst with this wonderful girl.

"Did you win the fight?" she asked.

I shook my head. I had managed to hold on to my backpack but it could hardly be considered winning.

"Did he take something from you?"

I nodded, wishing that I could tell her everything.

"Is that why you were on the ground and not in a shelter tonight?" she then asked. "Because you got beat up?"

I nodded again. I had stumbled around for a while in the snow after the attack, and somehow ended up in this residential area. I had lost my bearings and finally the exhaustion and the cold had made me fall down, and I couldn't find the will or the strength to stand up again.

_Until she came along with her sweet voice and gentle touch. My saving angel._

"Won't you talk to me?" she asked cautiously.

_God, I wish I could. I want to so badly!_

I knew that if I tried to utter a single word my mind would fight it. They called it a defense mechanism and a symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I didn't give a rat's ass what kind of fancy terms they used. I just knew that white hot pain shot through my brain if I spoke, and I wasn't about to let some head doctor use me as a lab rat. I was done with the government, and would rather live on the outskirts of society than let them control me again. 'Yes Sir, No Sir.' Fuck that!

_But for her, though. I wanted to speak for her. I wish I could tell her everything. _

"Tell me your name, at least," she pleaded with me.

Relief flooded through me. I could do that without speaking. I lowered myself onto her again and showed her my dog tags. I didn't keep them out of loyalty to the government, but for the men I had been stationed with. They had been good friends, and I wore them proudly in their honor.

"Cullen, Edward A.," she read.

"Edward?" she asked and looked up into my eyes.

I smiled. I liked hearing her say my name. I was a person to her now, I had an identity. I desperately wanted to know her name and pointed at her.

"Swan, Isabella M.," she said with a grin.

Then she lifted her right hand and held it to her temple, trying to salute me. I couldn't stop myself from dropping my head and laughing against her skin. She was so adorably awkward and funny at the same time, and I loved that about her.

"Actually, I prefer Bella," she said when I looked at her again.

'Bella,' I said without a sound and nodded.

_I love that name. I wish I could say it for real._

"Is it painful for you to speak?" she asked out of nowhere, and I nodded again.

_How could she possibly know that? This girl is remarkably observant. She just gets me!_

"Oh. Oh ok," she said. "I guess I babble enough for both of us anyway."

_No, I love hearing you talk, Bella. You are funny and interesting. _

I quickly smiled and shook my head to tell her this.

"Edward," she whispered and touched my face gently.

'Bella,' I said silently.

I looked deeply into her eyes and felt a fluttering in the pit of my stomach. The unfamiliar sensation scared the crap out of me, and yet I wanted it to continue forever. I felt her small hands caress my body and I bent down to kiss her throat and ear. When I tried to slide my hand back under her shirt, she pushed me and I sat up instantly and held up my hands.

_I won't touch you like that again, I swear. We can just hold each other if you want, sweet Bella._

But in stead of pulling away she smiled and took of her shirt and bra while I gawked at her. My heart was pounding when she revealed her breasts to me, and I felt my mouth go dry.

_Sweet Jesus, she is beautiful!_

Her hair fanned out over the pillow beneath her head, her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were lowered. Her skin was ivory white and smooth. Her breasts were round and full, in perfect proportion to her body with dusty pink nipples that begged to be licked and sucked on. I grew impossibly harder and ran my fingertips over her with a sigh of silent worship. To think that the girl would let me see her like this. Her nipple hardened when I touched it, and I wanted to take it in my mouth immediately. I heard her sharp intake of breath, and removed my hand quickly.

'Sorry,' I said with my eyes.

"No, it's ok," she said. "You just surprised me."

Why would it surprise her that I would want to touch her like that? She was gorgeous, and what man in his right mind wouldn't appreciate the perfection of her glorious body. She pulled me down on me again, and my skin felt just right against hers as if it belonged there, and I felt her shiver.

"Do you feel that too?" she asked.

_I do, Bella. _

I nodded and gave her a wink.

I brushed my hand through her soft hair, over her face and all the way down to her breast.

'Beautiful,' I told her silently and looked into her eyes.

"No, "You don't have to say that."

Was she kidding me? She thought I said it as a favor to her? I couldn't not say it, since it was the god's honest truth. I tsked at her to let her know that she was being silly in her assumption. I kissed her gently and repeated the silent statement.

"Ok, thank you," she said. "You are too."

I couldn't stop myself from smiling when she said it. I had a pretty good awareness of the way I affected many women with my appearance. I wasn't conceited and vain, but for some reason I had been born with a face that attracted the opposite sex. I was a little embarrassed to admit at that I utilized this gift when I was begging. A dazzling smile would often result in a few extra coins being dropped in my cup, and I couldn't stop myself from doing it. If I were able to, I would have taken a job any day rather than beg for money, but that was impossible for me and I knew it. I had even been propositioned once by a middle aged woman, who offered me food and money if I would come home with her and have sex. I was appalled by her offer. I wasn't a whore and could never sleep with someone for money. I had yet to become that desperate.

I knew that there were some homeless women who resorted to this, in order to feed their children. My heart bled for them, but I understood why they did it. Living on the street with a child was a nightmare so terrible that it should never take place. Once, I had looked after a toddler while his mother, who was as close to a friend as one could be in our situation, was with a costumer. I still saw Victoria around every now and then, but she was a shadow of herself now. Her boy had been removed by Child Protective Services, and she wasn't allowed to see him.

I tried to rid my head of these sad thoughts. I didn't want them with me when I was with Bella. Tonight I would forget everything about the world outside this apartment, and pretend that this girl was mine and I was hers. I knew I was being delusional of course, but I needed something that reminded me of being a person again. I too, was a shadow of my former self, of the old version of Edward, but tonight I would forget about pain, hunger and hardship and just be with Bella. Tonight I would be him, the old version of Edward. She brought me out of my reverie with her next question.

"Have you…have you been with a lot of women?"

I shook my head and held up two fingers. It was true that I hadn't slept with more than two women, but that didn't mean that I hadn't had a lot of sex. I knew what I was doing in bed, and more than anything I wanted Bella to feel good.

"Only two? Why?" she asked, as if this was strange.

I curled my thumb towards the palm of my hand, and tapped my ring finger twice.

"You were married?" she gasped.

I nodded. I didn't want to dwell on that, though.

"Oh, but not anymore?" she asked.

I shook my head immediately. I would never break my marriage vow by being unfaithful, and I hoped that she believed me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to," she said, before I cut her off with a kiss.

_No apologies, sweet Bella. _

I moaned when my tongue met hers and the kiss became deeper. I caressed her breast and loved feeling its weight in my hand. She was soft, warm and a dream come true. I rubbed my thumb over her nipple, and she arched into my touch and made a small sound. I hoped that meant that she was enjoying my touch, because I certainly enjoyed doing it. It was amazing how all of this was coming back to me, as if I had never been without it. It felt completely natural, and yet so exhilarating.

I kissed her deeply, before I started placing kisses down her body until I reached her breasts. I circled her hard nipple with my tongue and finally did what I had been wanting ever since she took her bra off, and sucked it into my mouth. My cock throbbed in my pants as I flicked my tongue over it several time. Bella made a surprised sound, and I looked up at her.

"I, uh, I guess that area has been neglected before, um, orally," she said, and blood rushed to the surface of her skin.

_You have got to be kidding me! No one has ever done this to her before?_

I shook my head and wondered how that could even be possible. This girl had clearly been neglected sexually, and I wondered how anyone could be with her and not attend to all areas of her body. I kissed her lips and returned to her breasts again. Her nipples felt wonderful against my lips and tongue, and I was rewarded with her moans when I licked and sucked on them.

_How can anyone do without this? I love doing this to her!_

I placed soft open-mouthed kissed down her stomach and started to open her jeans. I realized that Bella hadn't actually told me how far she wanted me to go, and I stopped to look at her for permission to continue.

"Yes," she whispered in a breathy sexy voice, and I felt my lips curve up in a huge smile.

She wanted me to keep going, and I was more than willing to do so. I pulled her pants off and almost laughed when I saw the panties she was wearing. They were white cotton, adorned with little red hearts, and I didn't even know that they made something like that for adults. They were just about the most adorable pair I had even seen, and somehow they fit perfectly with her strange duality of being both a girl and a woman.

"Sorry, I know they're…, uh," she said, obviously embarrassed that she had worn them.

It wasn't like she was planning on anyone seeing them, obviously, and this only made me feel honored that I got to see the real Bella, and not a fabricated version in silk and lace.

I quickly tried to reassure her and held my hand over my heart.

_They're adorable, Bella. Just like you._

I looked to her for permission to take them off and my heart jumped in my chest when I got it. I would be allowed to see her completely naked. I took the cute panties off her and also removed her socks. I could see that she was still a little tense and massaged her calf muscles. Her legs were smooth and she either got them waxed, or had shaved them recently. I moved my hands to her thighs and gently spread her legs. I heard Bella hold her breath as I lowered my eyes to look.

_Holy fuck! That right there is my idea of heaven on earth._

Bella was perfect all over, as I had suspected. She had the most beautiful pussy I had ever laid eyes on. Her dark curls were trimmed and were restricted to a small area on the mound. Her lips were bare, and I could see her entrance glistening with arousal, and her clit nestled above it just begging for attention from my mouth. I needed to taste her. I dropped on my elbows and gawked at her perfection. My cock was raging a silent battle with the fabric of my jeans, dying to get out of its confines and slide into her tight warmth. Yes, I needed that badly. Yes, I was dying to fuck us both into oblivion. No, I would not do that unless she said I could, and I really wanted to make her come first this way.

"It's ok. I, you don't have to. No one's ever," Bella said quickly, when she saw what I was about to do.

_Of course they haven't. You have been with selfish idiots in the past, Bella. I swear on all that's holy, I will make you come so hard if you let me do this. _

I sighed heavily and clicked my tongue. Those men must have had some sort of malfunction. How could you not want to taste her and pleasure her like that? I touched the incredibly soft skin on her inner thigh and looked up at her, praying that she would say yes. This was by far the easiest way to ensure that she had an orgasm, and I really loved doing it.

"I mean, you can if you want, but, um, just don't expect anything to, err, happen, ok?" she babbled nervously.

_Is it possible that she has never had an orgasm before? If it's the last thing I do tonight, I am going to make her come! She has to experience that!_

I watched as Bella covered her face with her hands to hide her embarrassment. 'Don't expect anything to happen,' she had said.

_Well, we'll just see about that!_

I quickly parted her folds with my fingers and flicked my tongue over her clit again and again.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed, and I chortled a little when I heard the surprise in her voice.

_You haven't seen anything yet, my angel. I will make you feel wonderful. _

I started drawing small circles on her clit with the tip of my tongue, and soon Bella was gasping for breath above me.

"Edward, oh shit, oh, I, god!" she shouted.

I was thrilled that she was enjoying it, but I knew that I could increase her pleasure even more. Without hesitation I pushed two fingers inside her pussy.

_Holy shit, she is tight! Jesus, I hope she let's me make love to her!_

Bella arched her back beautifully and I started pumping my fingers in and out of her. I curled them and hoped I might be able to find her sweet spot. This wasn't always easy to do, but I would do my damnedest to find it. I pushed my fingers in and out a few more times, hoping that I might be able to locate it. Suddenly she let out a new sound, and I watched as she gripped the sheets in her hands.

_Jackpot!_

"How? How are you doing that?" she gasped.

I felt immensely proud of myself when she started writhing and moaning because of my ministrations. She pushed against me to get more, and I fucked her even faster with my fingers. I could feel her getting close, and her pussy started to tighten even further around my fingers. I latched onto her clit and sucked down on it.

"I'm, I'm, oh god, I'm coming!" she shouted.

_Fucking A! _

Her pussy clamped down on my fingers with surprising strength as her orgasm descended upon her. I was hoping against hope that she would let me have sex with her so that I might feel that on my cock. I kept on fucking her with my fingers and glanced up at her as she was coming. Her head was thrown back, and I could see her beautiful tits with hard nipples pushed up as she writhed in ecstasy. I was so hard that it was bordering on painful at this point. I felt her relax as her orgasm ended, and quickly pulled my fingers out of her and crawled up body.

She was gorgeous in her post-orgasmic glow, and she looked at me with complete wonder displayed on her face.

"I can't believe it," she gasped and tried to catch her breath. "No one's ever been able to."

_Was that really her first then?_

"I mean, I've had one by myself," she said, and her cheeks reddened again.

"This was, um, much better. Thank you."

I smiled and brushed her hair back with my hand. She really shouldn't be thanking me for that. It should be the other way around. She could easily get another man to do this for her, where as I would never get this opportunity again. The knowledge that this would be the only time I would ever experience being with her, made me desperate to be inside her. I kissed her eagerly and pressed my cock against her to show her how much I wanted her, how desirable she was to me.

_Please say yes, Bella. I need you so much!_

I looked at her, hoping that she could see how badly I wanted this, and how I would do my best to make it wonderful for her, as well.

"Take your pants off," she said with a determined look in her eye.

_Hell yes!_

I nodded and quickly sat up on my knees between her legs and pulled my jeans and boxers down. My cock sprang free and on the inside I sighed with relief. I looked at Bella to see her reaction and was filled with worry.

_Oh no, not again!_

The fear in her eyes was evident, and I wished I could say that this was the first time that it had happened to me, but it wasn't. I had only ever slept with two women, and neither of them had been able to take me inside them all the way. They had both been afraid the first time we attempted to have sex, and it hadn't been without complications because of my size. This seemed to be a problem that very few understood. I had mentioned it to a friend in the service once, and he had laughed and told me to quit bragging. 

Sex had always been wonderful, but I had never been able to let myself go completely during. I had been too afraid of hurting the woman I was with if I thrust too hard or went too deep.

Bella was by far the smallest woman that I had ever been with, and it didn't bode well for our lovemaking. I could probably still enter her, but I would have to be extremely careful when I did it. I had seen with my own eyes how much it could hurt the girl if I hit the cervix too roughly during a thrust, and I really didn't want that to happen ever again. I was thankful that I had never been with a virgin, since the experience probably would have ended up scarring me and the girl for life if I had made her bleed.

Bella was still giving me that panicked look, and I leaned forward to give her a kiss before I dropped onto my side next to her. I stroked her cheek and wondered what she was thinking.

"I'm sorry, I didn't expect you to be so big," she whispered.

I closed my eyes and nodded. She wouldn't want to do it now, and I guess I couldn't blame her for that. I mean, why would she risk the pain it might cause for a guy she had only just met? Let alone a homeless mute? Just when I thought that there was no way this would happen, I felt her small hand on my cock. I gasped and stared at her in disbelief.

_She's not rejecting me completely! Maybe she wants to touch me!_

She didn't look scared anymore, and in stead of being intimidated she stroked my cock and even used her thumb on the sensitive head which felt wonderful.

"I want to try," she said. "But I should probably be on top."

I couldn't believe my good luck. Not only was this sweet girl willing to try, but she wanted to be on top. It was by far my favorite position because the woman could control the movements, and I wouldn't have to worry about pushing in too deep. I gave her a huge smile which she returned. I watched as she found a condom, and I was very thankful that she was prepared for this. I hadn't even thought about protection until now, and I didn't have any. Bella took complete control of the situation as she removed the rest of my clothes and rolled the condom on my cock expertly. I leaned back against a few pillows and gave her the old 'finger hook,' which was the international signal for 'get your sweet ass over here and fuck me.' Well, it was in my mind, anyway.

Bella crawled seductively over to me, and she looked so sexy doing it. She leaned down to kiss me, and I finally got my hands on her ass. I made sure to feel her and make sure that she was still wet, and she didn't disappoint. She was ready to try.

"I want you," she whispered, and looked into my eyes.

'I want you too," I told her silently.

_So much, Bella. I have never wanted anyone the way I want you. Please see that in my eyes, angel. _

When she started to lower herself onto me I prepared myself for anything. Would it hurt her? How far could she take me? She slid down slowly inch by inch, and I started breathing faster as her pussy enveloped my cock.

_God, she is so tight! This is the best feeling in the world!_

It had been well over a year since I had been with a woman, and I was incredibly grateful for the fact that I had jacked off in the shower earlier. I didn't want it to be over too soon since this was most like the last time I would ever have sex. Unless I got better of course. Then I could maybe have something like a relationship, but I knew that these were just pipedreams. No, I had to make the most of this night.

Bella slid down further and I gripped her hips tightly.

_Any second now she's gonna stop, and that will be just fine. As long as she controls it we can do this. Wait! She's still going! Holy shit, she's almost there! _

My jaw almost dropped to my chest as Bella lowered her the last few inches, and rested on my thighs. I was completely inside her, and this was definitely a first for me. She fit perfectly around me, and showed no signs of pain or discomfort.

"Perfect," she whispered as if she had read my mind.

I nodded eagerly, and if I could speak I might have let out a victory cry. I was in heaven! It was as if she had been made specifically for me. We fit together like two puzzle pieces, and I eagerly started to rock her hips to create some friction. Bella raised herself up so I nearly slipped out of her, but then she slid down, and I threw my head back and moaned loudly.

_She is incredible!_

She started moving faster, and I grabbed her luscious ass to help her and kissed her neck. I looked at the beautiful creature on top of me in complete adoration and disbelief. Who was this angel who had saved my life? This goddess with a flawless face and gorgeous body? This sweet, funny, awkward girl who seemed to understand me like no one else ever had? This vixen who was giving me the best sexual experience of my life? Who was Bella, and how on earth had I ended up in her apartment and her bed? I couldn't make heads or tails of it, and understand how I had been so lucky? I decided not to dwell on it, and instead focused on having the best night of my life.

Bella leaned back and pushed her breasts out. My mouth was on them in seconds; licking, sucking, biting. Making sure that every ounce of pleasure was bestowed upon my angel. I started rubbing her clit and sucked on one of her hard nipples.

"Edward," she moaned loudly, and the sound of my name on her lips made me impossibly harder.

I was doing this to her. I could give her something in return, and even though it wasn't nearly enough to repay the kindness that she had shown me it was at least a little something. I doubled my efforts on her clit and watched excitedly as she trashed around and made delicious noises that told me she was close. When she came I held her to me and felt her heart pound against mine. I closed my eyes as she came down from her release and enjoyed the sensation of warm soft skin against mine, and her light feminine fragrance all around me.

"Edward, that was amazing," she sighed, and her words made my hard swell.

I looked deeply into her eyes, and mouthed 'so beautiful.' I wasn't just talking about seeing her come, but also the entire moment of holding her and just being with her.

"Did you?" she asked.

I hadn't come yet and there was something that I had always wanted to try, but it had never been possible before her. I smirked and flipped her over on her stomach. In this position it was difficult to control my thrusts, but I thought it might be possible to do it the way I wanted with Bella. I took a second to admire her lying there spread out for me, putting complete trust in me. I loved that she was so comfortable around me, and had zero objections about trying this position where I would essentially be pinning her to the mattress.

I thrust slowly into her and was mindful of any signs of discomfort from her. She moaned loudly, and I lay down on top of her and kissed her shoulder. I wished I could tell her how wonderful she was, how beautiful and sweet. I tried to put that into my gentle kisses and caresses before I pulled back and pushed into her again going all the way.

"Edward, oh that feels so good," she told me.

I was so happy that she liked this, and when I laced our fingers I held tightly onto her. I started thrusting harder, deeper and faster still watching her carefully for signs of pain. My angel was perfect beneath me, and all I heard were pleasurable moans and whimpers. I held her hands tighter to tell her how good she was making me feel, how much I loved being inside of her, how perfect this was. Just when I thought that it couldn't possibly get any better, she moved her hips and pushed her ass back against me to get more of me. I

"I'm, I'm close again," she panted.

_Yes, my angel, my Bella!_

I started pounding into her faster and harder than I had ever gone before. I felt her shiver beneath me but she was still making sounds of pleasure, so I continued at the same speed and strength.

"Edward, come with me," she panted. "Come with me."

I dropped my head and buried my face in her soft fragrant hair, and finally for the first time let go completely. I couldn't hurt my angel since she was made for me, and I for her. I faintly registered Bella shout out in her release, before everything was filled with white light and a tidal wave of pleasure crashed over me and pulled me under. It was hands down the best orgasm of my life, and when I came to I was panting, trembling and almost crushing Bella beneath me. I placed the softest kisses on her shoulder again, wishing for the hundredth time probably, that I could tell her how absolutely fantastic it was being with her.

I pulled out of her slowly and made it into the bathroom on weak knees. I stared at myself in the mirror, and the man who looked back was wearing the biggest smile on his face. I looked like a regular person who had just made love with the most beautiful girl in the world, and not a homeless broken wretch who people either pitied or avoided. She had saved my life in more ways than one.

I finished up quickly and was anxious to return to the bed. I got us drinks, cookies and cigarettes from the kitchen and handed them to my angel, who laughed at my proud expression when I came in. I got an ashtray and was once again filled with happiness when I saw that Bella had taken one of my cigarettes.

_After what she just gave me she can have them all!_

I lay down next to her and she gave me a drag. I caressed her beautiful body which had brought me so much pleasure and she kissed me.

"You said my name," she suddenly told me.

_What? That's not possible._

"When you, err, came. You said my name," she explained.

_I did? But…I didn't feel any pain whatsoever!_

I hadn't actually registered all the details surrounding my orgasm because it had felt so wonderful. I had just let go and gotten completely lost in the sensations. What did this mean? I didn't think that I could do it again, and I really didn't wanna try in front of her in case it didn't work.

"You don't have say it again," she said quickly. "I just wanted you to know that I liked it. All of it, actually."

I gave her a huge smile and nodded in agreement: It had been the most intense and fulfilling sexual experience of my life. And I realized that it had been so much more than just sex. I had felt connected to her in a way I didn't think was possible.

I watched Bella jump out of bed and head for the bathroom. I blatantly ogled her gorgeous ass and she turned around and caught me staring. For the first time in my life I felt myself blush. I wondered if I had now adopted one of her sweet traits.

I looked around this small heaven that I was in, and noticed the TV. I hadn't watched anything in a long time and decided to turn it on. I pulled up the covers and enjoyed the sensation of being in a soft warm bed and ate a cookie. All I needed now was my angel at my side and things couldn't get any better. Bella came back in and crawled under the covers with me. After telling me to watch whatever I wanted, I gave her a kiss and wrapped my arm around her. I loved feeling her warm body next to mine and relaxed completely. We watched TV for a few hours and I marveled at the fact that this felt so comfortable. We were virtually strangers and yet sitting snuggled up in bed together just felt natural and right.

I had never spent the night with a woman who I hadn't been in a relationship with, and I wasn't sure if Bella would want me to sleep here. I couldn't very well ask her if she wanted me to leave, but she made no comments in that direction so I decided to stay unless she said otherwise. When she started to get tired we went to the bathroom where she gave me a new toothbrush I could use. This girl was without a doubt the most unselfish and generous creature on the planet. She came back in bed after having turned off the lights and I gave her a kiss and turned her over so that I could spoon her. I sighed with happiness and contentment when I wrapped my arm around her warm little body and laced our fingers.

"Goodnight, Edward," she mumbled sleepily and pressed herself against me.

_Goodnight my sweet angel. Thank you for saving me and for giving me the best night of my life._

I nuzzled her neck and placed a soft kiss just below her ear, as my way of saying goodnight to her. She fell asleep within minutes, and I tried to will myself to stay awake. I didn't want the night to be over, and I wanted to enjoy the feel of her in my arms for a little while longer. I couldn't hold out much longer though. The bed was so comfortable and she was so warm and sweet-smelling, and I felt my eyelids getting heavier and heavier.

I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes again it was morning. I felt disorientated and looked around for a few seconds before I remembered what had happened the night before. Bella was sleeping peacefully next to me with a small smile on her lips. I looked at the clock on the nightstand and saw that it was a little before six in the morning. I knew I had to leave soon.

_Yes, the night is over and now it's time to get back to reality._

But I didn't want to. I wanted to stay here with her. I wanted to wake her with kisses and caresses and look into her beautiful eyes. I wanted to have breakfast with her and watch her smile.

_But you can't do that. You have to leave now._

I knew I had to. I knew it and yet I couldn't make myself leave the bed. I wrapped my arm around her and kissed her hair. I wanted her. I had never wanted anything as much as I wanted her, all of her. She was the exact opposite of everything in my world. She was clean where it was dirty, she was beautiful where it was ugly, she was tender where it was rough.

But I didn't belong with her and I knew it. I had nothing to offer the girl except misery. She had her own happy life and I wouldn't impose on that. As much as I wanted her, I couldn't take away her happiness. Who was I to think that she would want me anyway? I was a homeless shell of a man with zero prospects. I couldn't give her what she deserved. I couldn't even talk to her.

No, I had to leave now. I held her to me for one more second, and forced my arm to let go of her. I quickly got dressed and gathered my few belongings. I went to the bathroom and saw that the man in the mirror was once again the broken wretch that I had gotten used to seeing. The man from last night was gone. I would lock him away inside of me as a happy memory I could pull out when the pain of living became too much to take. He would remind me that somewhere out there was an angel who had saved the both of us: A kind, sweet and beautiful girl who for one night had made the world a wonderful place, and as long as she was happy everything would be alright.

I knew that what I was doing was beyond cowardly. It wasn't fair to leave her like this, but the thought of having to say goodbye to her face to face was more than I could bear. If I looked into her eyes one more time I would crumble at her feet. I would beg her to let me stay in any capacity she wanted. I would plead with my eyes and would refuse to leave her side. It would become awkward, and would taint the wonderful memory of a perfect night in her company.

This way she would always remember me fondly, and in her mind I would remain the old version of Edward who was happy and carefree. She wouldn't remember the broken man whose face was a ghostly mask devout of emotions. If you showed vulnerability out on the street you would end up dead. I had let my guard down around her for one night, and had allowed myself to forget everything that had happened to make me the man I was today. I couldn't leave her with nothing so I wrote her a note, something that I hadn't done in almost a year.

I remembered how she had played with my dog tags and how she had read my name out loud. I slipped the chain off and took one of them and placed with the note. It made perfect sense that she should have it. In battle when a soldier was killed, the survivors would collect the dog tags for identification. The old version of Edward was dead to the world, killed in battle. But for one night he was brought back to life by an angel. She would keep him safe and remember him. He would live on in her mind and in her memories. Yes, that was much better than locking him away inside me. He would stay with the angel.

I looked down upon the sleeping girl, so peaceful and perfect in every way. I couldn't bring myself to even think her name right now. I dropped to my knees next to the bed and carefully stroked her cheek. It was that one touch which had started this whole thing. It seemed fitting that it should end it. Goodbye old version of Edward, I leave you here with the angel. You'll be safe and happy in her mind, and maybe even in her heart. I looked at her one more time before I tore my eyes away from the vision in the bed. She was everything I wanted and everything I couldn't have. As I walked out of the bedroom I noticed a picture of her on a shelf. I hesitated for a second.

_I need it. Just as a reminder. It won't do any harm to keep this small part of her._

I opened the frame and extracted the picture. Yes, I could keep this small token. After all, I had left her with one. I hoped that she wouldn't be angry that I had taken it. I hoped that she would understand why I had done it, that I needed more than just the memory of her once I descended back into hell. She was heaven to me, and even though it was just for one night I knew that I would remember the girl, the sweet angel for the rest of my life. I glanced back at her sleeping form and my eyes filled with tears. I had never felt so completely brokenhearted in my entire life.

Why couldn't I be the old version of Edward? She liked him and maybe, just maybe she could have loved him as he already did her. No, that man wasn't in me anymore. I had already said my goodbyes to him. He believed in the good in people, in things such as honor and commitment. He was a fool. He had turned into me because he trusted too much, believed too much. The angel would take care of him now. I had no use for him where I was headed.

I put on my coat, hat and gloves and opened the door to the world outside. Soon I would be back on the streets, my personal hell where I deserved to be. I took a final look into the small heaven that she had created for herself and the old version of Edward.

'Goodbye sweet angel. Take good care of him,' I said silently and wiped away the tears that fell down my cheeks.

I closed the door and put on my ghostly mask again. The tears were gone, defenses were up and I was ready to fight my way through life again. 

***Clears throat* Yeah, um, that was, err. I think I need a hug. Leave me a review, please. **


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Thank you for all your kind reviews, and the overwhelming response to this story.**

**I know that many of you are anxious to read the next chapter of Taken, and I just ask you to have patience with me. This story is so alive in my head, and I'm having a hard time ignoring it right now. As my loyal reader Edward's Eternal said wisely; Takenward is happy and in bed with his Bella right now. Homelessward is cold and lonely, and deserves attention. :) **

**Enjoy!**

BPOV

"Bella, are you sure that you're alright?"

"Hmm?"

"I asked if you were alright?"

I blinked a few times and looked up into the concerned face of my colleague Mary, a sweet woman in her early fifties who had always been nice to me. She had helped me get settled in on my first day of work, and was always around if I needed something.

"I'm fine," I answered automatically, and lowered my eyes to my lunch which was sitting untouched on my plate.

_I wonder if he's hungry right now. _

"You know you can talk to me if something is bothering you, right?"

"I know. I'm fine, really. I just have a headache," I lied.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want some Advil?" she asked and immediately started rummaging through her overstuffed bag, which I was sure that she could live out of for days if she had to.

"No, that's ok, I think I just need a little fresh air," I told her and stood up to leave, brining my plate with me.

I looked at the uneaten sandwich before I tossed it in the trash.

_He's probably starving again, and I just threw away food. What is wrong with me?_

I put on my coat, and gave a quick wave to Mary before leaving the break room. I walked to the back exit and stepped outside. It was a little warmer now, but not nearly enough to put my mind at ease. I pulled out the pack of cigarettes from my coat pocket. I was smoking again on a regular basis. Edward's brand, to be exact.

_Pathetic much, Bella? Like that somehow connects you with him?_

I lit up and inhaled deeply. It had stopped snowing but none of it had melted. It was early March and spring was nowhere near by the looks of it. I wondered what he was doing right now. Did he think about me at all? I thought he might since he had taken a picture of me with him when he left on that horrible morning three weeks ago. Why had he gone? His note offered me no explanation to his abrupt departure, and he hadn't made any move to leave after we had made love that night.

_No, not made love. Had sex. No, better yet: You fucked. That was all it was. Just two people having a good time in bed together._

But even as the words popped into my head I knew that they weren't true. Edward and I hadn't fucked. We had made love and it had meant something for both of us. At least I hoped that it had meant something to him, as well.

_Snap the hell out of it, Bella! You were a willing lay and he needed a place to crash._

No! That wasn't true. Edward wouldn't use me like that! The way he had looked into my eyes, so tender and caring. The way he touched me and handled me so carefully, his sweet kisses on my lips all meant that the night was more to him than simply getting sex and a warm place to sleep.

_Oh yeah, and the only reason he left was because he was actually an enchanted prince who turned into an ogre in the morning. Get real! Why are you torturing yourself like this? He left you a nice note and a souvenir, which he really didn't have to. Can't you just appreciate the experience for what it was: One great night of sex?_

No, I couldn't do that. It had meant so much more than that to me, and all I could think about was him. I finished my cigarette and went back inside. Mary was still in the break room when I came in. Once again her eyes showed concern when she took in my unkempt appearance: My hair was in a messy ponytail, my clothes were wrinkled, my nails were bitten down to the quick and I looked like I hadn't slept properly in weeks. Which was entirely true. I would wake up in tears blindly searching for Edward in the bed only to realize that he wasn't there. It was heartbreak all over again every time I opened my eyes and he was still gone.

"Bella, why don't you take the rest of the day off," Mary said, and it really wasn't a suggestion at all.

I didn't even bother to protest and simply nodded.

"Maybe you should go visit a girlfriend?" she carefully suggested.

_Sorry Mary, I know you mean well but girl talk won't bring me out of my funk. _

"Yeah, maybe," I said noncommittally.

"Bundle up, it's cold out there," she said with a smile before leaving.

_Believe me, that's all I think about these days. _

I put my scarf and gloves on almost reluctantly. I felt bad being warm and cozy when Edward was cold somewhere out there. I knew I was being completely ridiculous. Freezing my ass off didn't get me any closer to him, and neither did smoking his brand of cigarettes, or lying awake night after night in the same sheets that we had slept in. They didn't even smell like him anymore, and I was being a disgusting pig by refusing to wash them. The first week after he had left I had called in sick, claiming to have the flu. I had waited for him to maybe return, and I didn't want him to face a closed door if by some miracle he decided to come back. I knew I was grasping at straws, of course. Edward was never coming back. You didn't write 'I will never forget you' in a note if you planned on seeing the other person again. And obviously my week at home had been a waste, because he never showed up.

I didn't go home, but started walking in the direction of the downtown area as I always did after work these days. I had never paid much attention to the homeless who I passed on the street. I would slip them some change and move along quickly. Not anymore, though. Now I looked into the face of every last one of them, hoping that I might see a pair of beautiful green eyes staring back at me in recognition.

I visited the shelters and asked around for him, but so far no one could help me. Because of the recession the shelters were over-flowing with people in need, and it seemed that no one paid attention to a young man who didn't speak. I had seen entire families gathered around the sleeping cots sharing sparse meals, and it made me want to cry my eyes out. There was so much suffering all around me wherever I looked, and yet I couldn't stop searching for him. I needed to see that he was ok. It had still been snowing heavily the morning he had left, and I worried that something might have happened to him.

I shuddered and walked a little faster. It was still so cold outside, and Edward had nothing to warm himself with. I wished that he would have somehow shown me that he intended to leave. I could have given him a sleeping bag and some money.

_No, he wouldn't have accepted it anyway. _

I almost wished that I could be angry with him. It would make it so much easier if I could write him off as a jerk, who just wanted a meal, a fuck and a place to sleep. But all his actions spoke volumes against that notion:

He didn't want the second plate until after I had told him that I wasn't hungry. He had given me an orgasm before the actual sex, and made sure that I was ready for it. He had taken the effort to make me come twice more while we made love, which clearly indicated that he wanted me to enjoy myself. He had kissed me and spent time with me afterwards. He had spooned me and I had fallen asleep in his arms. If he had been a jerk he wouldn't have done any of those things. He would have eaten the food with no regard for me, he would have fucked me hard and rough for his own pleasure, and afterwards he would have rolled over and fallen asleep with a grunt, as Mike used to do.

So I couldn't hate him and pretend that he had just used me. I still didn't understand why he had left the way he did. I was too old to believe in fairytales, and I knew that Edward couldn't have stayed with me forever. But I had desperately wanted him to spend the day with me before he had to get going. I would have called in sick, and we could have spent the day in bed; kissing, touching, talking to each other in our special way, eating take out and possibly making love again. I would have asked if I could see him again.

But that hadn't happened, and he had left before I had been able to stop him. Now it was three weeks later, and I still thought about him constantly. I spent the next few hours walking the streets while carefully examining the faces of the homeless people I met on my way. I must have given away more than a hundred dollars when I started walking home slowly, feeling the depression settle on me. Today would not be the day I found Edward.

My cell phone rang shrilly in my bag and I picked it up although I didn't feel like talking to anyone. It was Angela.

"I just stopped by and Mary said that you were sick or something like that? Is it that bug you had a few weeks ago that's back with a vengeance?" she rushed out.

Angela was a lawyer in a high end firm, and in her world time was money. She talked fast end expected people to keep up. She was driven, energetic and consisted of fifty percent caffeine at least. We were complete opposites, and it didn't really make sense that we should be friends. She was outgoing where I was shy, she was impulsive where I was thoughtful and she was turbulent where I was calm.

We had hit it off instantly despite our differences in personality, and had been inseparable since the day we met. But I hadn't told her about Edward, and that was a first in our friendship. Angela and I didn't have secrets, and yet I was reluctant to tell her about it because I knew how she would react. She would call me careless and irresponsible at first, and then write the whole experience off as being a very strange one night stand.

"Hellooo?" Angela yelled. "Earth to Bella!"

"Sorry, I'm here. I'm not sick, just a little headache is all."

"Are you at home?"

"I will be shortly."

"Why don't I stop by with some of those doughnuts that we both secretly love but pretend not to eat, and we can get caught up. I know it's been forever, and I'm really sorry but work has been crazy, and then there were Ben's parents' visit. So what do you say?"

I almost laughed for the first time in three weeks. No one could out-talk Angela.

"You know, Faulkner could have taken a lesson in run-on sentences from you, Ang," I said with a smile

"Who?"

"Nevermind, just one of the greatest American novelists of all time," I teased her.

Angela despised reading, and how she ever passed the bar exam was a complete mystery to me. She was sharp as a tack, though and knew her stuff when it came to the law.

"Oh, books again," she said with a sigh. "You need to get laid."

I almost tripped over my own feet when she said it. She had no idea how right she was. But I didn't just need sex, I needed Edward. All of him.

"So am I coming over?" she asked impatiently.

"Yes, yes. I'll be home in a few minutes," I said and picked up my pace.

"Great," she said and hung up.

That was Angela for you. She was too busy to say hello and goodbye on the phone. Knowing her, she was probably in line at a doughnut shop while taking a call from Tokyo or Dusseldorf. Our lives were so different, but somehow our friendship just made sense.

Angela was already waiting for me when I arrived at the apartment.

"What the hell happened to you?" she asked with a shocked expression on her face. "You look like shit!"

"Gee, thanks. You really know how to make a girl feel special," I replied sarcastically, although I knew that she was right.

We made our way inside and she frowned when I removed my outerwear.

"Are you on a diet?"

"No."

"You look like you've lost ten pounds or something like that," she said and looked me up and down.

She was probably right again. I knew I hadn't been eating properly, and the fact that I now spent several hours a day roaming the streets hadn't exactly helped the matter.

"I'll make us some coffee and you're eating at least two of these," she said firmly and held up the box of doughnuts. "You're way too skinny."

"Ok, mom," I said with a small smile and went into the living room where I flopped down on the couch.

She came back in with the coffee and pastries after a few minutes and handed me a plate.

"Eat!" she commanded.

I bit into the stir fried dough and felt my stomach protest.

"I feel nauseous," I said and put it down after just one bite.

"Are you pregnant?" she asked and narrowed her eyes.

"No! I just don't feel well."

"Are you sure?"

"I just got off my rag, so yeah. Pretty damn sure," I said, irritated.

"Ok, ok. Just checking," she said and held up her hands in defense.

I took a sip of my coffee and luckily my stomach didn't object.

"So, spill already. I know you and something is definitely up. This is more than that asshole Mike leaving," she said with conviction.

I nodded. I knew I had to come clean. Angela and I were close, and I would never be able to hide anything from her in the long run.

"Ok, just don't interrupt me until I'm done."

"I won't," she said.

_Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it._

"You remember that blizzard on the day that Mike picked up the last of his stuff?"

"Yeah, that was insane. Oh my god, the funniest thing happened to a guy from Ben's job. He got stuck in the,"

"Angela!"

"Oh, sorry. I did it already, huh?"

_Just like I knew she would._

I smiled to show her that I wasn't mad and continued.

"I was walking home and I sort of stumbled upon this homeless guy. He was on the ground and I think he would have died outside, so I brought him up here with me."

Her eyes widened to the size of saucers.

"Wait! You brought a homeless man with you? Are you insane?"

I held up my finger to make her stop.

"Sorry, continue."

"Well, he was freezing so I offered him a bath and some of Mike's old clothes to wear. Um, then I heated some pot roast for him, and when I turned around he was standing right behind me."

"Bella, did he do something bad to you? Is that why you were out sick, and you look like crap? We need to file a police rapport immediately so they can catch this guy! Did he have any tattoos or distinctive scars? Oh my god, are you ok? Did he hurt you?!"

"Angela, for the love of all that's holy, will you just listen?!"

Her face fell and she looked regretful.

"Sorry, I swear I'm done now."

"I know you're only doing it because you love me," I said with a smile. "No, he didn't hurt me. Not at all."

She relaxed visibly and leaned back on the couch.

"Ok, so when I turned around that's when I saw him. And Angela, he was gorgeous."

She raised her eyebrows.

"I mean, really _really_ gorgeous. The best-looking man I've ever seen."

I could see that she had a million questions, but she was literally biting her lip to keep from talking. I started telling her about Edward, and how he had been so hungry that he had practically choked on the food, because he couldn't eat it fast enough.

"He offered me a cigarette, as a thank you, I guess. And then we smoked together."

"Aw, Bella! You worked so hard to quit," she said. "How could you do that after all those hypnosis tapes and patches you went through?"

"I think we're getting off topic here, Ang. I'm a grown woman, and I can have a smoke if I want to," I said defiantly.

"Fine," she sighed. "Continue."

Then I told her about sitting with Edward, drinking coffee and telling him about myself and the breakup.

"Wait, sorry to interrupt," she said suddenly. "What do you mean he pointed to you, and you knew what he meant?"

"Oh, he didn't talk."

"At all?!"

In Angela's world not talking was equivalent to not breathing.

"No, not at all. It's painful for him, for some reason. Can I please continue?"

She nodded and leaned forward. I could see how interested she was getting in hearing the story. I went over everything, until we came to the part where he had complimented me on my looks with his hand gesture.

"And that's when he touched me. It was like electricity or something, but I got really scared and backed away from him."

I could see that Angela was about to say something again, but suppressed the urge.

"I was up against the counter, and he came over and touched my cheek again. I told him to not hurt me, and he said he wouldn't. I mean, he didn't say it out loud, obviously, but you know what I mean."

Angela's eyes got bigger and bigger when I told her about the kiss, and how it was the best I ever had. I told her how he had carried me into the bedroom, and how he had assured me in his own way that he would stop anytime I wanted.

"And then we had sex," I said, and watched Angela's jaw drop.

"Afterwards, we snuggled up in bed and watched TV for a few hours. Then I fell asleep in his arms, and the next morning when I woke up he was gone."¨

You could literally hear a pin drop after I stopped talking. I had never seen Angela rendered speechless before, but she just sat there staring at me.

"Say something," I said weakly.

She blinked a few times, and cleared her throat.

"Ok, that all sounds really sweet and completely insane at the same time, Bella," she said and took a sip of her now cold coffee.

"But it doesn't explain why you look like someone ran over your puppy, backed up, and then did it again for good measure. Or why you're not eating, or why you called in sick for a week. Did he do something that you didn't like? Hurt you in some way? 'Cause some guys can get really rough even though they don't mean to. I knew this girl, who,"

"I think I'm in love with him," I whispered.

Angela blanched and was almost as pale as I was at that moment.

"In…_love_ with him?" she asked incredulously.

I nodded and felt my eyes well up with unshed tears. I took a ragged breath and felt my mouth open, and words just started pouring out:

"I miss him so much, Ang. I think about him all the time. I can't eat anything because all I can think when I see the food, is that he's starving somewhere out there. I walk all over the city looking for him in the shelters, but no one's seen him. I mean, if he keeps his head down he doesn't really stand out in a crowd, so he might have been in one of the places I've gone. But it's like he's just…gone. When I finally do fall asleep I dream about him, and then I cry when I wake up because he's not with me. I don't know what to do, because I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him, and now I'll never see him again."

I took a deep breath and felt a little lightheaded from having talked for such a long time. Angela looked impressed.

"Now who could give that Fucker guy a lesson in run-on sentences?" she asked with a small smile.

"Faulkner," I said automatically.

"Whatever," she said and rolled her eyes.

She handed me a tissue, and I wiped my eyes and blew my nose loudly in a very un-ladylike manner.

"Good girl," Angela said and rubbed my arm. "Do you feel a little better?"

I nodded and took another shaky breath. She handed me the doughnut again and gave me a pointed look.

"You'll need your strength if we're gonna find this guy," she said.

_What? That's all she has to say?! No judgment or scolding!_

"You-you're not gonna yell at me for being irresponsible, and tell me that it was just a one night stand?"

"Listen Bella, you're my best friend and we've know each other going on ten years now."

I nodded.

"And in that time I've never seen you act this way over a guy. I know you. You're smart and level-headed. You don't just sleep with random guys, and I've never seen you feel more than a simple crush, and that was in high school. Something obviously happened between the two of you if you react this strongly."

I nodded again.

"You have never been in love before," Angela said.

I started to protest, but she cut me off.

"No Bella, you have never been in love before. I don't wanna sound like a know-it-all because I have Ben, but I have never seen your eyes light up when you talk about a boyfriend. I've never seen you cry when one of them dumped you, or when you caught Mike cheating with that whore Jessica."

She took a breath.

"I mean, you never really cared if you were with them or not. It was just something you were, not something you desperately needed. You would never have gone searching the city for Mike even in the beginning of your relationship, would you?"

"No," I admitted.

"So when you tell me that you think about this guy all the time, that you can't eat and sleep, that you dream about him, and that you look for him everywhere it actually makes me a little happy. My best friend is finally in love for the first time."

"But it's awful," I said miserably.

"I know, but it will all get better when we find him. Why wouldn't he want to be with you? It will all work out, you'll see."

"You sound so sure," I said and marveled at my friend's confidence.

"Well, you've got me to help you now, but before we start tracking this guy down I want two things from you. Well, actually three, come to think of it."

I wiped my nose again, and looked at her.

"Ok, like what?"  
"First, I'm ordering you some real food, and you _will _eat it, Bella Swan. Next, I want you to tell me all the things you remember about this guy. What he looks like, distinctive birthmarks, tattoos, that sort of thing. It won't be easy finding him with knowing who he is, but we'll try our hardest."

"But I know his name. It's Edward A. Cullen," I said.

Angela looked puzzled for a brief second.

"Oh, he wrote it down for you," she concluded.

"No, he…wait here."

I ran into the bedroom and picked up the dog tag. I handed it to Angela when I came back out.

"He left that with a note thanking me for saving his life," I said and started to tear up again.

Angela looked at the dog tag for a brief second and then nodded.

"Yeah, this looks real. It's his name, social security number, blood type and even religion. This is good. We can use this."

I felt better immediately. I didn't know anyone as resourceful as Angela, and I knew that she could probably do a lot with Edward's information.

"Is there like a database we can get into somehow to use his social security number? Maybe find a previous address or something like that?" I asked.

Angela leaned over to me and whispered.

"Yes, we could probably do that, but there's something else we could do, to try and find his family if he has any."

I suddenly felt like we were in a spy movie, and I wondered how on earth my life had gotten this complicated all of a sudden. But I knew that I would do whatever it took to find Edward.

"Ok, what do we have to do?" I asked Angela nervously.

"Well," she whispered. "This is pretty crazy, but…we could look them up in the phonebook!"

_WHAT? Of course! God, I am an idiot! Why didn't I think of that?_

Angela was smiling like the Cheshire cat and obviously enjoyed teasing me. I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity, and ate a huge bite of the doughnut which actually stayed down.

"Cullen isn't a very common last name, so we could probably find something," she said with a smile, when she saw that I was eating.

I nodded and then remembered something.

"Um, Ang. You said you wanted three things from me. I'll get some real food, I swear, and now I've given you Edward's information. What's the third thing?"

She leaned forward with a smirk.

"Ah, yes. I almost forgot," she said.

_Aw crap, this can't be good!_

"You missy, totally skated over the best part of the story and I want to know more!"

_Fuck, I should have guessed. She wants to know about the sex._

"What do you want to know?" I asked exasperatedly.

"Everything. I'm practically a married woman, and I need to live vicariously through my skanky best friend who humps gorgeous strangers."

_Skanky?! Look who's talking, Miss 'I had sex in a nightclub bathroom when I first met Ben'!_

Angela held up her hands and grinned.

"I'm just kidding, Bella. I was the biggest slut before I met Ben. Who the hell am I to judge? Now spill, and don't skimp on the details."

I hesitated for a second. One part of me wanted to tell her everything because that was what we had always done, and the other part wanted the experience to be something that only Edward and I shared. I decided to go for something in between and only tell Angela about the sexual aspects, and not the way he had kissed me tenderly or the way we had looked into each other's eyes.

"It was without a doubt the best sex of my life," I told her, and watched as she broke into a huge grin.

_Yeah, that's a great opening line._

"Ok, what was so great about it?"

"Everything really. You remember how things were with Mike in the bedroom. How things never really, err, clicked?"

"You mean how his idea of foreplay was a sloppy kiss and fingering you for a few seconds? Yeah, I remember that," she said dryly. "I also remember you being too chickenshit to tell him what you really wanted."

_Ouch! But she's absolutely right. I never indicated that I didn't like what he did._

"Well, with Edward it was completely different. He knew exactly what I wanted without my saying it. It was perfect," I said in complete honesty.

"Does that mean that you finally experienced the big 'O' without taking matters into your own hands?" she asked curiously.

There was hardly anything that Angela and I didn't discuss, and my lousy sex life had been up for debate more times than I could remember.

"Yes," I said with a grin.

"Good for you," she said.

_Heh, time to tell it all. I think I'll do this Edward's way._

I held up three fingers to Angela.

"No way!" she said. "Three? He gave you three orgasms in one night? How many times did you have sex?"

"We just did it once."

"Holy crap, three orgasms in one round," she said. "He must have been good."

I nodded. Edward was wonderful in every way.

"And other than the orgasms," she said. "Was he nice to you?"

"All of it was completely mind blowing. But…It isn't even about that anymore. I don't care if I ever have sex with him again, as long as I can just be with him. I miss him so much."

"So it really wasn't just a one night stand," she concluded.

"It wasn't for me, but I can't know what Edward is feeling, obviously. I just need to know that he's alright, and maybe try to help him somehow. You should see some of the places I've been looking for him, Angela. They're horrible and I can't bear the thought of him staying there."

"This is a lot for you to take on. I mean, you've only spent a few hours with this guy, and he obviously has problems if he's living on the street. Plus the whole no talking thing. Does he have a vocal chord injury or something like that?"

"No, he can speak. He said my name when we were making love, and also when I found him in the street. But when I asked him if it was painful, he nodded. I don't really know what to make of it," I admitted.

Angela thought about it for a few seconds.

"It must be psychological then. But other than that, did he seem to have any, err, problems?"

"He's not crazy if that's what you're asking me. He's perfectly normal apart from the fact that he doesn't talk," I said defensively.

"And that didn't bother you?" she asked.

I shrugged. It really hadn't hindered us and we were able to communicate just fine without him using words. He was very expressive when it came to body language and I knew what he meant most of the time.

"Not really. It's just a part of who he is, I guess. Obviously, I want him to get better and deal with whatever problems he has, but right now I just need to know that he's alright. I mean, he's out there with nothing, Angela. All his stuff got stolen, and all I can think about is how cold and hungry he must be."

I started to tear up again. I imagined Edward huddled on a street corner, holding his backpack tightly so he wouldn't lose that as well. I imagined him alone, cold and hungry. I desperately wished that he were here now so that I could feed him and keep him safe and warm. I wanted to feel his strong arms around me, and stroke his hair until we fell asleep together. I wanted to watch movies with him and hear him laugh. I wanted to look deeply into his eyes and tell him that he could stay here forever if he wanted. I wanted all those things and many others, but I knew that crying wouldn't get me closer to him and I needed to pull myself together. I stood up and went to my ancient computer to turn it on.

"Show me how to search for Edward's family," I said to Angela.

She could see that I wasn't kidding around anymore, and didn't even whine because I hadn't given her any specifics about the sex. There would be time to talk about all that later. Right now I needed to find Edward.

Angela did a search on some website and pointed to the screen.

"Right here in Chicago," she said. "There an Alice Cullen-Whitlock. Do you think it could be a sister or maybe an aunt?"

_Or his ex-wife. I bet she's really beautiful. _

"Ooh, and she lives in a really swanky neighborhood. She must have money, then," Angela deduced.

"But that doesn't make any sense," I said with a frown. "If Edward has a family who's loaded why would he be living on the street?"

"No clue," she said, and wrote down the phone number and address of the mystery lady who shared a last name with Edward.

"I'm gonna call her now, but what should I say?" I asked.

_Oh hello, I was wondering if by any chance you would have a relative named Edward? You see, we spent the night together and he left in the morning before I woke up. He's gorgeous, sweet and great in bed. He's also mute and homeless, but I want him to be my boyfriend just the same. _

_No, this isn't a crank call. _  
"Maybe you should just keep it simple," Angela suggested.

"Yeah, I can do that. I'll just ask her if she knows Edward, and if she does then she might point me in the right direction. I mean, maybe there's a part of town where he prefers to stay."

I dialed the number but was disappointed to hear it go straight to voice mail.

"I think her phone is shut off right now," I whispered to Angela.

"Are you gonna leave a message?"

"No, that would be too weird," I concluded. "I can try again tomorrow."

Angela and I spent the next few hours talking and eating Chinese takeout, and then she had to leave for a meeting. I looked at my watch.

_It's only five. I have time to do another sweep downtown._

With a determined mind, I put on my warm clothes and headed out the door. It was still so cold outside, and I hoped that Edward had found room in a shelter tonight. I hoped that he had had something to eat today, and that someone had been kind enough to give him a little money. The sky was starting to get darker as I walked through the city. Somewhere out there was the man that I had fallen in love with in just one night. I didn't know how he felt about me, and if he would even be interested in seeing me again, but I had to try.

_I'm on my way, Edward. Please let me save you again._

**Poor Bella. She misses him so much! :(**

**As always, weekends equal family time at my house so the next update won't be until next week, and I'm also hoping to post a Taken chapter before Easter. Just have patience and know that I'm never abandoning either of the stories. **

**Leave me a review, please. **


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Ok, HUGE A/N here so please don't skip it:**

**It seems that writing my fics have taken over too much of my time, and now I have to put a stop to it. I will only be updating once a week from now on. I am deeply sorry, but I have to make my real life a priority, too. I get caught up in these stories and it has come to the point where I'm neglecting the other parts of my life. I ask for patience and understanding now. I will finish both fics, I swear! **

**Thank you and enjoy!**

EPOV

Three weeks. Twenty-one days and ten hours since I looked at my sleeping angel for the last time. Not that I was counting or anything. I had promised myself that I would not dwell on what could have been, and I would try to forget her. Needless to say, I had failed miserably. Then I made a deal with myself only to think about her at night before falling asleep, when I would stare at her picture until the lights were turned off. That hadn't worked either. She was on my mind constantly. She consumed my every thought during the day, and occupied my dreams at night. I used to dread falling asleep. The nightmares were still a regular occurrence and I would wake up covered in sweat, seeing a pair of panicked eyes staring into mine, as the memory of my dream refused to leave my mind. Those eyes had haunted me for so long; the pain in them evident, and then nothing. I had watched the light in them extinguish time and time again in my memories and nightmares, and yet it never got any easier. But now some of the bad dreams had been replaced with fantasies about her.

I would imagine situations with her while looking at her picture, and they would spill over into some of my dreams. Sometimes we were on a beach together. She would be reading, and I would be watching her while we held hands and the sun shone down upon us. Other times we would be cooking dinner together in her kitchen. She would smile at me because I was a horrible cook, but still let me help her with the smaller tasks. Then there were the dreams where she and I would be naked in her bed. No, in the dreams it would be our bed. Our bed, which we shared. In some of the dreams she would be wearing a wedding ring and so would I. Almost every dream would be a new version of a life I would never have. A life with…Bella.

Thinking her name still hurt so much that I rarely did it. She would always be my angel, and this was how I mostly referred to her in my mind. In my dreams she would be Bella, though. My Bella. But I knew that I couldn't think like that when I was awake. She would never be my Bella. Someday, she would be someone else's Bella, and the thought both repulsed and comforted me at the same time. She wouldn't always be alone, and one as wonderful as her would surely find a good man in the future. Someone who could give her everything she so rightfully deserved. Then there was the other part of me that hated the thought of her being with anyone other than me. I knew I was being selfish when I thought like that. I could never give her a complete and happy life, but I didn't want anyone else to do it either. No, it wasn't right to think like that. She should have everything, and I couldn't provide her with that.

I sighed and pulled the sleeping bag tighter around me. It was still so fucking cold. I bowed down my head, and for a few minutes I closed my eyes and tried to forget that I was sitting on the sidewalk of a busy street. I thought about her again.

The first few days after I had left had been some of the worst in my life. I was miserable because I missed my angel so much, I was freezing cold and I had to work incredibly hard at masking my pain. Whenever a woman would walk by where I was begging, I would throw her a dazzling smile and it sickened me to do so. I wanted all my smiles to be for my angel, and her alone. But I needed money to replace all the things that had gotten stolen and although it killed me on the inside, I flirted with my eyes and smiled at every female within fifteen feet of me. The fact that I was clean and had shaved greatly improved my looks, and I was able to get enough money together to replace most of what I had lost.

_I miss her so fucking much!_ _Does she still think about me? It's been weeks and what if she's already forgotten me?_

A small part of me hoped that this was the case. I didn't want her to be sad and miss me. Naturally, I didn't know what my angel was feeling, and if the night had even mattered as much to her as it had to me. She could have a thousand nights just like it with another man, if she wanted to. Any guy would be lucky to call her his, and she would easily be able to move on if the night we had spent together didn't matter.

But a gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach told me that I was dead wrong. It told me that the night had meant just as much to her, as it had done to me. The way that she had gazed into my eyes and kissed me tenderly before making love to me, convinced me that the night had been more than just sex to her. I remembered how she had snuggled closer to me when she had said goodnight, and how she had been smiling in her sleep when I woke up in the morning.

I realized that she would most likely hate me now if all that were true. If the night had meant something to her, she would feel as though I had abandoned her like some cad, who had only been interested in getting sex from her and nothing more. Dear god, how I hoped that this wasn't true. I didn't want her to regret spending the night with me, when the memory of it was the only thing that made my existence tolerable at this moment.

But why would my angel ever want someone one like me? It didn't make any sense. I was damaged goods; homeless, haunted and mute. I had nightmares about agonizing screams and dead eyes. I had severed the connection to my old life, to the old version of Edward and surely she wouldn't want the man I was now.

I exuded hostility whenever I wasn't begging. People would look at me and know that if you messed with me it meant trouble. Of course, that didn't stop most of them from trying to steal from me. Desperation would bring out the worst in people, something that I had witnessed several times. My hand-to-hand combat training came in handy, and only when surprised or outnumbered did I lose a fight. Unfortunately, I had seen an increase in groupings of two and three homeless who shared the same goal; to steal whatever they could get their hands on. They worked together and shared the profits. The worst was when they robbed women and their children. It angered me beyond reason and I wanted to rip their throats out when I witnessed it. Usually it only resulted in me getting beaten up and mugged as well, but chivalry wasn't dead in me yet. Life on the street still hadn't killed that part of me, which believed that it was my responsibility to protect those weaker than me. The day that happened would be the day that I killed myself. I could never harm a child or a woman, and if I ever became desperate enough for food to even consider it, I wouldn't want to live anymore. There were limits to how much guilt and pain I could carry in my soul.

I absentmindedly rubbed my stomach. I was starving again, and the fact that I had given my one meal today to an old woman, only increased the pain. I wasn't cut out for this life. I couldn't be cold, unfeeling and callous, although I would have been a lot better off physically if I could. Then I could focus solely on feeding myself, and I wouldn't get in fights trying to protect those who couldn't defend themselves.

I tried to give off that impression when I was in a shelter with no friends around. I wanted people to think that I was dangerous and deranged. The fact that I didn't speak helped cement that image of me. It made me more mysterious, and made people I didn't know wonder what else might be wrong with me. Those who knew me well out here, were aware that this was all fabrication on my part. With them I could laugh and smile, but it didn't happen too often. We were all basically nomads within the city limits, constantly moving from shelter to shelter and I didn't have any travel companions. So when I finally did run into one of my friends it was a rare joy. Tonight I would sleep in a cot next to Joe's. I had known him for a year, and he was good man in a rotten situation. He was already in the shelter, and had promised to come and get me if it started to get crowded so I wouldn't lose my spot.

"Get a job, you goddamn leech!" someone barked in front of me.

My head shot up and I watched as a man kicked my cup, and the money that I had received scattered all over the sidewalk. He sneered at me and walked on.

_I fucking wish I _could_ get a job, asshole! Would you hire someone like me? Yeah, didn't think so!_

I really didn't understand why some people would go this far and humiliate me in such a way. It was their choice to ignore me when they passed my way, but to actually treat me like garbage was something that never made any sense to me. I swallowed my anger and started scrambling around to quickly pick up the coins and bills. Out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of wavy dark hair, when some kneeled down next to me. My heart thundered in my chest, and I almost choked when my breath got caught in my throat.

_Bella!_

I whipped my head up to look at my angel, and suddenly everything was alright with the world. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion when I looked her. She was still bent over, helping me pick up the money from the sidewalk but something was definitely wrong. Her hair wasn't the color of chestnuts and her body was larger. She lifted her head and offered me a small smile.

"Some people can be real jerks," she said and dropped the money in my cup.

My heart died a little when the reality hit: This wasn't my angel.

The girl was pretty enough with blue eyes and a sweet smile, and she had been kind enough to help me. But all I could feel at that moment was anger and hurt. I felt foolish because for one second, I had actually believed that she had found me again. I scowled at the girl with the blue eyes, who quickly got up and hurried away from me with a confused and scared look on her face.

_I'm sorry!_

I felt so guilty at that moment. It wasn't her fault that she bore a slight resemblance to my angel, and she had only been trying to help me. And how had I repaid her kindness? By glaring angrily at her and made her afraid of me.

_I'm a monster._

I sighed heavily and started to gather my belongings. I might as well head back to the shelter now. I was tired and wanted to sleep. It was still only late in the afternoon but I didn't care. I needed a good dream tonight, a dream where I was with her. Maybe this time we would go horseback riding, or I would take her to go see a movie. I didn't really care about the setting, as long as she was there with me. I prayed that I wouldn't have a nightmare tonight after the lousy day I had had.

As I headed for the shelter with my head down, I wondered what I would have done if the blue-eyed girl had turned out to be my angel. I probably would have sat on my hands to prevent them from grabbing her and hugging her to me like I would never let her go. Even if I met her again it wouldn't make a difference. Nothing had changed since the morning I left her, and nothing ever would. I was still no good for her, and the thought made my eyes water.

_No! Don't you fucking dare cry! You know what will happen if anyone sees your weakness! _

I pulled myself together and put my mask back on. Now I looked indifferent and cold as I walked to the shelter. Joe was sitting on his bed when I returned, and I gave him a wave of my hand.

"Hey Edward, how'd you do?" he asked.

I shrugged to show him that I had done alright. I hadn't turned on the charm today, and therefore I hadn't made as much money as usual.

"I got a sandwich for you," he said and held it out.

My mouth salivated the second he said it and my stomach growled. I gave him a puzzled look.

"Some church folks were here earlier, and they had plenty with them. I'm full," he said and held it out to me.

I nodded as a thank you and gave him a genuine smile. I quickly ate the sandwich while Joe talked. That was how it always was with us. He would rarely ask me questions, and I would just listen to him. Joe was in his late fifties, and how he had ended up homeless was a classic tale. He had been injured at his job, and since he hadn't been able to afford health insurance, the hospital bills had ended up losing him his house. He was laid off his job in construction because of the recession, which meant that not many were building new houses for themselves. Today, he was telling me about a book. Joe had been an avid reader in his old life, and sometimes he would entertain us retelling the stories that he had read. I rolled out my sleeping bag and settled in for the night. I opened my backpack and carefully pulled out the sweater that my angel had given me. I held it up to my face and inhaled deeply, hoping that maybe some of her scent would still linger on it.

"Say, that's a nice sweater," Joe commented.

I nodded and put it back in my backpack again. I might as well start wearing it now since her fragrance was gone, but the thought of getting it dirty appalled me. I knew that it had belonged to her ex, but it had still been a gift from her and therefore I treasured it.

"Where'd you get it?" he asked curiously.

I wanted to tell him everything, to share the experience with someone and somehow make it more than just a memory in my mind. I needed to talk about her and relive everything that we had done together. Joe was a good man, and he would never betray my trust. I pulled out a notepad and a pen.

"You're writing now?" he asked.

I nodded and shrugged, pretending that this was no big deal. But the truth was that this was monumental. I had refused to write after I returned from the war. I didn't want to talk to anyone, and I would toss the pen away whenever they would place it in my hand.

I handed Joe the note I had just written.

"You spent the night at a girl's apartment?" he asked, clearly flabbergasted by my revelation.

I nodded and smiled.

"And she gave you food and new clothes?"

_Yes, and the best night of my life._

I gave him another nod, and I could see Joe's mind going all over the place.

"But why would she do that? I mean, was she some kind of church freak?"

I shook my head and wrote him another note.

"Kind and sweet, huh?" he said, after reading it. "There aren't many like that out there."

I agreed completely.

"Was she pretty?" he asked.

I nodded and mouthed the word 'beautiful' to Joe.

"Are you sure you didn't dream this whole thing up?" he said with grin. "This girl sounds too good to be true."

_Normally I would agree completely. I never knew someone like my angel existed. _

I reached into my backpack and carefully extracted her picture and showed it to Joe. He studied it for a few seconds and looked at me.

"You really weren't kidding about the beautiful part," he stated.

I smiled again.

"Was she…good to you?" he asked delicately.

I nodded. There were no words to describe how wonderful it had felt to make love to her. Luckily, I knew that Joe wasn't the sort of man to fish for sordid details.

"And you'd better tell me that you were good to her, as well. Otherwise I might have to kick your ass," he said and gave me a pointed look.

I rolled my eyes at him, and gave him the finger. He was still looking at me questioningly and I wrote him another note:

'Yes, of course I was good to her. She had a very nice time, I swear. No ass kicking required, old man!'

"Old man!" he scoffed, but gave me a smile.

Joe and I shared the same view on women. He had also been married in his old life, but his wife had passed away a few years ago. He was a gentleman to, and this was part of the reason why I liked him so much. He respected women, and it actually meant a lot to me that he would kick my ass if I ever stepped out of line.

"This is fun," he said. "I like that you're writing now."

I shrugged again.

"So can you tell me her name?" he asked and pointed to her picture.

My hand shook a little as I scribbled her name and handed him the note.

"Bella," he said, and my heart clenched when I heard her name said out loud.

"It suits her. Beautiful and all," he said with a smile.

_Huh?_

He must have seen the confusion on my face.

"It means 'beautiful' in Italian," he explained.

_Oh, I never knew that. _

I was a simple all-American man, and didn't speak any other languages. Now, I suddenly wished that I did. There was so much I had never done in my old life, when I had had the opportunity. I could have gone to college, I could have travelled. I had had money to do so, but I had chosen to serve my country in stead. It had seemed like the right thing to do at the time. And how had my country repaid me? I shook my head and sighed.

_No man left behind, my ass!_

If you dared to think for yourself, you were no good to the army. I hadn't accepted that, and hadn't been able to stand by and watch suffering when I could help. Orders be damned!

"Edward," Joe said, and brought me out of my bitter thoughts.

I looked at him, and he was still holding her picture.

"If you could be with her, then what the hell are you doing here?"

_But I can't be with her, Joe. Don't you see that?_

I wrote this down and gave him the note.

"Why not?" he asked. "I mean, she obviously likes you or she wouldn't have taken you into her bed."

I sighed and motioned to my mouth before covering it with my hand.

"Because you can't talk?" he asked. "That's not a very good reason, Edward. There are plenty of people out there in relationships with deaf and mute people, who get along just fine."

I knew that he was right. But my inability to form words was only one of the reasons why I couldn't be with her. The truth was that I didn't deserve someone like her, and she could do a hell of a lot better than me. I was right where I should be. I deserved to be in hell, and this wretched life on the street was as close as I could get to the real thing. I didn't feel like talking anymore, and took the picture from Joe. He accepted my silent refusal to continue the conversation, and simply patted me on the back.

The people here in the shelter were my peers. Most of them had their own issues to deal with, and no one asked too many questions. We were all trying to survive the best way we knew how, and no one hassled me about my lack of words. I gave Joe a quick smile and lay back on the hard cot. I was tired and finally starting to get warm in my sleeping bag. I rolled onto my side facing the wall, and looked at her picture. She was smiling brightly, and the sun made her hair look almost red. I wished that I could see her in the sunlight. I imagined the two of us on horseback, following a trail to a secluded meadow. We would let the horses roam freely as we lay down in the grass together. She would caress my face and whisper my name, and in my fantasy I was able to say hers as well. Then she would kiss me and wrap her small arms around me. I closed my eyes and stopped the scenario there. If I went any further my body would start to ache for her, and I didn't want that to happen.

I must have drifted off to sleep because suddenly Joe's voice brought me back to reality.

"Edward," he whispered.

I groaned and tried to ignore him. I needed to sleep right now.

"Isn't that your girl?" he asked quietly.

_What is he babbling about? _

"Your Bella, isn't that her over there by the entrance?"

_WHAT?!_

I shot up on the bed and blinked a few times. I tried to get my tired eyes to focus, and swept them across the large room to the door. My heart skipped a beat, and my mouth went completely dry.

_Bella! She found me!_

I drank her in with my eyes. It was definitely my angel, but she looked so different now.

_Broken._

She had dark circles under her eyes, and her skin was even paler than before. Her hair was pulled back and in a messy ponytail, and she looked like she had lost weight. Her cheeks were less full now, and her cheekbones were more prominent. She was talking to one of the men who managed the shelter, and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. She was still so incredibly beautiful, and I suddenly noticed that all eyes in the room were lingering on her.

_NO! She can't be here! It isn't safe for her!_

Without a second's hesitation I jumped out of my sleeping bag, and ran across the room to reach her.

BPOV

_Just one more shelter and then I'll head home._

It was dark outside now, and I knew that I shouldn't continue my search today. I was in a shady part of town but there was a shelter nearby that I hadn't been to yet, and it wasn't like there was anything waiting for me when I got home. I walked faster and wrapped my arms around my torso. The calm that I had felt after Angela's visit was fading fast as the temperature dropped. Edward was out here somewhere and it was so cold. I made it to the shelter and stepped inside.

I looked around and saw the usual rows of beds in the back, and the tables and chairs in the front. I was even getting used to the sight of children living like this, but there weren't any here. This must be one of the all-male shelters, because there were no women anywhere. A man who didn't look like one of the homeless eyed me curiously and came over.

"Are you lost?" he asked.

_Yes, completely. I'm lost without him!_

"No, I'm looking for someone, actually. Edward Cullen."

The man looked pensive for a few seconds and then shook his head.

"The name doesn't ring a bell, I'm sorry," he said.

I could feel myself starting to tear up. Why wasn't he here? Why wasn't he anywhere?

_What if I never find him? What if something terrible happened to him?_

"Are you ok?" the man asked me.

"Yeah, I guess so," I said weakly.

Suddenly he turned his head as something caught his attention. I looked in the same direction, and all at once I felt dizzy and lightheaded.

_Edward! He's here!_

He was approaching me fast, his eyes fixed on me. I took him in with my eyes and felt my knees go weak. He looked exactly the same and yet completely different. His once clean shaven face was now covered with heavy stubble that almost qualified as a beard. His clothes were the same tattered ones, which he had worn when I had first seen him. But the biggest difference was his eyes. The tender look that I had seen the night we had slept together was replaced by a coldness I didn't think he had in him. He looked furious and glared angrily at me.

_Oh no! He doesn't want me!_

My heart sank in my chest as I realized that Edward wasn't happy to see me. Not in the slightest. He grabbed a hold of my coat sleeve and yanked me with him towards the sleeping area, and I followed with my heart pounding in my chest. He stopped abruptly at a cot and started to put his boots and coat on. An elderly man in the bed next to it was looking at the two of us with a shocked expression on his face.

"Edward, what are you," he started.

Edward held up his hand to him, to make him stop talking and the man didn't say anything else. He gave me a small smile before looking away from us. Edward had finished putting on his warm outerwear, and after slinging his backpack over his shoulder he grabbed my sleeve again. He pulled me with him, and ushered me out of the door. We walked away from the shelter at a fast pace and I almost tripped over my feet, trying to keep up with his long strides.

_Where are we going? Why is he acting like this?_

The tears burned in my throat as I now understood how wrong I had been about everything. Edward didn't feel a thing for me, and I had made it all up in my head. How could I have been this stupid? We were a few blocks away from the shelter when he suddenly stopped and rummaged through his backpack. He pulled out a pen and a pad, and started scribbling quickly. He ripped the note off angrily and handed it to me.

'What the hell are you doing here? It's not safe for you down here!' I read, before the tears blurred my vision completely.

I tried to hold them back, but it was impossible. Two big fat tears rolled down my cheeks and landed on the note I was still holding in my trembling hand. I heard Edward gasp, and suddenly felt his hand under my chin. His touch sent the familiar electric currents through me and I shivered. He made me look up at him, and the expression on his face was now completely different. He looked like the Edward that I had spent the night with.

'Please don't cry,' he mouthed silently and stroked my cheek with his thumb.

"I-I'm s-sorry," I choked out.

I looked down and started sobbing embarrassingly loud. Everything that I had hoped would happen if I found him again had now been destroyed. He didn't want me, and I had acted like the biggest idiot on the planet when I came down here. Edward didn't want to be found, and I had somehow ended up as a lovesick stalker. I felt him lift my face up again to look at him.

'Bella, please stop,' he said silently.

His eyes were filled with tears, and I could see that he was trying to stop his bottom lip from trembling.

"I'm sorry," I repeated shakily, as I tried to regain my composure.

_Why is he crying? I don't understand any of this!_

"I-I just needed to see that you were ok," I told him and wiped my eyes with my sleeve.

He looked at me and his eyes were once again so tender, as he blinked back the tears.

'I'm not ok,' he mouthed.

"You-you're not?" I asked.

He shook his head and stroked my cheek. He tried to say something without words, but he was shaking too much. He wrote something down on the pad and handed it to me. I was about to look at it, when he suddenly flinched and pulled me towards him. I gasped from being so close to him, but before I could say anything he stepped in front of me.

"Well well, what do we have here?" I heard a voice say.

I looked out from behind Edward's large body, and saw two homeless men approach us.

"Who's your little friend?" the blond one asked Edward, and looked me up and down.

I heard Edward growl and he held his arm out behind him to push me back, so that he shielded me with his body. I couldn't see what was going on in front of Edward, but his stance had become defensive as he started to back away from the men, pushing me back as he went along.

"Don't be like that," I heard one of the men say. "We can share her."

_Share me?! Oh shit! Oh no!_

Edward growled loudly and I felt his hand push me further back as he held his ground. He was trying to get me to move away from him, but I didn't want to leave him. He pushed me again, harder this time.

"No," I whispered. "I'm not leaving you."

He let out a noise and took another step back. He pushed me roughly backwards, and I stumbled a little. My heart was racing and I discovered that I was hyperventilating. I was terrified, but I didn't want to leave Edward. I could see one of the men now. He was blond, young and grinning evilly at me.

"She's cute, I can see why you want her for yourself," he told Edward, although he never took his eyes off me. "Just walk away and let us have her, or you'll be sorry."

Edward roared in anger and pushed me back again. The blond man took another step towards me, and then things happened really fast. Edward launched himself at the man and threw him on the ground. I let out a scream and he whipped his head around and looked at me. His eyes were wide and panicked. Just as the other man started to throw himself at Edward, his eyes locked with mine.

"RUN, BELLA!" he roared, and I watched in absolute terror as his hands flew up to his head and he let out a scream, as if he was in agonizing pain.

My body reacted instantly to the command, and I spun around and ran as fast as I could. My pulse was thundering in my ears, but I faintly registered that Edward screamed again somewhere behind me.

"RUN!"

I ran and ran as fast as my legs could carry me, and suddenly I found myself on a busy street. People were walking by chatting happily, and I fell to my knees and let out a loud cry.

_Edward! Please be ok!_

**Well, what did you think? Leave me a review please. **


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Thank you for all your great reviews. I'm so overwhelmed by the response this story is getting. A special thanks to my beta on this story Edward's Eternal for all her help. This chapter continues where the last one ended.**

**Enjoy!**

BPOV

"I think she's hurt or something," I heard someone say.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up into the faces of a small crowd of people who had gathered around me.

_No, I'm not the one who's hurt!_

"Are you alright, Miss?" an elderly man asked me.

I nodded frantically.

"P-please, it's my friend. T-there were two m-men trying to attack me, and he fought them, and I just ran. I just left him there. I just left him there!" I sobbed, and searched their faces for understanding.

_I need help! Edward is hurt and it's all my fault!_

"I'm calling the police," someone said.

"Please, please help me! They're gonna hurt him!" I said pleadingly to no one in particular.

All I could think about was the scream that Edward had let out when he told me to run. And I did. I ran like the devil was chasing me, and I had left him there. It was entirely my fault because I had been so stupid, and had walked into a dangerous neighborhood after dark. What if they killed him? What if I never saw him again?

_NO! I just found him! I can't lose him again. _

"Just calm down, Miss. The police are on the way," someone said, and I was lifted to my feet.

Why is it that time seems to always go at the wrong pace? My night with Edward had passed so quickly, when I had wanted it to last forever. It had been over much too soon, and before I knew it I had woken up the next morning to find him gone. I hadn't treasured the night as I should have. I was foolish and thought that we would have more time together when I woke up the next morning. But we only had that one night. Had I known, I never would have gone to sleep. I would have stayed up all night; stroking his hair, kissing his soft lips, enjoyed the feeling of his warm embrace.

Now, when I wanted time to fly so the cops could get here faster, it seemed as though it had stopped completely. I had left Angela a desperate message on her voicemail, and she had texted me that she was on her way.

_If she shows up before the cops, I swear to God! Where the fuck are they?! Is there like a doughnut giveaway somewhere?!_

I had tried to run back to the spot where I left Edward and the two men, but the elderly man had held me back. He explained calmly that it wouldn't do me any good if I ended up getting hurt, as well. I was no match for two grown men, and my friend would be upset if I ended up getting hurt, while he had tried to avoid exactly that.

_Curse his logical thinking! I just need to know that Edward's ok! This is all my fault!_

I was pacing on the sidewalk, and I suddenly noticed that I was still gripping the note that Edward had handed me just before the two men had shown up. I was all crumpled up in my fist and I had forgotten all about it. I opened it with shaking hands to see what he had wanted to tell me.

'I'm not ok, Bella. I haven't been ok since the morning I left you'

_No! This isn't happening! _

With stunning clarity it hit me; Edward had missed me just as much I had missed him. No, I most certainly hadn't been ok either since the morning he left. But then I had found him again and for a moment everything had been alright. He had touched my cheek and looked at me with those beautiful tender eyes of his, before he wrote me the note I was still clutching.

And now he was gone again. Fighting two dangerous men to protect me, and I had no way of knowing if he could win that fight. I knew that Edward was strong, but two against one seemed like impossible odds taking into consideration that Edward had been temporarily incapacitated, when his command for me to run had hurt him.

After what seemed like a lifetime of pacing back and forth, Angela and the police arrived simultaneously.

"Bella, what happened? Your message didn't make any sense. Are you hurt? Has Edward come back?" she asked and looked me up and down, presumably checking me for injuries.

I burst into tears at the sight of my friend, and started babbling incoherently to the two police officers. They took down the information, but suddenly stopped when I mentioned finding Edward in the shelter.

"So you say that he's homeless?" the cop asked.

"Yes, but that's that got to do with anything?" I asked impatiently.

"And the two men who tried to attack you were also homeless?"

"Yes!"

"I see," he said.

_You see what? Move your asses, already!_

"You know, Miss. It isn't very safe down here for a girl like you. And you really shouldn't be fraternizing with those people," he said, in what I perceived to be a condescending tone.

"With _what_ people, exactly?" I seethed. "You think because my friend is homeless, that it makes it ok for two men to attack us?!"

"Now, calm down. No one is saying that," the other cop said. "What my partner meant was that it's not exactly the best company to keep, and usually they handle their disputes internally down there."

"What are you saying to me exactly?" I asked. "That because I chose to befriend a homeless person, you won't go look for him and make sure that he's ok?"

Before the cops could answer, Angela pulled out a small tape recorder that she used in meetings and held it up to them.

"Yes, please answer her question. I have a friend at the Chicago Chronicle who would be very interested in doing a story on discrimination towards the homeless in our city."

"Of course we'll go look for your friend, Miss," the second cop said. "Lead the way."

_I could kiss you right now, Angela!_

We drove for a few blocks until we reached the street where I had run away from both Edward and the two men.

"It was right over there," I said and pointed to the spot.

We exited the cars and the cops started doing their thing.

"Over here," cop number one said. "Signs of a struggle."

I looked where he was standing and felt my stomach convulse. There was blood on the ground.

_No, no, no!_

Angela was at my side in a matter of seconds.

"Take it easy, Bella. We don't know if that's Edward's blood."

I gasped and tried to stop my stomach from heaving. I had always been sensitive to the sight of blood, and the thought that it might be Edward's multiplied my nausea by a hundred.

_She's right, she's right. Maybe it belongs to one of the men. Then Edward would have returned to the shelter!_

"Angela, we need to go to the shelter and look for him. If he's ok then he would go back there."  
She nodded and went over to cop number two to tell him that. We drove in Angela's car and left the cops at the scene to look around for signs of Edward and the men. When we arrived at the shelter my eyes darted to the bed where his stuff was still sitting.

_Oh no! He's not here!_

I quickly walked over to the man who had talked to Edward before he yanked me out of there.

"Have you seen him?" I asked.

He looked deeply confused, and I knew his answer before he even opened his mouth to speak.

"No, he left with you."

I started to tear up, and he looked deeply concerned.

"We were attacked by two men a few blocks from here and I ran for it. Edward stayed and tried to fight them but now I can't find him. And there's blood on the ground," I said and felt my legs give out under me.

Angela sat me down on Edward's cot and I took a few deep breaths.

"Listen," the man said. "Edward can handle himself in a fight. I've seen that with my own eyes."

I looked up at him and felt a glimmer of hope.

"Really?"

"Absolutely. Of course, he couldn't take yours truly here, but other than that…" he said with a grin.

"But where could he be now?"

"If I know Edward he's probably laying low somewhere until he's convinced that the threat is gone. I'm sure he'll turn up in the morning," he said reassuringly.

_Dear god, I hope so!_

"I'm sorry, I never introduced myself. Where are my manners?" he suddenly said. "I'm Joseph Jackson."

"Bella Swan," I replied and held out my hand.

He looked at it for a few seconds before shaking it carefully.

_I guess he isn't used to people treating him like a human being. Honestly, what is wrong with the world?_

"This is Angela Webber. Lawyer and best friend extraordinaire," I said and motioned to her.

"Hey Joe," she said with a smile and a wink.

_Seriously Angela! He's old enough to be your father. Once a flirt, always a flirt, I guess._

"Hey yourself," he said with a grin. "If I were thirty years younger I might have had to ask you out on a date, Miss Webber.

"If you were thirty years younger I might have said yes, Mr. Jackson."

Joe smiled warmly at her.

"Thank you for making an old man's night," he told her and turned his attention to me.

"Does Edward have your phone number?"

"No, but I can give it to you?" I said.

"Yeah, then I'll give you a call when he shows up so you know he's alright. It's not like the poor guy can do it himself."

I nodded and quickly wrote down my number on the pad that Angela pulled out of her briefcase.

"He'll turn up in the morning, you'll see," Joe said with a reassuring smile. "You girls should really get home now. It's not safe for you down here at night."

I nodded and stood up.

"Let me walk you to your car," he said.

"Oh, that's not necessary," I started.

"Let an old man feel useful," he said. "It's not everyday I get to escort two such lovely ladies."

"Aw, that's so sweet," Angela cooed and took Joe's offered arm.

He walked us out and promised to call me as soon as Edward showed up. He was on good terms with the man who managed the shelter, and could probably borrow his phone. Angela drove me home and went on and on about Joe.

"I mean, I just feel so bad that I always had such a misconception about homeless people," she said for the tenth time probably. "I need to talk to the partners in the firm about doing something for them down at the shelter."

I nodded, but was hardly paying attention to her rant. Joe's words had comforted me greatly, but I was still scared that something awful had happened to Edward. It was good to hear that he was an able fighter, but the two men had been almost as big as him and I couldn't imagine how he would be able to walk away from a fight like that.

"Do you want me to come up with you for a while?" Angela offered when she pulled over in front of my building.

"No thanks, Ang. You get home to Ben now. But thank you so much for all your help. I owe you big time."

"That's what I'm here for," she said and leaned over to hug me. "Call me the minute you hear from Joe, ok?"

"I will. Say hi to Ben for me," I said and stepped out into the cold night.

Once upstairs I started pacing again. I stared at my phone, willing it to call so that I could relax again. I smoked a cigarette and finally decided to go to bed. Joe had said that he would probably call me in the morning, and I might as well try to get some sleep. I looked at the rumpled sheets that Edward and I had slept in weeks ago, and decided to finally change them. I had found him again, and now I needed to focus on the future rather than the past. Plus, they were pretty fucking disgusting by now. A little later I lay in the clean bed and stared at the ceiling. I really needed to get some sleep.

_Joe knows Edward much better than you do, and if he says that he's probably alright you have no reason to doubt that. He will call in the morning, and then everything will be alright._

But everything wasn't alright. After a night of the usual dreams I woke up and looked at the alarm. It was seven and Joe hadn't called. I went to work and tried to keep my spirits high. My cell phone was set to vibrate in my pocket all day, and it only rang once when Angela checked in to ask if I had heard anything. That night I was a nervous wreck. It had been twenty-four hours since I had seen Edward, and there had been no word from Joe. I was about to start making dinner although I wasn't hungry, when suddenly my cell phone started ringing. I flew up and answered it immediately.

"Hello?" I said quickly.

"Is this Bella?"

"Yes, Joe?"

"Good, it is you," he said and sounded relieved.

_Thank god! Edward is safe!_

"Is he alright?" I asked quickly.

There was a pregnant pause on the other end and I felt my blood turn cold.

"Joe, is he hurt?" I squeaked out, barely able to recognize my own voice.

"I'm sorry I haven't called sooner, but I've been a little busy here. I found Edward this afternoon."

"Yes?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"He was able to get away from the men it seems, but he's pretty banged up."

"Is he alright?"

Another long pause.

"He's sick."

_What? Oh no!_

"He was outside all night and most of today before I found him. He had hid in an alley behind a dumpster and I think he must have passed out. He's running a high fever and coughing a lot. Bella, they, uh, the people who run the shelter, they want to get him to the hospital. He can't stay here because they're worried that he might be contagious."

"Ok?" I said.

"But, he doesn't have any health insurance that I know of, and he keeps asking for you."

"He does?"

"He's in and out of consciousness and he calls for you in his sleep. Apparently, he can talk when he isn't awake. Frankly, I'm at a bit of a loss here. I know that Edward doesn't want to go to the hospital for any reason. He even tried to leave the shelter when they told him."  
I could sense the desperation in Joe's voice. If Edward left the shelter and walked the streets he would die out there in his weakened state.

"Bring him here Joe, please, can you do that?"

"I'm ashamed to admit this, but I don't have enough money for a cab, and he can hardly walk," Joe said.

"Don't worry, I'll pay the fare. Please, can you just get him here, and I'll take care of him, I swear," I pleaded with him.

"I will. It won't be easy to convince him to let me take him to your place, but I'll get him to you even if I have to knock him out. The guy is too stubborn for his own good sometimes," Joe said.

Relief flooded over me and I took a deep breath.

_Edward is alive and he's coming here. I have to make him well again!_

"Thank you Joe, thank you so much," I croaked as the unshed tears made my voice hoarse and gravelly.

I told him my address and he promised to come as soon as possible. After I hung up the phone I went into a state of almost panic. Edward had a fever and was coughing, and I didn't have a clue how to care for a sick person. What do you do when you need help? Call your mom. That's what I always did anyway. I picked up the phone and dialed her number quickly.

"Hey baby, I was just thinking about you. How are you?"  
I almost started bawling then and there. The sound of my mother's voice made the tears well up in my eyes, and I held the phone away for a second and took a deep breath. I didn't have time to get into everything about Edward, and knowing my mother she would want to gab about this for hours. She was very free-spirited and the news that her daughter had experienced a night of sex with a handsome stranger would be equivalent to her winning the lottery. She had always thought I was stupid for moving in with Mike and settling for him, and as it turned out, she had been absolutely right.

"Hi mom, I'm fine. Look, I don't have a lot of time and I need to ask you something."

"Shoot."

"I have a friend who's sick and I don't really know what to do for someone with a high fever who's coughing."

"Is it a boy?"

_A boy? What am I, sixteen?_

"No, it's a man to be perfectly honest," I said, and suddenly felt very tired.

"You've met someone! I just knew it! My tea leaves told me that you would find happiness soon."

_She said what now?!_

"Whoa! Hold on there. Your…_tea leaves_?"

_Isn't that a surefire sign of insanity if inanimate objects start talking to you?!_

"Yes, their very accurate and not many people know this," she said conspiratorially. "I learned all about it when I went to that retreat in the desert. I'm Wiccan now!"

_Great, just what I need. Another one of mom's temporary obsessions._

"So, what? You dance around naked under the full moon and worship nature and stuff?" I couldn't stop myself from asking.

"Actually the nudity is optional, but I figured that," she started.

"Sorry, mom. I'd love to hear about your naked escapades another time, but now I really need your help. He's got a high fever and is coughing a lot. He's been outside in the cold all night."

"Well, willow bark tea is great for bringing down a fever, catnip is also good for that plus it helps getting over a cold, and,"

"MOM!"

"What? Honey, you asked for my help."  
"Mom, I need regular people remedies for this one," I moaned. "We're talking drugs and chicken soup. Stuff like that. Please just forget that you're a witch or whatever for two seconds, and tell me what you did when I was sick as a kid."

"Fine, but when you visit me this summer you're coming with me to a Sabbath."  
_Blackmail!_

"Agreed, but I'm not taking my clothes off," I growled and looked around for a cigarette.

"Ok, listen up, honey. Fluids and bed rest are pretty much key. Does he have pneumonia?"

"I don't know," I admitted.

"If it's just the flu, you should be fine with some over the counter cough medicine and Aspirin to keep the fever down. Keep him away from dairy because that could cause more phlegm. Soup is good. Crackers, juice, herbal tea with honey. Maybe some lozenges."

"Thank you, mom. That helps a lot," I breathed out and scribbled down everything she told me.

"Sure, honey. Let me know how it works out, and when he's all better you call me and tell me everything, ok?"

"Ok," I agreed. "Thanks mom, say hi to Phil for me."

"I will, and sweetie?"

"Yeah."

"Sponge baths are great, too."

"BYE MOM!"

I could hear her laughing when I hung up the phone.

_It's a miracle that I turned out relatively normal!_

I didn't know how long it would be before Joe and Edward arrived but didn't want to leave the apartment. I decided to give Angela a call and see if maybe she could pick up all the stuff for me. Luckily she had the time and promised to bring it by shortly. I found an old t shirt of Mike's and some sweatpants that Edward could wear to bed. I figured that I could always go out and buy some pajamas or something like that tomorrow and this should be fine for tonight.

I could feel how nervous I was getting. I didn't know what condition Edward was in, or how he would feel about being brought here. I decided against calling the Alice woman again until I had talked to Edward about it. He might have a very good reason for avoiding his family, and I didn't want to cause any trouble.

Angela arrived with all the supplies that I had asked for and I thanked her profusely. She wanted to stay, but as usual she had to rush across town to a meeting. She told me to call if I needed anything else. I was so thankful to have her in my life, and I didn't know what I would have done without all her help.

I sat the window and looked down on the street, and after what might as well have been a lifetime of waiting, a taxi pulled up. I grabbed my purse and ran downstairs with my heart in my throat. Joe was trying to haul Edward out of the cab, and I quickly threw some money at the driver and rushed to his side. Edward was barely able to stand on his own, and Joe was struggling to keep him upright. We got him inside somehow and laid him down on the bed. I was about to remove his boots when he grabbed my hand and pulled me down to sit next to him on the bed. I finally got a good look at him when Joe turned on a lamp by the door.

_Oh god, no! What have I done to him?!  
_Edward was sporting a black eye, a split lip and a nasty bruise on the right side of his forehead. His skin was sickly white and tiny beads of perspiration were covering his face. His good eye was watery from the fever and his entire body was trembling. I felt my stomach convulse and nearly threw up then and there.

_I did that to him! He's all messed up because I went down there to see him!_

But I had to get a grip and help Edward now. I swallowed a couple of time, and looked at him again.

'I'm sorry,' he mouthed and gripped my hand tighter.

"Edward," I choked out. "I'm the one who's sorry. They never would have done this to you if it hadn't been for me."

He raised his hand, presumably to touch my face but he gave up halfway because he barely had the strength to lift it. I did it for him and held it against my cheek. He gave me a weak smile.

'Bella,' he said silently and stroked my cheek with his thumb.

It felt like our special touch already, and I reached my hand down to caress the side of his face, as well. He moved his head slightly when he saw what my intentions were.

"No, dirty," he mouthed.

"Do you think I care about that?" I said, and cupped his face in my hand. "You're here, and that's all that matters to me."

He was about to say something else, but started coughing violently and turned his face away.

"Joe, can you help me get him into some new clothes and under the covers?" I asked.

We removed Edward's rags and I saw more bruises on his torso and upper arms.

_Fuck, what did they do to him?!_

He was shivering and his skin seemed to be very sensitive to the touch. After we got him under the covers, I propped him up with some pillows.

"I'll be right back," I said and touched his face again.

He nodded weakly and closed his good eye. Joe followed me into the kitchen where I got some cough medicine and Aspirin to help bring down the fever. I helped Edward take the medicine, and carefully washed his face. He was so exhausted and I could see his unharmed eye starting to close, but it was as if he was forcing himself to stay awake.

"Sleep," I told him softly and stroked his hair.

He shook his head and took my free hand, gripping it tightly in his.

"You need your rest." I whispered. "I'll be right here when you wake up,"

'Stay,' he said silently, and pleaded with his eyes.

"I'll stay here until you fall asleep, ok?"

He nodded and reluctantly closed his eye. I heard Joe leave the bedroom, and stroked Edward's hair again. I started humming to him, and saw his mouth curve up in a small smile before his breathing got deeper and regular. I noticed an unhealthy wheezing sound whenever he exhaled and it made my heart ache. Soon he was fast asleep and I tiptoed out of the bedroom to join Joe in the kitchen.

The second Edward was out of earshot, the brave face that I had put on for him dissolved. I felt it all come crashing down on me; missing Edward so much for those three weeks, finally finding him but then losing him again after only a few minutes, worrying like crazy that he might have been harmed, and finally seeing the strong beautiful man, who I had fallen in love with, so completely weak and broken because of something I had done. It was too much to keep inside and I flopped down on one of my kitchen chairs and started crying uncontrollably.

_I'm so sorry, Edward!_

I felt Joe's hand on my shoulder, awkwardly patting me.

"I did that to him," I sobbed into my hands. "He's hurt because of me, Joe! How can he not hate me now?"

"Hey, hey. Listen to me now, Bella," Joe said and made me look at him.

He had taken a seat next to me and looked very serious. I sniffed and tried to get my breathing under control.

"Edward and I are some of the last men of a dying breed, I'm afraid. We see it as our responsibility to protect those who can't defend themselves. Now, I can't tell you how many times Edward has taken a few hits for trying to help a woman or a child, but I can tell you that he has never regretted doing it, not even for a second."

"But," I started.

"No Bella. Edward could never be angry with you for something like that. I know he seemed upset with you at the shelter, but that was only because he was afraid that something would happen to you down there. I think he's most upset about making you cry, to be perfectly honest."

"Why would you think that?" I asked.

"Because it was the first thing he wrote down and asked me today, after I told him that you were ok. He asked if you were still upset with him."

_But I was only crying because I thought that he was angry with me!_

"Oh," I said lamely.

"You should just focus on getting him better now, and then the two of you can work all the rest of it out, I'm sure," he said with a smile.

I nodded and suddenly my stomach growled.

"Are you hungry?" I asked Joe.

"A little," he said with a shrug.

"I was starting dinner when you called me. Do you wanna join me?" I asked him.

"That's the best offer I've gotten all day," he grinned.

"Do you wanna watch some TV while I cook?"

"You wouldn't happen to have any books around here by any chance? I haven't read anything new in a while," he said.

I almost laughed.

"I guess Edward never told you what I do for a living," I stated.

He shook his head and looked at me curiously.

"I'm a librarian," I said with a grin and motioned for him to follow me into the living room.

"Take your pick," I told him and pointed to my huge bookcase which was overflowing.

Joe's eyes lit up and he started picking up books and reading their back covers. He seemed to genuinely love literature, and he was such a nice man and a wonderful friend to Edward. I was so grateful for all his help today, and he certainly deserved some relaxation after having searched for him all day.

"What would you like to drink?" I asked him. "You can sit in here and read if you'd like, and I can just call you when dinner's ready."

He gave me a look of appreciation.

"If that boy doesn't marry you immediately, I might have to knock some sense into his thick head," he said. "And water is just fine, thank you."

I smiled and got it for him.

_Marry me? Not even I'm that delusional. But he's here now though, and I never thought that would happen again._

I checked on Edward right before we sat down to dinner, and he was still sleeping peacefully. Joe and I ate together in the kitchen and shared lively discussions about literature. We were cleaning up when suddenly I heard Edward cry out unintelligible words. I rushed into the bedroom and found him thrashing around the bed completely tangled up in the sheets.

_Nightmare._

I sat down on the bed and shook him lightly.

"Edward, wake up," I said.

His face contorted into a mask of pain and he screamed loudly.

"No, he's just a kid! Let me go!"

He trembled and I saw tears running down his cheeks. Out of nowhere he shot up on the bed and threw his arms around me. I gasped when I felt his strong arms encircle me and he buried his face in my shoulder. He was panting heavily and still shaking so violently that the headboard rattled against the wall.

"Shh, I'm right here," I whispered. "I'm right here."

I felt his grip on me tighten even further and he let out a strangled sob.

"I'm not going anywhere," I said quietly and ran my fingers through his damp hair. "Let me help you, Edward."

I started humming to him again. I had no particular melody in mind and it seemed that the sound was enough to calm him down because soon I felt him relax against me, and his head rested on my shoulder. I kept running my fingers through his hair until he started to sway a little against me, and I knew he was close to falling asleep again. I made him lie down and felt his forehead with my hand. He was still burning up and I got a cold wash cloth and placed on his heated skin. Joe came in and told me that he should get going, but after a little convincing on my part he decided to spend the night on the couch.

Edward's good eye was starting to droop again, and I wasn't sure if he was awake or not anymore. Maybe he was just teetering on the edge of sleep. I stroked his cheek with my hand and suddenly his lips turned up in a beautiful crooked smile.

"My angel, my Bella," he whispered before his eye closed completely.

**Hmm…Was he asleep or awake when he said that?**

**I should mention that I have nothing against the army or the police, and that all of this is fiction. I really don't wanna ruffle any feathers if some of you are either cops or army personnel. **

**I'll be going to my parents' with the baby for the holidays so the next chapter won't be up until next week.**

**Happy Easter and I hope you leave me a review. :) **


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Wow! A week goes by really fast, huh?! Not posting until after the holidays didn't really work out, after all.**

**Are you sorry? Yeah, didn't think so. I suddenly had an entire day to myself and just started typing away. I'll be leaving for my parents' in the morning, so this WILL be the last update for a while. Maybe if my mom takes the kid off my hands I'll be able to write something, but it's highly unlikely. **

**Thank you for all your lovely reviews and as always, a special thanks to my beta on this story, Melanie (or Edward's Eternal) for Americanizing my language and awesome suggestions. **

**Enjoy!**

EPOV

I loved my dreams these days. They were so vivid. My angel would be by my side, touching my face, holding my hand. I would hear her sweet voice talking to me, telling me that I would be alright. I believed her, of course. In my dreams, when she was with me everything was perfect. I didn't want to wake up, but I felt her fade away from my vision slowly, and then I would concentrate on her voice.

"Sleep, Edward. You're going to get better, I promise."

_Sleep? What is my sweet angel talking about? I'm already asleep, dreaming all of this._

Then the humming would begin. I didn't recognize the melody but it soothed me so much. I wasn't afraid of the darkness that usually followed the humming. It was part of the dreams these days, and she would always return with more touching and talking. I wished I never had to wake up.

_Here the dark comes again. Welcome. My angel will be at my side again shortly._

* * *

I felt a burning in my chest and suddenly I couldn't breathe. It felt as though my windpipe was clogged and I coughed loudly, trying to get some air. I felt my abdominal muscles contract as my body lifted from the surface I was lying on, and I coughed again.

_Why does it burn when I breathe?_

I shook my head and tried to open my eyes. They burned as well.

_Am I on fire? What is going on?!_

I felt my hands at my side and raised them up to my face. No, I wasn't on fire. I rubbed my eyes and opened them slowly. I squinted although the room was dimly lit and looked around, trying to figure out where I was. The room was small with beige colored walls. There was a chair, a dresser, a closet, and a small TV angled towards the bed I was sitting on. The sheets were rumpled and slightly damp.

I suddenly registered a pain in my lower abdomen, a pressure that needed to be relieved badly.

_I have to pee and really soon!_

I started to swing my legs out of bed, but once again felt the burning in my chest erupt into a loud drawn-out cough.

"Hey, let me help you," I heard someone say.

_Who's here?!_

My instincts were on immediate alert, and I felt my muscles tighten and protest violently. My heart thundered in my chest as I looked to where the voice was coming from. A girl was approaching me fast and I flinched when she touched my arm. I was very close to lashing out at her, but something in the rational part of my brain stopped me at the last second. She looked confused and took a step back, and I relaxed a little.

"Um, I'm Angela, remember?" she asked carefully. "We met yesterday?"

_We did? I don't think so._

"I'm Bella's friend," she said.

_Bella! My angel! _

Suddenly it dawned on me where I was. This was Bella's bedroom. I had made love to her in this very bed, we had watched sitcoms on that TV and I had left her the note and dog tag on the night stand, which was now cluttered with…medicine?

_What the hell is going on? Where is Bella? How did I get here?_

I looked at the girl again, but had zero recollection of ever having met her before. She had dark hair, olive skin and was wearing a business suit. I cleared my throat which was really sore.

"You're sick. Don't try to speak," she said quickly.

_Not that I would if I could, err… Angela._

I think I rolled my eyes at her, and she looked regretful.

"Sorry, I wasn't thinking," she said.

I waved my hand dismissively.

_Don't worry about it._

The pressure in my bladder was becoming exceedingly painful and I really needed to use the bathroom. I tried to move off the bed, but I was so weak that I could hardly make it.

"You shouldn't get up," she protested softly.

I gave her what I hoped was a look of distress.

_If I end up wetting Bella's bed I will kill myself!_

I pointed to my groin area and then to the hallway. She furrowed her eyebrows for a couple of seconds.

"Oh! You need the bathroom?" she asked.

I nodded eagerly and tried to get up again.

"Can I…Can I give you a hand?" she asked hesitantly.

I didn't like being touched by strangers, and had avoided it fairly successfully in the past. But I knew that this girl, Angela, didn't pose a threat and although I didn't remember meeting her before, I felt that I could trust her when she was friends with my angel. I nodded and she helped me to stand. My knees nearly gave out under my weight, and I leaned heavily on Angela for support.

_Sorry, I hope I'm not too heavy._

"Let's go," she said and started walking slowly. "Bella will be home soon."

_Bella! I get to see Bella!_

I wished that I could ask Angela what I was doing here, and where Bella was. But my need for the bathroom far outweighed anything else at the moment. I felt as weak as a newborn kitten, and was thankful that the small woman at my side was surprisingly strong and able to keep me on my feet.

"I'll be just outside the door," she told me as I staggered into the bathroom and relieved myself.

I washed my hands and looked in the mirror.

_Hello, Grizzly Adams! Fuck, I look horrible!_

My stubble had pretty much turned into a beard, and my hair was all over the place. I had a bruise near my temple and the skin around my eye was swollen and purple. I couldn't believe that my angel had to see me like this. I wished that I was strong enough to take a shower and shave before Bella returned, but there was no way I would be able to do that just now. I leaned on the sink and opened the door. Angela was waiting outside with a ready shoulder for support and helped me back into the bedroom. When we were by the bed she hesitated.

"Edward, do you think that you could sit in the chair for a few minutes?" she asked. "It might be nice for you to have some fresh sheets on the bed."

I looked at the wrinkled sheets and nodded. This girl was very nice, and I immediately understood why Bella was friends with her. She helped me sit down and started changing the sheets. I suddenly noticed an air mattress on the floor next to the bed and frowned. I cleared my throat to get Angela's attention and she looked at me curiously. I pointed to the air mattress.

"Oh, Bella's been sleeping in here with you at night," she said matter-of-factly. "It was easier when you woke up and needed something."

_Oh no! I took her bed and she had to sleep on the fucking floor!_

I felt horrible that my angel had had to relinquish her soft warm bed for a goddamn air mattress because of me. And Angela said that she had been up during the night to help me? How long had I been here? I had no idea how much time had passed since the day when Joe had found me behind the dumpster. Hearing him tell me that Bella was ok and that she had gone home with a girlfriend was the last thing I remembered. Everything else was a blur, and all I remembered was the fact that my angel had been at my side.

Angela had finished making the bed and helped me into it. I wanted to thank her and patted her hand twice and looked at her.

"You're welcome," she said with a smile. "Are you thirsty?"

I was parched but my throat still felt like it was on fire. I nodded but motioned to my burning throat first. Angela narrowed her eyes for a few seconds, and I could see that she was trying to figure out what I meant.

"Sorry," she said with a sigh. "I wish Bella was here. She seems to understand everything you tell her."

_What have we talked about? I don't remember any of this._

"You want a drink," she said slowly and I nodded. "But…your throat is sore?"

_Yes! She can do this. _

I smiled brightly for the first time since I had woken up. Angela broke into a huge grin.

"Yeah, I can see what she meant now," she said pensively. "Even with the Gandalf beard you're quite the looker."

_Hey, my beard isn't that long! Wait, did Bella talk to Angela and said that I was good-looking? _

I felt myself smile even more, and Angela laughed a little and walked out. She came back with some juice and cough medicine. She suddenly reached her hand out to my face and I flinched.

"Oh, sorry," she said quickly. "I just wanted to feel if you still have a fever."

_God, will these involuntary reactions never stop?_

'I'm sorry,' I enunciated silently and pointed to my forehead to give her permission.

She put her hand on me and nodded.

"You're still pretty warm," she said. "How do you feel?"

_That's a hard question to answer without words, Angela._

I shrugged and she seemed to understand.

"Do you feel sick to your stomach?" she asked.

I shook my head. I was hungry, though. Starving, actually.

"Are you cold?"

_Nope._

"Do you have any pain in your lungs? Bella said you were wheezing earlier when you breathed."

_Pneumonia, without a doubt._

I held up my hand and pretended to write in the air, hoping that she would understand that I wanted a pen and paper. She got them for me and I quickly scribbled down that I probably had a mild case of pneumonia.

"Yeah, that makes sense. You probably need antibiotics then, right?"

I nodded.

"Do you have a doctor?" she asked carefully.

I shook my head and frowned. How would I get the medicine then?

"Don't worry," Angela said suddenly. "I know a guy, who knows a guy."

She tapped her nose with her index finger.

"Mum's the word though, right?"

I grinned and pretended to zip my mouth shut, lock it and throw away the key. It made her laugh.

_I like this girl. I'm glad that Bella has a friend like her._

"Anyway, I brought you these lozenges," she said and held out a pack for me. "They numb the throat a little, so you can probably drink something afterwards."

I popped one in my mouth and sucked on it. I could feel it numb my tongue a little and tried to swallow.

_Shit, that's sore._

I heard the door being shut in the hallway and turned my head.

_My angel!_

Bella breezed into the room and I gawked at her, unabashed. She was so beautiful that it nearly took my breath away. Her cheeks were pink, probably from being outside in the cold weather and her hair was windblown. She was wearing a wool coat and gloves. Her eyes shone brightly and lit up even further when they locked with mine.

"You're awake," she said with bright smile and walked over to me.

She sat down on the bed, removed her gloves and held her hand against my forehead. I sighed and leaned into her touch as she moved her hand to my cheek.

"I think you still have a bit of a fever," she said.

_I couldn't care less! You're here now, my sweet angel._

I held my trembling hand up and touched her cheek. It was icy cold but I didn't care. We looked at each other for the longest time and I could feel myself smiling widely.

"Well, when you two are done making googly eyes at each other," Angela said and laughed.

I felt myself blush for the second time in my life, and Bella did as well.

"Yes, what is it Ang?" she asked and looked at her friend.

"We should go over the schedule for tomorrow. I have to work all day and you do too, but Joe can come over," she said.

_Joe? What schedule?_

I made Bella turn her face to me and asked her with my eyes.

"We've been taking turns looking after you," she said.

I felt completely confused.

"He doesn't seem to remember meeting me yesterday," Angela said.

I shook my head.

"You've been pretty out of it," Bella said and stroked my cheek.

I tapped my wrist where my watch would have been if I had had one, trying to ask her how long I had been here.

"It's been three days," she answered immediately.

_How does she always just know what I mean? She is so amazing in every way! Wait, three days?!_

"You don't remember any of it, do you?" she asked and ran her fingers through my hair.

I closed my eyes and sighed again, completely absorbed in her touch. Angela cleared her throat in an obvious way and was grinning like a maniac when both Bella and I looked at her.

"I'm gonna go see about those antibiotics now," she said to me. "Mum, remember?"

I nodded and tapped my nose as she had done, and she laughed again before leaving with a wave of her hand.

"Do I wanna know?" Bella asked me curiously.

I shook my head and did the whole 'zipping up and throwing away the key' thing again.

"You two are having secrets together already. She must like you."

I gave her a smirk and a wink.

"Yeah, I should have known that you could charm her," Bella said with her beautiful smile. "Are you hungry?"

I nodded and my stomach growled loudly at the mention.

"I made some soup earlier when you were sleeping. You haven't had anything except water and juice, so you have to start out slowly."

I nodded and gave her hand a squeeze.

"I'll be right back," she said and walked out of the bedroom.

I sat there feeling momentarily dazed. I found myself back in heaven with my angel, and I had no idea how any of this had come to pass. I looked around her room. It felt as though I had never left here. I didn't feel like the man I was out on the streets. I felt like I was once again, dare I say it, the old version of Edward. It made sense since I left him here with her, and now that I had returned he was in me again. I felt happy.

Bella came back after a few minutes with a tray in her hands and gently placed it in my lap. The soup smelled incredible and my insides convulsed with hunger. But then I got a better look at her. She had removed her coat and was wearing a tight fitting shirt.

_She has definitely lost weight since I saw her last!_

When she had found me in the shelter, I had only been able to see it on her face but now I could see it everywhere. I frowned and motioned to her body.

'You're so thin,' I stated silently.

"I know, I know," she said with a sigh. "Angela's already been all over me about it. I'm eating everything I can get my hands on, I swear."

I nodded. That was good, at least. But I still didn't like that she hadn't been eating properly. I pointed to the soup and then to her.

"I can join you, if you'd like?" she asked.

I nodded eagerly. She left and came back with a bowl for herself. She sat in the chair next to the bed and started eating. I had wished that she would sit next to me on the bed, but at least I could still look at her now. I took spoonful and hesitated for a second and then swallowed. It burned all the way down, and I ended up coughing violently.

"Shit, are you ok?" she asked and took the bowl from me while I finished coughing.

I nodded and reached for the soup again. I was starving and I wanted it. I tried again and even though it still stung, I didn't cough. I ate everything and sighed. It was good to have something in my stomach again. Bella had also finished her soup and took my bowl. She put both on the tray and stood up.

"I'll be right back," she said and carried them out with her.

I relaxed against the headboard and closed my eyes. I was warm and felt a little drowsy. I must have been sleeping because I suddenly woke up when I felt something wet on my neck. My eyes flew up and Bella was sitting next to me, running a wash cloth over my skin. I gave her a smile and she dipped it in a bowl and continued to wash my face gently. I winced a little when she ran the cloth over my eye.

"Does it still hurt a lot?" she asked, and I could see her starting to tear up.

_Please don't cry, my angel. I can handle anything except your tears._

I took her hand and placed a kiss in the palm, just as I had done on the night when we first met.

"Edward, I'm so sorry," she said and a tear escaped the corner of her eye.

_Don't apologize. You have saved me again. _

"It's all my fault because I came looking for you down there. I should have known that it wasn't safe. I was just so scared and I needed to see that you were alright."

She had started breathing a little faster, and I could see that she about ready to start crying. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around her small frame. She melted into me and buried her face in my neck.

"Shh," I whispered soothingly and rubbed small circles on her back.

I breathed in deeply and closed my eyes to enjoy her sweet floral scent. I had missed her smell and she felt so good in my arms. How could I have left her that morning, when every fiber of my being now told me that this was where I belonged? That I was always meant to hold this tiny woman and comfort her, as she had comforted me. I felt complete again when she was close to me, and this was something that I never thought would happen. But logically it didn't make a lick of sense; I had only spent a few hours with her, at least as far as I remembered and I still had so much shit to deal with.

Bella sighed into my neck and pulled back. My whole body protested when it felt her retreat. It needed her touch and craved the feel of her. She looked deeply into my eyes, and at that moment I wanted nothing more than to kiss her. But I knew that this really wasn't a viable option since I still had no clue how we were supposed to have a relationship, and I was also fairly certain that my breath was terrible. Instead, I placed my hand on her cheek and she gave me a small smile while she wiped away a tear.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to fall apart on you like that," she said and took a deep breath. "Would you like some tea?"

I nodded and stroked her cheek. I wished that I could do something for her, offer her something in return for her incredible kindness. Bella went out to make the tea and kept my eyes glued to the door until she came back. I felt myself relax again the second I saw her and she handed me the mug.

"Do you wanna watch a movie?" she asked me.

_Only if you stay and watch it with me._

'With you,' I mouthed.

"Yes, with me," she said and smiled. "Do you want to pick something out?"

I shook my head and motioned for her to do it. I honestly didn't care what we watched. Movies were another luxury that I had had to forego, and just the prospect of one was a rare treat for me. Bella picked out a few and came over to show them to me. One was a movie I knew contained a war scene, and I immediately shook my head. I didn't want to watch anything like that ever again. I must have looked upset because she promptly threw it across the room, so it landed by the door.

"I hated that one anyway," she said with a grin. "It was Mike's and I only picked it out because it's more of a guy movie. I didn't think you would want to watch any of my girlie movies."

I smiled brightly. I didn't need a lot of action and violence on the screen. I had seen plenty of that in real life and a romantic comedy sounded perfect to me. I motioned to one that I hadn't seen before, but I knew the actress who starred in it.

"27 dresses?" she asked. "Why that one?"

I pointed to the girl on the cover and gave her the thumbs up.

"You like her?"

I nodded. I had seen the TV show she was in while I was stationed. All of the guys and I had agreed that we preferred her to the star of the show. It was a misconception that men preferred skinny women. The soldiers I had been in the service with all murmured appreciatively when the curvy actress came onto the screen, and the scene where she had taken off everything except her underwear made us all cheer.

"Yeah, if you like that blonde bombshell thing," Bella muttered under her breath.

I quickly shook my head and ran my fingers through her dark wavy hair.

"You prefer brunettes?" she asked and quirked an eyebrow at me.

I nodded and smiled. I definitely preferred my angel to all other women I had ever known. My comment about her hair seemed to please her because she gave me a beautiful smile, and then looked at the bird's nest on my head. I ran my hand through it and rolled my eyes. I knew I looked like crap, and there was no way Bella hadn't noticed this too.

"Maybe when we've watched the movie I could help you take a bath," she suggested cautiously.

I blanched. How would that work exactly? I really wanted to get cleaned up and I knew that I probably wouldn't have the strength to walk to the bathroom on my own. But would she actually help me get in the tub?

"I mean, I've, uh, I've seen you naked before," she said quietly and looked down to hide her face.

_She's blushing again! I love that about her._

"You don't have to, of course," she added timidly.

I decided that if she didn't have a problem with it, then neither did I. Sharing a shower room with nine other men for as long as I had done, had eradicated any shyness I might have felt about being naked in front of other people.

I would actually like to have the bath now before we watched the movie, and I motioned to the hallway and smiled while I started to get out of bed.

"Oh, you want it now?" she asked.

_Yes, my angel. Then I'll be clean, and I hope that means that you'll sit on the bed with me and watch the movie. _

Bella helped me into the bathroom and started to fill the tub.

"Do you want bubble bath?" she asked curiously.

I laughed a little and it came out like a hoarse bark.

_Why the hell not? I'm secure enough with my sexuality for something like that. _

I nodded and smiled. She poured some in the water and stifled a laugh when she thought I wasn't watching her face. Yeah, so maybe I was acting like a big girl with the chick flick and bubble bath, but I couldn't care less about that. I had always been such a manly type man and this was nice for a change. I imagined how my old army buddies would react if they saw me in a flowery smelling tub filled with bubbles, and then curled up in bed watching a chick movie afterwards.

_They would laugh their asses off and call you a fag!_

There had always been a competition going on in the barracks about who the best man was. Everything was factored in; from the size of their dicks, how many one-handed pushups they could do, to how many hot girls they had fucked and how many beers they could chug in one night without vomiting. I had always just laughed good-naturedly at their antics and refused to participate. They all knew that I wasn't a big drinker and that I was in a serious relationship, so I didn't have much to compete with. The size of my dick was impressive but since I didn't screw around, I wasn't a competitor in the quest for getting the local girls in bed when we were off the base.

But I was strong, fast and a loyal friend. Everyone knew this and I had become close with all of them, despite my refusal to become a whoring and drinking idiot whenever we were on leave. Even if I hadn't been married, I wouldn't ever have done what my soldier buddies did with those anonymous girls. I needed a deeper connection with the woman and casual sex had never seemed appealing to me. Don't get me wrong; I enjoyed an all night fuck-fest as much as the next guy, but I couldn't do that with just anybody. My ex-wife loved sex but even with her there had been something missing. She liked it hard and rough, and as much as I loved fucking her senseless, I also missed the gentler aspects of sex even though I had never really experienced them. Until Bella came along. The way that I had made love to her was unlike anything I had ever experienced. It had been slow and tender at first and completely mind blowing when we climaxed together. I had held her hands during and even spooned her afterwards. My ex-wife hated stuff like that. She would give me a quick peck on the lips and fall asleep on her side of the bed. But Bella had let me hold her and kiss her neck, as she dozed off.

I should have known immediately that I couldn't walk away from her without there being severe consequences. I should have realized that it would change me, and that I would be miserable without her afterwards. Did that mean that I regretted having made love to my angel? Fuck no. It was the best night of my life, and even the agony in the weeks that followed without her couldn't have made me regret it.

And now I was here with her again, and she was smiling at me while she filled the tub. She helped me out of my clothes and averted her eyes when I pulled down my boxers. She looked so shy and blushed furiously when she stood by my side and supported me when I crawled into the warm water. I sighed deeply when it enveloped my tired body and I leaned back against the side. Bella brought down the shower head and turned it on. Without even having to ask for her help she rinsed my hair and I closed my eyes. She started to wash it, gently massaging my scalp and I moaned softly.

_God, that feels incredible. I wish I could tell her._

I hadn't felt this cared for since I was a child, and I thoroughly enjoyed her touch.

"Lean back your head," she said, and rinsed my hair.

She repeated the entire process and then started to wash my back. All too soon the water started to get colder and Bella helped me stand. She rinsed the suds off my body, and I saw that she was blushing again. When I got out of the tub I quickly dried off and put on a clean pair of boxers that she handed me. I hoped that she would be less shy around me when I was covered up and thankfully it worked.

"I got you these," she said and handed me a brand new pair of pajamas.

_She bought those for me?_

I stared at her in disbelief. No one had bought me anything in a long time, and I couldn't believe that she was so generous.

"You don't have to wear them if you don't like them," she said quickly.

I touched the soft fabric with my hand. Was she kidding me?

'I love them,' I mouthed and gave her a smile.

Her face lit up and she helped me put them on. She stood in front of me and buttoned it up and I stared down at the gorgeous woman who had once again saved my life. She looked up at me and touched my beard with the tips of her fingers.

"You look tired," she said. "Maybe we should wait for this until tomorrow."

I nodded. I was feeling exhausted and I was already longing for the bed again. I pointed to my teeth and hoped that she had an extra toothbrush I could borrow.

"I already got you one," she said and pointed to the sink.

There, next to her pink toothbrush, was a blue one. It was such a small gesture really, and yet it gave me a flutter in my stomach. I smiled widely and after I had brushed thoroughly, Bella helped me back in bed. I pulled up the covers and smiled again. How many times had I smiled today already? It was more than I had done in the weeks without her. That was for damn sure. My angel went into the kitchen to make us some more tea and placed the mugs on the nightstand along with a plate of biscuits.

"Movie time?" she asked, and I nodded.

She popped in the DVD and I noticed that she was about to sit in the chair again.

_Please don't sit all the way over there. I need to feel you._

I was being absurd, of course. The chair was a mere three feet away from the bed but it seemed like miles all of a sudden. I never thought I would see her again and here I was, about to have a wonderful night in her company again. It was amazing how things turned out sometimes, even for a man like me. I pulled back the covers next to me, and patted the mattress with my hand.

_Please sit here with me, my sweet angel._

Bella was at my side in seconds, and it thrilled me that she wanted to be this close to me. She started the movie and reached over my body to grab her tea from the nightstand. I took the opportunity to smell her hair, and once again found myself smiling like an idiot. We had only watched about fifteen minutes when Angela showed up.

"Well, you two look cozy," she said with a grin, and I couldn't stop myself from giving her a wink.

"Here are the antibiotics and you have to take all of them. Even if you start feeling better it's important that you finish the treatment," she said and placed the small box on the nightstand.

I nodded. I knew that already.

"Thank you so much, Angela," Bella said and picked them up to read the instructions on the box.

"You're looking better, Edward. But what's with the whole Gimli beard still?" she asked with a grin.

I rolled my eyes at her and resisted the urge to give her the finger.

_I don't think we're close enough for that sort of thing just yet._

"We're doing that tomorrow," Bella said absentmindedly and didn't take her eyes off the box of antibiotics.

"Oh, I can give you a haircut too if you'd like," she suddenly added and looked at me.

'Really?' I asked her silently and raised my eyebrows.

"I used to cut my dad's hair, it's no big deal," she said.

_No big deal? There's nothing this girl can't do. She is perfect!_

I nodded and gave her hand a squeeze.

"Ooh, I love that movie," Angela said and pointed to the TV. "Can I stay and watch with you guys?"

_Crap! I like you and all, Angela, but I really wanna be alone with Bella tonight. _

My feelings must have been displayed clearly on my face, because she smirked at me.

"I'm just kidding. You two have fun, and I have to get home to Ben anyway," she said.

_Ben? That must be her boyfriend._

"Say hi to him for me," Bella said. "Oh, did you get a hold of Joe?"  
"Yeah, I gave him one of my old cell phones. He's coming over tomorrow to look after the patient."

I was happy to hear that. I missed my friend and I was thrilled that Bella and Angela accepted him completely. Not many would do that when it came to homeless people. Angela left and gave me a wink when Bella wasn't watching. Then she made a kissy face and pointed to Bella with a grin.

_What are we, in the fifth grade? Of course I'm gonna try and kiss her!_

We started the movie again after I had taken the antibiotics and Bella snuggled closer to me. She was sitting so close that I could feel the warmth of her body on my arm. The movie was actually pretty funny and I barked out couple of throaty laughs which made Bella smile brightly.

"I like hearing you laugh," she said softly and turned her head to look at me.

Her eyes gazed into mine and the air around us was suddenly charged with electricity. My heart was beating wildly in my chest as I moved my face closer to hers. She licked her bottom lip and angled her face slightly.

_Kiss her! _

She was so close that I could feel her breath on my face coming out fast through her slightly parted lips. She started to close her eyes and I did the same as the distance between us became smaller and smaller. Every cell in my body was tingling, and I felt her soft warm lips against mine, barely touching.

_This is it! Kiss her now!_

"What the hell is going on here?!" someone shouted from across the room.

_FUCK!!!_

**God, I hate cock-blockers, don't you? I think you can guess who it is. :) **

**The TV show I referred to was of course Grey's Anatomy, and you can Google Grizzly Adams to see what he looks like (scary hairy dude!) **

**I mentioned a few Lord of the Rings characters as well, who I am assuming that everyone knows. **

**I'm not gonna do all this explaining at the end of every chapter, and in stead I encourage you to use Google or Urbandictionary if there are references you aren't familiar with. **

**Did you like this chapter? I have no idea if army guys actually have those kinds of competitions, but it doesn't seem that farfetched. ;) **

**A lot of people have asked me if I have any experience with either homelessness or being in the army, and the answer is 'no' on both counts. My fiancé was stationed in Bosnia before we met, but the only action he saw was playing Counterstrike on the computer down there. I am making all this up, but I do spend time doing research online for each chapter to make the story as accurate as possible.**

**Ok, I'll shut up now.**

**Leave me a review if you want me to shave Edward's beard. ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**I hope everyone had a nice Easter. I got almost no writing done but did manage to finish this chapter. **

**Thank you for all your reviews and PMs (I'll try to write back to all of you, but I'm so busy right now, sorry) and as always a special thanks to my awesome beta Melanie who makes my gibberish readable, and keeps me in line when I throw a ridiculous amount of 'F-bombs' in Bella's language. ;) **

**To my 'Taken' readers: I've started on the next chapter and it will be up sometime this week.**

**This chapter continues where the last one ended. **

**Enjoy!**

BPOV

We were so close to kissing each other. I was feeling both lightheaded and dizzy as Edward's lips almost touched mine. I had hoped that this would happen once he started feeling better, and I had been so nervous that he might try to keep a distance between us. But he seemed to want me close by and I was happy to give him what he wanted. I closed my eyes and waited for the kiss that I had craved ever since the morning I discovered that he had left me.

_Kiss me, Edward. I want you. I want everything with you._

"What the hell is going on here?!" I heard an unwelcome, but familiar voice yell.

I barely had time to register that someone had interfered, before Edward had pulled me down on my back and jumped on top of me. His body covered mine completely and he let out a low growl. My heart jumped in my chest and my pulse thundered in my ears. I could feel every inch of Edward's firm body against mine and his sharp breaths against the side of my face. He was so close, pinning me to the mattress with all his strength, and I reached my hand up to his cheek. He flinched when I touched him, but I turned his face towards mine and our eyes met. His were wide and panicked but also determined.

'Sorry,' he mouthed and clenched his jaw.

Suddenly it all made sense; Edward was shielding my body from what he perceived to be a threat. He was protecting me the only way he could in his weakened state by forcing the intruder to go through him to get to me. The realization that he cared this much about me made my heart pound even harder in my chest and the butterflies in my stomach fluttered like crazy. Only seconds had passed since our impending kiss had been interrupted, and I stroked Edward's cheek to calm him down.

"Get off her!" Mike squealed from somewhere in the room, and I could hear him moving towards us.

Edward let out another low growl and pressed his body against mine more firmly.

"It's ok," I whispered in his ear. "Let me up."

His eyes met mine again and he raised his eyebrows. I nodded and gave him a small smile when I felt his tense muscles starting to relax and he slowly moved off me. I sat up and turned my head towards our intruder, who was none other than my ex-boyfriend Mike.

_EX-boyfriend, Mike!_

I looked at the man who I had spent the last three years with, and who had lived with me in this apartment the past six months. He looked the same as always; slightly over-weight, blonde hair, blue eyes, pasty complexion and wearing one of his ill-fitting business suits. I stared at him and found him to be lacking in every way. How could I ever have been attracted to this man when everything about him put me off now? Had I even really wanted him at one point or had I just felt flattered that someone of the opposite sex paid attention to me?

_Definitely the latter. I never liked his hands on me and his company wasn't that great either. How the hell could I have wasted the last three years of my life being with him?_

He was gaping at Edward and his face was a distorted mask of unbridled disgust.

"What the hell are you doing here, Mike?" I snarled at him.

I felt Edward flinch next to me, probably because he now understood who the man in my bedroom was.

"I came to see you," he said, but didn't take his eyes off Edward who was now leaning into my body next to me.

"Why?" I asked.

He was about to answer but I realized that I didn't even care about his reason.

"You know what? I don't even care why you're here," I said and moved off the bed.

I felt Edward take my hand, and I looked at him and gave him a reassuring smile. He let go and I walked over to Mike.

"Hand it over," I ordered and held out my hand.

He gave me a blank look and blinked a couple of times.

"The key! Give me the goddamn key!"

"But," he started.

"Hand over my fucking key, Mike!" I growled in a tone that left zero room for discussion.

He reached into his pocket and put it in my outstretched hand. I turned and tossed it to Edward. He caught it and he looked shocked for a few seconds before his face lit up with a huge smile. Our eyes met and I gave him a wink before I turned to Mike again.

"Get out," I told him.

"But Pookie," he protested and pouted.

_Ugh! I forgot about the pet name! _

"Don't call me that," I said and scowled at him. "I hate that cutesy name. Now get out."

"But I want you back!" he said, as if that somehow changed everything.

"So?" I asked.

"I, uh, I thought you wanted that too," he said.

"Whatever gave you that impression? The fact that I didn't hesitate to kick you out, or the fact that I have another man in my bed?" I asked condescendingly.

"Him?!" Mike asked incredulously and pointed to Edward. "He looks like Magnum P.I!"

_What a fucking imbecile! Magnum had a moustache for crying out loud, not a full beard._

I heard Edward chuckle softly behind me and when I turned to look at him, he was grinning widely.

'Moustache,' he mouthed, and I suppressed a laugh.

"What's your point?" I turned and asked Mike.

"You can't seriously tell me that you want that guy, when you could have me," Mike stated.

"And what's so great about you, Mike? Did you forget that you cheated on me?" I asked him and tapped my foot, impatient for him to leave.

"But that was nothing," he protested. "I, uh, I thought that you would come to your senses after a few weeks."

"And what? Take you back, just like that? You have got to be kidding me!"

_This doesn't make any sense! What is going on here? Wait a second…_

"Jessica kicked you out, didn't she?" I asked Mike and narrowed my eyes.

"No!" he said, emphatically, making his lie even less convincing.

I nodded and chuckled. This was fucking priceless.

"What did you do?" I asked him. "Couldn't keep it in your pants?"

_Again!_

"No," he said and looked down.

"Then what?"

"Jessica's…pregnant," he muttered. "And she's keeping it."

I felt as though I had just had a bucket of ice water thrown on me. My legs started shaking and I took a step back and sat down on the bed. Edward was at my side immediately and I felt his hand on my shoulder, giving me silent support.

_She's pregnant! She's having his baby!_

I had always wanted children, and I had wanted to have them early in life. My mom got pregnant with me at twenty-two, and I had always loved having young parents who could relate to me and who were energetic and vibrant. A year ago I thought that my dream had come true when I had gotten pregnant. It wasn't planned but I had been ecstatic none the less.

But Mike had been less enthusiastic. He hadn't told me that he wanted me to get rid of it, but he wasn't excited about it either. I had decided to keep the baby and raise it on my own if Mike didn't want to be a part of it, but we had never made it to that conversation. I still remembered waking up that Saturday morning and immediately noticing a wet sensation between my legs. There wasn't much more blood than when I had my period and I wasn't in any pain. I had been pregnant when I went to bed on Friday night, and the next morning I simply wasn't anymore.

The look of sheer relief on Mike's face when I had told him pretty much revealed how he felt about the whole thing. I probably should have ended it with him then and there, but we were still so young and I hoped that he would change his mind. Six months ago when Angela had moved out and he had suggested living together I had taken it as a good sign, that maybe he was ready for something more serious that hopefully included children in the future. But that hope obviously vanished when I walked in on him screwing Jessica from his office on the couch.

_And now she's the one who's having a baby!_

"Get out," I said, and I could hear how dead my voice sounded.

"Bella, I'm not ready to be a father, and I told her that. I want you, Pookie," he said.

"Get the _fuck _out of here, Mike!" I snarled at him.

"Just forget about that guy," he said and motioned to Edward. "We can start over."

I could feel the rage bubbling to the surface and all I wanted was to beat the living hell out of Mike. Instead, I started yelling at him:

"You are a piece of shit! I fucking hate you! You cheat on me, knock her up and then expect me to take you back? Get real, asshole! I wouldn't touch you now! You are a disgusting pig for screwing around behind my back, and a fucking coward for walking out on Jessica now that she's pregnant!"

"But, she kicked me out," Mike started to protest.

"Because you said you didn't want the baby, you idiot! I would have done the exact same thing if I hadn't lost it."

My voice cracked on the last word and my vision blurred with unshed tears. I felt Edward's arms around me and I leaned into his body.

"Get out Mike. I don't ever wanna see you again," I said and gave him a look filled with hate.

"You can't seriously tell me that you want that guy!" he protested and motioned to Edward again.

In a flash I was off the bed, and stood right in front of him.

"He is twice the man that you could ever be," I told him and pushed him back towards the hallway.

Mike was about to say something but I cut him off.

"And I'm not just talking about the size of his dick!"

Mike's eyes widened and I heard Edward chuckle behind me. I bent down and picked up his DVD and threw it at him.

"And take this piece of shit movie with you. Like everything else of yours, it's overrated and a waste of my time."

I watched as Mike retreated out of the apartment and I couldn't resist giving him the finger before I slammed the door in his face.

_And stay the fuck out!_

I walked back into the bedroom and all my feelings of righteous anger dissipated the second I saw Edward sitting on the bed looking at me with a small smile on his lips. I suddenly felt incredibly sad that I had spent the last three years with Mike when someone as wonderful as Edward existed. Why couldn't I have met him sooner? I was also upset about the news of Jessica's pregnancy. It wasn't that I wanted to have Mike's baby anymore, but it brought all the feelings about my miscarriage to the surface.

I sat down next to him and felt his hand on my cheek as he turned my head to look at him.

'Are you ok?' he asked silently.

His eyes were so tender and concerned that it made me want to cry.

"I think so. I'm really sorry that you had to see that."

He shook his head and brushed my hair back from my forehead. I suddenly remembered that Edward was still sick and felt his forehead. He was still a little warm, but it didn't seem to affect him.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

He sighed and reached for his pad and pen. I watched as he wrote something for me and handed me the note.

'Bella, please forget about me for a minute and tell me how you are really feeling.'

His eyes pleaded with me and he stroked my cheek. I nodded.

"I feel like an idiot for having spent that last three years with him, and I feel angry because he disturbed us and tried to put you down," I said and let out a shaky breath.

He was still looking at me as if he knew that there was more.

"I-I feel…jealous because she's having a baby, when I didn't," I admitted weakly and looked down.

I leaned into Edward's body and felt his arms around me. He gave me a light squeeze and let out what I read as a frustrated sigh.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He turned my head to look at him.

'I hate this,' he mouthed.

"What?"

'I can't talk, Bella.'

"I know," I said meekly.

He let out another sigh and reached for his pad and paper again. I watched with my heart in my throat as he wrote something. Finally he handed me the paper.

'Bella, you're so sweet and wonderful and it kills me that I can't even have a normal conversation with you. I can't ask you what happened with your pregnancy or if you need something. I want to be there for you but how can I, when I can't even tell you how sorry I am? I am so grateful for everything you've done for me, and I can't thank you properly like you deserve. It shouldn't have to be this complicated for you.'

_What is he saying? That we can't be together? No, I have to convince him that we can make this work somehow!_

"I don't care if you can't talk, Edward. It doesn't matter to me of you ever speak to me. I mean, of course it would matter if you could, and I'd love to talk with you. But what I'm trying to say is that it wouldn't change anything if you could. Well, obviously it would change some things, but…I'm not explaining this very well," I babbled.

He chuckled softly and stroked my cheek.

"I just, I just…like you," I said and looked down to hide my blush.

_God, why does this feel like the seventh grade all over again? I'm twenty-five for crying out loud and we've slept together!_

His eyes gazed into mine and gave me a sad smile.

'I like you too, but.'

"Please," I said and held up my hand to stop him. "Can't we just leave it at that for now? You still need to get better and I'd like you to stay here. I like having you here."

He hesitated for a few seconds before nodding. I let out a sigh of relief and relaxed when I felt his arms around me again.

"I'm really tired now," I whispered. "Do you mind if I go to bed?"

I felt him shake his head and release me. I went into the bathroom and got ready for bed while my mind was racing. Edward had agreed to stay here while he was on the mend, but what would happen once he got better? Would he leave again? Could I really watch him walk away when I now knew how he would spend his nights out there? Now that I had firsthand knowledge of the violence and danger he faced every day living on the street?

_No! I can't let him do that! I have to convince him to stay somehow. At least I have a little time while he's still sick._

Edward was in bed again when I came in and he smiled when he saw me. Even with the bruises and the beard he was so beautiful, and I wanted nothing more than to run to him and throw myself into his arms. I walked over to the air mattress, but he cleared his throat to get my attention. He pulled back the covers and patted the spot next to him like before, but this time I hesitated.

_It will only hurt you more if you sleep next to him and then he leaves again. You're better off keeping your distance to him to protect yourself from heartache._

I knew my rationalization to be absolutely true but I still couldn't stop myself from crawling into bed and lying down next to him. I needed to be near him and the understanding that his stay was probably only temporary made me think 'to hell with reason and logic'. Edward motioned for me to turn onto my side and the second I did, I felt his arm around me as he spooned me. This seemed to be his favorite way to sleep and I heard him sigh and then he pulled me a little closer. I closed my eyes and loved feeling him this close to me again. I had missed sleeping with him, and just then I decided that there was no way I would be spending my nights on the air mattress while he was here.

Being with him like this was reminiscent of the one night we had spent together, and I couldn't stop a terrifying thought from popping into my head:

_What if he's gone in the morning? He's already a lot better._

"Edward?" I asked.

He laced our fingers and gave my hand a squeeze.

"Once for yes, twice for no?"

He gave my hand another squeeze.

_Yes._

"Will you…will you still be here in the morning?"

_Yes. _

I felt myself relax again.

"Will you leave without telling me this time?" I asked quietly.

_No. _

_Thank god!_

"That's good. Then I won't have to roam the streets again like some stalker," I said before I realized how pathetic I had just made myself sound.

Edward pulled me even closer and buried his face in my neck. I gasped a little when I felt his lips against my skin, placing a soft kiss below my ear.

"I missed you," I whispered, before I could stop myself.

He sighed heavily and squeezed my hand tightly.

_He missed me too, I think._

I shifted a little to get comfortable and suddenly I felt something hard pressed against my backside. Edward froze completely when he realized that I could feel his hard on. He held his breath and his hand in mine shook a little from the tension. I knew that he was much too weak to actually act on his arousal, but it filled me with happiness that he still wanted me that way. I stroked his hand with my thumb and I felt him relax. He kissed my neck again and let out a deep breath. He didn't pull away even though his erection was still pressed against me and I decided not to move away either.

"Goodnight Edward," I whispered.

His lips ghosted over the sensitive skin on my neck, and I shivered lightly as he said his silent goodnight.

* * *

I woke the next morning to the unfamiliar sensation of a warm body wrapped around mine. I was immediately happier than I had been in a long time.

_He's still here!_

My arm and leg was draped over Edward who was on his back with his arms around me. I raised my head from his chest and let out a small sound of surprise when I found him awake. He looked rumpled from sleep and gave me a beautiful smile when our eyes met.

''Morning.' He greeted me silently.

"Morning," I said, and felt myself blush for some reason.

Maybe it was because of our intimate embrace or the fact that he still looked gorgeous despite a long night's sleep. Whatever the reason, I suddenly felt self conscious because I probably looked like shit and was in desperate need of a breath mint.

Edward smiled even brighter and stroked my warm cheek with his hand.

'Beautiful,' he mouthed and traced my features with his fingertips.

I let out a short laugh and was mortified when I heard that the sound I had just made could only be defined as a full-on snort.

_Why must I be such a retard?! _

I quickly hid my face in Edward's chest as he laughed loudly. I could only assume that it was because of my idiotic way of ruining a beautiful moment. When his laughter had died down I peeked up at him again, and saw that he was looking at me with the same tender eyes that I had come to love.

'You're funny,' he said silently and stroked my cheek again.

"Involuntarily maybe," I said with a grimace.

'And very cute,' he added.

_Oh! I can definitely live with that._

"Thank you," I said. "You are too. In fact, you look ridiculously good in the morning."

He smirked and ran his hand through his hair like he was in a shampoo commercial or something.

"Do you still want me to cut that haystack later today?" I asked with a grin.

He nodded and then pointed to his beard.

"You want me to do both?" I asked.

He nodded again and smiled. I glanced at the watch and groaned.

"I should get up. I have to go to work in a little while and Joe is coming over."

He wrapped his arms around me again and pulled me up so that my face was buried in his neck. He caressed my back with his fingertips and I closed my eyes and enjoyed the quiet intimacy with him. After a few minutes I reluctantly pulled away from his embrace.

"Do you need help getting to the bathroom?" I asked him.

He nodded and gave me an apologetic look.

"Don't worry, you've been really sick and it'll take a while before your body gets back to its old strength."

_Thank heaven for that! _

I helped him stand and he leaned on me as we walked to the bathroom. When he came back out, I was about to help him back in bed but he pointed to the kitchen.

"You wanna stay with me while I make breakfast?" I asked.

He nodded eagerly, and I smiled. Edward sat down at the table and I got him a blanket to keep him from getting cold. I made a quick trip to the bathroom myself and went back into the kitchen to make breakfast.

"What are you in the mood for?" I asked.

I had already gone grocery shopping while Edward was sick and the kitchen was fully stocked. He motioned that he needed something to write with. I fetched it from the nightstand and he quickly wrote me a note.

'First of all; you look beautiful this morning, and I love that you snort when you laugh. You are so cute and funny all the time, my sweet angel.

Second; I will love whatever you make. I haven't had a homemade breakfast in over a year, and I the fact that I get to eat with you makes this the best morning in a really long time.'

I gaped at the note for a few seconds and then looked at Edward, who was smiling from ear to ear.

_Holy shit, he could charm the pants off anybody. Hopefully he'll do it to me and really soon!_

"Pancakes?" I squeaked out and cleared my throat.

Edward gave me a thumbs up along with a huge grin, and I quickly started making the batter. I could feel his eyes on me while I cooked, and I turned on the radio because he had smiled when I did that before.

"How are you feeling today?" I asked him as I set the table.

He shrugged. I put my hand on his forehead and he was still a little warm. I went into the bedroom and got his antibiotics and some of the lozenges for his throat. I placed them in front of him and was about to turn, when he suddenly pulled me into his lap and put his arms around my waist. Being that close to him all of a sudden made my stomach flip and sent tingles up and down my spine.

'How are you?' he mouthed and gave me a concerned look.

_I'm great if you'll let me sit here and eat my breakfast. _

"I'm ok…I, uh, I'm really happy that you're here," I said, and was suddenly immensely fascinated with my cuticles.

I felt one of his hands under my chin and I looked at him again.

'I'm happy too,' he told me without words and reached up to cup my cheek in his hand. 'My angel.'

_Angel? He's the one with the angelic face. Even the scruff and bruises can't hide it. _

I ran my hands through his messy hair and he closed his eyes. His arms encircled me again and he held me tightly. I stroked his hair and loved feeling the soft strands between my fingers. Edward loosened his hold on me and started running his hands up and down my back. I shivered when he traced the contours of my spine with his fingertips, and I was suddenly hyperaware of the fact that I wasn't wearing a bra. I looked at Edward and his eyes were fixed on my chest where I was sure that he could see my nipples through my shirt.

"Did you do that on purpose?" I asked him.

He tore his eyes away from my chest and met my gaze.

'No?' he asked and quirked an eyebrow at me.

_Oh yeah, definitely on purpose._

"Mmm hmm, just as I thought," I said with a grin. "I think I should go put on a hoodie or something before Joe shows up."

He seemed to be a little embarrassed, but not enough to prevent him from stealing another glance at my chest. He looked up at me again and his lips curved up into a huge grin, probably because I was trying to give him the stink eye, rather unsuccessfully. The truth was that I loved having him look at me that way. I wanted him badly and if he hadn't been recuperating, I probably would have jumped him right now.

'Sorry,' his silent lips said.

'I love staring at your tits,' his eyes said.

_I'm gonna go ahead and believe his roaming eyes on this one!_

"Yeah, I can feel how sorry you are," I said and shifted on his lap so that I rubbed against his erection.

He hissed and pulled me closer. He brushed his nose over my collarbone and trailed soft kisses up my neck. His hands were rubbing up and down my back again and I gripped his hair in my hands which made him moan softly.

_Shit, we can't do this now. I have work and Joe will probably be outside the door within minutes. _

"Edward," I whispered, as he nipped at my earlobe and his hands moved around me and his thumbs brushed the sides of my breasts.

He looked up at me and his eyes were hooded with lust.

"I…I…"

_I'm in love with you and I want you._

"I…should finish making the breakfast now," I whispered, because I honestly didn't think I could control my voice.

He nodded and removed his hands and quickly I got off him and started making the pancakes. My heart was pounding in my chest and my body was begging for attention. I could hear Edward still breathing heavily behind me as he tried to calm himself down. You could practically cut the sexual tension with a knife, and I was thankful when the buzzer for the door went off.

Edward seemed more relaxed and gave me a smile as I brushed past him to let Joe in.

"Hey kids," he said and gave Edward a pat on the shoulder. "You look much better today."

Edward nodded and smiled.

"Joe, would you mind making the pancakes? I have to get ready for work."

"No problem. I used to be a great cook," he said.

I took a quick shower, dried my hair, did my makeup and got dressed. I walked into the kitchen and stopped abruptly when Edward made a choking sound. His eyes were wide as he stared at me, and his fork was paused midair between his mouth and the plate.

_Oh crap, did I spill something?_

I looked down but couldn't find anything wrong with my outfit.

"What?" I asked Edward who was still gawking at me.

"Heh, I think that was Edward's way of saying that you look very nice today, Bella," Joe said with a smirk.

_Oh! _

"Um, thank you. They're just my work clothes," I mumbled and turned to get some coffee.

Of course, I hadn't thought about the fact that Edward had only seen me in jeans and cotton shirts so far. At work I almost always wore a skirt, pumps, and nice blouses or shirts. I didn't wear makeup at home but I usually put a little on for work to make myself look more mature and closer to my actual age. I heard Joe snicker behind me, and knew that he was probably teasing Edward for ogling me. I smiled to myself and poured some coffee that Joe had made. When I turned around Edward quickly lowered his eyes to his plate and I blushed a little when I realized that he had been looking at me again. I sat down next to him and tried to have a conversation with Joe, but it was impossible when Edward was sitting so close to me. The fact that he put his hand on my knee under the table only made it more difficult. I could feel the pull between us and I was dying to touch him. I had never experienced attraction like this before. Even the crushes I had in high school when my hormones were all over place couldn't rival this overpowering feeling.

"I should get going," I said and grabbed Edward's hand under the table.

"Don't worry," Joe said. "I'll take care of our boy here."

I nodded and caressed Edward's hand. He leaned into my body for a second and sighed.

"Joe, do you wanna come by the library later?" I asked him. "You can pick out some books and I'll check them out for you."

"Oh, I'd like that, but I probably shouldn't," he said and motioned to himself.

"It doesn't bother me, but you can use the shower if you want, and there are plenty of clean clothes here that I bought for Edward. You two are almost the same size except Edward is a little taller."

I could see him considering.

"Thank you, Bella. That would be great," he finally said.

Edward was smiling brightly and leaned in to kiss my cheek.

"I guess I'll see you later then," I said and scrambled to my feet. "Any suggestions for dinner? And don't argue with me, Joe. You're staying."

They both grinned.

"Alright, I'll stay for dinner," Joe said. "But I'm cooking then."

"Perfect," I said with a smile. "There should be plenty to choose from in the freezer, but otherwise just let me know when you come by later."

I put on my coat and boots, threw my pumps in my bag and stuck my head in the kitchen to say goodbye.

"I'll see you later," I said.

Edward held out a note for me and I walked over to him and read it.

'Thank you for a wonderful breakfast and have a nice day at work, my angel.

P.S: You look really hot in your work clothes.'

I looked into his tender eyes and he took my hand and gave it a soft kiss. The butterflies in my stomach fluttered again and I smiled at him. He returned it with so much force that my knees went a little weak, and I almost stumbled on my way out of the kitchen.

As I walked to work I found myself wearing a goofy smile on my face. I couldn't wait to come home with afternoon and see Edward again. I knew he thought that his stay wasn't permanent, but I would do my best to convince him that he should stay with me.

_You're here now Edward, and I'm not letting you go without a fight. _

**So, is Edward a jerk for touching Bella even though he intends to leave when he's better? **

**How can Bella make him stay with her?**

**Thoughts and ideas are always appreciated. ;) **

**Leave me a review if you think that Mike's dick should fall off. :) (Ok, I can't actually make that happen, but it would be pretty cool if I could.)**


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Thank you for all your reviews and your continued support of the story. As always, I want to give a special thanks to my wonderful beta Melanie (Edward's Eternal) who makes my writing sound like I actually live on the American continent, and not in the tiny kingdom of Denmark. **

**Enjoy!**

EPOV

I stared after her as she left for work. My angel was still such a mystery to me. When she had entered the kitchen I almost choked on the delicious pancake I was eating, because I was so shocked by the vision in front of me. She was definitely a woman when she went to work. I scanned her from head to toe, taking every inch of her in with my eyes. She was wearing a pair of heels, stockings, and a black fitted skirt which ended just above her knees and a pretty blue blouse. She had put on makeup and her hair…God, her hair. It looked so soft and bouncy, and I just wanted to bury my face in it and inhale its fragrance. She was breathtaking and all woman. I gawked at her up until the point where I was just embarrassing myself but I couldn't tear my eyes away from her.

It was such a contrast to the shy girl who had woken up in my arms earlier this morning. I had slept like a baby without nightmares and I suspected that it was because I had held her all night. I loved falling asleep with her. She smelled so good, and she was soft, warm and just right in every way. Her body molded perfectly against mine when I spooned her last night, and I couldn't stop my body's reaction to her closeness. I knew that she had felt it but she didn't move away. She told me that she had missed me, and I wished that I could tell her how my life had felt empty ever since the morning I left her.

She was scared that I would leave again without telling her, but I told her that I wouldn't. I was sincere in my silent promise. I couldn't do that to her again. I could see how much my leaving her that way had affected her. She was thinner now, but I prayed that she would gain the weight again soon. I loved her soft curves and full cheeks and hoped that they would return soon.

When I had woken up my heart was light and I felt rested. My angel was draped around me and her hair splayed out across my chest. I glanced at the clock and knew that I would have to wake her soon because she had to go to work. I wished that she could stay home with me and we could spend the day together. Naturally, I knew that this wasn't an option. Bella was supporting herself and now she had the added burden of me to think about. It killed me that she spent her money on clothes, bath products and medicine for me, and I wished I could contribute somehow. It wasn't right that she should support me. Call me old-fashioned, but I had always believed this to be the man's responsibility. I was raised with a mother who stayed at home, and she had always loved it. But Bella wasn't like that at all. She seemed to genuinely love her job, and the thought that she was so independent thrilled me, much to my great surprise. I only wished that I had a little money to help her out so she shouldn't have to take care of everything herself.

I had nothing to offer her. I was penniless, homeless and speechless – literally!

But I wanted her. God, how I wanted her to be mine. She felt like mine when I held her in my arms this morning. When she started to stir I couldn't wait to look into those beautiful brown eyes of hers. She had seemed so shy when she woke up, and I didn't understand why. But I loved her blush and when she had snorted it was just about the funniest thing I had ever experienced. I wished that I could hold her forever, but all too soon reality reared its ugly head and she had to start her day.

I was more than a little embarrassed about the way I had conducted myself in the kitchen when she was making breakfast. I felt like a horny teenager whenever I looked at her, and I couldn't stop myself from grabbing her and pulling her into my lap. Then I had proceeded to make her nipples hard just so that I could ogle her breasts through her shirt. This wasn't something that I would normally do and I didn't even know that this side of me existed. There was no way around it: My hands were magnets and she was steel. Agreeing to let her cut my hair and even requesting that she should shave my beard proved this. It was a shameless ploy on my part to get more physical contact with her, and I couldn't bring myself to regret the decision. I wanted her, and if she hadn't pulled away I might have ended up making love to her right there on her kitchen table.

I had never experienced anything like this before and rather than trying to suppress the urge to touch her, I found that I embraced it completely.

"Edward, what are you doing?" Joe asked and brought me back to the present.

I gave him a confused look. I was eating my breakfast, obviously. What was he talking about?

"With Bella," he clarified. "What is this thing with you and her?"

I didn't know what to tell him. I wanted to be near her constantly; hear her sweet voice, look into her eyes and feel her lips on mine. But nothing had changed on the outside. I still knew that I wasn't good enough for her and that she deserved more than I could give her.

"It isn't right for you to string her along if you're planning on leaving her again," he said firmly.

I knew that he was right. I shouldn't hold her in the night and make attempts to seduce her when I wasn't sure what the future would bring. I knew this, but I didn't want to stop touching her.

"Are you leaving when you get better?" he asked, without beating around the bush anymore.

I wrote him a note:

'I have to, Joe. I'm no good for her. She deserves better than me. I have nothing to offer her; no money, no security, not even conversation.'

He read it and frowned.

"That's horseshit, Edward," he said. "She already knows all that, and she still wants you."

I wrote again:

'She feels responsible for me because I got hurt. That's not the same thing as really wanting me. She's kind and sweet, and I'm not surprised that she wants to care for me while I get better.'

"You have got to be the dumbest man on the planet," Joe said and shook his head. "She's not doing all of this because she feels like she owes you something. She's crazy about you, you idiot. Even an old fart like me can see that as plain as day."

I started to write a protest but he yanked the paper away from me.

"Just listen now. You don't remember this because you were so out of it when I first brought you here, but what I saw didn't have anything to do with her feeling guilty or responsible. She stayed up the first night and held your hand. She slept on that air mattress so she could be by your side the second you woke up and needed something. She enlisted her friend to help out. She was sick with worry for you, and it killed her when she had to leave for work."

He knocked on top of my head with his hand.

"Wake up! When are you going to see the truth? You're a smart guy, Edward. She wants you to stay here regardless of your problems. She wants you."

His statement shocked the hell out of me. How could that possibly be true? I knew what I was, and I thought that my angel did as well. I was broken and useless. No, I couldn't believe his words. I admitted that Bella was physically attracted to me, and that she cared for me as someone would a stray dog they brought home with them. That was all I was, essentially. I wasn't a man that she could ever love or have a future with. I would never be able to hold down a job since no one would hire me because of my appearance, my muteness and my lack of a permanent address and an education. I would never be able to tell her in my own words how much she meant to me, how wonderful she made me feel, how she was my perfect angel in every way.

All of this was true in my mind, and yet I still wanted her. Only once before had I felt this conflicted and the outcome of my decision had been disastrous. Who I was today was the direct result of my decision and because of it I had lost everything; my home, my career, the future I had envisioned for myself. But if I had chosen differently back then, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. I would have killed myself without a moment's hesitation. It was the right decision even though I had failed miserably. Life on the street was my self-inflicted punishment for failing to save a human life, and even an angel like Bella couldn't convince me that I didn't deserve to suffer.

But my stay in her heaven wasn't quite over yet. I was still too weak to fend for myself out there, and I had promised her that I would stay while I got better. But Joe was absolutely right about one thing; I couldn't keep stringing her along and touching her as if she was mine. I would have to keep my distance from her, and only enjoy her from across the room. It would have to be enough for me, even though it would hurt like hell. I couldn't risk her developing feelings for me and then hurt her when I left. We would have to become…friends.

_Fuck! I have never hated that word so much in my life! I don't want to be just friends with her!_

But I knew I had to. I would still be able to hear her voice and look at her. I could still watch movies with her and share meals with her. She could still make me laugh and I could watch her smile at me. That didn't seem so bad. I could have all those things. I just couldn't touch her anymore.

At all.

If I did I would be lost, and I knew it. It wouldn't be enough to merely hold her hand. I would want all of her: Her kisses, her touches, her naked body wrapped around mine. I sighed heavily and shook my head. I couldn't allow myself to think about that anymore. It would only make it more difficult to resist her.

"Edward, what are you thinking?" Joe asked me carefully. "Do you understand now? That Bella really wants you to stay for good?"

I shook my head. No, I couldn't believe that. She wanted me to get better, and I would offer her my friendship in return for her kindness. That was how it had to be.

"You are too damn stubborn for your own good," Joe grumbled.

I probably was. But I couldn't allow myself to think that my angel already loved me. Then I couldn't avoid hurting her when I left. Being friends was much better in the long run. That way I could still see her from time to time after I had left here. She would never know how much I cared about her, and I could watch her be happy and fulfilled just as she deserved. That was enough. As long as she was happy, I would know that I had made the right decision.

_No, it's nowhere near good enough for me. I want to be the one to make her happy!_

I suddenly felt incredibly depressed. Being friends was the right decision to ensure Bella's happiness, but it meant that my life was once again a downward spiral into hell. I wrote Joe a note.

"Yeah, I can help you back to bed," he said and gave me a concerned look. "Are you feeling alright?"

_No, I am miserable because I have to hide my feelings for my angel from now on. My life is shit and I really don't want you to see me cry, Joe._

I merely shook my head and stood up on wobbly legs. Joe helped me back to bed and closed the door when he left. He probably sensed that I wanted to be alone. I buried my face in her pillow and inhaled deeply. Her smell was everywhere all around me, and I felt the unshed tears burn in my chest. I don't know how long I lay there, breathing in her scent and repeating the same mantra over and over again in my head:

_You're just friends, you're just friends, you're just friends._

I growled in frustration and threw her pillow across the room.

_I can never be just friends with her! I want her so much it hurts!_

Immediately I regretted having thrown her pillow away and I wanted it back. I crawled out of bed and picked it up before walking back on unsteady legs. I wrapped my arms around it and pretended that I was actually holding her. I couldn't hold back the tears any longer and muffled my sobs with her pillow. I cried myself to sleep and woke up when someone shook my shoulder.

"Edward, I have some lunch for you," Joe said.

_Lunch? I've slept all morning?_

I sat up slowly and rubbed my sore eyes. Joe was holding a tray and smiled at me. He had showered and shaved, and he was wearing a black sweater and jeans that were rolled up because they were too long. The clothes were a little big on him, but all in all he didn't look half-bad. I gave him the thumbs up and a small smile.

"Do you need to use the bathroom first?" he asked and put the tray down. "I'm leaving for the library soon."

I nodded and I held his forearm for support to get there. After I was back in bed he popped in one of Bella's chick flicks for me to watch and handed me the tray. On my plate there was a large serving of mac and cheese with vegetables and my stomach growled when I smelled it. I took a bite and couldn't stop myself from moaning a little. I gave Joe a smile and pointed to the food.

"Thanks, but I didn't make that. It was in the fridge in a container marked 'lunch for Edward and Joe'. I had some earlier, and it's definitely better than my recipe. Bella is a great cook," he said and gave me a look. "I think she'll be a wonderful mother some day, being a natural caregiver."

I sighed. Joe really didn't need to go out of his way to point out all of Bella's great qualities to me. I was well aware of the fact that she was damn near perfect. I knew what he was trying to do, but I had to stay strong and only regard her as a friend now. Joe left after a few minutes and I ate Bella's delicious food and was tempted to lick the plate when I was done. I tried to focus on the movie, but my mind kept drifting back to my angel.

Deciding that we should just be friends was all good and well, but how would I be able to tell Bella this without hurting her feelings? She seemed to like my touch and now I couldn't even give her that anymore. I didn't want her to feel rejected and I almost wished that she hadn't slept in the bed with me last night. It was going to be awkward when I went to sleep on the air mattress tonight, but I couldn't spend one more night with my erection pressed up against her firm luscious ass and not make a move. It had been difficult enough to resist copping a feel last night, even though I had been weak as a kitten and probably couldn't have made love to her. Unless she was on top, of course…

The memory of Bella writhing in ecstasy on my lap as she came around my cock flashed through my brain and I felt a stirring in my lower region.

_Shit! I need to stop thinking about her like that! _

A true friend wouldn't have sexual fantasies about her and wouldn't want to make her scream his name as she climaxed. But I wanted that so badly. I ran my hand through my hair and sighed. I wasn't kidding anyone. I could never stop thinking about her that way, but I would have to hide my desire from her until I was well enough to leave.

_Leave. Leave my angel._

The food that I had just consumed suddenly felt like a heavy brick in my stomach. I hated the thought of leaving her again. I fucking detested it. For the hundredth time since I had first met Bella I asked myself the question I had no answer to: Why couldn't I be the old version of Edward? He could talk, he was carefree, he had friends and a plan for the future: A career in the military and a house with a white goddamn picket fence around the yard where the kids would play. It was such a joke! I could never be that man again. It wouldn't even have made a difference if I had met Bella back then. I was married to _her_ and because of it I had given up so much.

_I hate her!_

Bella was everything that she wasn't: Kind, caring and generous. Funny, cute and innocent. I had been such a fool for marrying her. I was young, stupid and horny as hell and she had seemed like everything I could have ever wanted. And now when I finally knew better, it was too late. The old version of Edward would have been so good to Bella. He would have taken her out on dates, held her in his arms and talked to her all night long, he would have showered her with gifts and made her feel like the most special girl in the world.

How different would my life have turned out if I had met my angel first? I wouldn't have been the broken shell of a man I was today. I would be happy and living the dream. Maybe I would have gone to college with her rather than join the army and I wouldn't have witnessed so much death and destruction. Every night I would sleep soundly in her arms and nightmares would be a rare occurrence. My family would have approved of her because she was serious, intelligent and could make me genuinely happy.

I wiped away a tear angrily and scrubbed my face with my hands.

_Enough already! What's done is done and unless you have a DeLorean parked around the corner, that's just the way the motherfucking cookie crumbles!_

I spent the rest of the day in bed. I was both excited and reluctant for my angel to return home from work. I missed her already but on the other hand I wasn't looking forward to following through on my plan and treating her as a friend from now on. I was scared that I would make her upset if I had to reject her, and that was the last thing I wanted. I was doing this to prevent Bella from developing feelings for me and ultimately protect her from heartbreak when I had to leave again.

Around 5 I heard the door open in the hallway, and seconds later my angel appeared. She was so beautiful and I couldn't believe how much I had missed her. I was sitting up in bed pretending to watch TV, but I had really just kept my eyes on the door and listened for her return.

"Hey you," she said with a bright smile and came over to sit on the bed.

She was so close that I could smell her and I automatically inhaled deeply through my nose. She was sweet and floral as always and I slid my hands under my thigh to prevent them from grabbing her and pulling her into my arms.

'Hi,' I replied silently. 'Good day?'

"Yeah, it was great. I'm happy to be home though," she said and reached out her hand to touch my forehead.

_Shit! Should I pull away? _

I decided not to react. She was merely feeling if I still had a raised temperature and surely that was ok.

"I don't think you have a fever anymore," she said with a slight frown.

_That means that I'm ready to leave soon! Fuck, why couldn't they have broken my leg or something? I'm not ready to go yet!_

Her hand moved down the side of my face to caress my cheek. I couldn't stop myself from leaning into it and closing my eyes. This was an extension of the other touch so I supposed that it was alright.

_Can you say 'slippery slope'?_

"I'm gonna go see if Joe needs any help with dinner. Do you want to join us in the kitchen?" she asked.

I nodded and got out of bed. She looked up at me and before I could stop her she had wrapped her arms around my waist and embraced me. She pulled back and cupped my face in her hands.

"You just looked like you could use a hug," she said and gave me a smile.

_You have no idea, my sweet angel. If I could, I would hold you forever._

When we walked to the kitchen together with my arm draped over her shoulder I made a terrifying discovery: I no longer needed to lean on her for support. I was still a little weak, but unfortunately my treacherous body was recuperating much faster than I liked.

Joe smiled at me when I sat down at the table. I watched as the two of them started cooking together and talked as if they had known each other for years. I couldn't stop myself from feeling jealous that they could interact in a way that I would never be able to. Whenever they would ask me something I would reply with nods and shakes of my head. The pen and paper was still lying on the table in front of me, but I had nothing to say in my depressed state.

They made a nice meal and I listened to their conversation without participating while we ate. Joe would send me looks of concern because I was so withdrawn, and I knew that he could sense my inner turmoil. He left after dinner and while Bella was out of the room he told me to think about what we had talked about earlier. I was nervous about being alone with her because I knew that I would have to tell her that we shouldn't sleep in the bed together anymore. I was deep in thought when she came into the kitchen.

"I drew you a bath," she said. "With bubbles," she added with a grin.

I smiled and let her help me to the bathroom although she didn't need to do so anymore. I was faking and I felt horrible about it. I was lying to her with my body because I didn't want to accept that I was just about ready to leave.

"Can you manage on your own?" she asked.

I nodded and she left the bathroom. It had been tempting to let her bathe me again, but I couldn't get naked in front of her anymore if I was supposed to be her friend now. My bath was the perfect temperature and the stuff that she had put in the water smelled incredible, but I couldn't enjoy it and it didn't relax me. I felt sick to my stomach because I knew that soon I would have to reject her and see the hurt look on her face when she realized that I wanted to sleep alone. I dressed in a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt that she had bought for me, and this only increased my guilt. When I came into the kitchen to look for her, she had found everything she needed to cut my hair and shave my beard. I had forgotten about that and I considered rejecting her offer.

"Are you ready?" she asked with a brilliant smile and motioned to the chair.

_She is so excited about this, how can I possibly refuse her? And I really don't want to. It will probably be the last time she touches me. Ever._

I sat down in the chair and she draped a towel around my shoulders.

"Do you want me to do the hair or the beard first?"

I pointed to the beard. I figured that it would involve more touching and it was best to get it over with first and not prolong the sweet torture of having her hands on me when I couldn't reciprocate. She gave me a smile and started applying shaving cream on my face. Her fingers were gentle and I loved the sensation of her delicate touch. She picked up the razor and started dragging the blade over my cheeks. After every pass she would dip it in a bowl with water to rinse it off.

"We'll keep the sideburns, right?" she asked.

I nodded. I honestly didn't care but if she liked them that was fine. She removed the moustache and tilted my head to finish with my jaw line. After having wiped off the remains of the shaving cream she smiled brightly at me.

"There you are," she said and ran her hand over my smooth cheek.

I suppressed a moan when I felt her touch my skin and tried my best to look indifferent.

'Thank you,' I said silently.

Then she turned her attention to my damp hair. She ran both her hands through it and I had to close my eyes so she wouldn't see them roll back into my head. When her fingertips lightly massaged my scalp it sent tingles up and down my spine and I stifled another moan.

"How short do you want it?" she asked.

I shrugged noncommittally.

"Are you ok?" she asked with a concerned expression. "You're very quiet."

I almost laughed.

"I mean, you're always quiet, but…Is everything alright, Edward?"

I simply nodded.

_Lies. Fucking lies. I'm nowhere near alright, my sweet angel._

"I won't make it too short, ok? I like your messy hair."

I nodded again.

"Besides, I can just do this again in a month's time," she added.

_God, I wish that was true._

She picked up the scissors and started snipping away. She seemed to know what she was doing and she had obviously done this many times for her father. Every time she ran her fingers through my hair it was ecstasy and agony all rolled into one. She was standing to my side which put her breasts right next to my face. I wanted to slide my hands under her shirt and feel them in my hands. I wanted to run my fingertips over her nipples and feel them getting harder because of my touch.

_No, stop thinking like that!_

I could already feel the familiar tightening in my abdomen as my dick started to come to life. I made myself look straight ahead and bit my lip so I wouldn't whimper when her breast lightly grazed my ear as she walked around me to inspect her work so far. She stood behind me and made me look down. I could clearly see my erection through the sweatpants and I only prayed that Bella wouldn't notice. She finished with the back of my neck and suddenly I felt a stream of air on my hypersensitive skin. I shivered and goose bumps broke out everywhere. She did it again and although I knew that she was just blowing away loose hairs it felt so erotic.

My heart pounded in my chest as the air she expelled hit the side of my neck and earlobe. My breath hitched in my throat and I clenched my fists at my side. She stepped in front of me and I felt her hand under my chin as she lifted my head to look at her. I was immediately lost in her gaze and swallowed audibly. All of a sudden she jumped into my lap so that she was straddling me on the chair. Her scent swept over me and I felt as though I was drunk at that moment.

"All done," she said with a huge smile and ran her fingers through my hair.

Her close proximity, her smell and her touch only increased my predicament and when she tugged on my hair, I felt my cock twitch. She ran her hands over my face and carefully studied my features.

"God," she breathed out. "You are so…pretty."

_Pretty?! _

I raised my eyebrows and she amended immediately.

"Did I say pretty? I meant handsome in an entirely masculine way," she said with a grin.

I felt my lips curve up and return the smile. She held my face between her hands and looked deeply into my eyes. She was so beautiful that it took my breath away and I stared at her, unable to stop myself.

"Edward," she whispered and caressed my face with her hands.

I swallowed and closed my eyes to regain control, and then I felt her lips on mine; soft, warm and perfect.

_Oh no! Oh yes! Oh fuck!_

She kissed me softly and moved her hands to my hair where she tugged it lightly. My body was tingling all over and I gasped when she shifted her hips forward and ground down on my cock. My gasp caused my lips to part and Bella licked them with the tip of her tongue. She pressed her body to mine and I could feel her breasts against my chest.

_This is so wrong! But why does it feel so right? _

Bella kissed me deeply and rotated her hips in my lap. She released my mouth and started kissing my neck. Waves of pleasures shot through me and I could feel my resolve starting to unravel. It felt so good and my hands were itching to touch her.

"Edward," she whispered and sucked on my earlobe.

I couldn't stop the moan that escaped and this only made her more eager. She licked and nipped at my ear and I was desperately trying to figure out what I should do.

_I can't do this. It's so wrong to use her like that! But, oh, I want her. I need her so badly!_

"I want you," she half-moaned in my ear and ground down on my aching cock again.

My hands lifted and hovered only inches from her hips. I wanted to grab her and press her against me.

_No, I this is wrong on so many levels. I can't risk that she falls for me. I don't want to hurt my angel. She is much too good for this. Too good for me!_

I clenched my jaw and I could feel my body tense as I tried to regain control. I was panting heavily and closed my eyes to try and forget that the woman of my dreams was basically giving me a lap dance without music. She wanted me and I wanted her so badly. But this was wrong. Bella should be with a man who could give her everything and that wasn't me. I whimpered in frustration and tensed even further.

Suddenly she froze completely. Her lips left my neck and I felt her sit up straight. I opened my eyes to look at her and face my worst fear.

_She knows!_

Her eyes scanned me and she looked confused. I could only imagine what she saw; my tight jaw, my clenched fists, the pain in my eyes, and the rigidness of my body.

"Oh!" it came out as a gasp.

I could see the understanding of the situation as it dawned on her and her facial expression changed from confusion to sadness. She untangled her fingers from my hair and scrambled to her feet. I wanted to reach for her and pull her back on my lap. My body felt cold without her against it.

"I…I thought that you….wanted it too." The last part was no louder than a whisper.

Her eyes filled with tears as she retreated on unsure legs, and she lifted her hands to her mouth and held them together, palm to palm.

_I'm so sorry, angel. I never meant to hurt you! _

"I'm sorry," she sobbed and turned away.

I heard her walk slowly into her bedroom and close the door quietly. I was stunned. What had I just done? I had rejected my angel in the worst of ways. Not with a note explaining everything and the reasons why it was better for us to be friends. No. I had tensed up and shied away from her touch with the rigidness of my body, as if I was repulsed by her advances.

_God, I am an asshole!_

I had decided on the whole 'just friends' thing to avoid hurting her feelings, but that was exactly what had just happened. I had made her believe that I hated her touch and that I didn't want her. I could hear her muffled crying and the sound broke my heart.

_I am so sorry, my angel, my Bella. I never meant for any of this to happen. I hope you can forgive me someday. _

I stood up slowly and took a deep breath. I knew what I had to do now.

**Oh shit, Edward fucked up big time! What is he gonna do now? Leave?**

**Next update…Sometime next week. Have a great weekend everyone!**

**Leave me a review since I made Edward all pretty again. ;)**


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Jeepers! All I gotta do to get about a million reviews is make Edward act like a complete tool! **

**I reached 1000 in the last chapter and I wanna say thank you to everyone who reviewed! **

**As always, this would have been gibberish without my wonderful beta Melanie (Edward's Eternal) Give her some love, people!**

**Enjoy! **

BPOV

_What the hell just happened? Did I just molest Edward in the kitchen?_

I buried my face in my hands and leaned on the door in my bedroom, the place where I had escaped to after my mortifying failed seduction attempt. He had looked so beautiful after I cut his hair and shaved his beard. The swelling around his eye was fading and the bruise on the side of his forehead was healing nicely. All day I had longed to come home to him. I had been wearing the biggest smile on my face at work and it hadn't gone unnoticed by my colleagues, who asked about my particularly good mood. I told them nothing about Edward or the fact that we hadn't been able to keep our hands off each other all morning. It was still too new and I didn't know if he was leaving. The way that he had touched me and kissed my neck this morning gave me hope though.

I never would have initiated anything in the kitchen if I hadn't felt completely confident that he wanted it too. While I was cutting his hair I could see and hear all his reactions to my touch plain as day: The moans he tried to suppress, the shiver that went through him when I blew away the loose hairs from his neck and his erection straining against the fabric of his sweatpants. He didn't have a fever anymore and he was able to eat without having to numb his throat with the lozenges first. He wasn't sick, he clearly wanted me and therefore I just went for it. It wasn't something that I had planned on doing tonight, but it just seemed so right when I looked into his eyes.

But I couldn't have been more mistaken. Edward's body may have wanted it, but his mind sure didn't. That became painfully obvious when I heard him make a sound that had nothing to do with pleasure and I pulled back and looked into his eyes again. Even though we had only known each other for such a short time, I could always read his emotions. His eyes didn't display lust and desire as I had thought, but rather agony and frustration. It hit me like a ton of bricks: Edward didn't want me!

_I am such an idiot!_

I couldn't hold back the sob that escaped when I tried to take a deep breath to calm myself down. The tears wouldn't stop and I threw myself on the bed and hid my face in my pillow to cover up the sounds of my crying. I had never felt this humiliated in my life. I didn't see myself as a great beauty but I wasn't unattractive either. Edward had called me beautiful just this morning and I could tell that he was physically attracted to me. So why had he rejected me? I had basically thrown myself at him and he had said no with his eyes. It didn't make any sense. We liked each other, we were attracted to each other, we were both single. It seemed perfectly simple to me.

Admittedly, I didn't just like Edward. I loved him. He didn't know this and there was no way in hell I was letting him in on that secret. Telling a guy that you loved him when you hadn't known him longer than a few weeks was a surefire way of making him run for the hills. Angela had used that trick on more than one occasion to get rid of a boyfriend she wasn't that interested in, so I knew this to be very effective.

_I can't believe I made such a fool out of myself! Why doesn't he want me?_

My whole body stiffened when I heard the door open slowly. I tried to stop myself from crying but it was pretty unsuccessful. I felt him sit down on the bed next to me and my heart pounded in my chest.

_What does he want? _

His hand touched my shoulder gently and then he started stroking my hair. I couldn't help but enjoy it when he ran his fingers through it, and eventually my crying died down. I turned on my side and peeked up at him. He held out a Kleenex and I gratefully took it and wiped my face. He was calmly watching me as I pulled myself together, sat up and took a shaky breath.

"Sorry," I whispered.

He shook his head immediately and pointed to himself.

'I'm sorry,' he told me silently.

"I just…I thought you liked me," I said pathetically and looked away.

He sighed heavily and I looked up at him again. His hand was hovering in the space between us, as if he had reached out to touch my face and then changed his mind again. He started to pull it back, but in an act of incredible courage I grabbed it and placed in on my cheek. This was our special touch and I didn't want to be without it. His eyes widened slightly and he tensed up.

_Oh shit, not again! Why am I so desperate for him?_

I was about to release his hand when I saw a change in him. He relaxed and stroked my cheek with his thumb.

'I do like you,' he mouthed. 'Very much.'

"But you don't want me," I whispered.

He looked pained again and bit his bottom lip. He looked so conflicted but finally he spoke again silently.

'Bella, I want you, but.'

He pointed to the nightstand.

_Oh no, don't tell me that's what I think it is!_

I looked at the letter that he had placed next to my alarm clock. I knew what it was. A goddamn 'Dear Jane letter'! Edward was leaving and that was his goodbye note. He motioned for me to take it.

"No, I don't want it," I said and felt the tears threatening to come back again.

His eyes were so tender and looking at him finally pushed me over the edge and I started bawling. He moved closer on the bed and wrapped his arms around me.

"Shh," he soothed me and stroked my hair.

His other hand was making slow circles on my lower back and I fisted my hands in his shirt. At that moment I felt an overwhelming urge to be with him in every way. Our time was almost up but I didn't care. I wanted another wonderful night with like the one that we had shared when I had saved him from the cold.

_No, it will only hurt more when he leaves. Protect yourself from harm._

But I didn't listen. I wanted him desperately and pulled back slightly to look at him again. He was so beautiful in the dim light and I was aching to touch him everywhere, to make sure that he was real and that for tonight he was here with me. He was about to say something but I cut him off and pressed my lips against his. He made a sound of surprise and I ran my fingers through his soft hair. He pushed lightly on my shoulders and his face held confusion.

"Please be with me, Edward," I whispered.

He looked so torn and conflicted.

"Please. Just forget about everything else, just for tonight. I want you and I need you."

I didn't even care that I was begging him at this point. I wanted him, even if it was just for tonight. I didn't want to go the rest of my life without having been with him at least once more.

'I can't use you like that,' he enunciated silently and stroked my cheek.

"You're not. Please, just for tonight Edward. Forget about everything outside this room."

_Please say yes, please say yes!_

I had never felt this complete overwhelming desire before. I needed him so badly and I no longer cared about being rational and protecting my feelings. It was basic, carnal and vital. Edward looked intently at me and I could see all the emotions in his eyes. He was thinking hard about what I had just said.

'You're sure?' I nodded.

"Please Edward, make love to me," I whispered and kissed his lips softly.

Finally Edward let go. His arms encircled me again and he held me tightly to him and he let out a small sob when his lips crashed into mine. His kiss was forceful and passionate, his hands eager and a little rough. It was exactly what I needed. I kissed him back with everything I had in me, all the love and desire I felt for him went into it. I moaned when our tongues met and I clawed at his shirt, desperate to touch his naked skin. He broke our kiss for a second and pulled it over his head. I took the opportunity to quickly open my shirt, practically ripping out the buttons in the process. I yanked it off and unclasped my bra as well. His eyes wandered over me, and he sighed.

'So beautiful,' his silent lips said.

He lowered me onto the bed and ran his hands over my naked skin. I whimpered and arched my back when he traced the contours of my breasts.

'You're sure?' he repeated and sought my eyes.

"Yes, please," I whispered and held my hands up to him.

That was all he needed to hear, and he lowered himself onto me and kissed me eagerly. My hands ran up and down his naked back, feeling the muscles ripple under his warm skin as he rocked his hips against me and I felt his erection through his pants. I pushed on his shoulders and made him roll us over, and I straddled his waist. I captured his lips with mine and his hands cupped my breasts and I moaned loudly when his thumbs rubbed my nipples. I kissed his neck and moved my mouth up to suck on his earlobe. He pinched my nipples and another jolt of pleasure ran through me.

I started trailing slow openmouthed kissed down his chest, being careful where he still had bruises from when the two men had attacked us. I ran my tongue over his nipple and bit down on it gently.

"Oh," he moaned and lifted his hands to my hair.

The sound of his voice emboldened me and I repeated my actions on his other nipple. I kissed my way down his stomach and undid the string in his sweatpants. I met his eyes and they were hooded with desire.

'Bella,' he said silently and stroked my cheek.

I felt my insides clench and quickly pulled down his pants and boxers in one smooth motion. His cock sprang free and I marveled at the fact that it was able to fit inside me so perfectly. I ran my fingertips over the tight skin and Edward bit his bottom lip when I held it in my hand. I felt the desire to do something that I usually hated; to take him in my mouth. I needed to taste him and lowered my mouth to the tip. I felt Edward's hand under my chin and I looked up at him.

"I want to taste you," I said, in what I hoped was a seductive tone.

His eyes widened and I felt his cock twitch in my hand.

_Oh, he likes that!_

I licked the head and Edward moaned loudly and threw his head back. I took it into my mouth as far as it could go and licked the underside with my tongue. I started moving up and down his length using my hand where my mouth wouldn't reach and to my great surprise I loved doing this to him. Edward was panting and his hands were fisted in the sheets as I worked him. I swirled my tongue around the sensitive head and cupped his balls with my free hand at the same time.

"Ah!" he cried out and raised his hips off the mattress.

Hearing how much he loved what I was doing was turning me on more than I ever thought possible. I sucked him faster and pumped him with my hand, and I could feel that he was getting close to his orgasm. His hips were moving rhythmically with my ministrations and he was panting and moaning loudly. Suddenly I felt his hand tug lightly on my hair, probably signaling that he was coming soon. Usually I never swallowed but now I wanted it. I was feeling crazy with desire and ravenous for him. I wanted everything he could give me and brought my hand up to his and laced our fingers. I bopped my head up and down, going faster and faster while I increased the suction. All of a sudden an idea popped into my head. Angela had often regaled me with stories about her fabulous sex life and even though I hadn't been terribly interested, a few things had stuck with me. I wiggled my fingers and Edward let go of my hand. I cupped his balls again and then brought my index finger down and tentatively rubbed the smooth skin underneath them. At the same time I sucked his cock in as far as it could go and hummed around it.

"OH!" Edward shouted and bucked his hips wildly.

He started spurting and I sucked and swallowed it down to the sound of his moans. His hips relaxed and I licked my way up his cock and released it. I glanced up at him and broke into a huge grin. Edward was lying with his arms thrown over his eyes, still breathing heavily with a beautiful smile on his lips. I felt immensely proud of myself that I could make him look like that, and jumped off the bed to go and get something to drink. While I was getting some water in the kitchen, I realized that I hadn't kissed Edward before leaving the bed. This was our last night together and I wanted to kiss him a lot. The thought instantly saddened me, but I pushed it away. Tonight I would pretend that Edward was my boyfriend and I didn't care that I was being delusional. I needed this like nothing I ever had before.

When I came back in Edward was sitting up with a worried look on his face.

'Are you ok?' he asked.

"I just got a drink," I explained and handed him a bottle of water.

Relief flooded his features. He had obviously thought that I was upset about something when I walked out. He was still watching me carefully; unsure of what he should do now. I reached behind me, unzipped my skirt and let it fall to the floor. I quickly took off my pantyhose and panties, and finally stood naked in front of him. His eyes travelled over my body and he licked his bottom lip. He reached out his hand to me and when I took it, he pulled me down on the bed with him. I was on my back and he lay next to me and leaned down to kiss me tenderly.

'Thank you," he said silently when he pulled back. 'It was…'

He shook his head and smiled.

"That good, huh?" I said with a grin.

He nodded eagerly and kissed me again.

'Bella, we should talk,' he started.

I shook my head.

"Please, not tonight, ok? Can't we just…pretend?" I pleaded with him and felt tears in my eyes again.

He pulled me into his arms and I buried my face in his neck.

"I don't want to think about tomorrow. You're here now and I want to be with you tonight, Edward. Please, do it for me."

I felt him nod and hold me even closer. He brought his mouth to mine and kissed me passionately. My hands went into his hair and he lay on top of me. I shivered in anticipation when he released my lips and moved to my neck. Every kiss, lick and gentle bite brought pleasurable tingles through my body and I couldn't believe how good it all felt. He kissed the swell of my breasts and dragged his tongue over my hard nipple before sucking it into his mouth.

"Oh god, that feels so good," I moaned when he flicked his tongue over it repeatedly.

I felt him smile against my skin as he switched to my other nipple and gave it the same wonderful attention. I was already panting and feeling dizzy with desire when he moved down my body, and I eagerly spread my legs for him. He placed soft kisses on my inner thighs and I felt him spread my folds with his fingers. I felt a stream of cool air on my heated flesh and he chuckled softly when I reacted by calling out his name. He licked from my entrance to my clit and my hips shot off the bed of their own accord. He held me down firmly and started flicking his tongue over my clit. I was already close to coming and I had never felt so wanton in my life.

"Oh, Edward!" I cried out when I felt his long fingers slide inside me.

I heard him moan against my clit and my eyes rolled back. My hips were fighting against his grip as I pushed myself down on my fingers.

"Please," I moaned. "I want you inside me!"

I reached down and pulled on his shoulders. I wanted to come around him, and I needed him inside me more than anything. He crawled up my body and I was writhing desperately beneath him. I felt the head of his cock against my opening when he leaned down to kiss me. Simultaneously I raised my hips, grabbed his ass and pushed his cock inside. Edward moaned into my mouth as I cried out. I was so full and nothing had ever felt better. I lifted his head and studied my face carefully with concern in his eyes.

"It doesn't hurt," I gasped. "You feel perfect."

Reassured he pulled back and thrust into me slowly. My toes curled and I threw my head back.

"Yes, god yes!" I shouted.

Edward started pushing into me slowly and I was dying for more.

"Please, harder. It feels so good," I panted.

Edward's eyes met mine and I nodded eagerly and lifted my head to kiss him. He sat up on his knees, pulling me with him and grabbed a hold of the head board with his right hand. He pulled all the way back and pounded into me with a loud moan.

"Oh, fuck yes!" I screamed, completely uninhibited at this point.

He started thrusting into me with incredible force and speed and led my hand down to where our bodies met. I understood immediately and rubbed my clit while he continued his relentless thrusts. The pleasure grew with each move and I was shouting out profanities like they were going out of style. Nothing had ever felt this intense before and I looked into Edward's eyes. He was watching me intently, a look of pure pleasure on his face.

'Come,' he mouthed. 'Come for me.'

That was all it took to hurl me over the edge and send me flying on a wave of pleasure. I screamed his name in my release and gripped the sheet with my free hand. When my orgasm died down I opened my eyes and looked up at Edward again. He had slowed his thrusts somewhat and was covered by a thin layer of sweat.

'Fucking beautiful,' he said silently, and the fact that he had cursed made my pussy clench around his cock once more.

_It figures that I would discover a love for dirty talk now that I'm with a man who can't speak out loud._

He stopped his thrusts and leaned down to kiss me again. I moaned when his tongue swirled around mine and he gently bit my lip.

'Dirty mouth,' he said silently with a smirk.

"Sorry," I whispered and blushed furiously.

'I love it,' he grinned salaciously and gave me a wink.

'Position?' he asked me with a raised eyebrow.

_Oh dear, he's asking me?_

I hesitated and he pulled back and thrust inside me again which made me moan. He grinned down at me and repeated the question.

_There's no point in hiding what I want. It seems that he's up for anything. _

"From behind," I whispered and avoided his eyes.

He growled and kissed me deeply.

_Oh wow! I guess he likes that idea. A lot!_

He pulled out slowly and flipped me over easily. I eagerly spread my legs and lifted my hips. I had never been this forward before but with Edward there was no shame in admitting what I really wanted. He ran his hands down my back, over my waist and rested them on my ass. He kneaded my cheeks firmly and I felt the head of his cock at my entrance. I whimpered and pushed back to slip him inside. Promptly he delivered a light smack to my ass and tsked at me. My insides clenched deliciously and I couldn't help but moan.

_Holy shit! Did he just spank me? And why did I like it?_

I was pretty shocked at my body's reaction and froze a little. Edward rubbed the spot soothingly and then I felt him write on my lower back with his finger.

'You ok?'

I nodded and was grateful that he couldn't see my blush. He kissed from the back of my neck, down my spine and ended with another openmouthed kiss on the spot he had spanked. He teased my entrance with the head of his cock and I whimpered again, completely lost at this point. He chuckled, decided to stop teasing me and pushed into me slowly.

"Oh," he moaned and covered my body with his.

He laced our fingers like the first time we were together and kissed my neck. He moved slowly at first, building the tension in both of us but soon he started thrusting faster and deeper. I was panting again and pushed my hips back to his rhythm as the pleasure grew more and more. Our bodies fit perfectly together and I could feel his movements becoming erratic. He bit down on my earlobe and tightened his grip on my hands.

"Edward, come with me," I yelled as I felt my orgasm approach.

I pushed my ass back against him, making him go faster and he complied immediately.

"Ah, ah, ah!" he cried out and I felt him bury his face in my hair.

_Please, say my name!_

"Edward," I called out as my pussy started to contract around him.

"Oh, oh, Bella!" he shouted and shivered against me and gripped my hands so tightly that it almost hurt.

My orgasm swept over me and nothing in the world mattered other than this; being with Edward and having him inside of me. He panted into my neck and rolled us both onto our sides to rest. He kissed my shoulder and lifted my hair to blow cool air onto the sweat that had gathered in the nape of my neck.

"That was incredible," I breathed out and brought his hand to my lips to kiss it.

I felt him nod and pull me closer.

"Please stay the night," I whispered, unable to stop myself.

_Please stay forever. I love you, Edward._

But I couldn't bring myself to tell him out loud. If I said it, it would kill me when he left. He hesitated for a few seconds before nodding.

"Thank you," I whispered and kissed his hand again.

He sat up, pulled the covers over us and then returned to his position behind me. He ran his hand up and down the side of my body, gently caressing my curves and placing soft kisses on my shoulder and neck. I closed my eyes and relaxed completely. He was still here and that was all that mattered. My mind started to drift and soon I fell asleep to the feel of his caresses.

I woke up to the most wonderful feeling. I didn't want to open my eyes, in case it went away. I felt it again; a tingling sensation between my legs that could only mean one thing. Edward was touching me. Suddenly I felt his mouth on my nipple, teasing it and blowing cool air on it. His talented fingers were drawing circles on my clit and I raised my hips into his touch.

"Mmm…Edward," I moaned.

In a flash, he was on top of me and kissed my lips. I opened my eyes to look at him when he pulled away. His hair was in the messy state that I loved and his eyes smoldering in the dark room.

"What time is it?" I asked.

He held up four fingers.

"Four in the morning?" I asked and stifled a yawn. "Why are you awake?"

He rubbed his erection against my folds and grinned.

"Oh," I said with a smile. "Been up long?"

He nodded seriously.

'So sexy and beautiful,' he mouthed and ran his hand down my body.

"Are you trying to sweet-talk me so you'll get lucky?" I asked.

'Depends,'

"On what?" I asked.

'Is it working?' he asked silently and gave me a wicked grin.

I laughed and he smiled brightly.

'Bella,' he mouthed and kissed me tenderly.

I spread my legs and he slipped inside effortlessly. We both moaned softly and he kissed me again. This time we made love gently. It was unhurried and tender. Edward kissed every part of me that he could reach and ran his hands all over by body. I suddenly realized with startling clarity what Edward was doing; he was saying goodbye to my body. The knowledge that this was truly our last time together brought tears to my eyes, and I shut them tight as he continued to move in me and kiss my face, my neck and my shoulders. He brought his hand down between our bodies and massaged my clit expertly. I didn't think I would be able to climax with so much pain in my heart but Edward knew my body so well already, and I exploded around him as he also reached his orgasm with a loud cry. I clung to him as he fell on top of me and refused to let him roll onto his side. He was breathing heavily and made whimpering noises against my skin.

"You're leaving now, aren't you?" I asked in a surprisingly calm voice.

A loud sob escaped his throat and he buried his face in the crook of my neck. I felt his tears on my shoulder as he shook and started to cry in heartbreaking wails of agony. He wrapped his arms around my torso and held me so tight that it almost hurt. I caressed his back and stroked his hair, but this only made him cry harder.

_I don't understand. Why is he leaving when he obviously doesn't want to?_

I couldn't do anything except share his tears and cry with him. I cried for so many reasons: Because I loved him, because I would never again hear him call my name when he climaxed, because I would never get to do any of things I had wanted to do with him, because I would never see his smile again or hear his laugh. The list was endless. But most of all I cried for Edward. I knew that he wouldn't leave if he didn't feel like it was the right thing to do, and I desperately wished that he would find some peace in the future. He didn't want to leave me that much was obvious. I would never know his secrets and why he seemed to choose life on the street when it made him miserable. I couldn't help him unless he was willing to help himself and right now he couldn't do that.

We cried until we both were spent and Edward pulled away with one final kiss that brought new tears to my eyes. He put his clothes on and picked up his few belongings.

"Keep the clothes I bought for you," I said quietly and looked away so he couldn't protest.

After he had finished packing everything he sat down on the bed next to me. I felt his hand on my cheek and I felt compelled to look at him in spite of everything.

'Thank you, Bella,' he said silently and stroked my cheek.

My bottom lip trembled and my eyes watered again.

'Don't cry for me,' he enunciated silently. 'I'll be ok.'

_Why don't I believe him? _

But I just nodded. I had to protect myself now. The sexual thrall I had been under was broken and I had to start using my head again.

"Edward, I want you to know how much I have loved having you here with me," I said. "I wish that you would stay, but I know that you can't do that."

He nodded sadly and blinked away some tears.

"I hope that you'll be ok out there," I continued. "But this was it for me."

He looked confused.

"I…I won't come and look for you again. I sincerely hope that you get better, but I can't save you anymore. You have to do that yourself now. I-I can't have you leave me again, I just can't, ok?"

'I won't see you again?' he asked silently with wide eyes. 'Ever?'

I shook my head.

"No, I can't do that. I can't see you and then watch you leave anymore. I'm sorry, Edward," I said and tried to keep my voice from shaking.

He didn't say anything. He just sat there and looked completely heartbroken. I leaned forward and kissed him one last time, and he gripped me tightly.

_Oh god, this hurts so badly but I have to protect myself. I'll die if he leaves me again!_

I was the first to break the kiss and I looked down.

"Goodbye Edward," I said quietly and worked with all my might to hold back the tears.

I heard him strangle a sob and press his trembling lips against my forehead for a second, before leaving the room. I wrapped my arms around my torso and sat quietly on the bed until I heard the door to the stairwell open and close after a beat. The second he was out of the apartment I let out a wail and curled myself into a tiny ball on the bed and cried until I thought I couldn't possibly hold anymore tears and the sun came up.

The meteorologists called it the first day of spring. A new season had begun, but my heart longed for winter and blizzards.

**Ok, I know that sort of sounded like 'The End' but it's not, I swear!!**

**Please don't kill me for making Edward leave! (As my friend LadyTx said: "That's what Edward does!")**

**Also, I know that they didn't use a condom this time, and on that note I encourage you to visit my profile and vote on the poll there. ;)**

**Leave me a review! **


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**People are pretty mad at Edward right now, but I can't really blame you for that. Thank you for all your reviews and for voting on the poll. I have left the decision up to you guys and 72 % of you wanted…Well, I guess you'll have to read the chapter to find out. :)**

**Now for the bad news: "Taken" has been reported to the moderators and will most likely be removed. I don't know what will happen yet, just that some horrible woman wrote and informed me that she had reported it, because apparently she believes that I endorse kidnapping. I tried to tell her that this was just fiction and I would never think that stalking and kidnapping was ok in real life, but it didn't help any. I will find a new place to post if it gets taken down, and let you know.**

**My beta Melanie had been working hard this time and she deserves a special thanks!**

**Enjoy this chapter! **

BPOV

"What do you mean, 'Edward left'?!" Angela shrieked loudly and threw up her free hand.

I stared at my friend with tired eyes that were sore and irritated from crying all morning. She was in a business suit and holding her usual barrel sized Starbucks cup.

"Exactly what I said. Edward left early this morning."

"Well, is he coming back?" she asked impatiently.

I shook my head.

_Nope, I pretty much told him to stay gone. Why the hell did I do that? Oh right, to protect myself._

"No, I don't think he is, Angela," I whispered.

"Did you guys have a fight?" she asked carefully.

I let out a bitter laugh.

_How do you fight with a guy who can't talk? It would be a pretty one sided argument._

"No, we didn't have a fight. He left because apparently he doesn't think that he's good enough for me, and that I should be with a man who can give me everything."

"He told you this?"

"He wrote me a letter," I said and pulled out a cigarette.

Angela scowled at me and I rolled my eyes in return.

_I can have a goddamn cigarette if I want one!_

I lit up and inhaled. It tasted awful and I put it out again with a frustrated sigh.

_Now I can't even enjoy my one vice anymore! How much does my life suck? Let me count the ways…_

"He wrote you a letter," Angela supplied and motioned for me to continue.

"Yeah, he said that he was sorry for hurting me, that I deserved better than him and that he wanted us to continue as friends. That was pretty much the gist of it," I muttered.

I didn't tell her the words of praise he had written about me; how I was beautiful, smart, kind and funny. How I was an angel to him and how he wished that he could be with me the way I deserved. Those words were too special to share with anyone. I would keep those for myself and store them in my heart.

"Friends?!" she half-yelled. "Motherfucking _friends_?! You have got to be shitting me! That's bullshit!"

I stared at her, slightly amused. Angela rarely cursed but when she did, she always went the extra mile.

"Sorry," she said and took a drink of her latte, which was most likely spiked with a double espresso shot. "But 'friends', Bella? He's crazy about you."

"Not enough, apparently," I said, feeling jaded.

"Did he really just leave while you were sleeping again?"

"No, err, I was awake," I said and looked down.

I could feel her eyes on me.

"Wait, did you two?" she started.

_Fuck! What is she, orgasm-psychic?_

"You did!" she exclaimed. "You slept with him, didn't you?"

"Yeah," I said reluctantly.

"And then he just left you? What an asshole!"

"No, he's not an asshole for sleeping with me. I asked him for sex," I admitted.

_Correction, you asked him to make love to you. Love. Because you love him. Why didn't you tell him?!_

I shook my head. Maybe I should have told him but I very much doubted that it would have made a difference to him. Edward was adamant about leaving.

"You asked him for sex? Why?" Angela asked, disbelievingly.

"Because I love him, ok!" I yelled, and hurled the pack of cigarettes towards the trashcan. "I love him and I wanted to be with him. And now he's gone and I told him that I couldn't see him again!"

I started sobbing into my hands and Angela stroked my hair gently.

"Oh, Bella," she said softly. "I'm so sorry. What can I do?"

I took a deep breath and collected myself. I had been crying for hours and now I had to stop.

"Can we do something today? Anything but sit around here. Are you free?" I asked her.

"Of course, honey. I can move some stuff around," she said with a smile. "What do you wanna do?"

"I don't really care. I just need a distraction. I'm not gonna go all zombie again," I said firmly. "It was Edward's choice to leave and I can't think about him anymore."

"Good for you," Angela said proudly. "How about a spa day followed by dinner and a trashy movie? We can throw popcorn on all the happy couples who are just there to make out!"

I couldn't help but laugh a little.

"That sounds perfect," I said.

"Excellent, it's my treat and I don't wanna hear a thing about it," she said and fished out her phone to find a spa for us.

_Thank God for Angela! I just have to forget about Edward now and get back to the way things were before I met him. With the exception of Mike, of course!_

* * *

The next couple of weeks dragged on slowly and even though I tried my best not to think about Edward, I couldn't keep him completely out of my mind. Late at night when I had numbed my mind with too much TV and finally lay in my quiet bedroom my thoughts always wandered to him. I tried not to cry too much for him, and told myself that this was for the best. This was what Edward wanted and I couldn't be with a man who didn't really want me.

I still saw Joe regularly and we had become close in the few weeks that followed Edward's departure. Tonight I was making him dinner and I had some great news for him. He came over around 6 as usual and used my shower before we sat down to eat. This had become a regular routine a few nights a week and I think he enjoyed it as much as I did. We rarely talked about Edward and that was a relief. Joe hadn't seen him since he left here, but assured me that this didn't mean that something bad had happened. Joe was sleeping on the couch a few nights a week here, and he had told me that sometimes he wouldn't see Edward for long periods of time depending on which shelters he slept in.

"Thank you for the shower and clothes, Bella," he said when he entered the kitchen in his outfit which I had washed since last time he was here.

"No problem. Dinner's ready," I said and served the steaks.

"Wow, what's the occasion?" he asked and eyed the huge T-bones.

"Sit down and I'll tell you," I said.

He looked curiously at me as I put the rest of the food out and offered him a drink. He chose water as usual and I did as well.

"Ok, I have some good news for you," I started.

"Really? I haven't had any of that in quite a while," he said with a grin.

"Well, I think your luck is turning, Joseph Jackson, because..."

I paused for emphasis and he leaned forward.

"I got you a job!" I almost yelled and bounced up and down in my chair.

He sat completely stunned for a few seconds.

"A…job?" he asked carefully. "In construction?"

"No, at the library," I explained quickly. "It's just part-time but I figured that it was a start, at least."

"Oh Bella, that's very nice of you, but I can't get a job without a permanent address," he said sadly. "It was so kind of you to think about me, though."

He patted my hand and smiled.

"Well, I already thought of that," I said. "I…I was going to ask you to move in here with me."

He raised his eyebrows and looked around the kitchen as if it was the first time he saw it.

"Angela's old room is just sitting there," I said. "And you can stay here until you get enough money for a place of your own."

He looked at me and blinked.

"That's very generous of you to offer, but I couldn't impose on you like that, Bella. You're a young woman and you don't need an old geezer like me hanging around and, err, what is it you kids call it? Cramping your style?"

I laughed.

"First of all Joe, you could never impose, and I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want you here. Second, you're hardly an old geezer, and third, it's not like I have a lot of style to cramp upon," I said. "Please, say yes."

I could see that he was considering.

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather offer the room to…someone else," he asked delicately.

"No, and you can say his name. Edward didn't want to stay with me, and I just have to deal with that. Please say yes, Joe. I want you to take the job and the room."

He held out his hand and smiled.

"I accept," he said.

I shook his hand and grinned.

"Thank you, Bella. You don't know what this means to me," he said.

I could see that his eyes were getting a little moist and he quickly looked down at his plate and released my hand after giving it a small squeeze. I didn't say anything. If Joe was anything like my father, which I suspected he was, tears were not something that you showed to other people. He cleared his throat and cut into his steak. When he looked up at me again the tears were gone.

"This is delicious," he said and smiled. "Now, we should work out the finer details about this roommate business."

"Ok, like what?" I asked and dug into my plate.

"Well, I'll pay half the rent, of course," he started.

"Not on your life, Joe," I said firmly. "This place is rent-controlled and I can afford it on my own. You need money to save up for your own place and getting your life back. Angela already said that you can have her old bed but that's all the furniture there is for now."

"Ok ok," he said, obviously seeing that it was pointless to argue with me. "But I'll help you with utilities and groceries at least. And I insist on cooking every other night."

"That sounds fair," I said. "Do you want to hear about your job at the library?"

He nodded eagerly.

"Basically you're going to be doing everything that we don't always have time for; putting books back on shelves, scanning new titles into the computer, unpacking new releases, making suggestions if someone is looking for a good book. You've read more than I have, so you're definitely qualified. Sound good?"

"It sounds wonderful, all of it. Thank you so much for this, Bella. I think Edward was right about you. You truly are an angel."

I smiled and lowered my eyes to my plate to hide my tears. I wasn't enough of an angel to save Edward, but at least I was able to help Joe get back on his feet and that would have to be enough.

Angela and Ben helped out with some old furniture that they had in storage and we managed to make a pretty nice room for Joe. He kept shaking his head as if he couldn't believe it and thanked the three of us profusely. I was thrilled that I was able to help him get his life back on track, and I was also thankful for the distraction. Joe was a good man and in a strange way it made me feel a little better about losing Edward. I had gained a friend from the whole experience and I was grateful for that.

On the morning when Joe was starting his new job he made me breakfast and we sat in the kitchen reading our papers.

"This is nice," he said and smiled to me.

"I agree. You're a great roommate, Joe. Are you nervous about starting work today?"

"Yeah, a little," he admitted. "This is a whole new thing for me, but I'm also looking forward to it. I was probably getting a little old for the construction business, and I've always loved books so much. I just never thought it would be possible for me to do something job-wise with it."

"You'll do great," I assured him. "And if you have any questions just come and find me or Mary."

"Who's Mary?" he asked.

"She's my colleague. She's very nice and she showed me the ropes when I first started working there."

"Ok, I'll be sure to do that," he said and returned to his paper.

I smiled into my coffee cup. Mary had already asked about Joe when he had visited me earlier. She tried to sound casual, but she wasn't fooling me. She liked what she saw when she looked at him. When I had suggested hiring Joe for the part- time position, she had agreed immediately and I saw her smiling when she thought I wasn't looking. Mary was only a few years younger than Joe and had been divorced for a while now. I was really looking forward to introducing the two of them. Of course, I knew better than to reveal any of this to Joe. He would most likely get all flustered and nervous, and I decided to act like Mary was just another colleague.

We walked to work together and Mary was already at the front desk, probably waiting for us to arrive. We had about an hour before the library opened, and that was plenty of time to show Joe everything and of course meet Mary.

"Hi Bella," she said with a huge smile as we walked towards her.

I noticed that she had dressed a little nicer than usual, and apparently my instincts were still accurate when it came to other peoples' love life.

"Good morning Mary, this is Joseph Jackson," I said as we stood in front of her.

"You can call me Joe," he said with a smile and held out his hand.

"Oh, do I have to?" she asked. "Joseph is such a lovely name."

"No, not at all. Joseph it is," he said immediately.

She took his hand and shook it.

"It's nice to meet you, Joseph," she said warmly.

"It's very nice to meet you too, Mary," he said.

"Bella tells me that you're living with her," she said.

"Yes, it's just until I get my own place," he said and smiled.

"I'm divorced!" she blurted out. "I mean, um, I live alone but it must be nice to have someone like Bella to spend time with."

"Yes, it took me a while to get used to living alone after my wife passed away. It can get lonely at night," he said.

"I agree, it's nice to spend time with friends or colleagues after work," Mary said and smiled.

They looked at each other and I suddenly had the very distinct feeling that I had just become the third wheel.

"Well, I'm going to go make some coffee," I said. "I'll let you two get acquainted."

They both nodded but neither of them looked at me. I hurried into the small kitchen and laughed my head off after I shut the door.

_Mary and Joseph. Talk about a match made in heaven!_

I wasn't at all surprised when Joe asked me if it was alright that he didn't make it home for dinner that night. Mary had offered to take him out for a celebratory meal for his first day at his new job. He politely asked if I wanted to join them, but I declined immediately.

As I walked home alone I couldn't help but smile a little for the first time in weeks. The last time I had done this I was making my way home to Edward. I knew that he wasn't there anymore, but at least Joe was happy and he would be home later to tell me about his almost-date with Mary. I picked up the mail and smiled when I saw a letter for Joe, because I knew how much it would mean to him to have genuine proof that he now had a permanent address.

I rifled through the massive amount of junk mail and I discovered a letter from my doctor's office. It was a reminder that it was almost time for my Pap test and that I needed to call and make an appointment.

_Damn, already? It feels like I just went for a pelvic exam!_

But that was a little more than six months ago, and I had only gone because I wanted to switch my method of birth control from pills to getting a shot because I was a little forgetful once in a while.

_Oh, but I still hate that stupid injection. When is it time for that?_

Suddenly my blood turned cold. I calculated quickly in my head and realized that it had been well over three months ago since I got my last shot because that was some time before Christmas.

_Which means that…Oh shit!_

I stumbled a little and dropped the letter as though it had burnt me.

_When did I have my last period? God, I can't remember!_

I picked up my phone and called Angela. I told her to get here as soon as possible but I wouldn't tell her my concerns over the phone. This was definitely a face-to-face conversation. She arrived soon after, looking frazzled and nervous.

"What is it, Bella? What's wrong? You sounded so weird on the phone. Where's Joe? Is he ok? Is it Edward? Why aren't you saying anything?" she bombarded me with questions.

"Easy, easy," I said. "No one is hurt."

She relaxed, sat down and took the coffee I offered her.

"I think I might be pregnant," I blurted out.

_Ok, way to ease her into it there, Bella._

"What?" she asked and narrowed her eyes.

"I, uh, Edward and I…We didn't use a condom last time," I admitted.

"What?!" she said agitatedly. "How could you be so irresponsible, Bella? What about STDs?"

"I've never had unprotected sex with anyone, not even Mike. And Edward, well…he's only slept with two women," I defended.

"I just, I didn't want anything between us," I admitted weakly. "I wanted to feel _him_, only him.

"Yeah, that's very romantic until you get Chlamydia or something even worse," Angela said sarcastically.

I had to commend Angela for being adamant about always being safe. Although she had been kind of active before she met Ben, she had never had unprotected sex.

"I'm sorry," I said with a sigh. "But can we get back to the whole 'I might be pregnant' conversation?"

"You're not pregnant," she said dismissively. "You're getting that DMPA shot."

_Oh, she is gonna kill me for this!! Have mercy!_

"I, uh…I forgot to get it," I whispered.

She stared at me and pressed her lips together.

"After everything that happened with Mike and then Edward leaving the first time, it completely slipped my mind," I said, hoping that she wouldn't slap me for being so careless.

"When did you have your period?" she asked, trying to stay calm.

"It's been a while," I said lamely.

"God, you're killing me!" she exclaimed. "You don't remember?"

"It was definitely after I first met Edward," I said, feeling sure about this.

"Yeah, that really doesn't help us any," she said. "Have you had any signs that might indicate that you're pregnant?"  
I shook my head.

"No nausea, fatigue or feeling overly emotional?" she questioned.

"Well, I've been emotional but that's because of Edward," I said and felt my eyes well up with tears.

"Bella," she said and stroked my hair. "What a mess."

I nodded and sniffled.

"I guess we should go the drugstore and get one of those pregnancy tests where you can tell early," she said.

I nodded again and wiped my eyes with my sleeve as I stood up to put my coat back on.

"By the way, where's Joe?" she asked as we were driving down the street.

"Oh, he's got a date," I said with a small smile.

"Huh. Well, I guess he couldn't wait around for me any longer," she grinned. "Let me guess, Mary?"

"Yeah, and she calls him Joseph."

Angela threw her head back and laughed.

"That's priceless. Good for them, though."

I agreed completely and gripped Angela's hand in mine as we pulled up to the drugstore.

"Do you want me to get it for you?" Angela asked.

"No, I can do this," I said and exited the car.

After picking up a few pregnancy tests we hurried back to the apartment, and I stood outside the door to the bathroom.

"God, I'm nervous," I told her and looked at the packages in my slightly trembling hand.

"Just do it quickly, and we'll know the answer in a few minutes."

I nodded and entered the bathroom with my pulse thundering loudly in my ears. I put the tests on the edge of the sink after using them and joined Angela in the kitchen.

"Two minutes," I said and swallowed a lump in my throat.

"Bella, what if you are? What are you going to do?" she asked seriously.

"Keep it," I answered immediately.

"Are you sure?" she asked. "And raise it alone? You do have other options, you know."

"No, I don't," I said firmly. "If I'm pregnant I want the baby. That's the only thing I'm completely sure of."

Angela nodded in a resigned manner.

"I know," she said with a small smile. "I figured you might say that."

"How long?" I asked.

"Just a minute now. Whatever happens everything will be ok, Bella. You know that I'll support you one hundred percent."

"I know, and I'm really grateful for that."

The seconds seemed to drag , and finally I couldn't take it anymore and started pacing.

"It's time," Angela said and looked at her watch.

"Oh shit," I whispered and blinked away a few tears.

Angela grabbed my hand and we walked into the bathroom together. On the sink, the answer to the biggest question of my life was waiting. I took a deep breath and picked up the first

test. I stared at the seemingly innocuous looking plastic stick which had suddenly become the center of my life. I read the result and exhaled shakily.

"Well?" Angela asked anxiously.

My eyes welled up with tears and my vision blurred completely.

"P-positive," I stuttered.

She quickly picked up the other two and looked at them.

"These are positive, as well," she said quietly and rubbed my shoulder.

_I'm pregnant! I'm gonna have a baby!  
_

"A baby," I whispered and placed my hand on my abdomen. "My baby."

_Mine and Edward's._

I felt the tears trickle down my cheeks and I didn't bother wiping them away.

"Are those happy tears?" Angela asked anxiously.

I nodded vigorously but wasn't able to speak because I was overcome with emotion.

_I'm going to be a mom. I'll be someone's mommy! _

I was so happy that I was almost afraid to say something and break the spell. I had wanted a baby for a long time, and now I was finally pregnant again. I tried to tell myself that I shouldn't start making plans just yet, that I should be cautiously happy because I could still miscarry as I had before, but my joy wouldn't be contained.

"I'm having a baby," I croaked out to Angela.

She smiled widely and gave me a hug.

"I'll help you, Bella. You won't do this alone," she promised and hugged me tighter.

We walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. Angela was watching me closely and I could see that there was something she wanted to say.  
"You're going to ask me about Edward, aren't you?"

"Yes," she said and paused for a few seconds. "Are you planning on telling him?"

I thought about it and I hated to admit that I felt a torn about sharing the news with him.

"He's the father and he has a right to know," I started.

"But," Angela hedged.

"But…I don't want Edward to come back because I'm pregnant. Right now he's so lost and this might only make things worse for him. I want him to come back to me because he really wants to, not because he feels obligated."

Angela nodded and looked pensive.

"If he decides to stay after I tell him, I'll never know if he really wants me or if it's just because he feels that it's the right thing to do. And what if he feels like I'm forcing him to stay and then he leaves again when it becomes too much for him? What if I have this baby and he suddenly decides that he belongs out there? I can't have him leave me and the baby, especially if our child gets attached to him."

I sighed heavily.

"I do want him to know his baby, but because of his situation it's not like I can do a shared custody thing with him. There are so many unknown factors with Edward, and I don't know if I can trust him not to leave again. I can't be a family with him and then risk that he abandons us. I can't depend on him as things are now. I have to depend on myself for the baby's sake. I have to be the constant in my child's life and I can't let Edward affect my judgment anymore. I can't risk getting depressed like before if he leaves again. I'll have someone who depends on me entirely for everything."

Angela looked at me and mulled over my speech.

"It sounds like you've made up your mind," she said softly and took my hand.

"It isn't right. Edward should know about this, and I would love to raise our child together…But I can't be selfish now. I have to do what's best for the baby, and I don't know if Edward knowing qualifies as the best. A baby needs consistency and parents that are dependable and trustworthy, and I'm not sure if Edward can be any of those things."

I buried my face in my hands and started to cry. Angela rubbed my back soothingly.

"God, this is so messed up," I sobbed. "In a perfect world, Edward and I would be together and have this baby. I love him, Angela. I tried not to, but I still do."

"I know, I know," she said softly and stroked my hair.

"I don't know that to do. I feel rotten about keeping this from him, but I can't trust that he'll stay with us if I tell him. If I told him and he decided not to be a part of it immediately, it would hurt me but then at least I would know. But what if he leaves while I'm at the end of the pregnancy, or worse, after the baby is born? I couldn't handle that. I hate to say it, but the way things are now I only know Edward as someone who leaves."

"You don't have to decide anything right now, honey," Angela said. "You just found out and you should be happy and not worry too much. It can't be good for the baby. You can take a little time and think things over."

I nodded and took a couple of deep breaths. My friend was right. I had time and I needed to remember that this was a good thing. I wanted this baby so much and I could make a decision later.

"Ok," Angela said determinedly. "What can I do right now?"

"Um, I need some pre-natal vitamins and I should probably get some books and stuff on being pregnant. I know that there are some things that I need to avoid, but I can hardly remember. I have to get a doctor's appointment, as well. But that can all wait until tomorrow."

"Ok, but right now we need to fix you some dinner," she said with a smile.

I started to get up but Angela protested.

"I'm making dinner," she said. "You sit here and relax with some TV or something."

"Ok," I said and leaned against the cushions as she walked into the kitchen.

I turned on the TV but I couldn't really focus on it. I put my hand on my flat stomach and tried to envision it with a bump.

"We are going to be ok, little one," I said quietly. "I love you so much already, and I wish I could give you the perfect family. Maybe someday I will be able to."

I wiped away a tear and took a deep breath.

"In the meantime, we have Aunt Angela, Uncle Ben and Joe to be there for us. And Grandma Renee and Phil, and Grandpa Charlie are going to spoil you rotten. Everyone will love you so much. Please grow big and strong, and I'll take care of everything out here. Ok, baby?"

I rubbed my stomach and smiled. We would be ok. I just hoped that Edward was alright wherever he was and that he was taking care of himself out there on the streets. He had left me with a parting gift far more valuable than his dog tag this time, and for that I would always love him.

**Yay! A baby! **

**Ok, I know that a few of you were very much against her getting pregnant, and one reviewer even said that she would stop reading entirely, if Bella has a baby. I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I have left it up to the readers and let you decide. This is what the majority wanted and so you shall have it. :)**

**Should Edward know about the baby? YES!!! (Right? I assume that everyone agrees with this?)**

**How is our handsome Homelessward doing without his Bella? What will Joe say and will he kick Edward's ass for abandoning Bella after having slept with her? **

**By the way, there's a Blizzard thread on Twilighted(dot)net where I'll be posting teasers and answering questions. You can find it under the All Human fics and I'll put the link on my profile page.  
**


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Sorry for this long AN, but I have a few things to get off my chest.**

**I want to thank all of you who have been so supportive with my "Taken" problem. I'll keep posting here as long as I can, and I am sending the new chapter to my beta today so it should be up soon. :)**

**Bella's pregnancy has lost me a lot of readers and while this surprises me, I do not regret the decision. I always intended to bring a baby into the story, and the poll confirmed my beliefs that the majority of my readers have faith in my writing and will trust my judgment. **

**Many have complained that now they will read the same story line that apparently have already been written a million times in the fanfic universe. I was not aware that Bella getting pregnant was common since I have only read one fic like that (and I have read A LOT!)**

**Anyways, as always a big shout out to my wonderful and supportive beta Melanie (Edward's Eternal) who tells me to disregard the naysayers and continue with my story, regardless of a very vocal 'anti-baby' minority. **

**Edward's part of the chapter takes place a few weeks after Bella's part, just to clear up any confusion. (Now if you ask me about this in your review, I'll know that you didn't read my long-ass AN, lol)**

**Enjoy!**

BPOV

"What's all this?" Joe asked curiously as he looked at the setup in the living room.

After dinner Angela and I had rented movies and bought half our weight in chocolate, ice cream and candy. We were both sitting on the couch stuffing our faces with junk while watching "Baby Boom" with Diane Keaton. I had only seen it once before, but now it spoke to me in a whole new way. Not only was dear Diane able to raise the baby alone, she also made a successful business and even managed to snag herself a guy in the end. It had been Angela's suggestion and I had protested, saying that I didn't want to be a single mother, and that I still hadn't made up my mind whether or not it was wise to tell Edward. I wanted to desperately though, but I had no idea how I would even find him again. I wouldn't dare search the shelters at night again without backup, that was for damn sure.

"Movie night," Angela told him with a smile. "Want to join us?"

"Sure," he replied and sat down next to us and took some candy.

"Did you and Mary have a nice time?" I asked him.

He nodded and smiled.

"She's wonderful company. I'm so lucky to have all you lovely ladies in my life now," he said happily.

I smiled and he patted my hand. Joe was such a good friend, but I was a little worried about telling him about my pregnancy. I didn't know how he would react to the news and the prospect of possibly sharing the apartment with a baby, if he didn't find a place of his own before it was born. We watched the movie and when Diane had gotten her happily ever after, Angela decided to call it a night and get home to Ben.

"Joe, I need to tell you something," I said nervously, when we had said goodbye to Angela.

"Ok," he said with a smile. "Shoot."

"I'm, uh, I found out that I'm pregnant," I said quietly.

He stared at me and blinked a couple of times.

"Pregnant?" he asked uncertainly. "Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure. I haven't been to the doctor yet, but three positive tests are a good indication."

He nodded, deep in thought. Then he looked at me again.

"Are you happy about this, Bella?" he asked carefully.

"Yeah," I said slowly. "I mean, it's not exactly the most ideal of circumstances but I do want the baby. I'm absolutely sure of that."

"Well," he said with a smile. "Then congratulations are in order, aren't they. I'm very happy for you, Bella."

"Thank you, Joe. It means a lot that you're supportive of this."

"Of course, why wouldn't I be? Kids are great. I never had any myself and I was always sad about that fact. My wife couldn't conceive, but we tried for many years."

Suddenly his smile vanished and he looked at me.

"Is it Edward's?" he asked.

"Yes," I whispered.

I could see that Joe was becoming upset.

"I _told_ that boy to stop stringing you along, and he did this anyway," he muttered, mostly to himself.

"Joe, it wasn't his fault. I'm the one who forgot about protection," I said weakly, feeling slightly uncomfortable about discussing this with him.

"That doesn't matter," he said. "Edward knows better than to do something like this. He knew that he was leaving all along, and he shouldn't have done this to you regardless of the circumstances. I thought that boy was smarter than this."

I heard his words, but I couldn't agree with them. I had wanted Edward even though I knew that he wasn't staying.

"But, I wanted it too," I protested. "I-I love him, Joe."

"I know you do," he said softly. "I could see that immediately when I brought him here. But Edward shouldn't have used you like that and then left afterwards. It isn't right to treat a woman like that, and I thought that Edward knew that."

"Please don't be angry with him. I'm the one who, err, initiated it," I said and looked down, suddenly feeling like a tramp.

"Bella, I haven't known you that long, but I can see that you're the type of person who loves with your whole heart. I can understand why you wanted to be with Edward in every way, but it doesn't excuse his actions. He shouldn't have left afterwards. I am so disappointed in him! I told him to stop fooling around with you if he was going to leave, and I thought he heard me."

I didn't know what to say. I was sad because Edward left, but I could never be angry with him for sleeping with me. I had been the one who asked for it and Edward gave me what I wanted that night. I tried to explain this to Joe but he seemed genuinely upset about his friend's actions and I couldn't convince him that Edward hadn't done anything wrong.

"Are you going to tell him?" Joe finally asked.

"I want to," I said honestly. "But I don't know if it's what's best for the baby. Do you think that Edward would want this?"

He nodded.

"He loves children. I know he'd want to be there for the both of you if you tell him," Joe said.

"Even for the long haul?" I asked. "I couldn't bear it if he leaves us once the baby is born. I know he wouldn't do it out of indifference, but what if he can't live a normal life because of all his problems?"

"There are no guarantees," Joe said wearily. "Edward is complex, but I highly doubt that he is the sort of man who would abandon his child."

I suddenly felt tired. There was so much I didn't know about Edward. I had no idea why he couldn't speak or how he had ended up living on the street. I suspected that it had something to do with his experience of being in the army, but these were just speculations on my part.

"How much do you know about his past?" I asked.

Joe thought about it for a while.

"I know that he was stationed in Afghanistan and something happened there that changed him. Edward hasn't revealed much, but when I've asked him he's always answered me. He only started writing things down after he met you, so before that it wasn't exactly easy to get a lot of information out of him."

"Do you know of he has a family?" I asked. "I found a woman with his last name on the internet, and she lives here in Chicago in a wealthy neighborhood."

Joe shook his head.

"I have no idea. But if she really was family you would think that Edward would be living there. Especially if she has money to help him."

"Yeah, that would make the most sense," I agreed.

"Do you want me to look for him?" Joe asked carefully. "I have a much better chance of finding him than you do."

I thought about it. Did I want to see Edward again?

_Yes, more than anything._

Did I want him to know about the baby?

_See above._

I had to trust my instincts on this one, and they were now telling me that Edward should know the truth even though I still wasn't sure if he was trustworthy or dependable.

"Yes," I finally answered. "Please find him for me, Joe."

"I will," he said, and then he muttered something under his breath, and I swear I heard the word "ass-kicking".

"Joe," I warned. "You're not gonna hurt him."

"I won't," he said and gave me an angelic smile. "I'm just going to have a little talk to Edward about the proper way to treat a lady."

_Pff, 'lady'. I was definitely a tramp that night!_

"I'm serious," I said with a scowl. "If you bring him back all bruised I'm serving you Brussels sprouts for a month."

He made a face that made me laugh a little.

"My one weakness," he said with a grin. "Alright, alright. I'll keep the bruising to a minimum."

I nodded and yawned.

"Yeah, we should get to sleep," Joe said. "We have work in the morning."

He let out a happy laugh.

"God, I'll never get tired of saying that."

I smiled and got off the couch.

"I'm making breakfast tomorrow, ok?" I said before exiting the living room.

"Sounds good," he said. "And don't worry, Bella. Everything will be fine. Edward may have his issues but deep down he's a good man, and I know he'll do the right thing."

I nodded and went to bed, praying that Joe was right in his assessment of Edward. I missed him the most at night, and eventually I fell asleep with his dog tag in my hand and my head filled with thoughts of him.

EPOV

Sleep. Dream of her smiling at me. Beg. Eat. Trying not to think about her lips against mine. Wander the streets aimlessly. Sleep. Waking up from a nightmare shaking in terror. Beg. Trying not to remember how she always smelled sweet and floral. Eat. Fight. More walking. Beg. Sleep. Dream about having her body wrapped around mine.

This was my life now and I hated it. I hated everything, even the dreams that featured my angel. When I had left her the first time, they were my only comfort and the one thing that made my existence bearable. Not anymore, though. Every time I would wake up alone they were a reminder of what I had lost.

_No, not lost. Thrown away. You did this to yourself._

The last conversation I had with her haunted me.

"_I…I won't come and look for you again. I sincerely hope that you get better, but I can't save you anymore. You have to do that yourself now. I-I can't have you leave me again, I just can't, ok?"_

'_I won't see you again? Ever?'_

"_No, I can't do that. I can't see you and then watch you leave anymore. I'm sorry, Edward."_

She had made it perfectly clear that I had done this to her for the last time. She couldn't watch me leave again, and she wouldn't find me out here. I had abandoned her and she had finally had enough. I had felt so horrible that morning and after stumbling out of her apartment building, I had become violently ill and ended up throwing up in the bushes. Everything was wrong. I didn't want to leave her. I wanted to be selfish and hold her forever. Her voice had sounded so calm and resigned after we had made love, and she hadn't asked, she had stated that I was leaving. She knew that I would leave all along, and still she had wanted to make love to me.

And it had been wonderful. The first time had been so passionate and unrestrained. I had never seen her so uninhibited, and the words she had moaned turned me on like I had never experienced before. I had never found cursing all that sexy, but when my angel uttered those dirty words they drove me wild. I loved that she had been comfortable enough with me to unleash her desires in such a way.

The second time had been…bittersweet was the best word for it. I had hardly slept that night after we made love the first time. I watched her sleep for hours. I ran my fingers through her long silky hair; I caressed her warm smooth skin softly and placed gentle kisses on her lips. She was so perfect in every sense of the word and I memorized all her features. I had glanced over at the treacherous clock on her nightstand which had become the bane of my existence. Every time the numbers changed it meant that I was one minute closer to leaving her, and I wanted to smash it into a million pieces. I wanted to suspend time and live forever in that moment. My angel was sleeping peacefully with a small smile on her lips and I was with her.

Eventually I fell asleep but it didn't last very long. I woke up wrapped around her; my face buried in her hair, my body flush against her, my top leg in between hers, my hand palming her naked breast. I needed her again. A glance at the clock told me that I had slept for a few hours and I cursed inwardly. Those hours were wasted on sleep when I could have been watching my angel. But now I needed more than that. I woke her slowly with gentle caresses and felt her body responding to my touches. I had to be inside her one more time. As great as the first time had been, it wasn't nearly enough. I wanted it slow and gentle. I wanted her to remember me like that when I left. I couldn't tell her that I loved her, but I could convey it with my body and the way I reverently caressed her while I made love to her.

'I love you,' I thought as I kissed her lips.

'I love you' when my hand traced the contours of her breast.

'I love you,' with each slow thrust that brought both of us closer to ecstasy.

When I came inside her it brought tears to my eyes. I tried my best to contain my emotions but her calm words shattered me completely. I wanted to be an egotistical bastard and stay with her forever. I wanted to forget everything and simply be with her. I wanted her and I was so close to giving in. I wanted to shake my head when she said that I was leaving. I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to pretend that I was good for her and that she couldn't possibly do any better than me. But I knew that was a lie. So I left her. I left her bed, her apartment and her life. And now I was more miserable than ever as a result.

It had been several weeks and absolutely nothing had changed on the outside. I still made my way through life fighting, begging and longing for her. On the inside, though, I could feel a definite change in myself. I was becoming angry and callous. I avoided the few friends I had out here, and if I saw them in a shelter I would promptly leave and find another one where I could be alone. I found myself glaring openly at happy couples walking down the street, the jealously and anger turning my heart into a stone. I wanted what they had, and it was fucking unfair that I was given this lot in life. I had been a good person in my old life, and this was how the universe was repaying me. I was slowly but surely becoming bitter and hateful.

It was getting late and I decided to find a shelter for the night. It was warmer now and spring was in full bloom. It meant that more people were outside and subsequently that resulted in me getting more money which was good. I made my way through the city with my head down as usual. I didn't need to hide my face to appear menacing anymore since I now wore a constant scowl, but it had become a habit. I passed an alley when I heard the distinct voice of a woman in trouble. I stopped and looked to where the voice was coming from. I could see the outline of three people, two men and a woman. I took a step into the alley and looked closer. A nicely dressed middle aged woman was being restrained by one man while the other one was rifling through her bag. She looked petrified and was shaking in the man's grasp.

I felt myself turn away from the sight and I started to walk out of the alley.

_Wait! What the fuck am I doing?! I'm leaving her to get attacked?!_

It hit me like someone had just taken a mallet to my forehead. I was not going to help her. I turned and looked again. Should I risk getting beat up to help a rich woman who would probably ignore me if she saw me begging in the street? What did she mean to me? Not a goddamn thing. So why should I stick my neck out for her?

_Because it's the right thing to do! _

Did I still care about doing the right thing? I thought that leaving my angel was the right thing to do, and all I could feel was sadness and longing when I thought about her.

_But they could hurt that woman if I don't help her! I have to do something!_

I looked at her face; a mask of undiluted fear as she watched the man go through her belongings. Suddenly her focus shifted and her wide terrified eyes met mine. I don't know what she saw in them but something made her wrestle herself out of the man's hold, grab her bag and run towards me. The two men both yelled angrily and followed her. They both hesitated when they saw me and the woman cowered behind me as one of the men blocked the way out of the alley.

"Please help me," she whimpered and I felt her grab a hold of my coat as if I were a shield.

I felt myself hesitate and frankly it shocked the living daylights out of me. I had never been a person who felt reluctant to help someone in need, especially a woman, but I found myself feeling exactly that. It would be so much easier to just walk away and let them have her.

_Like Bella! Would you have left her with the two men who so 'generously' offered to share her with you?! This woman could mean just as much to someone as Bella does to you!_

That single thought finally brought me out of my hesitancy. I reached behind me and brought the trembling woman flush against my body before taking a step towards to man who was standing between me and the street. I gave him my best sinister look and his eyes flickered between me and his buddy who was standing on the other side of me. I knew that if they both attacked me at the same time, the woman would most likely get hurt as well. The men weren't lightweights but I assessed that I could take them in a fight, but not without risking her safety in the process.

"Look man," the guy who was blocking the passage said. "Just walk away. This has got nothing to do with you."

"Yeah," the other one added. "Just go now and no one gets hurt."

_Except her, probably!_

The woman whimpered and I shook my head. The two men exchanged glances again.

"Maybe we can work something out," the first one said. "We'll give you part of the money."

I sneered at him to show him my disgust at his suggestion. I decided that I needed to make a move. If I waited any longer they would probably attack simultaneously and I couldn't let that happen. The one who wasn't blocking the exit was the smallest and I went for him first.

Before he could react I dropped my belongings, took a step forward and punched him in the gut. He bent over, leaving him at the perfect angle for a swift knee to the face, which made him lose his footing and fall to the ground. I could feel the woman still gripping my coat and quickly turned to shield her from the blow that the other man was delivering. The coward he was, he had been aiming for her, probably hoping to snatch her purse and make a run for it. Not only was he attempting to hit a woman, he was also going to leave his buddy behind. He missed his intended target when I hid her behind me, and ended up hitting my arm instead. His eyes widened considerable and he looked to his partner in crime for assistance, only to find that he was still on the ground holding his broken nose.

I smirked when I saw his frightened expression and took a step towards him. He was at least thirty pounds lighter than me and obviously didn't possess any fighting skills. I hit him square in the jaw and he staggered backwards and into the wall. All of my muscles were rigid and my body was ready to fight some more. The adrenaline coursing through my veins and my natural instincts always made me feel like a predator in these types of situations. For a brief second I considered launching myself at the man and making him bleed like his friend, but my rationality won out. I needed to get the petrified woman to safety now, before something happened to her. I picked up my bags, turned and walked sideways out of the alley, still keeping an eye on the man as she followed me silently. Once we were back on the deserted street I made her let go of my coat and placed my hand on her shoulder and started leading her away.

She looked up at me with wide eyes that were filled with tears and suddenly gripped my hand.

"T-thank you! Thank you!" she said. "I was so scared. If you hadn't come along, I-I…"

She started to cry and I didn't really know what to do. I couldn't offer her words of comfort and decided to give her a few pats on her shoulder instead. A lousy substitute certainly, but it was all I had. I pulled out my pad and pen and wrote her a note. She looked confused, which was to be expected but finally took it.

"I have my car. It's a few blocks from here," she answered to my question where she lived.

I nodded and motioned for her to lead the way. While we walked she was looking at me intently.

"Can't you talk?" she finally asked.

I simply shook my head and kept walking.

"Oh, sorry," she mumbled and didn't say anything else.

We passed a few people on the way, who were all giving us weird glances and whispered to each other as we passed them. We must have looked very strange to their eyes; an obviously wealthy woman in nice clothes and a homeless man with his hand on her shoulder. I would probably look too, if I wasn't me.

"This is my car," she said and stopped at a shiny black Mercedes.

I gave her shoulder another pat and turned to leave.

"Wait," she said. "Don't you want some money or something?"

I looked at her and shook my head. I wasn't above begging, but taking money as a thank you for saving her was just wrong. Even I could acknowledge that.

"Do you…do you need help?" she asked carefully.

I sighed. How could she possibly help me when my sweet angel couldn't?

"I'm a doctor," she continued. "If you need anything…"

She went through her bag and handed me a business card.

"Call me," she finished.

I gave her a wry smile. I couldn't actually call her on the phone, and she realized her mistake.

"Or come by my office," she said quickly. "I owe you. If I can help somehow, maybe with your voice."

I nodded and put the card in my pocket. I wasn't entirely convinced that the good doctor could do anything for me. The army hospital had offered me therapy but since I couldn't talk, that was fairly useless. I knew that there were certain types of medicines you could take, but I didn't trust the army anymore and refused to start treatment from their doctors. I had also heard that many of them could cause serious side effects.

The doctor got into her car, and with one more glance at me she drove away. I started walking towards the nearest shelter, alone again.

I was always alone now. I was unable to be with the woman that I loved, and too damn proud to return to my family who I had rejected in the past.

I didn't know if they would even welcome me back now. It had been years since I saw them last and I hadn't made any attempts of contacting them since I returned from the war. The war that they had been so against me fighting in. The only one in my family who had supported me was my cousin Emmett. And he was part of the reason why I had joined the army in the first place.

He had only been twenty-one when his world crumbled. He was employed in the mailroom, hoping to work his way up in the company when disaster struck. The flights had hit the towers and the world was never the same again after that. Emmett had told me everything that he had seen that awful day. He had saved a lot of people because of his strength and ability to stay calm in a chaotic setting, but he came out of the building a changed man. I could see it in his eyes; the hopelessness, the sorrow, the anger. I was a young kid, barely out of high school when it happened. I had just started college but seeing my once so happy cousin completely shaken had sparked a rage in me. I wanted revenge and had felt the need to do something. My father had been livid. His only son rejecting his carefully laid plans and opting for the army instead? Unacceptable to Carlisle Cullen MD. I could still vividly recall the conversation, if it even qualified as being one:

"I will not hear another word about this, Edward. You are staying in school and that's final!"

"I want to fight, Dad. It's the right thing to do. College will be there later when I come back," I had said.

"Are you insane? You do realize that you could get killed? No, I will not allow it!"

"You can't tell me what to do! I'm eighteen and I'm free to go!" I had shouted.

"I am not going to stand by idly and watch my son get killed because that little tramp wants herself a soldier!"

"Leave her out of this! Tanya has nothing to do with my decision!"

"You expect me to believe that? I know what kind of girl she is, and she's completely wrong for you, Edward. Don't forget that I'm her doctor and I know more about her than you realize."

"I don't care! I love her, and unlike you she supports my decision!"

"You don't know what love is. Don't mistake it for lust, Edward," he had said.

"I do love her, and I'm doing this with or without your approval. You can't stop me!"

"Think about your mother and what this will do to her," he had pleaded with me.

"I'm thinking about all of us. You want our country to be destroyed? I want to do something more than sit on my ass in school while we're under attack! I can't believe that you don't see that!"

I had stormed off after that. My father tried in vain to stop me on several occasions after that but it had been futile. My mind had been made up, and when I married Tanya it had severed the remaining ties to my family. They had all been convinced that she would end up hurting me, and they had been absolutely right.

I especially missed my sister. We had always been close growing up since she was only two years younger than me. I remembered how she had cried the day I left home to start my basic training in Fort Benning, Georgia. She had been scared that something bad would happen to me, but I had told her that everything would be alright. I should have listened to her. I should have listened to all of them.

It seemed that I was always leaving the people that I loved. It was really not surprising that my angel wouldn't want me as her friend.

_Who wants a friend who is always leaving?_

I made it to the shelter and found a vacant bed. After having settled in for the night I turned on my side and closed my eyes. For the first time in weeks I allowed myself to think about Bella. I couldn't keep avoiding the pain that her name caused me. I had been avoiding everything for so long and I was sick of it. I didn't like who I was turning into. Almost leaving the lady doctor to the mercy of her attackers had shocked me to my very core. I wasn't a person who would do such a horrible and cowardly thing. It was the one personality trait that I never thought I would lose, but now it seemed that life on the streets was beginning to eat away that my humanity.

What would be next? Would I start to steal like so many others? Would I one day find myself being the attacker of helpless women and children? The thought sickened me.

_I'm becoming a fucking monster!_

I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let myself transcend so far into darkness that I ended up hurting innocent people. I realized with profound clarity that I had a choice to make now: I could end my own life or I could start living again.

_I want to live! I want to be with Bella and be everything that she deserves!_

It was so simple all of a sudden. I couldn't continue living like this anymore. If I did, I would truly deserve to die. I would become a monster who preyed on the weak and the innocent, and that was the last thing that I wanted. I needed my angel now, more than ever. But I couldn't return to her like this. I needed something to prove to her that I was willing to better myself, and that I wouldn't leave her again. I would have to work for redemption in another way and not continue to punish myself by living on the street.

_Will she even take me back now? It's been weeks and weeks since I left her. What if she hates me now?_

I would have to be brave and take a chance now. I would have to face that she might never forgive me for walking out on her. I had screwed things up so royally that this seemed like a very plausible outcome, but I had to try. I had to win back her trust no matter how long it took.

_I have to get her back. I want to be the old version of Edward. I have to find him again for Bella. I want to talk again, and tell her that I will never leave. Most of all I want to tell her that I love her._

With those thoughts playing in my head I fell asleep, determined that tomorrow would be a new start for me. I was going to find my voice again, and more than anything I hoped that my angel would be with me when I began the most important mission of my life: Annihilate my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and retrieve the old version of Edward.

**Did you like the insight into Edward's past? I finally (sort of) introduced more of the Cullens. Yay for them. And Edward was married to Tanya. Yuck! **

**Will Joe really kick Edward's ass? **

**Stay tuned and leave me a review! :) **


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and of course a huge thanks to Melanie (Edward's Eternal) who is always there to guide me through the murky waters of American English and make this sound authentic.**

**Enjoy! **

EPOV

I stood outside the building where the doctor had her office, trying to gather the courage to walk in. I was smoking a cigarette which I hadn't done a lot lately, but today I needed it to calm myself down. I was scared shitless about asking her for help, but I knew that it had to be done. If I were to have even the slightest chance of getting Bella's forgiveness I needed something to convince her that I was going to at least try and get better. I wanted to be better for her, and I knew that I couldn't do that alone.

Saving the doctor from the two creeps in the alley had turned out to be the eye-opener I needed to get my shit together. Not only was I shocked and horrified at my initial impulse of leaving her to her fate, but that she had said that she was willing to help me.

I had rejected the anti-depressants that the army doctors had offered me because I didn't trust them, and also because I knew that many of them could actually have the opposite effect and make you suicidal. I didn't want to die, and I hadn't been interested in getting better at the time. My PTSD actually worked in my favor because I didn't want to discuss the events that had transpired to cause it in the first place.

The doctors had called it avoidance and had explained that this would only make matters worse for me. I hadn't cared at all. I deserved worse than what I got. I never should have been in that war to begin with, since I failed miserably at saving someone when it had mattered the most.

But now I had to do something. I had lost so much and I couldn't lose my angel, as well. Without her I would end up losing my humanity as well as the woman that I truly loved. I didn't care that I had only known her for such a short time. The way I felt about her was unlike anything that I had ever experienced before. Now that I was older and experienced enough to separate love and lust, I could clearly see that I hadn't truly loved Tanya. It made me sick to my stomach when I thought about her and how she had treated me, and the fact that I might have spent the rest of my life with her, never knowing what true love really was. I had never been much of a romantic, but Bella made me wish that I could write love songs or poetry and all that mushy stuff, just so I could convey my feelings to her properly. I would never be much of a writer or a singer for that matter, but I could do one thing for her. I could try and get better, and then hopefully she would forgive me for leaving again and give me another chance. I didn't know how it would work if she did. Would she let me to stay in her apartment like she had practically offered the morning I left, or would I visit her a few times a week? Obviously I hoped it would be the first option, but I would be happy beyond belief if I was allowed back in her life in any way she was comfortable with.

But I was getting ahead of myself. I needed to go see the doctor first, before I could return to my angel. I took one last drag of my cigarette, stubbed it out and walked into the building. I had gotten a volunteer at one of the shelters to call for me the day before and set it up and thankfully the doctor, whose name was Rita Williams, had agreed to see me today.

The receptionist had a strange expression of her face when I walked over to her. I had tried my best to look decent for my appointment and had shaved this morning in a public bathroom and put on the last clean shirt I had from Bella. I handed the receptionist the note that I had written in advance, explaining that I was there to see the doctor. She gave me a look filled with mistrust and I in turn offered her my most charming smile. Her eyes widened and she smiled back as she picked up the phone. I rolled my eyes when she looked away. Why did I always have to resort to flirting to get anywhere in life? Since becoming homeless, Bella was the only woman that I had never had to use such techniques on. She had treated me kindly and as a human being before ever seeing my face and that meant so much to me. She was a person of substance who believed in the good in people, much like the Edward that I had been once. I wanted to be him forever because he could make her happy, I just knew it.

"You can go see Dr. Williams now," the receptionist said. "Third floor."

She pointed to the elevators and I nodded.

"Do you want me to look after your things?" she asked, referring to my backpack and duffel bag.

I shook my head, but gave her a small smile. I knew that she probably wouldn't steal anything, but I didn't feel comfortable leaving my belongings with a perfect stranger. I knocked on the door to the doctor's office and was surprised when a man opened it instead of the lady doctor.

"Are you Mr. Cullen?" he asked.

My senses were on full alert and I took a step back from the stranger who knew my name. Was he a threat?

"It's alright," I heard Dr. Williams say as she walked around him and smiled at me. "Mr. Cullen, this is Dr. Stephen Gordon. I've asked him to join us."

I looked him up and down a few times and decided that he didn't look threatening. I took his outstretched hand, shook it and mouthed 'Edward' to both of them.

"Alright Edward, please come in and sit down," Dr. Williams said and pointed to a chair. "Would you like some coffee or tea?"

I hadn't eaten that day and I figured that coffee on an empty stomach would just make me jittery and even more nervous so I asked for tea. Dr. Williams picked up the phone and ordered it, and then she turned to me.

"First of all, Edward, I wanted to thank you again for what you did for me. If you hadn't been there, I don't know what might have happened," she said.

_I have a pretty good idea of what might have happened, but I really don't want to think about it._

I nodded once.

"Now, correct me if I'm wrong here, please. But since I don't see any scars around your throat area I'm assuming that the problems with your voice aren't injury related?"

I took out my pen and paper and wrote 'Post Traumatic Stress Disorder' before handing it to her. She read it and nodded to herself and then showed it to her colleague.

"I thought it might be something like that," she said. "That's also the reason why I've asked Dr. Gordon to be here. He works with this sort of thing on a daily basis and he can do a much better job of helping you than I can."

I looked at him and he nodded and smiled. There was a knock on the door and a young woman came in and placed a cup of tea in front of me. Her cheeks got a little red when I smiled to say thank you, and it made my heart clench because Bella blushed sometimes. I missed her so much and it seemed that everywhere I looked there were reminders of her. The young woman was still standing there looking at me and jumped a little when Dr. Williams told her that she didn't need her for anything else. She cast one more glance at me and I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes a little once again. Dr. Gordon snickered a little and even Dr. Williams couldn't suppress a smile.

"You do seem to have a way with the ladies, if you don't mind me saying so," she said. "The receptionist was almost panting when she called and told me that you were here."

I offered her a wry smile and waved my hand dismissively. I didn't give a crap about other women. I wanted my angel and I was here to win her back.

"Back to the matter at hand," she said. "Are you willing to work with Dr. Gordon?"

I nodded. How could I possibly refuse help from a man who seemed to have a lot of experience helping people with my condition? However, I knew that his services probably weren't cheap and I handed him a note asking about payment. I hoped that he would consider letting me pay in the future once I found myself a job, whatever that might be. He read the note and gave it to Dr. Williams.

"Edward, I have already made arrangements with Dr. Gordon. We have decided to treat you for free. Pro bono, if you will."

_For free?!_

I stared at both of them. I was no dummy and I knew how expensive doctors were. Hell, I had grown up as the son of a doctor and I had always had everything I wanted growing up, and even with a mother who stayed at home we had been a rich household. I shook my head disbelievingly.

"Dr. Williams is a good friend of mine, and I am very grateful for what you did for her," Dr. Gordon said. "I would very much like to help you, Edward, for as long as it takes to get you to speak again."

I swallowed a few times and tried to wrap my mind around this. He would help me absolutely free of charge and it didn't even matter how long it took? This was unbelievable but when I looked at their smiling faces I realized that this was actually happening to me.

'Thank you,' I said silently, although that was nowhere near good enough for what they were offering to do for me.

I started to tell them how much this meant to me, but I could see that they couldn't read my lips. I let out a frustrated sigh and reached for my pen and paper, but Dr. Gordon stopped me.

"You can thank us with your own voice once you get it back," he said with a smile. "I would like to hear that."

_You and me both, Doc._

I smiled and nodded.

"Edward, I know that Dr. Gordon has some questions he would like to ask you. Are you comfortable with that?" she asked me.

I nodded carefully. I knew that I couldn't avoid this if I was going to get better.

"Can you tell me the circumstances surrounding you getting PTSD?" Dr. Gordon asked me, getting straight to the point.

I nodded again and started writing. I handed him the note and studied his face carefully while he read it. He raised his eyebrows and looked at me. Then he nodded sympathetically.

"War is awful," he said sadly.

I nodded. It certainly was.

"And you haven't been able to speak at all since this happened?" he asked.

I wrote him another note and saw that he looked very surprised. I had decided to trust him and be completely honest about everything.

"So you were able to say her name when you climaxed?" he asked.

I nodded.

"But you have no recollection of doing so?"

I shook my head. I only knew what Bella had told me.

"Interesting," he said and scratched his jaw. "And it didn't cause you any pain?"

I shook my head again. I had only felt the most intense pleasure of my life when I had made love to my angel.

"Well, I can only conclude that it's the conscious part of your brain that's blocking your ability to speak. Do you know if you talk in your sleep?"

'I used to,' I enunciated quietly.

"Hmm, well there's a good chance that you're still doing that. Can you find out so we can know for certain?"

I certainly hoped so. If Bella would let me back in her life, I would ask her if she had ever noticed it.

'Hopefully,' I said silently with a small smile.

"Ok, it would be very helpful to know that," he said. "Do you suffer from nightmares or flashbacks?"

'Nightmares,' I answered.

"But no flashbacks?"

I shook my head.

"Edward, have you ever heard of EMDR therapy?" Dr. Hanson asked.

I shook my head again. Since I couldn't talk therapy really wouldn't work for me.

"It's a procedure where I will hold up a light and ask you to follow its movements with your eyes."

_That sounds insane!_

"I know that it seems strange," he said, obviously interpreting my facial expression correctly. "But it has proven to be quite effective in cases like yours."

I nodded, showing him that I believed him. He was the expert after all.

"I would like to try that rather than put you on medication," he said. "It's easy to do, and we should see results much faster than if I prescribe you anti-anxiety medication."

'How fast?' I asked, and held my breath as I waited for his answer.

"We often see results after just three to six treatments. If this works, and of course I can't promise you that it will, but if it works you could have your voice back in a month."

_A month!_

My mind was reeling. I could tell Bella that I loved her in a mere month! I knew that I shouldn't be getting this excited when the doctor had just told me that it might not work, but I couldn't help it. I was finally going to try and get better, and I couldn't wait to get started.

'When do we begin?' I asked eagerly, hoping that he would understand my silent question.

"We can set up an appointment for tomorrow at noon," he said. "Are you free then?"

I laughed and he realized why.

"I'm sorry," he said. "That was foolish of me to ask."

I shook my head and smiled at him. He was going to help me free of charge so he could ask me anything he wanted.

"Edward, I realize that you must have a rather turbulent life living on the street."

I nodded. That was a bit of an understatement.

"This doesn't exactly improve your chances for a full recovery, I'm sorry to tell you. One of the things that also help a lot besides medical treatment is a stable home and people who care about you. I hate to ask you this, but do you have anywhere you might be able to stay while we do these treatments?"

'I hope so,' I told the doctor.

Because after I had finished this appointment I was going to find out.

BPOV

"Ok Bella, please put your feet up in the stirrups and scoot yourself forward until you're at the edge of the table," Dr. Hanson said.

I was undergoing one of the most humiliating experiences that are a part of being a woman: the dreaded pelvic exam. I had always hated them with a passion but this time I didn't care that I was putting myself on display for a relative stranger. Today I would hopefully see my baby for the first time. My doctor had already done a pregnancy test which had been positive. Now it was time for an internal ultrasound to determine how far along I was. I didn't really need it since I already knew when I had conceived, but it was procedure. More importantly, my doctor knew of the miscarriage that I had gone through a year before and this would determine if there was in fact still life growing inside me.

Dr. Hanson had already warned me that there was a tiny risk that I was no longer pregnant, and that the test could simply be reacting to the last traces of the hormones. Therefore, I was feeling more than a little scared as she began her exam.

_God, I wish that Edward could be with me right now. _

I shut my eyes and tried not to tense up as the doctor started poking around between my legs. My heart was pounding away in my chest and my hands were clammy. What would I do if she told me that I wasn't pregnant anymore? To come this close and then have it disappear in an instant was just too awful for me to even contemplate. I wasn't an idiot. I knew that the circumstances weren't perfect but I wanted this baby more than I had ever wanted anything in my life. The sad fact that Edward was homeless, mute and troubled didn't make me regret having become pregnant. I loved him and I was happy that my child was created out of love and passion, even if it had only been for that one night.

I had not given up hope of finding Edward, and I still looked for him in the daytime on the street. I had promised Joe and Angela that I wouldn't go near the shelters at night anymore, and I had kept that promise. Joe was out there almost every night scouring the shelters for any sign of him, and I would anxiously await his return, praying that he would not come home alone. But so far he hadn't had any luck, and it made me cry myself to sleep even though I told myself that it couldn't be good for the baby to be so scared and sad all the time. A pregnancy was supposed to be a joyous time in one's life, but my happiness was constantly clouded with worry.

"Everything looks perfectly fine," Dr. Hanson said. "I'll do the ultrasound now and you can look at the monitor if you'd like."

Angela was sitting in the waiting area and now I wished that I had asked her to come in with me. My eyes focused on the screen and I tried to make sense of what I was looking at; fuzzy grey with a black shape in the middle.

"That's your uterus," the doctor said.

She shifted the ultrasound wand slightly inside me.

"And there's your baby," she continued.

I blinked and looked to where she was pointing. All I could see was a small light grey shape in all the black. It didn't look like a baby at all.

"Is…Is it alive?" I whispered and swallowed thickly.

_Please, please, please!_

"Very much so," Dr. Hanson said. "There's the heart."

She pointed to a tiny rapid flicker in the center of the shape.

_Its little heart is beating. Our baby is alive!_

I exhaled shakily and willed myself not to start crying. I stared completely entranced at the image on the screen when the doctor paused it and started measuring.

"So Bella, you look to be just around six weeks."

I knew this beforehand but it was still staggering to think that so much time had already passed since I had spent the night with Edward. I could still vividly remember the sound of his voice calling out my name when he climaxed and the way he had touched me all over. The reason why I was able to recall everything so clearly probably had something to do with the fact that I thought about him constantly. I had tried not to let him occupy my mind completely but I had failed miserably in that effort. It was almost like having a certain song stuck in your head, but in my case it was the memory of Edward I couldn't let go of. His smell, the way he looked into my eyes, his laugh, his strong arms around me, the feeling of him behind me when we were falling asleep. I couldn't get him out of my thoughts, and more importantly, I didn't want to anymore.

I wanted to remember everything about him so one day I could tell our baby about his or her father, in case I never saw him again. I didn't like to think about that at all, but I knew that this was unfortunately a very real possibility that I had to face. Therefore, I had already decided to contact Alice Cullen-Whitlock after the baby was born if I hadn't found Edward. If she was related to him somehow there would be a chance that he might contact her in the future, and then she could tell him the news. I didn't want to keep Edward in the dark about this, even if he didn't want to be in our baby's life.

After having talked with Joe I didn't think that this would be the outcome, though. He had almost completely convinced me that Edward would be happy about becoming a father and I didn't have any reason to doubt Joe's judgment.

Dr. Hanson brought me out of my thoughts when she asked if I wanted a printout of the ultrasound picture. I nodded eagerly and couldn't wait to show it to Angela, Ben and Joe. I still hadn't told anyone at work, and my parents didn't know either. I wanted to be absolute sure that this pregnancy would take before I started announcing it to the world. Seeing the baby's heartbeat was a huge step in that direction because most miscarriages happened before this development took place.

I put my clothes back on and after talking a little more to the doctor I went out to find Angela. She was on her cell phone when I came out and when she saw me she quickly ended the call.

"Yes?" she asked me anxiously, and I was pretty amazed that she was able to stick to just one word, which was very uncharacteristic of her.

"Yes!" I practically squealed and jumped into her open arms.

"Oh my God, Bella. This is really happening! I am so happy for you," she said and hugged me tightly.

I nodded frantically and hugged her back.

"I'm taking you shopping now!" she exclaimed. "You haven't celebrated properly and we are getting you some maternity clothes."

"Isn't that a little early?" I asked with a smile as she released me.

"No way," she said. "Maybe you'll be one of those women who gain like fifty pounds over night and wake up one morning with nothing to wear. That happened to a girl at the firm. She went from super skinny to Shamu in like a month."

_Oh dear, maybe we should get some clothes after all._

I must have looked a little stunned because she laughed and swatted my arm playfully.

"You'll be gorgeous no matter how much you weigh," she said. "How did Renee feel when she was expecting you?"

"I have no idea," I said. "We've never really talked about it, but I've seen pictures and she only had a little bump."

"Yeah, but she wasn't expecting a baby with a guy Edward's size. How tall do you think he is?"  
"6'1 or 6'2, probably," I answered and was suddenly flooded with visions of giving birth to a huge twelve pound baby.

I felt tiny in comparison and hoped that the baby would take after me in size, at least while I was carrying it.

"Shit, that's big. We'd better go get you those clothes before you start expanding," Angela teased and I made a face.

"I thought this was supposed to be my happy day," I whined. "Please lay off the giant baby jokes for now."

"Alright alright," she said. "Do you want to get some lunch first?"

"Are you trying to fatten me up?"

"Absolutely. You need to gain a little more weight in case you get a lot of morning sickness and can't keep anything down."

I nodded because that actually made a lot of sense. I had only just reached the weight I was at before I met Edward the first time, and I needed to stay healthy now.

We walked down the street to a café where we usually had brunch and I stopped in my tracks when I saw a homeless woman begging on the sidewalk. Automatically I pulled out my wallet and found some bills.

"Let me get this one," Angela said and made me put my money away. "You can't afford to be doing this all the time, Bella."

"I know," I said with a sigh. "I just can't help myself. Each and every one of them could be Edward, and I just hope that someone will be generous towards him."

Angela handed the woman some money and she thanked her. We got to the café and my mood had taken a turn for the worse at the sight of the homeless woman. We sat down inside and ordered although I had lost my appetite.

"Bella, what are you going to do if we can't find him?" Angela asked me seriously.

"I don't know," I answered. "I'm getting worried because no one has seen him."

"Have you thought more about contacting his family?"

"Yes. I've decided to call the woman we found on the internet when the baby is born."

The waiter brought us our drinks and I top a sip of my water while Angela was watching me carefully. I could see that she wanted to say something.

"That's good that you've made that decision, but maybe you shouldn't wait that long," she finally said.

"Why not? I'm assuming that there's a good reason why Edward isn't with his family, and I don't want to snoop unless it's absolutely necessary."

"It's just…_If_, and I'm not saying that this has happened," she said. "But if something has happened to him the hospital would contact his family."

I felt horrified.

"I just don't want you worrying so much," she said quickly. "If he's in the hospital or something, it could be weeks and weeks before he's released and you'll be scared for him all that time."

"I know, but what should I do then? Just call her up without Edward's permission? It seems wrong to do that."

"It was wrong of Edward to leave in the first place. Look, I realize that he doesn't know that you're pregnant, but did he even ask you before you had unprotected sex?"

"No," I admitted. "The first time it just happened. We didn't talk about it. I mean, I thought that it was perfectly safe. I hadn't really thought about birth control since I started getting the shot."

"Still, it was a little irresponsible of him to not even check with you," she said.

"I don't think it entered his mind. Edward knows that I'm responsible, at least I think he does."

"The point is that I think he would understand why you would have to contact this woman. He left you pregnant, alone and scared, Bella. So what if he gets a little upset about it? It's not like you could tell them where he is or anything like that. You're just checking to see if he's ok. There's nothing wrong with that."

"When you put it like that, I guess it makes sense," I agreed. "I'll call her when we get home. Just to see if she's heard anything."

"I think that's the right thing to do," Angela said with a smile. "You can't keep worrying like you've been doing. It's way too stressful for both you and the baby."

I nodded and drank some more water.

"I've actually signed up for a yoga class for pregnant women," I told her. "To relieve stress and tension."

"Really? That sounds great. When do you start?" she asked with a smile.

"Next week. My mom is going to love that when she hears about it. She and Phil are doing this couples' class and apparently it's great."

"Heh, I'll bet," Angela grinned. "Lots of stretching and getting into weird positions."

I shuttered lightly because I knew exactly what she was referring to.

"Yeah, she tried to get me and Mike into tantric sex at one point, as well," I added.

"Ha!" Angela exclaimed. "That idiot couldn't even last five minutes in bed. Tantric sex would have killed him. Hey, maybe we _should_ sign him up!"

"I wonder how Jessica is doing," I said, mostly to myself.

"Why do you even care?"

"Well, we're sort of in the same situation now," I said.

"You are not!" Angela exclaimed. "Edward is going to come back and he will be here for you and the baby! That loser Mike left knowingly!"

I blinked and stared at my friend after her angry outburst.

"Sorry," she said. "It's just…I fucking hate that guy, Bella. I just…hate him!"

"I do too, believe me," I said. "And you're right. It's not the same situation. I still feel sort of bad for her, though."

"That's because you're entirely too nice for your own good," Angela said with a smile. "Me on the other hand, I can't stand her and I hope her baby looks like a pig."

"Angela! That's a horrible thing to say!"

"I know, so sue me," she said with a grin.

Our food arrived and our conversation had made me feel better so I ate the entire thing. Afterwards we went shopping for a few items of maternity clothes, and I had my first run in with the scary concept of pants with an elastic waist. Angela had to leave for a meeting, as usual and I decided to walk home. It was nice outside and the sun was shining as I made my way home slowly. My phone buzzed and it was a text from Joe asking how the ultrasound had gone, and telling me that he was headed downtown to look for Edward. I smiled when I read it, because I was so grateful for the friends I had in my life. I couldn't have gotten through the last weeks without Joe, Angela and Ben. I texted Joe back and told him that everything was perfect with the baby, and that I would wait on dinner until he came home.

When I came home I unpacked the maternity clothes and put them in the closet. I touched the small pile almost reverently and smiled at the thought of me wearing those awful pants. I made lasagna while I listened to the radio, and put it in the fridge so I could pop it in the oven when Joe got back. I realized that I still hadn't made the call to the woman who shared a last name with Edward, and that I was stalling because I was nervous. What if she told me that Edward was in the hospital and that he was badly hurt and that was the reason why Joe hadn't been able to find him?

_Even so, isn't it better to know for certain rather than worrying like this all the time?_

I turned on my computer and found the page which I had bookmarked. I dialed her number and hesitated for a few seconds before pressing the 'call' button. I needed to know if something had happened to him, and this was the only way to make sure. My heart jumped when I heard it being answered, but then I discovered that it was going to voicemail. Rather than hanging up like last time, I decided to leave a message.

"Hello, my name is Bella Swan, err, you don't know me, but I know Edward. Um, I actually don't know if you know him, but I thought that you might be related since you both have the last name Cullen? Uh, could you please call me if you have heard from him in the last six weeks? I kind of need to talk to him and it's important because, well, it just is. Ok, thanks. Um, bye."

_Ok, that wasn't exactly smooth. _

I replayed the message in my head and cringed when I realized how I had sounded like a complete idiot.

_Crap! I forgot to leave my number! Now she will really think that I'm a simpleton!_

I had no choice but to call back and leave another humiliating message with my phone number after that. I threw my phone on the couch and flopped down on it with a sigh. It was only four and I wished that Joe would be home soon, but I knew that he probably wouldn't. I turned on the TV and decided to put on a movie and just relax. I threw a blanket over me and lay down on the couch to watch "Hairspray" which was funny and I loved the songs.

"See baby," I said. "Some people don't care for it when they break into song spontaneously during movies, but I actually like it a lot."  
I had gotten into the habit of talking to the baby when I was by myself. I didn't really know why I did this. Maybe because I was lonely at night or because I missed Edward so much? I didn't know why, but I liked doing it. Of course I knew that the baby couldn't hear me yet, but it would at some point so I just prattled on about everything and nothing when I was alone in the apartment. I yawned a little and placed my hand on my stomach under the blanket.

I suddenly sat up with a start when I heard a buzzing sound. I must have fallen asleep because the movie had gone back to the main menu. The buzzing sound came again.

_Oh, it's the door! Joe probably forgot his key. _

I stumbled into the hallway and pressed the button that opened the door downstairs. I remembered the lasagna and went into the kitchen to turn on the oven when I heard the door open.

"Hey, I thought you forgot your key," I said and turned around.

My knees went weak and my pulse suddenly thundered in my ears. My hand flew up to my mouth and I felt myself lean on the counter. I tried to speak but my mouth was drier than a desert and I swallowed.

"Edward," I whispered.

**Eek! I know you guys hate me now! **

**Sorry for the cliffy, I'm just evil that way, I guess. **

**Leave me a review to either tear me a new one or tell me how much you loved the chapter. I'll be waiting…**


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Finally the next chapter is here. :)**

**Thank you for the overwhelming response that this story has received. We've already reached 2000 reviews! **

**My lovely beta Melanie (Edward's Eternal) has worked hard on this one and all should bow down in her honor. Well, I do anyway. **

**Enjoy!**

EPOV

I stared at my angel as she turned around to face me. She obviously thought I was Joe from the way that she had spoken when I opened the door. I had met him not an hour ago while I was walking through the streets desperately wishing and praying that today would be the last day I would call myself homeless. I was making my way back to life and to my angel, when out of nowhere he was standing in front of me. I stared at him feeling confused at first because he looked so different from the Joe I had become friends with when both of us had gotten into a fight with a gang of men who tried to steal from two women.

He was clean-shaven and his clothes looked brand new. He didn't look homeless anymore and if he hadn't stopped me I would have probably have passed him without noticing that it was my friend.

'Joe,' I mouthed silently and suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to hug him although we had never shown affection for each other like that earlier.

His features softened for a second before he looked angry again.

"Where you do want it, Edward?" he asked.

_Want what, exactly?_

"Head or gut?" he asked. "I'm going to hit you just once for being such an asshole to Bella, and I think you know that you deserve it."

_Oh shit! But I can't really argue with him. I was an asshole for leaving her. Do your worst Joe, I deserve it. _

Joe had already said that he would kick my ass if I ever stepped out of line and started behaving like something other than a gentleman and therefore this really didn't surprise me. I nodded and pointed to my jaw since I was still nursing a few bruises on my torso from a fight I had been in earlier that week. Joe nodded as well, drew back his right arm and hit me straight in the jaw where I had been pointing.

_Son of a bitch that hurt! The old man still has some strength in him!_

I rubbed the spot and winced.

'We good?' I asked silently and looked at him.

"Yeah, we are. But listen, Edward, you need to go see Bella," he said and gave me a look that I couldn't read.

I nodded and wrote him a note telling him that I was on my way right now. He read it and looked at me closely.

"And does that mean that you're staying this time?" he asked.

I nodded and smiled.

"That's good," he said, but he didn't look completely convinced. "But I swear to God, Edward, if you go over there and start promising her things, only to leave her again I will never forgive you for it. Do you have any idea what you've put her through?"

I shook my head sadly. I really didn't have a clue how my absence had affected her these last several weeks.

'Is she ok?' I asked.

He sighed and I was immediately concerned. I repeated the silent question and studied his face carefully.

"She's ok _now_," he said, emphasizing the word. "That's why I want you to swear to me that you won't leave her again. I don't care how bad things get, Edward. Swear that you won't leave or I'm not letting you see her. She has some things to tell you but if you won't give me your word then I'll tell you myself. I won't let you hurt her again."

'I swear,' I told him. 'I'm so sorry.'

"I'm not the one you owe an apology to," he said sternly. "I know that you slept with her and then left."

_She told him?!_

I started to protest silently. I didn't want Joe to think that I had seduced Bella like some cad.

"I know the story- she told me everything," he interrupted. "But that doesn't make it ok. I told you to stop stringing her along that morning after she left for work. I told you and you still slept with her the very same night."

I could see that Joe was upset about this and I wondered how much he and Bella saw each other now. I wrote this to him and he smiled.

"Well, I'm actually living with her," he said. "She fixed up Angela's old bedroom for me and got me a job at the library."

_Holy shit!_

This was huge. Joe was no longer homeless and jobless thanks to my angel. If possible I fell even more in love with her when I heard how she had transformed my friend's life.

"I know, she pretty much saved me," he said with a smile.

Then his face turned serious.

"I'm very fond of her, Edward. I won't let you hurt her again."

_I swear it on my life, Joe. _

'I swear,' I told him silently.

He smiled and patted my shoulder.

"You're a good man, Edward. I knew that the moment I met you. Now get over there and beg that sweet girl to forgive your sorry ass. I'm going over to a friend's house tonight. I think the two of you need some time alone. Will you tell Bella that I'm sorry for missing dinner?"

I nodded and gave him a smile in return. As I walked towards my angel's apartment, the place I had come to know as heaven, I pondered Joe's words. How badly had I hurt her by leaving? The way Joe had talked it sounded like she had been in even more pain than I had, but he had said that she was ok now. Did that mean that she didn't want me anymore?

_Please God, let her forgive me for being such a fool. I never should have left her. What will I find when I get to her place? A woman who hates me?_

Now that I stood in her hallway and stared straight at her, it was as if the entire world had disappeared and all that remained was the vision in front of me. She was standing in the exact same spot as she did when I first really saw her the night she had rescued me from the cold, and if it was at all possible she had become even more breathtakingly beautiful. I drank her in with my eyes and felt my mouth fall slightly ajar. Her beautiful curves had returned and her body was once again that of a woman. Her cheeks were full and I almost laughed from sheer joy when I saw distinct pillow creases on the left, indicating that she had just been sleeping. She was still my angel, my cute awkward girl, my sexy curvaceous woman. She was Bella and she was standing just a few feet from me. If I took two steps forward I would be able to once again breathe in her sweet and floral fragrance and touch her cheek. I wanted nothing more than to close the distance between us and wrap my arms around her, and simply hold her and feel her again.

"Edward," she whispered.

She reached her hand out in midair but before I could take it she retracted it and stood up straighter.

"What are," she started, but then her eyes fixed on the side of my face where I could feel the swelling begin.

In a flash she was in front of me and her fingertips brushed over the tender spot where Joe had punched me. My breath hitched in my throat because of her close proximity to me. I could smell her and her gentle touch ignited a fire under my skin.

"What happened?" she asked. "Are you hurt?"

Her eyes scanned me from head to toe and finally met mine.

'Bella,' I said and had to fight with everything I had not to grab a hold of her and crush her against me.

She stared back at me and drew a deep ragged breath before she took two steps back again and put herself out of my reach.

_Oh God, I need to touch her!_

"What happened?" she asked again in a calmer voice.

'Joe,' I said silently and pointed to my jaw.

"He hit you?" she asked incredulously. "I can't believe him. I told him not to do that!"

I shrugged to convey that it really wasn't a big deal, and that I had definitely had worse. I suddenly remembered that I was still holding the bouquet of flowers that I had bought after I ran into Joe on street. I lifted my hand and brought it up so she could see it before I held it out to her. Her eyebrows flew up in surprise and she took it hesitantly.

"Oh, thank you," she said.

Then she really looked at them and her eyes snapped up and met mine.

"Edward, how did you afford these?" she asked. "They look really expensive."

I just shrugged and gave her a small smile. There was absolutely no need to tell her that I hadn't eaten in two days so I could buy her that small bouquet, and I knew that it would only upset her if she knew.

"Wait," she suddenly said. "You said that you saw Joe?"

I nodded.

"Oh God, he told you, didn't he?" she said and motioned to herself.

I nodded. Before talking to Joe I hadn't realized how much I had hurt her when I left and I was prepared to beg at her feet if there was even the slightest chance that she would forgive me.

'I'm so sorry, Bella,' I enunciated silently. 'Please forgive me.'

"What?" she asked, her eyes widening. "You're sorry for it?"

'I made a terrible mistake,' I said silently.

"A mistake?" she asked so quietly that I could barely hear her.

"A mistake?" she repeated, but louder this time.

She looked up at me and her eyes flared with anger. She thrust the bouquet back into my arms and before I even registered that she had lifted her arm, I felt a sharp sting on my cheek and realized with complete horror that Bella had just slapped me.

_No, no, no! She hates me!_

"I cannot believe you," she spat at me and rifled though her bag which was sitting on the kitchen table. "This is not a goddamn mistake. This is a miracle, Edward!"

She pushed a picture into my hand and I looked down at it feeling utterly confused.

_What is this?_

I tried to figure out what on earth I was looking at, but all I could see was a grey shape on a black background. I looked up at her again.

"You know how much this means to me and you can buy me as many goddamn flowers as you want, but you can't ever convince me to get rid of it! Not in a million years, Edward. It may be a mistake to you, but this baby is everything to me."

_Did she say…baby?_

My head was spinning. I could feel my mouth open and close as I tried to wrap my mind around the information that I had just received.

_Bella is pregnant? With my baby? We're having a baby? We're having a baby!_

I felt a surge of pure joy flow through me and focused on the picture again. I was looking at my child. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought that something like this was even remotely possible. Once we were married my ex-wife had informed me that she had no desire to ever have children and as much as it had hurt me, I had resigned myself to the fact that kids would not be a part of our life together. After I had returned from the war and started living on the street, the dream of one day having a family had faded completely. I had never allowed myself to believe that I would have a child of my own someday.

I traced over the grey shape with my index finger. Could this really be happening to me?

'Mine?' my silent lips said as I tried to grasp the reality in front of me.

I heard my angel let out a sob and my eyes flew up. Both of her hands were covering her mouth as she leered angrily at me.

_Oh no, oh no!_

"You…Bastard! Get out!" she screamed and pointed to the door. "Get the fuck out, Edward! You actually think it might be someone else's? How can you ask me that?"

_No, no, no! FUCK!_

Bella continued yelling at me and I had no idea what I should do. If I had been able to speak this was the part where I would have called out her name and quickly told her that she had it all wrong. Unfortunately, I couldn't do that so I ended up clapping my hands loudly in an effort to get her attention. She finally stopped screaming and looked at me. My mouth was moving much too fast for her to understand as I tried to tell her that I never doubted that I was the father, and that I wanted to keep the baby and raise it with her. In an act of complete desperation I did the only thing I could think of in my state of excitement, terror and nervousness and pulled her into my arms in a tight embrace. Her whole body froze immediately.

"Edward, let me go," she said quietly.

I shook my head and held her tighter.

_I'll never let go of you again, my angel._

"Let me go," she sobbed and struggled against me.

I dropped to my knees in front of her, held onto her hips and placed a kiss on her stomach where our baby was.

_Our baby. I'm going to be a father!_

I looked up at her and blinked back the tears in my eyes.

"I-I don't understand," she whispered. "You want the baby?"

I nodded fervently and kissed her stomach again.

'Our baby,' my silent lips told her.

"But you said it was a m-mistake," she said shakily.

I shook my head.

'Leaving you was a mistake,' I said silently and pleaded with my eyes, desperately wanting her to see that I was telling the truth.

"I thought that Joe told you," she whispered and wiped away the tears that were streaming down her face.

I shook my head, wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my face in her shirt. I felt her hands touch my head carefully and sighed when she ran her fingers through my hair. I had missed her so much that I could hardly understand it myself and breathed her scent in greedily while I clung to her. I don't know how much time passed but all too soon my knees started to protest and I had to stand up. I pulled back reluctantly and when I stood up I suddenly felt lightheaded and stumbled a little.

"Oh my God, Edward, when was the last time you had something to eat or drink?" she asked concerned and ushered me over to sit on a kitchen chair.

I took a few deep breaths and watched as she put something in the oven and then handed me a bottle of water. She sat down across from me and fidgeted nervously while I drank most of the water and tried to fight off the dizziness.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

_Don't worry about me, angel. I'm here with you again and I won't leave unless you ask me to. God, I hope that doesn't happen!_

'Are _you_ ok?' I asked silently. 'Is the baby ok?'

"Yes, we're ok," she said with a small smile. "I just went to the doctor today and everything is perfect so far."  
I breathed out a sigh of relief. I still couldn't understand how something so wonderful could have happened. I knew that Bella and I hadn't used a condom the night before I left, but I had automatically assumed that she was on birth control because she was such a responsible person.

'How did this happen?' I asked silently and motioned to her abdomen.

Her eyes widened and she chewed nervously on her bottom lip for a few seconds before answering.

"I, uh, I forgot to get the shot after you left the first time," she admitted. "I didn't even think about it when we were, um, together. I thought it was safe."

She looked down and I immediately reached over and took her hand in mine to show her that I wasn't upset about it. She had been absolutely right; this baby was a miracle.

"I don't know what happens now," she said in a small voice and looked nervous again. "I mean, with you and your involvement. Do you want to know the baby?"

I nodded and gave her hand a small squeeze.

"I guess you could come by," she said, mostly to herself it seemed.

_No, please let me stay, Bella! I can't be away from you again!_

"Is that what you want?" she asked.

I shook my head. I wished that it didn't have to be this way and that I wouldn't have to basically live off of her income, but at the moment there was no other choice. Leaving her was no longer an option for me. I wanted to see her every day and stay here if she would let me.

"What do you want?" she asked hesitantly.

I took a deep breath.

'I want you,' I told her silently. 'I want to stay with you.'

Her eyes welled up with unshed tears and her lips trembled.

"I-I want you too," she whispered and I felt her hand shake in mine.

_She wants me too! _

"But, I. Oh God," she said and stood up.

I stared at her as she took a few calming breaths and walked back and forth in the small kitchen. I felt as though I was a prisoner waiting for his sentence while she collected herself. She sat down again and looked at me.

_Please angel, please don't turn me away!_

"I do want you, Edward. You have no idea how much," she said and took another deep breath. "But this isn't just about me anymore."

She put her hand on stomach and I almost started to cry witnessing the small loving gesture.

"I have to do what's best for the baby now, and I can't just jump blindly into something with you until I'm sure that you're actually staying this time."

_I swear I'm never leaving again, Bella. _

'I'm not leaving, Bella. I swear,' I enunciated silently.

I could see the conflicting emotions on her face before she put her hand on the table again and I quickly laced our fingers, grateful for even the smallest amount of affection that she would grant me.

"I believe that you want to stay," she said. "But I'm still scared that maybe this will be too much for you. I'm not saying this to hurt you, Edward, please believe that. But I only know you as someone who leaves."

Her words broke my heart a little but I knew that she was right. Based on my previous actions she had absolutely no reason to believe me, but I would do whatever it took to gain her trust. Meanwhile, I couldn't help but feel incredibly proud of her because she was so concerned about doing what was best for our baby, and putting aside her own needs to protect our child. Bella would be a wonderful mother.

'Do you want me to go?' I asked with my heart in my throat.

As desperate as I was for her, I didn't want to stay if it made her uncomfortable. I would have to accept whatever she was willing to offer me, even though I wanted all of her.

"No!" she almost yelled. "No of course I don't want you to go, Edward. I just can't be with you…that way."

_Oh fuck. Seeing her every day without kissing and touching her? I didn't even last half a day the last time. This will be pure torture!_

"Not yet, at least," she added quietly.

_There's still hope?_

'Maybe someday?' I asked without words.

She took a deep breath and nodded.

_Thank you, God! _

I bowed my head down and kissed her hand reverently. Then I got up and fetched my backpack to write her a note. She could always understand me if I didn't say too many words, but I had a feeling that we had a lot more talking to do that night. I sat down again and started writing.

"Bella, I understand that you can't trust that I will stay but I swear to you that I will never abandon you and our baby. I will do whatever it takes to gain your trust and wait for you, for as long as it takes. I am here for you now and I'm not leaving unless you ask me to."

I handed her the note and she read it carefully.

"Thank you," she whispered.

She looked at me with more tears in her eyes.

"I've missed you so much."

'Me too, Bella.'

_I can't even put it into words how much I've longed for you, my sweet beautiful angel._

'What happens now?' I asked.

Ever the generous person, Bella gave me a smile and stood up.

"Let's get some food in you first and then get you cleaned up. Does that sound good?"

_It sounds wonderful!_

I nodded and my stomach growled loudly at the mention of having something to eat.

"I wonder when Joe will be home?" she asked herself out loud as she put some frozen garlic bread in the oven.

I cleared my throat to get her attention.

'He went to a friend's house,' I mouthed slowly.

She broke into a huge smile, and I wondered what made her so happy about what I had just said.

'What?' I asked.

"Well, I sort of set Joe up with a woman from work, and they seem to really have hit it off. Oh, did he tell you that he's working at the library now?"

I nodded eagerly and motioned for her to go on.

"He's doing a great job and everyone just loves him. And Mary, that's her name, she is over the moon for him," she said and started setting the table.

I wanted to help her but she pushed me back in my chair and told me to relax. I watched as she glided through the kitchen and let my eyes travel over her again. My desire for her had not lessened in the time we had spent apart; it had only increased in strength. I was dying to feel her in my arms again but I had to respect her boundaries. Just sitting here quietly observing her was a dream come true, and it would have to suffice. I couldn't touch but since I could look, that was exactly what I did.

I loved that she was curvy again and realized that her womanly shape would only increase in the following months as our baby grew inside of her. The thought filled me with happiness, but I suddenly remembered that I hadn't asked Bella if she was truly happy about having a child. I took her hand after she had placed a plate in front of me and she jumped a little.

'Sorry,' I said for having startled her and kissed her hand.

She gave me a curious look and a small smile.

'Bella, are you happy?' I asked silently and brushed my fingertips over her stomach.

"About being pregnant? Yes, of course I am," she answered.

'Even with me?'

"Edward," she said softly. "There's no one else I would rather have a baby with. I mean that."

'Really?' I asked and looked up at her in wonder.

She nodded and placed her free hand on my cheek.

"I hope our baby gets your beautiful green eyes," she half-whispered.

I melted completely and had to control myself not to burst into tears. I had never been prone to crying a lot in the past, but being with my angel again had opened the floodgates to all the emotions I had repressed for years.

'And your beautiful heart, angel,' I said and held her gaze.

We looked at each other for the longest time. We were going to be parents, and it dawned on me that no matter what happened between Bella and me, we would always be joined by that bond. The oven timer went off and made her jump a little again.

"Let's get you some food," she said with a smile and went over to the oven.

My mouth watered when she placed the lasagna and bread on the table and my empty stomach convulsed. I tried to eat slowly and enjoy the food, but it was difficult to resist the urge to wolf it down quickly despite the fact that I would probably burn my mouth in the process. I noticed that Bella hadn't touched hers and was watching at me with a concerned look on her face.

"You look thinner," she whispered and out of nowhere she burst into tears.

I dropped my fork and was at her side within seconds. I pulled her up into my arms and held her as her body shook with sobs.

"I'm sorry," she cried. "I've been so afraid that something had happened to you. Joe looked for you almost every night and I got more and more scared every time he came home alone. I didn't know if I would ever see you again, Edward! I didn't know if I would ever get the chance to tell you about our baby."

"Shhh," I whispered in an effort to calm her down.

I stroked her hair and felt as she began to relax in my embrace and rested her head against my chest. I sighed and closed my eyes when I felt her arms around me. I forgot about everything else in that moment: The food on the table which I had craved desperately only moments ago, the fact that we still hadn't resolved anything about my living situation, the painful realization that I couldn't contribute with anything monetarily, my nightmares, my PTSD. I pushed all of it in the background and focused solely on holding my angel again. I inhaled the fragrance of her hair, reveled in the feel of her warm skin under my fingertips when I caressed the nape of her neck before running my hands through her wavy locks again, and feeling her body against mine in a perfect fit. And then I remembered that I wasn't just holding Bella. I was also holding our baby who was growing inside of her by extension, and the thought brought tears of pure happiness to my eyes.

I didn't know how the future would turn out for me in terms of education, occupation or even my ability to form words again, but I discerned with startling clarity that no matter what happened next I wouldn't be alone. The beautiful and kind angel in my arms and our child would be a part of my life now and that was everything to me. Many aspects of the future may have been uncertain, but the one thing that I was absolutely sure of was that I loved Bella and I wanted to be with her forever.

**Aw, see? Angst free ending. :)**

**I couldn't just let her jump in bed with him immediately. That would be highly irresponsible of Bella even though Melanie and I are dying for some more naked Homelessward. ;)**

**Check out my new story The Education of Professor Cullen if you have the time. It's light, funny and sexy.**

**I hope you liked this highly anticipated chapter and leave me a review.**

**See you in a week! **


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Thank you for all your awesome reviews and I'm very sorry that I gave a few of you a scare and made you think that the story was over with my AN in the last chapter. **

**Melanie (Edward's Eternal) is the best and is thankfully not afraid to kick my ass when I forget to put important details into the chapter. (Sorry my friend!)**

**Enjoy!**

BPOV

Edward was here and I was in his arms again. It was as if the six weeks we had spent apart disintegrated when he held me like this. He was stroking my hair gently and I melted into his warm embrace. I wanted to stay here forever and just feel him close to me. It felt like…home.

I had been so shocked when he suddenly appeared in the door, and everything in me was telling me to run to him and hold him. But I knew that I had to control my impulse and be level-headed for a change. I had gotten so angry with him when I had misunderstood him and thought that he was sorry for getting me pregnant. When he had mouthed the word 'mine?' I completely lost it and I had ended up slapping him. I pulled back a little and looked up at him. He was still so beautiful, if one could use such a word for a man, but he was definitely thinner than before. He was wearing one of the shirts that I had bought for him and he had shaved recently. He gazed down tenderly at me and I lifted my hand to his cheek and cupped it carefully so it wouldn't hurt him where both Joe and I had struck him.

"I'm sorry I hit you," I whispered. "I've never done that to anyone before."

He shook his head and smiled.

'It's ok,' he said silently. 'I understand.'

He reached up and tucked a stray lock of my hair behind my ear and stroked my cheek cautiously as if he was afraid that I didn't want his touch. The truth was that I ached for him in every way, and I leaned into his hand. I was lost in his eyes and I automatically gripped his shirt to pull him closer to my body. He took a deep breath and lowered his gaze to my lips for a second before looking back up into my eyes. The pull between us was overwhelming and the air seemed charged around us as he slowly lowered his face and placed a soft kiss on my cheek. His lips lingered there and I desperately wanted to feel them against mine.

_No! I can't let this happen. It's too soon!_

I let go of him and took a step back which caused me to almost trip over my chair, but he steadied me immediately.

"I'm sorry," I said and looked at him again. "I-I shouldn't have touched you like that."

I could see the hurt in his eyes but he smiled anyway.

'Don't apologize,' he said silently.

"I just don't want you to get the wrong impression," I said quickly and looked down. "I've been…lonely and, um, scared."

He lifted my head to make me look at him.

'I'm so sorry,' he mouthed. 'I'm here now.'

_But for how long?_

'Let me help,' he implored.

I nodded and sat down again.

"You should eat something," I told him. "You're no good to me if you collapse on the kitchen floor."

He smiled and sat down across from me before he pointed to my untouched plate and gave me a stern look.

"Don't worry, I'm eating for two as it is," I said. "Angela recruited Joe and between his cooking and her constant supply of baked goods I'm more than covered."

This made him smile brightly and he started eating. I pushed my lasagna around on the plate but I wasn't terribly hungry. There were still so many unanswered questions and uncertainties surrounding his return, and food was the last thing on my mind. The same could not be said for Edward, though. He was obviously starving although I could tell that he was trying to eat as slowly as possible to hide it from me. He had fared just as poorly as I had in our time apart, or at least it seemed like it.

The fact was that I had no idea what Edward had gone through during our separation or what had prompted his return to me. Could it be guilt because Joe had told him how miserable I had been? I had to know for certain or it would drive me crazy. I wanted him to return for me without other incentive but I didn't know if this was the case.

"Edward?"

He looked up from his plate; fork raised in midair and put it down.

"Did you…did you come back because Joe told you to?"

He shook his head immediately.

_Thank God!_

"What made you come back now?" I asked.

He started to say something but shook his head and reached for his pad and paper.

"No, it's ok. You should eat first and we can talk later when you're ready. You're staying the night, right?"

The second the words left my mouth I realized that he could have interpreted them as an invitation to spend the night in my bed, and that was not happening.

_Not tonight, at least._

"I mean, um, on the couch. Do you want to sleep on the couch?"

He shook his head.

_What?!_

He wrote something down and handed me the paper.

'I want to sleep next to you, angel. But since that's not an option I will take the couch.'

I gaped at him and he smiled warmly.

'I'm just being honest,' he mouthed and wrote something else.

I was almost afraid to read it, but naturally I did it anyway.

'I will wait for you for as long as it takes, Bella. I want to prove that I'm not leaving ever again. Thank you for offering me the couch, but I would be lying if I said that it's what I want, and I never want to be dishonest with you.'

I stared at him, unable to think of anything to say. He just gave me a smile and continued eating. Eventually I collected myself and managed to squeeze down a little food. After he finished eating his second plate a few minutes later I noticed that he fidgeted a little.

"No smoking in the house anymore, ok?" I said, figuring that he was probably longing for a cigarette after his meal.

'No more smoking. Period,' he said and reached into his backpack.

He pulled out a pack and threw it in the trash with a look of mock disgust that made me giggle.

"We should probably get you some nicotine patches and stuff if you're serious about quitting, but you don't have to do it because of me," I said.

'For our baby,' he mouthed and pointed to my stomach with a smile.

I nodded and returned the smile.

'Thank you for dinner,' he said.

"Oh, you're welcome," I said automatically.

He looked around and seemed nervous all of a sudden.

"Do you want a bath now? I have some clothes here from the last time that were in the laundry when you, um, when you left. We can talk more afterwards," I suggested.

He nodded and seemed unsure if he should go immediately.

'Help you?' he questioned and pointed to the dishes.

"That's ok, but thank you for asking," I said.

He shifted his weight nervously again and I couldn't help but notice how awkward things were between us all of a sudden. We had hardly spent time together like this before and both of us were being overly polite which only added to the awkwardness.

"Um, I'll just see you when you're done," I said. "You can probably borrow some shampoo and stuff of Joe's and you know where the towels are."

'Ok," he said and with another glance to me he left the kitchen and I heard him go into the bathroom.

I sank into a chair and took a shaky breath. This would be more difficult than I had expected. The sexual tension between us was beyond palpable and the fact that both of us were nervous around each other only made things stranger. I cleaned up the kitchen quietly and listened to the faint sounds of the shower. I picked up the beautiful bouquet that he had bought for me, although I had no idea how he had ever been able to afford something this expensive, and put in a vase and placed it on the table Edward was really here and he said that it was for good. But what did that mean exactly? He would live here with me and Joe until Joe got his own place and then Edward and I would live here together? I wondered how my new roommate would feel about this addition to the shared living space. I could only assume that Joe was fine with Edward moving in as well but I wondered if it would be strange living with both of them.

Joe and I just fit together somehow, and we had easily fallen into a routine. I felt like I had known him for years like a favorite uncle or something familial like that. I hoped that he wouldn't move too far away when he did get his own place, which I knew that he wanted eventually. The baby would need its own room at some point and even though I had insisted that Joe could stay for as long as he wanted, he had already started applying for studio apartments around the city. I comforted myself with the thought that I had my surrogate uncle for a little while longer since he still didn't have that much money saved up and wouldn't be able to move out immediately.

After I had cleaned up I made coffee for Edward and herbal tea for myself which made me grumble because I had been a caffeine junkie since age fifteen and now I had limited my intake to one cup a day because of the pregnancy. I wasn't nearly as addicted as Angela was but I still missed my coffee a lot.

"Stupid tea," I muttered and closed the cupboard harder than was necessary.

"Stupid honey, which is the only thing that makes this crap taste even remotely drinkable," I complained and gave the bear shaped bottle a glare.

"Stop looking so happy you stupid bear!" I growled and pushed it away, making it fall off the counter.

_Serves you right!_

I was acting like a complete lunatic and I knew it. I was tense, nervous and scared that Edward showing up was just temporary and soon he would be gone again.

I heard a soft chuckle and spun around to find Edward wearing nothing but a towel, his dog tag and a beautiful smile.

_Oh. My. God. How am I supposed to keep that out of my bed?!_

His hair was damp and a few drops of water still lingered on his shoulders. I openly ogled his body up until the point where I could only be classified as a complete pervert, and then realized with complete mortification that he had witnessed my insane behavior only a minute earlier.

_He must think I'm a complete loon!_

"I-I made coffee," I said helplessly with my eyes still fixed on his chest.

He cleared his throat and my eyes met his for a second; green, amused and incredibly sexy. I blushed furiously and turned away from his half-dressed state, looking for a hole that I could bury myself in.

_Did he do that on purpose?_

"Why aren't you dressed?" I asked, still with my back turned.

No answer.

_Well, since he can't talk there won't be one until you pull yourself together and turn around to face the half-naked 'Calvin Klein-would-be-lucky-to-have-him-for-their-ads' man whose baby you are carrying!_

I sighed and turned around. He was still leaning against the doorframe; half naked, gorgeous and smiling.

"What?" I asked, feeling ridiculously irritated all of a sudden.

'Hormones?' he asked slowly and grinned even wider.

_That is such a guy thing to say! Although…killing a honey bear isn't exactly normal behavior for me. _

I shrugged my shoulders.

'Clothes?' he asked.

"Oh sorry, I forgot," I said and brushed past him to get them in my bedroom.

He dressed in the bathroom and I sat down on the couch and tried to get myself together. Edward came in after a few minutes, looking handsome and casual in jeans and a long-sleeved white shirt and I almost forgot why it was a bad idea to kiss him immediately. He brought his pad and pen with him and sat down next to me with a smile.

"Sorry about before," I said and pointed to the kitchen.

He shook his head and took my hand.

"This is…weird," I said, for lack of a better word and sighed.

'I know,' he said and gave my hand a small squeeze.

"Um, what made you come back now?" I asked, remembering what I had asked him in the kitchen when we were eating.

He released my hand and started writing quickly.

'I never should have left in the first place, and I'm so sorry for that. I want to be here for you and the baby and I'm getting help now with my disorder.'

"Disorder?" I asked.

'Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,' he enunciated slowly.

_Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? That's why he can't talk?_

"Oh, is that the reason why?" I said and pointed to his mouth.

He nodded.

"You're getting help?"

He wrote again and handed me the pad.

'I start treatment tomorrow with a doctor downtown. It's called EMDR and it sounds pretty strange to me. The doctor makes me follow a light with my eyes, and then I'm supposed to think about the things that happened to cause my disorder.'

"Wow, that does sound err," I said, unsure how I should put it.

'Crazy,' he said and smiled.

"Maybe a little," I said. "But it's wonderful that you're getting help."

He nodded and wrote something again.

'You are the one who made me want to be better, Bella. I want to make myself worthy of you.'

"Edward, you're already, um, worthy as you put it. I wanted you to stay before even if you never said a word again. But I'm really happy if this is something that you want to do. Will it work?"

He sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

'I hope so," he said silently and wrote again.

'It's more complicated in my case, because I can't talk during the therapy, which is what you're supposed to do. Most other patients with PTSD are able voice their anxiety but that obviously not possible in my case. I have to think about the events when I'm getting the therapy so there are no guarantees.'

"Ok, um, how did this happen to you? The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I mean," I asked cautiously.

His face looked pained and I read what he wrote down.

'Something happened to me when I was stationed in the war.'

_War? Edward was in a war?_

"War?" I whispered.

'Afghanistan,' he said and swallowed nervously.

"Something bad happened?" I asked, and I could hardly hear my own voice.

He nodded and I noticed that his fists were clenched at his sides. He looked so tense and uncomfortable that I decided not to ask him anything else about it. I leaned over and rubbed the top of his fist softly, wanting him to relax.

_I can't believe that he was in a war and I didn't know that. What could have happened to him? He doesn't have any scars so he wasn't physically hurt, at least not in any way that left a mark on his body._

I suddenly realized that I didn't know anything about the beautiful man on my couch. Did he have a family? How long was he stationed? Where did he grow up? What was his favorite food, his favorite song, his favorite movie? There were just blanks when I thought about these questions and a million others just like them.

_I don't know him at all! _

I could feel myself starting to panic. Who was Edward and how would we ever make this work? I knew that I loved him but that was just about all I knew. We were having a baby together but he was a complete stranger to me. What if we couldn't get along living together? We had only spent a few days in each other's company and now we were supposed to raise a child. A pregnancy and having an infant was hard on regular couples who had been together for years, and our situation was so strange to begin with. Add Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Edward's troubled past to the mix and I was about ready for a full-blown panic attack.

I felt his hand under my chin and I raised my face to look at him. His eyes were concerned.

"I don't know anything about you," I whispered.

He frowned and took my hand.

"How…How can we possibly do this, Edward?" I asked and felt myself stand up. "I don't know you at all, and you don't know me."

Tears blurred my vision and the beautiful stranger with the kind green eyes became hazy in front of me.

"I mean, we've only spent a couple of days together and we haven't even talked that much. You left twice and what if you do it again? I have no idea if you've even thought about having children before I told you tonight."

_He was married, remember? What happened to his wife? Another blank._

"And you were married once. Do you already have a child somewhere? What's your favorite color? Where are your parents? How did you end up on the street? What happened to you?"

I could hear my voice becoming higher and louder. I noticed that I was pacing back and forth and the tears were streaming down my face as I ranted and raved like a maniac.

"I-I slept with your dog tag in my hand every night and I don't even know what the 'A' stands for. I'm having a baby with you and I don't even know your middle name. Oh my God!" I sobbed. "I'm having a baby and I don't know the father's full name!"

My breaths were coming out in shallow pants as I looked around, searching for an anchor to ground me in the spinning living room.

Suddenly I was pulled into a strong warm embrace that enveloped my trembling body completely.

"I don't even know your full name," I cried. "I don't know it."

I felt him release me and wipe my eyes with his shirt sleeve. I blinked a few times and he appeared again. I could see him clearly, and his eyes held only concern and tenderness.

'Anthony,' his silent lips said.

"A-Anthony?" I gasped as I tried to catch my breath.

He nodded.

'My middle name is Anthony.'

Then he repeated his actions from the first night we met and ran his index finger over my nose, past my lips and throat before he stopped it between my breasts where he pointed at me with a crooked smile.

"M-Marie," I said shakily. "My middle name is Marie."

'Isabella Marie Swan,' he said silently and cupped my cheek with his hand. 'I'm here and I'm _**not**_leaving.'

I nodded and took a deep breath. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead while he put his hands on my shoulders where he seemed to examine the tense muscles with his fingertips.

He pulled back and looked at me.

'You need to relax,' he said and his eyes once again showed concern.

I knew that he was right. I was wound up and it couldn't be healthy for the baby when I was this stressed. He ushered me over to the couch, put a few pillows on the floor and motioned for me to sit down.

"We should still talk," I said.

'Later,' he nodded. 'I'm not leaving, I swear.'

He turned on the TV and it was still showing the main menu for "Hairspray" which I had slept through earlier that day.

_God, was that just a few hours ago? It seems like a lifetime._

'Sit and relax,' he said and pointed to the pillows again.

"But," I protested weakly.

'Sit,' he said and raised his eyebrows.

"Ok, ok," I mumbled. "Jeez, bossy much?"

I heard him let out a small laugh as I sat down in front of the couch. He handed me my tea and turned on the movie. I was still feeling a little strange about the situation but all that changed when Edward started kneading my shoulders and neck. He found the places that stored all my tension and worked them expertly.

"Oh my God, that's good," I moaned loudly, not even caring that I most likely sounded like something out of a porn movie.

After a few minutes I was completely relaxed but he just kept on massaging until I was reduced to putty in his strong hands. He lifted me off the floor as if I weighed nothing at all and pulled me into his arms. I rested my head on his chest and sighed when he began stroking my hair.

"Thank you," I whispered. "I guess I needed that."

He kissed the top of my head and laughed at the movie. I loved hearing that sound and snuggled closer into his arms. I hadn't felt this comfortable and relaxed since he was here the last time, and I prayed that he was being truthful when he said that he wouldn't leave again.

I must have fallen asleep because suddenly I heard Joe's voice and opened my eyes. I was lying on the couch with my head in Edward's lap and his hand was still caressing my hair. I sat up slowly and rubbed my eyes.

"Hey," Joe said. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"That's ok," I said and stifled a yawn. "You're getting Brussels sprouts for a month now, you know."

"I know," he said with a small laugh. "Totally worth it if I managed to knock some sense into our boy's head here."

Edward chuckled and touched his jaw.

'I think it worked,' he said silently and looked at me.

"Did you two work everything out?" Joe asked.

_No, but that was on account of me having a fit._

"We still have some talking to do," I said, mostly meant for Edward who nodded immediately.

"But you're staying?" Joe asked Edward.

'If Bella will let me,' he said to me.

I didn't even have to think about my answer.

"He's staying," I said and saw that Joe looked a little worried.

"On the couch," I added.

Joe smiled. I knew that he was probably concerned about me getting hurt again, and knowing that we were taking things slowly seemed to put his mind at ease.

"That might not be necessary for very long," he said and sat down in the armchair next to the couch.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I was at Mary's tonight and her apartment building needs a super. If I get the job it comes with a rent-free furnished apartment and even a small salary. I can easily work around my schedule at the library so basically I'd be making more money and getting my own place to live."

"That's amazing!" I said and rushed over to hug him.

He returned the hug and patted my back.

"I won't be too far away if you need anything, and then Edward can have my room."

"When do you find out if you get the position?" I asked him and sat down next to Edward again.

"Sometime this week. Mary recommended me for it, and I'm pretty handy with repairs and stuff like that so it's looking good," he said.

"I hope you get it," I said. "I'm going to miss living with you, though."  
"Me too," he said with a smile. "But I'm leaving you with a pretty decent substitute. Not nearly as good as me, of course."

"No, of course not," I said and rolled my eyes.

Edward smiled next to me before he stood up and punched Joe's shoulder. He said something to him that I couldn't see and walked out of the living room.

"So is everything really ok?" Joe asked when Edward was out of earshot.

"I hope so," I said. "He seems to want to stay and that's something at least."

"I made him promise not to leave again," Joe said. "I told him that I would never forgive him if that happened, and I believe him."

Relief washed over me when I heard his words. Joe knew Edward better than me and I had no reason to doubt his judgment.

"What did Edward say when you told him about the baby?"

"He's really happy about it, just like you predicted," I said with a smile. "He says that he wants to be here for me and the baby, and now he's starting therapy to try and get his voice back. Did he tell you that?"

"No, no he didn't mention that," he said and looked pretty shocked. "Is that even possible?"

"It's complicated, apparently. I don't know a lot. We were talking and I had a bit of a freak-out," I admitted.

_Hmm…Understatement. _

"Freak-out?" Joe asked, looking confused.

"I threw a fit, basically. I think my hormones are getting the best of me already, or maybe I was just nervous about seeing him again."

I took a deep breath.

"I don't really know him, Joe. We're having a baby together and we're practically strangers. I'm…scared."

He walked over and took my hand.

"You know that I'm here for you, right? Just because I'm possibly moving out doesn't mean that I won't help you in any way that I can."

"I know that. Thank you, Joe. I don't know how I would have made it through these past six weeks if it hadn't been for you," I said and blinked back a few tears.

"Bella, you have given me my life back. I have a job, a place to live and a, um, a lady friend because of you. I'm forever in your debt and I want to help you now if you need it."

"Thank you," I whispered. "And I'm really happy about you and Mary. I totally set you up, by the way."

"You think I don't know that?" he grinned. "I'm pretty clever for an old fart."

I let out a small laugh.

"Seriously, though. Edward is a good man, and I'm convinced that the two of you will work everything out."

"I hope so. I just have to be careful not to get hurt again," I said.

"Let him suffer on the couch for a while," Joe said with a grin. "That'll teach him a lesson."

"Joe!" I said. "You've been hanging around Angela too much, I think. That's exactly what she would say."

"Smart girl, that one," he said and stood up. "Well, I'm off to bed. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Good night," I said as he walked out.

"'Night Bella. Don't worry, everything will be fine," he said.

_I really, really hope so._

Edward came back in after a few minutes. He had probably left the room to give me and Joe some privacy.

'Everything ok?' he asked and sat down next to me.

"I think so," I said and stifled another yawn.

'You should sleep,' he mouthed and looked concerned again.

"I'm fine. It's just been a really long day."

'A good day?' he asked with a hopeful expression.

I looked at the beautiful man next to me; the father of my unborn child who I loved but didn't know much about. I didn't know how he felt about me, but he wanted to stay here and that gave me hope. I did know that I felt relaxed in his arms and I wanted to see him every morning for breakfast and say goodnight to him before bed. I wanted him, all of him, but I knew that I shouldn't rush this. I gazed into his tender eyes and felt peaceful for the first time in weeks.

I didn't know him, but I desperately wanted to. If he would give me the opportunity I would spend the next seven and a half months before our baby was born to learn everything there was to know about Edward Anthony Cullen and teach him all about Isabella Marie Swan. Because no matter what happened between us we were going to have a baby together and that was the most important thing in the world.

I took his hand and laced our fingers.

"Yes, Edward. I would say that today qualifies as a very good day," I said.

He smiled and lifted our joined hands to kiss mine.

'I won't let you down,' he said and looked intently at me.

His eyes told me that he was sincere. He genuinely didn't want to leave. Whether or not that meant that he would actually stay I wasn't entirely sure of yet. I knew that he hadn't wanted to leave the last time when he had cried in my arms after we made love, but he had done so anyway.

"I believe you," I said and leaned against him.

He lifted his arm and wrapped it around me and placed our joined hands on my stomach. I rested my head on his shoulder and felt him kiss the top of my head. I thought I felt his lips moving and he kissed me again.

"Did you say something?" I asked sleepily.

He merely pulled me closer and rubbed soothing circles in the palm of my hand with his thumb. I was almost asleep when I felt him pick me up and carry me into my bedroom and place me on the bed. He pulled off my jeans and I was too tired to care that this went against the rules that I had made in my head. He tucked me in and leaned down to kiss my forehead again. He turned to leave and I grabbed his hand.

"You'll be here when I wake up?" I mumbled.

'Every morning,' he told me with a smile and sat down on the bed next to me.

I smiled and he caressed my cheek. I was asleep within minutes and that night all my dreams were happy ones of Edward and I and a baby with green eyes.

***Sigh***

**So how long do you think that Bella will be able to keep Homelessward out of her bed? ;) **

**I have a feeling that I'm going to have a lot of fun with pregnant Bella and her insane hormonal behavior. Lord knows I acted like a lunatic during my own pregnancy so I have a lot of experience in that department. **

**Please check out The Blizzard thread on Twilighted. I'll be posting teasers over there (although not this week since I wrote this chapter in one sitting and sent it to beta immediately after) The girls have great discussions and I hope you'll join them.**

**Leave me a review since I gave you Edward in a towel, you dirty birds! ;)**


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews my story. I don't have time to respond to all of them but I read every single one. **

**Melanie (Edward's Eternal) is a lifesaver as usual and managed to beta this chapter while battling a nasty stomach flu. She constantly amazes me and I hope she feels confidant enough to publish her own writing soon. I know it will be amazing! :)**

**Enjoy this chapter!**

EPOV

I stroked Bella's cheek and watched as her eyelids fluttered and she fell asleep with a small smile on her lips. Her breathing grew slow and deep quickly and as I studied her face, I could see how exhausted she was. I had read somewhere that pregnant women go through various changes, both physical and psychological, and fatigue seemed to have taken a hold of my sweet angel. I was so happy that I was here to help her with everything and I would make sure that she didn't work too hard around the house. After all, she would be going to work everyday to support the both of us, and I would be damned if I wasn't going to do most of the housework now.

I realized that I didn't actually know how to do most of these things, but I was sure that I could learn. I had left my parents' house for army barracks and then a small house on the base where my ex-wife took care of those things. In truth, I hadn't prepared more than a dozen meals for myself in my life and I couldn't remember ever having done a load of laundry.

_Fuck, I am completely useless! I have to learn how to do all that immediately._

It was still pretty early but I was feeling extremely tired. It had been a long day, but also the happiest in my life. Setting up the appointment to begin therapy, returning to Bella and most importantly learning that I was going to be a father had made this day the pinnacle of my existence so far.

I looked at her beautiful face and traced her features gently so I wouldn't wake her. I wanted nothing more than to crawl under the covers and hold her all night, but I couldn't do that. Not yet at least. Bella had said that someday she might be ready for a relationship and until then I would have to control my desire for her. This would not be easy- especially since she seemed to crave my touch as much as I did hers. Holding her while we watched the movie tonight had been so wonderful but of course my treacherous body wanted even more. When I had massaged her I thought I would burst out of my jeans when she moaned how good it felt. I had to keep her on the floor for longer than was necessary because I couldn't risk her seeing my hard on and I really wanted to have her close to me once I got my body under control again.

I yawned and shut my eyes for a few seconds. I knew that I should go lie down but I was reluctant to leave her side. I wanted to be the first thing she saw when she woke up in the morning, and I wanted that forever. I would never leave her again, and I hoped that I could prove this to her over time. I leaned down and kissed her forehead.

'I love you, Bella,' I said silently.

I had already said this in the living room just half an hour earlier but she couldn't see my lips when I had done it. I wanted to tell her so badly, but I didn't want to do it like that. I wanted to say it out loud. It was the goal I would work towards in my therapy and I couldn't think of a better motivation for getting my voice back. I caressed her cheek again and finally stood up and walked out of her room. In the living room I looked at the couch and remembered that Bella had fallen asleep before she could find sheets for me. I knocked softly on Joe's bedroom door and he called me inside. He was in bed, reading and I looked around the room. It was the same size as Bella's bedroom with two windows and mismatched furniture. 

"Hey," Joe said with a grin. "Come to check out your room?"

I really didn't want this to be my room. I wanted Bella's bedroom to be _our_ room and this one to be the nursery.

_A guy can dream…_

I smiled and shook my head.

"The couch sucks, huh?" he stated, still grinning widely.

_Understatement._

I nodded sheepishly.

"Well, what did you expect, Edward? You can't just leave her for six weeks and assume that she will forgive you immediately."

'I know,' I nodded.

"I think she will, though," he added. "Eventually."

'Yeah?'

"Yes, you just have to show her that you're here for good."

'I want to help her around the house, but I don't know how,' I enunciated slowly.

He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Help around the house?" he asked. "Is that what you said?"

I nodded, thankful that he had understood my long sentence.

"Have you ever done housework?" he asked curiously.

I shook my head. I could see that this amused him.

"You've been a little spoiled, haven't you? I mean, you're twenty-six for crying out loud."

'I know,' I said, feeling embarrassed.

"What would you like to learn?"

'Everything.'

"Do you know how to cook?" he asked.

_Not really._

'A little,' I lied, not wanted to seem utterly useless.

"Good, you can make dinner tomorrow for you and Bella. We're working late and I'll be at Mary's. I think she would like that a lot."

_Fuck! Cook an entire dinner by myself? Well, I guess I could find some recipes online or something. Yes, that's what I'll do._

I nodded and he smiled. Then I remembered why Bella had gotten so panicked earlier and I realized that she had been absolutely right. I didn't know very much about her.

'What does she like?' I asked Joe.

"Oh, um, anything really. She's not picky. You could make her some pasta. That's pretty simple."

I nodded again.

"Oh yeah, and if you really want to impress her I would make some sort of dessert. She's got a sweet tooth even though she denies it most of the time. You should see what she and Angela eat when they have a movie night. How they don't go into sugar induced comas is beyond me," he said with a small laugh.

_He knows her so well, and I don't know anything._

The thought saddened me. I had missed so much while I had been gone. If I had stayed here I would know everything that Joe did and so much more probably.

"Don't worry," he said, obviously picking up on my mood. "You'll learn all this after a while."

'I know,' I said with a sigh.

I pointed to his bed sheets and raised my eyebrows.

'For the couch,' I added.

"The closet in the hallway, top shelf," he said, without having to think about it.

_I want to know as much as Joe does. No, more than that. I want to know everything about Bella and her life._

'Thank you,' I said and walked over to the door.

"Goodnight, Edward. I'm really glad you made the right decision," he said.

_So I am._

I turned and smiled at him.

'When do you leave tomorrow morning?' I asked slowly.

"Around 8."

I nodded and waved as a goodnight before I left Joe to his book. I found the sheets and a duvet where he had told me they were and made up the couch. I didn't know what happened to the pajamas that Bella had bought for me the last time I was here, so I settled for sleeping in my t-shirt and boxers. The apartment was warm and the couch wasn't a bad place to sleep compared to the hard cots in the shelters, or if it was a bad night, a park bench. It was comfortable but I wanted to sleep next to Bella in her bed with my arms around her and her sweet floral smell enveloping me.

I noticed her cell phone on the coffee table and decided to set the alarm in it. I wanted to wake up before she did so I could make breakfast for her. I closed my eyes and hugged a pillow, imagining that it was my angel.

_I'm here now Bella, and until I can tell you how much I love you in my own words, I will spend everyday trying to show you._

I woke up before the alarm went off and glanced at the phone. It was 6:30 which meant that I had a little time before Bella and Joe had to get up. I had slept soundly and thankfully without any nightmares. I dressed quickly and went to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. Bella had been right; I was thinner than before but what really caught my attention was the fact that I looked happy again. I glanced down and smiled widely when I noticed that my toothbrush was still next to hers, as if it had been waiting for my return all this time.

After I was done I went into the kitchen and rummaged around for a while and ignored the small voice in my head that told me to stay out of her cupboards. I needed to familiarize myself with everything now that this was my home.

_My home. I have a home again. With Bella. _

The thought knocked the wind out of me and I stumbled backwards and collapsed on a kitchen chair. I looked around and acknowledged that this apartment, which I had thought of as heaven ever since I first came here, was now my home. It was mind-boggling to say the least.

_I will never be cold or hungry again. And I am not alone anymore._

I took a deep ragged breath and pulled myself together. This crying all the time had to stop now. I wanted to be strong for Bella, a shoulder for her to lean on and I couldn't very well do that if I was blubbering like a baby.

_Baby. We're having a baby. _

I smiled widely and stood up again to continue my exploration of the kitchen. I was torn between making coffee or tea. I knew that I wanted coffee and Joe would too, but Bella had had tea last night.

_And she didn't particularly like it!_

I chucked when I remembered her cute little outburst that ended up getting the honey bear pushed off the counter. Apparently it looked too happy for my sweet angel.

_She is adorable and so funny._

Then of course she had turned around to face me, and humor was suddenly the last thing on my mind.

_God, the way she looked at me!_

I vividly remembered how her eyes had roamed over my body, and I had gotten hard under the towel. I was just lucky that she hadn't looked lower than my chest or she would have seen my desire for her plain as day. I was able to pull myself together quickly because the rational part of me knew that nothing could happen between us yet. The fact that Bella was sexually attracted to me was obvious and I knew the effect I had on most women. If I tried, I could probably seduce her without too much effort, but I didn't want to do that. Alright, if I was completely truthful I couldn't deny that a part of me desperately wanted that to happen. I was a young virile man who was in love with the most beautiful and sexy woman in the world. Naturally I wanted to make love to her. _Sweet tender lovemaking at first, followed by a wild all night fuck-fest where she screams my name as I make her come again and again…_

_NO! I need to stop thinking like that right now! _

I shook my head and tried to get my mind out of the gutter. Even though a part of me was dying to make love to her again, I knew that it was not a good idea. I didn't just want Bella's body. I wanted all of her, forever, and if she ended up doing something with me that she regretted, it would effectively ruin any possibility for a relationship. And that was what I really wanted when I looked past what my body craved in the now. I wanted to be Bella's boyfriend.

_No, not boyfriend. That word isn't big enough. Lover? Soul mate? Husband? _

_Maybe you're getting a bit ahead of yourself here…_

Was I? I wanted to be with Bella always and we were having a baby together. Marriage didn't seem like such a stretch to me. I had been with Tanya for more than two years before I married her and look how that had turned out. The feelings that I had had for her were nothing compared to how much I loved Bella despite the fact that we didn't know each other very well.

_You cannot ask her to marry you! You'll completely freak her out and scare her away! You're not even together in a romantic way right now!_

I sighed and made both coffee and tea while my mind kept going. I _did_ want to marry Bella and maybe I was being old-fashioned, but I would like to do that before our baby was born. If only I hadn't left her. We would be together now if I had stayed. But then I would never have saved the doctor from those two creeps in the alley, and I wouldn't have the opportunity to get therapy either. I wanted so much to get better and get my voice back. Then I could find a job and help Bella financially, or maybe apply for some scholarships and go back to school as an investment in our future. We wouldn't have very much money while I was in college but afterwards I would make it up to her and our child by getting a good job.

_Or you could stop being scared and proud. You know who has more than enough money to help you out with whatever you need. _

I knew that the annoying voice in my head was absolutely right. My father would have money to help me but I didn't want to face him. Not after the last thing he said to me:

"Don't do it, Edward. If you marry her you will be making a huge mistake. She only wants you for your money. I can't believe that you don't see that. She doesn't love you and if you choose her over us, then that is it: Don't come back."

And I didn't. I didn't come back after the divorce and I didn't come back after Afghanistan. I hadn't seen my family in six years and I had resigned myself to the thought that I simply didn't have one.

I wondered if Bella had a family. There was so much I didn't know about her. I remembered her telling me that she had gone to college in Seattle. Was she born and raised up there, and did her family still live there? I had no idea and decided that I would ask about her parents when she woke up.

I looked in her fridge and tried to figure out what I could make her for breakfast. Eggs maybe? I could probably cook those without screwing up too badly and serve them with some toast. Did she have morning sickness already, because then eggs might not be the best idea? I sighed heavily. I didn't have a clue if Bella even liked eggs for breakfast.

The phone started ringing in the living room and I couldn't remember if I had already turned off the alarm when I woke up. I walked in and picked it up, but saw that it wasn't the alarm but an incoming call. Acting out of habit I answered it. I opened my mouth to say something only to realize that I couldn't do that.

_Idiot! It's not even your phone!_

"Hello? Is this Ms. Swan?"

_No! It can't be!_

I dropped the phone on the couch. The voice on the other end was shockingly familiar and I sat down next to it with my heart in my throat.

"Hellooo?" I could faintly hear her say.

I picked it up with a trembling hand and pressed it to my ear.

'Alice,' I said silently.

"Hello?...What? I don't know, honey. There's no one there. Maybe I dialed the number wrong…..Yes, I know that it doesn't make sense, but why would she say that she knows Edw-."

The call disconnected.

_Alice! Alice just called Bella!_

My mind was in a tailspin. What had just happened? Why was my sister calling Bella? I didn't have time to think anymore, because suddenly the phone rang again in my hand. I stared at it completely frozen in shock.

BPOV

I felt someone shaking my shoulder and heard a ringing in the distance. I blinked a few times and saw Edward hovering over me.

_He's still here! But…Why is he looking at me like that?_

Edward's face was pale. Deathly pale. And his expression somewhere between shocked and desperate.

"Edward?" I asked and sat up.

He held my phone up to my ear and I saw that his hand was shaking.

_What is going on?_

"Hello?" a woman chirped. "Ms. Swan?"

"Yes," I said and cleared my throat.

I took the phone from Edward's hand and rubbed my eyes.

"Yes, this is Bella. Who is this?" I asked.

"Bella! Thank God, I got a hold of you!" she practically yelled. "Have you really seen my brother Edward? "

_Oh shit! Shit shit shit!_

I knew who was on the phone. Alice Cullen-Whitlock who I had called yesterday before Edward showed up. This was not good. I had completely forgotten about the voicemail I had left her. I looked at Edward again. He was towering over me, still white as a sheet and gripping the neckline of his shirt tightly. His eyes were wide and panicked, and I cringed when I also saw anger in them.

_Oh God, he's mad at me!_

"Hello? Are you still there?"

"I- yes, I'm here," I said and gave Edward a desperate look.

'I'm so sorry,' I mouthed.

His eyes softened. He took a deep breath and nodded.

"Have you really seen Edward?" she asked.

"Yes."

_I'm staring at him right now, and I have never seen anyone look this shocked in my life. God, I really screwed this up!_

"He…he's alive?"

_Alive? She thought he was dead? That's horrible!_

"Yes, he's alive," I answered immediately.

Edward gasped and covered his mouth with his hands before he sat down next to me. I could feel his whole body trembling and I placed my free hand on his shoulder. He grabbed it and held it tightly.

"He's alive?" she cried. "Jasper, I knew it! I knew it! He's alive!"

_Jasper?_

I could hear the faint sounds of crying on the phone before a man suddenly spoke.

"Ms. Swan, this is Jasper Whitlock, I'm Alice's husband."

"Oh, um, hello, Mr. Whitlock," I said.

Edward's head shot up and he gave me a confused look.

'Her husband,' I mouthed.

'Husband!' he mouthed back with wide eyes.

_Oh, he didn't know that she was married! How long has it been since he saw her?_

"Alice just needs a minute," he said. "Her brother is really alive?"

"Yes, he's alive," I said and held Edward's gaze.

I covered the phone with my hand. I didn't want to upset Edward anymore than I already had, and I had to know what I could tell his sister.

"Are you here?" I whispered.

He looked torn and held my hand to his mouth while he rocked back and forth. Finally he closed his eyes and nodded.

"Here's Alice for you again," Mr. Whitlock said.

"B-bella?" she asked, and I could hear that she was trying not to cry again.

"Yes," I whispered and could feel myself starting to tear up.

Edward was still softly rocking back and forth next to me while he pressed his lips to my hand.

"Where is my b-brother?" she asked. "Do you know?"

I looked at Edward, bent forward with his head down. I could feel his ragged breaths on the back of my hand which he was still clutching.

"He's sitting right here next to me," I said.

I heard her inhale sharply.

"Well…Can I…Can I talk to him?" she asked unsurely after a few seconds.

_Oh God! She doesn't know!_

I covered the phone again.

"Edward, she wants to talk to you. What should I tell her?" I asked him, anxiously.

He turned his head and looked at me. His beautiful eyes were red rimmed and overflowing with unshed tears. My heart broke completely when I saw his profound sadness and I felt my own tears burning as I tried to hold them back.

'Tell her the truth,' he said and wiped my eyes with his shirtsleeve, just as he had done the night before.

I took a deep breath and nodded.

"Alice, he can't talk," I said.

"He won't even talk to me?" she asked, and choked back a sob.

"No, he wants to," I amended immediately. "I mean, Edward literally can't talk. He can't form words. He doesn't have a voice."

Silence.

"W-what are you talking about? I know that he can talk!"

_Dear lord, I am not the right person to tell her this. I can hardly understand it myself!_

"He can't anymore. He's suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder," I said.

"He…what?"

"It's true," I said. "But, um, other than that he's fine," I added lamely.

Edward kissed my hand and moved closer to me. I leaned into his body and he sighed, and wrapped his arm around me.

"He can't talk? Not at all?" she asked incredulously.

"No, I'm sorry," I said and leaned my head on Edward's shoulder.

"But he's alright? He's not hurt or anything?" she asked after a few seconds.

"No, he's not hurt," I said softly.

"I don't understand," she said slowly. "What happened to him?"

"I hardly know myself," I said and angled the phone so Edward could listen in on the conversation. "He just came back to me last night and we haven't talked about it a lot."

I lifted my head and looked at him. He nodded for me to continue and I took a deep breath.

"Something bad happened while Edward was stationed in Afghanistan, and that's what caused the disorder. That's all I know."

"He really did it," she said quietly. "He fought in the war."

"Yes."

"How long ago did it happen? Where has he been living since? What does he do for a living? Why…Why hasn't he contacted us at all? Why did he make us think he was dead?" she asked quickly. "Does he…hate us?"

Edward's face looked pained and he buried it in his hands. I could feel him tremble again and his breathing sped up.

_He doesn't want to cry in front of me._

I stroked his hair softly and he leaned into my body again.

"Alice, I can't answer those questions for you," I said. "I honestly don't know."

_Well, except for the homeless part and I don't know if he wants her to know that. _

"Can I see him?" she asked carefully.

"Hold on."

I put the phone down and wrapped my arms around him.

"Edward, she wants to see you," I murmured into his neck. "What should I say?"

He turned his head and I could see the fear on his beautiful features. I hated seeing him like that, and I wished that I could help him somehow.

"She can come here if you'd like," I added. "Joe won't be home tonight and I can go over to Angela and Ben's house."

'No!' he mouthed immediately, his eyes wide with panic. 'I need you.'

"Ok, I'll stay," I said softly. "Do you want her to come over?"

He took a deep breath and nodded. I was about to pick up the phone when he grabbed my hand.

'Just her,' he said. 'Not our parents.'

"Ok, what about her husband?" I asked, figuring that she would probably want to bring him for support.

'Husband,' he mouthed and shook his head in disbelief. 'Okay.'

I picked up the phone again.

"Alice? You can come over tonight if you'd like."

"Really?" she whispered. "He wants to see me?"

"Yes, but just you and your husband, okay?"

"Yes, of course," she said immediately. "Where do you live? Do we need to book a flight?"

"No, I'm here in Chicago," I said.

"He's been here this whole time?" she breathed.

"I don't know," I said weakly. "I haven't known Edward very long."

"Oh, ok," she said. "Um, where do you live and when should we come by?"

I told her my address and that they should come by around 8. That would give me a little time with Edward before they showed up.

"Can he hear me?" she asked hesitantly.

I leaned over and angled the phone to Edward's ear.

"He can hear you now," I said.

"Edward?"

His whole body stiffened and he grabbed my hand.

"I-I've missed you so much, and I just...I love you," she choked out.

Edward strangled a sob and covered his eyes with his free hand. His lips trembled but I could see what he was saying.

"He says he loves you too," I said into the phone.

I could hear her crying and after a few seconds Mr. Whitlock's voice reappeared.

"Ms. Swan, thank you for setting this up. We will see the two of you tonight, alright?"

"Okay, see you tonight," I said and hung up.

I put the phone on the nightstand and looked at Edward. He was still trying to hold back his emotions and fighting for control. His free fist was clenched and his grip on my hand was almost painful as he breathed heavily and hid his eyes.

"It's okay, sweetheart," I said out of nowhere. "Let go."

Before I knew what was happening Edward launched himself at me, bringing us both down on the bed. He wrapped his arms around me and sobbed violently into my neck. His body shook and after my initial shock wore off I brought my hands up and started stroking his back and shoulders.

"It's okay, it's okay," I said softly.

I felt his tears on my skin and held him tightly while he cried. After a minute or so his sobs turned into small gasps and I felt his body get heavy as he relaxed in my arms. I caressed his hair again and heard him sigh.

"Are you alright?" I whispered.

He nodded against my shoulder and loosened his arms around me slightly. I continued stroking his hair, neck and shoulders until his breathing was slow and deep, and I wondered if maybe he had fallen asleep. I felt his lips moving against my neck and he held me tighter again.

"What did you say?" I asked.

He lifted his head and looked into my eyes. He brought his hand up and stroked my cheek softly.

'Bella,' he said silently.

I suddenly realized how we were positioned on the bed with his body flush against me, his arm encircling me and his right leg in between mine. As if he noticed as well, he glanced down our intertwined bodies and then met my eyes again. Once again the electricity in the air seemed to crackle around us and my hand in his hair tightened its grip. His eyes darted to my lips and up to mine again. I could feel that he was breathing heavier and so was I.

_God, this is not the right time and place for this! Ok, the place is actually perfect, but the timing certainly isn't. His sister just called, I have work and he has therapy today. I know this and all I can think about is his lips on mine! _

Ever so slowly Edward lowered his face while keeping our eyes locked.

_Is this right or wrong? I can't think when he's this close!_

Out of nowhere the butterflies in my stomach were replaced by an unpleasant sensation and I pushed on Edward's shoulders. His eyes widened in panic and he lifted his head quickly.

'Bella, I'm sorry!' he mouthed.

"No, I'm going to be sick," I moaned and pushed against him again.

He rolled off me immediately and I sprinted into the bathroom where I only just managed to lift the lid before throwing up in the toilet. I felt Edward as he knelt down next to me and pulled my hair back.

_Oh God, I don't want him to see this!_

He rubbed my back soothingly as I gasped and moaned, and closed the lid with shaking hands. He flushed the toilet and I stood up slowly while he supported me.

"I, um, I need a minute," I said quietly while I looked down.

He rubbed my arm and left the bathroom. I wiped my eyes and brushed my teeth while trying to ignore that I looked horrible and pale. I walked out and was met by a worried-looking Edward who ushered me back to bed and handed me a plate with crackers and a glass of water.

"I'm ok," I said and took a small bite. "I guess the morning sickness just started."

I saw him smile faintly and gave him a scowl.

'Sorry,' he said and motioned to my stomach. 'But the baby.'

He didn't have to say anything else.

"I know," I said and returned the smile. "It's a good sign. It's hormones and the baby is growing."

He nodded.

"Are you okay?" I asked carefully.

He breathed out and ran his hands through his hair.

'I don't know,' he said.

"Are you angry with me for calling her?" I whispered.

He shook his head immediately.

_Thank God!_

'I understand,' he added silently.

"I was really scared that something might have happened to you, and if you had been hospitalized they would contact your family. I just wanted to make sure that you were safe."

He nodded and took my hand.

"I'm going to stay home with you today, okay? I don't know if I will feel sick again, and I think we need to talk a lot more before they come over tonight."

He kissed my hand and met my eyes.

'Thank you, Bella,' he said.

"That's okay, I still have a few sick days."

'For everything. Saving me, letting me come back,' he enunciated slowly so I would understand.

I took him by surprise when I held up our joined hands and kissed his as well.

"Thank you for coming back, Edward. I know that we have a lot of stuff to deal with but we will do it together, right?"

He nodded and smiled. I leaned back against the headboard with a small sigh and closed my eyes for a second. Edward looked worried again.

'Are you feeling alright?' he asked.

"I'm just tired. It's normal in the beginning," I told him. "Plus that was a pretty intense way of starting the day."

He nodded seriously. I moved down and snuggled under the covers again.

'I'll tell Joe,' he said and walked out.

After a few minutes he came back and sat down next to me.

'Do you need anything?' he asked.

I shook my head and closed my eyes. I felt his hand on my forehead and then he brushed my hair back. I sighed because his cool hand was exactly what I needed on my warm skin. I felt him shift on the bed and opened my eyes to look at him.

'Bella…can I?' he asked carefully and pointed to the spot next to me.

_He wants to get in bed with me. What should I say?_

'Above the covers,' he added, obviously reading my torn expression.

I nodded and he stretched out on his side facing me, on top of the covers, as promised. I took his hand and laced our fingers, and he smiled and closed his eyes. I shuffled a little closer and he lifted his top arm and rubbed my back gently. He looked so relaxed and content with his eyes closed and a small smile on his face. I quickly fell asleep again and ignored that I had told myself that it was too early to have Edward back in my bed. This felt right. Absolutely right and perfect.

**Ooh, big day coming up: Therapy, lots of B&E talk and a visit from J&A.**

**Now for the bad news: Unfortunately, my exams are starting this week and I won't be able up update regularly until after June 15****th****. I hope I will be able to write a few chapters until then but you shouldn't expect anything. Just be pleasantly surprised if something pops up. :)**

**Leave me a review if you liked the chapter. **


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

EPOV

**Ooh, an update before June 15****th****! I told you it might happen. :)**

**As always thank you for all your kind words and reviews. **

**Melanie beta'ed this super fast and did an awesome job as usual. She is the mac to my cheese, seriously!**

**Enjoy!**

She fell asleep almost instantly. I could hear her breathing become deep and regular, and opened my eyes to look at her.

_Beautiful. So beautiful and perfect._

There was no way I would be able to go back to sleep now so I took the opportunity to stare at her for as long as I wanted. I was back in Bella's bed but knew that this was probably only for today, and I had to make the most of it. I carefully caressed her cheek with my fingertips and smiled when I felt the plump pillowy flesh. I was so happy that she had gained back the weight that she had lost and her cheeks were once again full and soft. Her hair was healthy and shiny, strewn in wild disarray across the pillow. Her eyelashes were impossibly long and her lips pink and pouty. She was without a doubt the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on, and I couldn't believe that I was now a part of her life. That she had invited me back. I wished that she was mine to hold and kiss, but for now I would settle for looking at her as she slept peacefully.

There was so much turmoil in my head but when I gazed at her I felt a deep sense of tranquility settle on me. I felt like I could do just about anything with her at my side. I could even see my sister again and tell her that I in no way hated her. I had often wondered why she never contacted me after I married Tanya. But then again, I hadn't contacted her either. I didn't exactly know when things had gotten so bad that I felt like my family was gone. I had been a newlywed and I thought that I was in love. I figured that things would naturally settle down and that my father would come to his senses and let me back in eventually, but that never happened. I was too stubborn and proud to ever consider asking him to let me back in the family and after a while I didn't feel like I needed them anymore. I had my wife and my new family; the army, and that seemed to be more than enough to keep me happy.

Then of course, disaster struck and I lost it all in one fell swoop: My wife, my new family, my voice and most devastating of all: my belief that people were inherently good. I had seen many things in the war that horrified me but I always believed that we were doing the right thing over there. But when the supposed good guys refused to help someone in dire straits it had shaken those beliefs to the core. I felt as though everything that I had done was suddenly wrong and I had no direction in life anymore. I had been lost and remained so until Bella found me and showed me that there were still good people in the world. Now I was with her again and I could feel a change in myself.

Now everything seemed so clear and life was filled with possibilities and dreams for the future. I gently placed my hand over her stomach and smiled. Our baby was in there, safe and sound and that alone proved that miracles happened. The odds of Bella becoming pregnant from our one night together were so small but it had happened anyway, as if it was meant to be. I liked to think that it was. I had never been religious but I had a strange feeling that this was no coincidence. That everything in my life had been leading up to this moment where I was watching her sleep while our baby was growing inside her womb. This was, for lack of a better word, right. Bella, the baby and I were just right.

I heard Joe rummaging around in the kitchen, probably making breakfast for himself. I remembered that Bella hadn't had anything to eat except for a cracker this morning and that was not nearly enough. Reluctantly I left her bed and snuck out of her bedroom to find Joe.

"Hey," he said and smiled. "Is she feeling better?"

I nodded.

'Sleeping,' I mouthed.

"That's good. She must be exhausted, poor thing."

I nodded again. He sat down across from me and smiled widely.

"So are you excited about becoming a father?" he asked.

I grinned like an idiot and nodded for the third time.

"Congratulations, my friend," he said.

'Thank you,' I said silently and tried to stop smiling so widely, but failed miserably.

"A baby," Joe said smiling and shook his head lightly. "Did you ever think that this would happen to you?"

'No, never,' I said.

I honestly didn't know how on earth I had become so fortunate all of a sudden. I had gone from being a lonely homeless empty shell of a man, to an expectant father who had been welcomed back into the life of the woman I loved, in just one night. When you added a possible cure for my PTSD and a reunion with my sister it seemed too good to be true.

"I'm really happy for the two of you," Joe said. "My one regret in life is never having children."

'I'm sorry,' I said sympathetically.

I hesitated a second before raising my eyebrows and silently asking Joe why he never had children.

"We couldn't conceive," he said. "Back then there weren't many options if it didn't happen naturally and adoption was so expensive. We had a good life together but I would have loved to be a father."

I nodded, feeling sad that my friend would never get to experience everything that was happening to me.

'What does Bella like for breakfast?' I asked slowly.

"Coffee," he said with a grin. "She loves her morning cup of coffee."

He explained because I looked a little confused.

"She only has one cup a day now, and she doesn't really like herbal tea as much."

I nodded and contemplated this.

"If I were you I would go out and buy her a cappuccino," he said. "She would love that."

_Hmmm, great idea, but how will I do that?_

'No money,' I said with a sigh, feeling like a lousy friend or whatever I was to Bella.

"Oh, of course," Joe said and smacked his forehead. "How much do you need?"

I shook my head. I didn't want to take his money.

"Edward," he said sternly. "I have a job now and if a cup of overpriced coffee makes Bella happy then she should have it."

He pulled out his wallet and handed me a twenty dollar bill.

"You can always pay me back when you are able to," he said.

I nodded and took it. Joe was right. If Bella wanted cappuccino then I would get it for her even if I didn't like borrowing money. I wanted her to be happy and not regret that I was staying with her even though I still had problems. I smiled when I thought about bringing her breakfast in bed and how she might hug me as a thank you. Joe was looking at me as if he knew what I was thinking.

"I have to get going," he said and stood up. "Oh, and get her a muffin as well. Then she might just kiss you."

I shot him a look and he laughed a little.

"Sorry, I couldn't help myself. You should see your face when you think about her. It warms an old man's heart," he said and patted my back.

'You're not old,' I shook my head and smiled.

He gave me another pat and went over to wash his dishes. I stopped him because that was my job now. I wrote him a note and he smiled when he read it.

'Let me do it. I want to feel useful around here.'

"You are useful, Edward. You make Bella happy."

He smiled warmly and before he left he gave me his key so I could get in and out of the apartment without disturbing her sleep. I cleaned up after Joe's breakfast and wrote Bella a note telling her that I would be back shortly. I didn't want her to wake up and think that I had left permanently. I never wanted her to think that again.

As I walked down the street I immediately noticed that people were looking into my eyes and some even smiled at me when I passed them. I stopped and looked at myself in the reflection of a store window. I had showered yesterday evening and was wearing clean clothes. I had a hint of stubble on my chin and my hair was its usual messy self. I looked like a regular guy just walking along on a sunny spring morning and I smiled widely to myself.

_I'm not homeless anymore. I'm a man who is going to buy breakfast for the woman he loves._

The only thing that betrayed the image was my worn-out sneakers that needed to be replaced soon. I walked on wishing that I had the money to buy some new ones. I wondered what sort of job I might be able to find while I was still mute. I didn't want to lounge around the apartment all day and freeload off Bella. I realized that my options were limited but there had to be something that I could do that didn't require me to speak. Maybe something physical and outdoors? I liked being outside in the spring and summertime and I was strong. I would ask Bella if she had any ideas when I got home.

_Home. I have a home again!_

I smiled when I entered the coffee shop and was greeted with curious looks and smiles from the other customers. No one avoided my eyes and I realized that to them I truly was just a normal guy who was possibly a little overly happy for regular Wednesday morning. In the eyes of the world I was a person again, but that didn't really matter to me. What did matter was the way Bella had always regarded me as more than a broken wretch and how she had told me that I was already worthy of her. Even if that were true I still wanted to be more for her. I wanted a job and my voice. I wanted to be everything for her. I wanted to be her world as she was mine.

The girl behind the counter simply smiled when I handed her the note with my order and didn't made any comments about my not speaking. It seemed that being mute was accepted more easily when I wasn't homeless. She waved to get my attention and I concluded that she probably thought that I was deaf. When I walked out I heard her make a comment about my ass to the other girl who worked there, and I couldn't stop myself from laughing. I turned around, winked and mouthed the words 'thank you,' and laughed again when both of them blushed and scrambled around, obviously embarrassed about being caught. Women were wonderful but none more than my angel.

In my old life I had always enjoyed flirting but all I cared about now was doing that with Bella. I wanted her to look at my ass or any other part of me that she wanted. I wanted her to grab me and kiss the hell out of me. I remembered how she had writhed in my lap the night she gave me a haircut and how confidant and sexy she had been. Then of course I had ruined everything and had acted like a complete tool, and hurt her feelings when I rejected her. I hoped that I hadn't made her think that I didn't like it when she was the one to initiate something. I knew that she would have to be the one to take our relationship to the next level in terms of the physical stuff. It was just so hard, no pun intended, when I was with her. I wanted to touch her constantly but I knew that I had to wait until she was ready.

I locked myself back in the building and smiled because I truly did live here now. I grinned again when I unlocked the door to my personal version of heaven and stepped inside, excited about bringing Bella breakfast in bed. I had only just made my way into the kitchen and put the bag I was holding on the table when I was spun around and all I saw were beautiful brown eyed and chestnut hair before small arms were around my neck gripping me tightly. The whole thing only took two seconds and I took a deep breath and tried to figure out what was going on. Bella was clinging to me and I was standing completely still as if I didn't want her to touch me.

_Oh no, not again! _

I immediately wrapped my arms around her small body pulling her closer to convey that I in no way minded her hugging me. It was a pretty strong reaction just because I brought her breakfast but I certainly wasn't about to complain.

"Edward," she sobbed into my neck.

I froze. She wasn't hugging me to show her appreciation for breakfast. Something was wrong. I tried to loosen her grip so I could look at her face and ask her what was wrong but she held onto me even tighter.

"You're here," she whispered. "You didn't leave."

_Oh fuck, she didn't see the note!_

I shook my head and held her even tighter. I would never leave her again and I wanted her to know that. She let out a shaky breath that tickled my neck and sent shivers down my spine. Now that my initial shock had worn off my body was starting to react to her. She was pressed up against me, only wearing her sweatpants and tank top and I could feel all her soft curves.

"You're here. I thought you left. I'm so sorry!" she whispered frantically

_Don't apologize. I was a total douche for leaving you. It's no wonder you don't trust me._

I started to shake my head when I felt her lips on the side of my neck. Her hands went into my hair and before I knew it she had lifted her head and her lips were on mine. The kiss was anything but sweet and soft. It was hot and wild, and I wanted it and so much more. I moaned loudly when I felt her tongue against mine and she pressed herself closer to me. She tugged on my hair and I was already so desperate for some friction that without thinking I picked her up and sat her down on the kitchen counter. My hands went to her ass immediately and I pulled her against me and ground my erection against her like a horny teenager. Bella was moaning and kissing me passionately while my hands roamed all over her. I pulled down the strap of her tank top and in the next second I had pushed her back on her elbows and was practically drooling as I pulled her top further down revealing her naked left breast. I latched onto her nipple immediately, sucking and licking it frantically. Bella cried out and arched her back. My hands grabbed her ass again and I thrust against her. I started to tug down on the hem of her sweatpants and bit down gently on her hard nipple. She bucked her hips up against me and I was trying to pull down her pants while undoing my own jeans at the same time.

_I need to fuck her now!_

I was finally able to open my buttons and push down my jeans and now only a few thin layers of fabric separated my throbbing erection from where I desperately needed it to be. I felt as though I was in a frenzy and all I could think about was getting inside her immediately. I was ready to rip the clothes from her body and thrust into her this instant. She clearly wanted it. Her legs were wrapped around my waist holding me firmly in place while I continued to rub my cock against her. I released her nipple from my lips and went to pull down her tank top completely. I caught a glimpse of her face: she was panting with her eyes closed, all flushed and beautiful, and it sent me to a screeching halt.

_What the fuck am I doing? This is Bella! This is the woman that I love! I can't do it like this!_

As much as I wanted, no _needed_, to be inside her I knew that it was wrong. Bella had been upset and she obviously wasn't thinking straight. I didn't want it to happen like this. Bella would regret this afterwards and everything would be lost. I had to wait until she was completely emotionally ready and I would be more to her than just the coffee-getting stranger who fucked her on the kitchen counter. I wanted it to be slow, gentle and loving the first time we did this again, not hard, animalistic and frantic, although I was in no way opposed to doing it like that some other time in the future.

I put my hands on the counter next to her hips and dropped my head onto her shoulder, breathing heavily to regain control of my overly hormonal body. She smelled so good and I was dying to grab her and start the grinding again even if it meant coming in my boxers.

_No, control yourself. Bella deserves more than this!_

"Edward," she whispered.

I lifted my head and gazed into her eyes.

'I'm sorry,' I mouthed and stood up between her parted legs.

I wanted her to know that she was more to me than just a fast fuck and that I wanted to do right by her. She blushed furiously and quickly pulled up her tank top. She wouldn't look up at me and started wringing her hands. Finally I tilted her head and saw that she had tears in her eyes.

'Bella, what's wrong?' I asked and stroked her cheek gently.

"I-I shouldn't have done that," she rushed out with a panicked look in her eyes. "I thought that you left and I just…I'm sorry. You didn't want that."

_I want you more than anything!_

I held her face between my hands.

'Yes. I. Want. You,' I enunciated slowly, because I didn't want her to doubt this for even a second.

"But…you…why then?" she asked, unable to form a complete sentence.

'Not like this,' I said and motioned to the counter.

"Oh," she said and blushed again.

'It's too soon,' I said, and while the silent words came out I could almost imagine my dick plotting its evil revenge because now I had apparently become my very own cock-blocker.

She nodded, and a small part of me wanted to scream in frustration because she didn't tell me that I was being stupid and that I should definitely carry her to bed and make love to her immediately. Luckily, the part of me that wanted to buy Bella flowers, hold her hand and treat her like a lady won out and I simply smiled and helped her off the counter. I pulled up my jeans and tried to adjust myself discretely before starting the painful task of buttoning them back up. Bella was eyeing the bag from the coffee shop with a curious expression on her face and I motioned for her to go back to bed.

"That's silly," she said. "I'm already up."

I stomped my foot in a completely childish way and pointed to the hallway again. She laughed as she walked out and it made my heart swell to think that it was because of me. I quickly found a tray and some plates, and put the breakfast on it. Bella was sitting in bed and smiled when I came in. I was feeling more than a little pleased with myself when I handed her the cappuccino and her eyes lit up.

"You went out and bought me breakfast?" she asked, although it was pretty evident that I had.

I just smiled and watched as she took a sip of the coffee.

"Mmm," she half-moaned.

_Yup, definitely going to bring her breakfast every morning so I get to hear that sound again. _

I placed the tray on the nightstand and sat down across from her. She looked at me and chewed nervously on her bottom lip.

"Thank you for stopping," she said shyly and motioned towards the kitchen. "I, um, I don't really know what came over me."

'You were scared,' I said.

She nodded and sighed.

'I'm _not_ leaving ever again,' I said slowly so she would understand.

"I know. I just woke up and you were gone," she said quietly.

I held up my finger, telling her to hold on. I went into the kitchen to get her the note and also bring back a pad and pen. I sat back down on the bed and handed her the piece of paper that she hadn't noticed. She read it and looked embarrassed.

"Sorry, I guess I panicked a little. I didn't see it."  
'That's ok,' I said and gave her hand a squeeze.

She looked pensive and took a sip of her coffee. I handed her a plate with a croissant, a muffin and a doughnut because I had no idea what she liked. She smiled and started eating small pieces of the muffin and I went for the doughnut.

"What happens now?" she asked, looking nervous again.

I gave her a confused look.

"With us," she clarified. "After what just happened in the kitchen it's pretty obvious that we can't just live together like we're doing now."

I nodded in agreement. I wrote her a note.

'I like you Bella and I want to be with you.'

Truthfully, I loved her but I wanted to tell her that in my own words.

"I like you too," she said softly. "But…We don't really know each other."

'I want to know you,' I said slowly.

"I do too."

_Good. Now ask her out. _

I was suddenly nervous and I realized that I was being foolish. I wanted to get closer to Bella and know more about her, and I doubted that she would say no. Still, I felt butterflies in my stomach when I looked at the gorgeous woman in front of me.

'Will you…go out with me?' I asked with my heart in my throat.

_Please say yes, Bella!_

"On a…date?" she asked curiously.

I nodded eagerly and she let out a small laugh.

"You don't think we're a bit past dating?"

I shook my head. If I had met her in my old life I would have wanted to take her out. It was what the old version of Edward would have done, and I wanted to be him again with all that it entailed.

"I'd like that," she said softly.

_Yes!_

I smiled widely and felt like I was on top of the world.

"So we're dating then?" she asked and ate a little more.

'Yes,' I said.

"Does that mean that I get to ask you questions?" she asked carefully.

I nodded and took a drink of my coffee. She chewed on her lip and I could see that she was considering what she should ask me.

"What, um, I mean, did something happen to your wife?" she asked nervously.

_Oh, she thinks that I'm a widower!_

I shook my head.

"You're divorced?"

I nodded.

"Why? Why did you divorce her?" Bella asked quietly.

'She divorced me,' I told her honestly.

"What?" she asked with wide eyes. "She was the one to end the marriage?"  
I nodded again.

"But…why? You're wonderful!" she said emphatically and motioned to me.

I grinned and she blushed a little.

'Thank you,' I said. 'You are too.'

She smiled, shy and beautiful, and it took every ounce of strength in me not to lean over and kiss her.

"Why did she divorce you?" Bella asked again.

I pointed to my mouth and her jaw dropped.

"She ended the marriage because you lost your voice?" she almost yelled. "What a heartless bitch!"

Immediately she covered her mouth with her hand.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

_No, that pretty much sums up my feelings about her. _

'Don't be,' I said. 'She _is_ a bitch.'

"How could she do that?"

I shrugged.

'I guess she didn't love me,' I said slowly.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," she said softly and took my hand.

'Are you?' I asked and quirked an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry she hurt you, but I'm not exactly sorry that you're single," she amended with a small smile.

'I'm not sorry either,' I said and gave her hand a squeeze. 'I want _you_.'

She smiled but then looked pensive again.

"So, you don't have kids?" she asked carefully.

I shook my head.

"Did you want a family?"

I released her hand and wrote her a note.

'I wanted to, but she didn't. I never thought I would have children. You don't know how happy I am about having a baby with you, my sweet angel. It's a dream come true for me.'

She looked up at me and blinked back a few tears.

"It's my dream too," she whispered and took my hand again. "I've always wanted to have children early like my parents."

'They were young?' I asked.

She nodded and smiled.

"My mom was twenty-two when she had me. What about your parents?"

'My mother was almost thirty. She supported both of them while my father was in medical school and then she stayed home with me and my sister.'

"Your father is a doctor?" she asked.

I nodded.

"So they're still alive?"

'I think so.'

As I answered her question I realized that I didn't know how they were doing. Alice would know and I was going to ask her when she came by. I hoped that my mother was well.

"Edward…Why aren't you with them?" she asked cautiously.

'My father basically kicked me out of the family,' I wrote.

Her eyes widened to the size of saucers.

"He…kicked you out? Why would he do that?"

I sighed and wrote again.

'Because I didn't follow his plan for me.'

"What was the plan?" she asked with a frown.

'Medical school,' I answered.

"Oh, you wanted to be a doctor too?"

'No. _He_ wanted me to be a doctor,' I said slowly.

"So he just kicked you out?" she asked incredulously.

I nodded and wrote to explain.

'He didn't want me to join the army and he didn't approve of my ex-wife who encouraged that I enlisted.'

Bella shook her head.

"I can't believe he would do that. What did your mother have to say about all this?"

I scoffed. My mother didn't have much to say about anything. My father made sure of that.

'Bella, my father is a tyrant,' I wrote, deciding to be completely honest. 'My mother doesn't have a say in very much.'

She gaped at me after she read the note.

"A tyrant?" she asked. "He thinks he's the boss of everyone?"

I nodded. She gave me a look filled with…pride?

"I'm glad you stood up for yourself," she said. "You shouldn't let other people tell you how to live your life, even if he is your father."

My heart swelled with love for her when I heard her words. Bella was proud of me.

'What about your father?' I asked.

She laughed and shook her head.

"Charlie knows better than to try and tell me what to do. I pretty much took care of him when we were living together."

'Are they divorced?' I asked.

"Oh, yeah I guess I never told you that," she said.

I motioned for her to continue.

"Well, they divorced when I was little and I moved to Phoenix with my mom. Then she met my stepfather Phil and I went to live with Charlie in Forks."

'Forks?' I asked. I didn't recognize the name of the city.

"In Washington," she clarified. "It's really tiny."

I nodded. Bella was a small town girl, then. It made a lot of sense since she was so open and trusting.

"Edward, is that the reason why you don't see your family?" she asked after a pause in the conversation. "Because of your father, I mean."

'None of them supported my decision to join the army and when I married Tanya I lost touch with them. We were just starting out together and I was angry because my father made me choose between her and my family. I chose her.'

"Oh," she said and looked down at the note again. "You must have loved her a lot."

_Not like I love you, Bella. You are everything she wasn't: Kind, loyal and innocent._

I made her look up at me again.

'No,' I said and cupped her face with my hand.

"No?" she asked.

'I thought I did,' I added.

"But…Now you know better?" she asked, her voice was barely above a whisper.

I nodded and stroked her cheek with my thumb. I knew what was implied in my silent answer to her question. I was basically telling Bella that I loved her and I hoped that it wouldn't scare her. I didn't want her to think that I still had feelings for Tanya and that she was a rebound girl to me. I wanted to say it out loud the first time I told Bella that I loved her, but I would happily do it right now to reassure her of my commitment to her.

She took a deep breath and placed her empty plate on the tray before she crawled over to me and sat down in my lap facing me. She wrapped her arms and legs around me and rested her head on my shoulder. I hugged her to me immediately and held her tightly.

_Does this mean that she loves me too? Dear God, I hope so!_

Bella certainly wasn't scared by my almost-declaration of love and now she was back in my arms. I sighed happily and put my chin on her shoulder.

"People who date do this sort of thing, right?" she mumbled and nuzzled my neck with her soft lips.

I chuckled and nodded. Having breakfast in bed with Bella was certainly the best date I had ever had. I felt as though we knew each other a little better already. I glanced at the clock on the nightstand and saw that I had to leave for my therapy appointment in a few hours. I knew I should probably start to prepare myself, but for now all I wanted was to enjoy the feeling of her in my arms. I closed my eyes and reveled in our quiet intimacy, soaking up as much of her warmth and affection as I could before I began my mission to retrieve my lost voice. Here in her embrace that didn't matter though. She saw me as worthy, with or without my words, and that meant everything to me.

***Sigh* I love those two.**

**So, they're dating now. I assume everyone is happy about that. The kitchen counter action is dedicated to my friend UK Alice who looooves a good kitchen romp! ;)**

**What sort of job could Edward get? My lovely beta Melanie had a great suggestion in an email that I think you will all enjoy (I sure did!):**

"**Edward the landscaper? Hmmm all hot and sweaty and having to take off his shirt and pour water over his head to cool down and it drips onto his rippling muscular chest..... THUD." **

**She's the best, isn't she? :) **

**Leave me a review if you like that visual!**


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**That's right. I'm back! Exams are over! :)**

**I want to thank all of you for your patience and understanding while I haven't been able to update. You guys have been super supportive and it means the world to me!**

**Of course, I can't forget to include my wonderful beta Melanie. She has been so great throughout this period with pep talks and motivational emails. Thank you, honey!**

**Enjoy this chapter! **

EPOV

Bella started to loosen her arms and pulled away from me slowly. I didn't want our embrace to end already. I wanted to hold her forever. Here in her bed everything was perfect. I was with her and the rest of the world faded away. When we were alone together it didn't matter that I was damaged and couldn't speak. I felt whole and like someone who mattered.

"We should get going," she said and glanced at the clock on the night stand. "When is your appointment with the doctor?"

'Noon," I mouthed.

"Good, that gives us a little time," she replied with a smile.

'For what?'

"I'm taking you shopping," she said. "You need some more clothes and your shoes are just falling apart."

I started to shake my head. She had already done so much for me and I didn't want her to spend any more of her money on me.

"Edward, if you're really serious about staying you'll do this for me," she said with a sly smile.

I couldn't stop myself from letting out a laugh because she was such a sneak. She knew that I couldn't say no to that.

"You'll get a job eventually and you can always pay me back if you'd like," she said, smiling triumphantly because she could clearly see that I would agree to just about anything she said.

'Ok,' I said, returning the smile.

She pulled me back into a hug which I was more than happy to return. Both of us showered quickly and I frowned when I had to put on the clothes that I had been wearing yesterday. Bella had been right, of course. I didn't have any clean ones and since I was back in the real world I needed more things to wear. Luckily, I was able to borrow a shirt and a pair of boxers that Bella got in Joe's room but that was hardly a long-term solution. I would just have to swallow my male pride for the moment and let her spend money on me until I was able to pay her back.

We took the 'L' downtown since Bella didn't have a car and we didn't have time to walk. I hadn't been on the train in a long time and even something as trivial as doing that with her made me grin like a fool. She looked beautiful and casual today in jeans, a fitted t-shirt and a light jacket. We were walking down the street and suddenly I felt her hand in mine.

"Is that ok?" she asked me.

I nodded eagerly and laced our fingers.

'We're dating,' I mouthed, and once again smiled so widely that it almost hurt my face.

"Yes, we are," she grinned back.

We were standing on a busy street with people all around us and yet in that moment it was as if we were the only two people in the world. I gazed into her beautiful brown eyes and cupped her face with my free hand.

'Bella,' I said silently.

I wanted so badly to tell her that I loved her but I settled for stroking her soft cheek with my thumb.

"You're really here…to stay," she whispered and looked at me in wonder.

I nodded immediately. She took a step forward, bringing our bodies close together and angled her face upward.

_Kiss her!_

I bent down and pressed my lips against hers. My heart was pounding wildly in my chest and my stomach felt fluttery. Both of us held perfectly still for a second before our lips started moving, slowly and gently. She was so warm and soft and time seemed to stop. It was everything a first kiss should be. Technically, it wasn't the first time that Bella and I kissed, but in a way it was. Now I wasn't a homeless stranger that she had saved from the cold, like the first night I met her. And I wasn't a friend who she had once again rescued and cared for while he was sick. This time I was more to her. I was the man that she was dating and the father of her unborn child. This kiss was the beginning of our relationship. I pulled back and drew in a ragged breath. Bella's eyes were glazed over and she blinked a few times to regain focus.

"Wow…Um, what were we doing?" she asked.

'Shopping,' I mouthed with a grin.

_She liked the kiss just as much as I did!_

"Right. Shopping. Buying stuff," she said and started walking again. "Uh, where did you usually buy your clothes before you joined the army?"

I didn't want to tell her. I knew that she probably couldn't afford the clothes that I had been able to buy when I was still living with my parents. Joe had hit the nail on the head when he had called me spoiled because I didn't know the first thing about housework. I was spoiled rotten as a child and was very much into material things. Living on the streets had taught me the errors of my ways and now I no longer cared about labels and brands. New clean clothes were a luxury and it didn't matter which store they came from. Bella was still waiting for an answer and I ended up giving her a non-committal shrug. We walked on, hand in hand, and I pointed to a place I knew was moderately priced.

"Didn't you say your dad was a doctor?" she asked with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes and kissed the back of her hand.

'I don't need expensive clothes,' I mouthed slowly.

"I'm not poor," she said quickly. "I have money my gran left me and I've saved up."

I pulled out the small pad I brought and wrote her a note.

'Bella, I don't want you to spend so much on me. I'm happy that you have money saved up but that should be used in the future. I'm not that rich kid anymore and I don't want to be. He was spoiled and materialistic.'

"I still would have liked you," she said quietly and gave me a small smile.

'He would have liked you too.'

_The old version of Edward would have loved her like I do. _

"Let's go get you some new clothes," Bella said enthusiastically. "New clothes for a new life, right?"

I smiled widely and followed her into the store.

An hour later we came back out and I was wearing a new brand new pair of Converse that Bella insisted on buying me and a leather jacket that I thought was way too expensive.

"You're getting that jacket, Edward," she had said firmly. "You need one and you look really great in it."

"Wow, your girlfriend is really assertive and she has great taste to boot," the sales guy had whispered when Bella wasn't listening. "You're a lucky guy."

I had laughed and nodded. He saw Bella as my girlfriend which was beyond wonderful and I actually loved it when she was being a little bossy with me. I suppose it was a counter reaction to growing up with a mother who was very meek. Bella wasn't like that at all. She uttered her opinions freely and I secretly wondered if she would be able to contain herself if she was ever in the same room with my father. It would most likely happen eventually now that I was back in the land of the living again, so to speak. I would never stop Bella from speaking her mind and some part of me was actually wishing that she would go ahead and rip him a new one since I had never been brave enough to do that.

"You look so handsome," Bella said to me and blushed adorably.

I caressed her warm cheek and smiled.

'Thank you, angel,' I mouthed and kissed her lightly.

"It's almost noon," she said. "Do you…do you want me to come with you?"

I thought about it. I didn't want Bella in the room with me when I got the therapy since I had no idea how I might react to it. I would have to force myself to think about things that I had repressed and I was worried that I might end up lashing out in anger. I didn't want Bella in my close vicinity if that happened. I wrote her a note telling her exactly that.

"I could just wait outside until you're done?" she suggested with a hopeful expression on her face.

I nodded. I would like that very much. We took the train again and I realized how much I loved being out with her where everyone could see us. I wasn't invisible to the world anymore and when people looked at us they smiled. We were just a regular young couple out shopping and having a good time together. Of course, they didn't know that we were going to a doctor's office to try and cure me of my war trauma but I enjoyed their smiles just the same. Bella seemed nervous and was clinging to my hand when we entered the building. The blonde secretary recognized me and smiled brightly before it faltered when she saw Bella's hand in mine.

"Dr. Gordon is ready for you," she said immediately. "Your _friend_ can wait here."  
I shook my head and pulled Bella along with me towards the elevators. I wouldn't leave her in the lobby with the secretary in case she said something to make Bella uncomfortable. Jealousy was an ugly emotion that brought out the worst in people.

"What was that about?" Bella asked in the elevator.

I just shrugged and gave her hand a squeeze. I sincerely hoped that Bella wasn't the jealous type because there would undoubtedly be instances in the future when I would get hit on. I would never in a million years cheat on her and I hoped that she knew that, but it did cause a lot of strain when women were constantly throwing themselves at me.

"Oh," she said after a few seconds. "She thought that you were…available?"

'I'm _not_,' I mouthed. 'I'm yours.'

Her cheeks flushed pink and her mouth dropped open as she stared at me.

_Oh shit. Too much?_

"Um…Oh…I mean, I'm yours…too, you know?" she stammered nervously.

'Good,' I simply said with a smile and kissed her warm cheek.

She took me by complete surprise when she quickly wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me tightly.

"You're too good to be true," she mumbled against my chest.

I almost laughed. I knew that I was hardly a treasure among men. I was mute, penniless and uneducated. But for some reason Bella wanted me just the same, and I returned the hug. This I could give her. I would hold her in my arms every day for the rest of our lives if she would let me. The elevator doors opened and we pulled away from each other reluctantly. I lead Bella to Dr. William's office, the doctor who I had saved in the alley, since I had no idea where Dr. Gordon's office was located. I knocked on the door and she looked very surprised to see me.

"Mr. Cullen," she said. "Good to see you again, but don't you have an appointment with my colleague?"

I pointed down the hall and held up my hands in confusion.

"Oh dear," she said and shook her head. "We didn't show you his office yesterday, did we?"

I smiled sheepishly, because it was also stupid of me not to have asked. I had been much too preoccupied with the thought of seeing Bella again. Dr. Williams looked at her.

"Is this your friend, Bella?" she asked carefully.

I nodded proudly and wished that I was able to make introductions.

"It's wonderful to meet you, Bella," Dr. Williams said. "I'm sure you know how much I owe Mr. Cullen."

_Oops. I forgot to tell her how I got the appointment. _

As was to be expected, Bella looked utterly confused.

"No, I'm not sure I know what you mean? What did Edward do?" she asked and looked back and forth between the two of us.

"Well, he saved me from a very bad situation," the doctor said.

Bella looked up at me with a smile and gave my hand a squeeze.

"That's not surprising," she said. "He did the same for me."

Dr. Williams smiled and showed us down the hall to the office where I had my appointment. Dr. Gordon smiled warmly when he saw us and asked for both of us to sit down.

"I take it that this is Bella?" he asked.

"Yes," she said and gave both of us a confused look.

She didn't know that I had had to divulge very private things about our relationship yesterday and I felt bad that I hadn't told her beforehand.

"Edward told me a little about you yesterday," Dr. Gordon explained. "I would very much like to ask you a few questions to help with Edward's treatment."

"Um, sure," she said hesitantly. "I don't know how much I can help though."

I gave her a reassuring smile and held her hand a little tighter.

"Bella, I wanted to ask you about Edward's ability to speak," he began.

She nodded.

"Have you ever heard him talk - in his sleep perhaps?"

Bella looked pensive and nodded again.

"I'm actually not sure if he was asleep or not," she clarified. "He was very sick and drifted in and out of consciousness but he definitely talked. He said something about a kid?"

_I did? I must have been having the nightmare. _

She looked at me and I nodded.

"You were dreaming about the child who died?" Dr. Gordon asked me.

Bella gasped next to me.

"A child died?" she whispered. "You saw it happen?"

I closed my eyes and swallowed a few times, trying to keep my emotions in check. When I opened them her eyes were wide and filled with tears.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," she whispered.

_Please. Please don't cry, angel. You shouldn't know things like that. I need to keep you from living with this too... _

I leaned over and embraced her, my own pain completely forgotten the second I saw her tears. I didn't want Bella to know anything about it. It was so gruesome and she shouldn't be subjected to something like that. Dr. Gordon cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I thought that Bella was aware of the circumstances."

I shook my head and heard her take a deep breath before she pulled back.

"I'm ok," she said. "Do you have anymore questions?"

I sat there feeling like a horrible person. I never should have brought Bella here. I wanted to spare her the violent details surrounding my trauma and I had failed miserably. I also didn't want her to know my part in the whole thing. How I might have made a difference if I hadn't hesitated for a second because of my former ingrained loyalty to the army. I wanted Bella to think that I was a hero and look at me the way she did after Dr. Williams told her how I had saved her. I didn't want her to pity me.

"Is Edward staying with you now?" the doctor asked Bella.

"Yes," she said with a smile.

"Permanently?" he queried.

"Yes," she said again and gave my hand a squeeze. "Edward's home is with me."

I couldn't stop myself from smiling a little. I was thrilled that she knew I was being truthful about never leaving her again. That was something at least. She wanted me to stay and I wanted that too.

"I'm very happy to hear that," the doctor said. "It will improve Edward's chances for a full recovery greatly when he has a stable home environment and people who care about him."

"He certainly has that," Bella said and gave me a beautiful smile that made my heart skip a beat.

She put her free hand on her stomach and held my hand a little tighter for a second as if to say that both her and our unborn child cared about me.

_God, I love them both so much!_

"I'm hoping that Edward will respond well to the treatment so we can have him talking again in as little as a month's time," Dr. Gordon told her with a smile.

"A month?" she exclaimed. "Holy shit! Really?"

She looked utterly mortified immediately and clamped her hand over her mouth.

"Sorry," she said. "I was just surprised. A month?"

"Edward didn't tell you?" the doctor asked, looking amused because of her previous outburst.

_No, I didn't tell her that either! _

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this might not be the best time to start therapy. I had been so eager yesterday but that was before I learned about our baby and then my sister had called suddenly, and there were so many things that Bella and I still needed to talk about. I couldn't have chosen a more inopportune time to start the highly stressful process of getting my voice back, and it wasn't nearly as important as my budding relationship with Bella. I pulled out my pad and wrote a note which I showed to both of them.

'Maybe I should wait a little before starting therapy. There's so much stuff going on right now and I'd also like to get a job to help with the bills.'

"No Edward," Bella said immediately. "This is much more important than you getting a job just to help out. I have enough money to support the three of us even when Joe leaves."

"Joe is our roommate," she explained to Dr. Gordon.

"The three of you?" he asked curiously. "Are you…expecting a baby?"  
He glanced at Bella's hand which was still resting on her stomach.

"Oh, yes we are," she replied with a smile.

_She said 'we'! Who would think that such a small thing could make me so ridiculously happy?_

"Edward just found out yesterday," she added.

"Well, congratulations," Dr. Gordon said. "I can certainly see that you do have a lot on your plate right now, Edward."

I nodded.

"It's perfectly fine with me if you want to post-pone the therapy. You can do it whenever you want," he said.

There were definite advantages by waiting a little while. I would only have to focus on Bella and the baby while we slowly built our relationship and there would be no distractions. But on the other hand, I desperately wanted to work through my trauma and be a whole man again when our baby was born. I wanted our child to know my voice and I wanted to tell Bella that I loved her, and maybe even ask her to marry me. I needed my voice in order to do that the way I envisioned it.

'No, let's do it now,' I mouthed slowly to the doctor.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I don't want you to overexert yourself."

I nodded. I wanted my voice back even though it would be difficult. Bella was by my side now and with her support I felt as though I could handle anything. I would get to go home with her afterwards and the thought comforted me like nothing ever had before.

"I'll wait outside," Bella said and stood up to leave.

I opened the door and sought her eyes.

"It will be ok, Edward. I'll be right here when you're done," she said and gave me a hug.

I clung to her, terrified of what might happen when I was forced to face my nightmare and all the while knowing that it was necessary if I wanted to be a whole man again. I wanted that so much for Bella and our baby and the thought gave me the courage to let her step outside and close the door between us.

"Let's get started then," Dr. Gordon said and motioned for me to sit down again.

He took the seat opposite me and told me to take a few deep breaths to calm myself down.

_Easier said than done!_

"Ok, Edward. I'm going to ask you some questions about what happened. Is that alright?"

I nodded.

"I want you to think back to the events that occurred in Afghanistan. Is there a specific image that represents it for you?"

I frowned, not sure what he meant.

"When you dream about it," he clarified. "At what point do you usually wake up?"

'When he dies,' I mouthed.

I could already feel my heart racing and my hands were getting a little clammy.

"Alright. Is that always the case?"

I nodded and tried to control my breathing. Images were flashing through my brain and I was starting to feel queasy.

"Edward, I know that this is very difficult for you to think about but is there a specific image that you associate with the boy dying?"

_His eyes. Always his eyes. Pain and fear in them and then…nothing. Dead eyes. He's dead. The boy is dead. He will never grow up. He will never play again. He's dead. Dead. Dead. Dead._

"Edward! Edward!"

I looked up and stared into Bella's beautiful vibrant eyes which were filled with panic.

_Where did she come from? She wasn't in here a second ago._

I looked at Dr. Gordon who was kneeling down next to Bella with his fingers on my wrist, apparently checking my pulse.

'What happened?' I asked Bella.

She took a deep breath and dropped her head on my knees for a second.

"You're ok," she said and looked back up at me.

I nodded. I was fine. A little confused but other than that I felt perfectly fine.

"I heard you screaming and that's why I came in," she said in a small voice and eyed me carefully.

_I was screaming? I didn't scare her, did I?_

'Are you ok?' I asked anxiously and cupped her face in my hands.

"I'm ok," she said. "I was afraid that you were hurt."

_She's not ok. She's putting on a brave face for me. I can see it in her eyes._

'What happened?' I asked the doctor who was observing us quietly.

"We were talking and I was trying to make you conjure up the offending image as we call it. That's what you need to think about when I perform the EMDR therapy. We never got that far though. It seems that you have a mental block in your mind and that's probably also what's keeping your voice locked away."

_What does that mean? Won't the therapy work for me?_

I gave the doctor a distressed look.

"Take it easy, Edward," he said calmly. "This was just your first attempt. You have been suppressing this for a long time and no one expects you to be able to access everything immediately."

I nodded and looked at Bella. She gave me a watery smile that didn't reach her eyes and I could see how much my screaming had upset her. I wrote Dr. Gordon a note.

'Is that normal? Having a mental block?'

"It's not uncommon," he said. "Your mind is trying to protect you from something very unpleasant. You haven't really dealt with it until now and it might take a while before you are able to think about without having a panic attack."

'Is that what happened?' I wrote.

"Yes, you had an anxiety attack when you were trying to conjure up the image in your mind. You started hyperventilating and then you screamed. Do you remember it happening?"

I shook my head.

"It's the mental block. Do you remember what happened immediately after the boy was killed?" he asked.

I shook my head again. I had no recollection of what had happened afterwards. Suddenly I had been back at base camp surrounded by my unit and when I had tried to ask them how we got there blinding pain had shot through my brain. I had been mute ever since. I wrote this down and showed it to Dr. Gordon. He read my note and nodded to himself.

"It seems that you were literally shocked into silence," he said. "You witnessed something so horrible that it made your brain shut down."

Bella made a strangled sound and when I looked at her, her eyes were once again filled with tears.

'Bella,' I mouthed and cupped her face in my hands.

"I'm s-sorry," she choked out.

I didn't want this for her. She shouldn't suffer like this because of me. I wanted to take her home right now where she would feel safe. I helped her stand and gave the doctor an apologetic look.

"It's alright," he said. "Please have Bella call and we can find time for your next appointment whenever it suits you."

I nodded and mouthed a 'thank you' before I ushered Bella out of the office.

"I'm sorry," she whispered again in the elevator, and I pulled her into my arms.

"It kills me to think about you seeing so many horrible things," she mumbled.

I kissed the top of her head and held her close to me all the way home in the taxi. She was very quiet when we got to the apartment and I led her to the bed where we lay down facing each other.

"I'm sorry," she whispered for the third time. "I didn't realize how bad things were for you. I wish I would do something to help you, Edward. I just…just feel so terrible that those things happened to you."

'Don't pity me,' I begged her. 'Please, Bella.'

I didn't want her to feel sorry for me. I wanted to be strong for her and I hated that she had to see that weak and broken side of me. I suppose deep down I was still a very traditional kind of man who believed that tears and emotional outbursts were mostly reserved for women, and that men should be stoic and keep all that shit on the inside. It was just so difficult to keep my emotions under control around her. She made me want to be a better man and I was feeling things I hadn't experienced before.

"Edward," she said softly and stroked my cheek. "I don't pity you. I…I really care about you. You're so wonderful and it's so unfair that this happened to you. I don't understand how something like that can happen to a child. It doesn't make any sense!"

She blinked back a few tears and took a deep breath.

'I know,' I mouthed.

It didn't make a lick of sense to me either. I suppose that was why what happened had shaken me to my very core. It was so horrible that my mind simply couldn't wrap itself around it.

"Will you continue with the therapy?" she asked.

I nodded.

'You can't come with me, you have to stay at home,' I mouthed slowly.

I could see that she was about to protest and I pleaded with my eyes.

'Please. For our baby,' I said and put my hand on her stomach.

I didn't want her to subject herself to anymore stress and anxiety on my account. I wanted her healthy, happy and relaxed even if it meant facing my nightmare in therapy alone.

"Ok," she said, clearly seeing how serious I was in my demand.

I pulled her into my embrace, immensely grateful that she didn't fight me on this. I could be brave and go to my therapy alone when I knew that my angel would be safe and I would see her later in our home. I pulled back and looked at her.

'I'm sorry I scared you,' I said silently.

She shook her head.

"It's ok. Really it is. I'm just not used to…any of this," she said weakly. "I don't know how to make it better for you, Edward."

'You saved me,' I told her, and stroked her hair.

'You've given me a home.'

I inched my face closer to hers and kissed her cheek lightly.

'You're giving me the greatest gift,' I mouthed slowly and caressed her stomach with the back of my hand.

'You already make it better, Bella.'

"I do?" she whispered.

'You made me want to live again,' I told her and gazed into her eyes.

_And I love you so much. I want to be with you always. _

"Edward, I…"

I was momentarily stunned by what I saw. I could see it in her eyes at that very moment. It wasn't something I ever expected her to feel, but I saw it plain as day when I looked into her eyes. I saw love. My heart thundered in my chest and my soul soared at that moment.

_She loves me!_

'I know. I do too,' I mouthed and palmed her cheek with my hand.

It wasn't a full-blown declaration of love because neither one of us had said the actual words, but the implication was clear. I wanted her to know that she was not alone in her feelings. She drew a sharp breath and exhaled across my face because we were lying so close together. I wanted to taste her lips, her breath, and her tongue.

"Y-you do?" she whispered so quietly that I almost didn't hear her.

I nodded and moved my face an inch forward.

_Please kiss me, Bella._

"Edward," she sighed softly and traced my features with her fingertips.

I closed my eyes and almost immediately felt her lips on mine. She kissed me slowly and gently, her lips only connecting with my top lip for a few seconds before she pulled back and kissed a new spot on my mouth. I gave her the option of deepening the kiss if she wanted and parted my lips slightly. I knew she had to be the one to set the pace and I would have to rein in the baser side of me that desperately wanted to make love to her immediately. I would wait for as long as it would take for Bella to trust me completely. I didn't want it to be a mistake when it happened like this morning in the kitchen when I had almost taken her on the counter. I wanted it to be an expression of love, although I wasn't the type of guy to usually think something like that. I had never been overly romantic but I was different when I was with Bella. I wanted all that mushy lovey-dovey stuff that had never been a part of my life before even when I was married.

My breath hitched it my throat when Bella took the invitation and slowly traced my lips with the tip of her tongue. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer to me all the while angling my face slightly to give her better access to my mouth. I could already feel my breathing speeding up when I slowly caressed Bella's tongue with mine and she moaned softly. I wanted to take it further. Oh, so much further, but the newly discovered romantic side of me kept my hands off the most enticing parts of her body. Instead I stroked her hair gently and made slow circles on her back. She felt perfect in my arms and I pulled her flush against me while her fingers tangled in my hair. I rolled on top of her and couldn't stop a deep moan from escaping when I felt the warmth between her legs against my erection.

_I need to stop soon or we'll have another kitchen counter incident on our hands. But it feels so good…_

Somehow I found the will to break the kiss and lifted my head to look at her. She was completely stunning and I was pretty sure that I gawked at her like an imbecile. Her eyes were shining and her cheeks were flushed pink which only increased her beauty. Her lips were a little swollen from our kissing and her rapid breathing pressed the soft curves of her breasts against my chest every time she inhaled.

I wanted her like I had never wanted anything before in my life, but it was still so soon in our budding relationship.

"Why did you stop?" she whispered.

'Do you want to go further?' I asked silently, and held my breath while I waited for her reply.

I needed some sort of guidance from her before I kissed her again. If I knew that if she wasn't ready to do more I would happily resume the kissing and even if it meant a severe case blue-balls. It had to be Bella's choice and I would respect it completely if she said no to going further. But if she said yes…Oh, it would be so good. I hadn't had an orgasm since the last time we were together so many weeks ago and my body was aching for release.

_What a dilemma! I want to make love to her but I don't know if it's too soon. I trust you to make the right decision, my sweet beautiful angel._

**I know, I know. I'm a huge bitch for stopping here. What do you guys think? Are they ready?**

**I swear that Alice and Jasper will make an appearance in the next chapter. **

**By the way, I have no real life experience with EMDR therapy and my only knowledge comes from research but I'm doing the best I can to make Edward's war trauma as accurate as possible.**

**Let me know what you think, and thank you for reading. :) **


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Finally, I am back! **

**Thank you for all your words of encouragement and reviews for the last chapter. **

**A big shout out to Melanie who beta'ed this incredibly fast. I seriously have a vision of her dropping everything to work on the new chapter the second it arrives in her inbox. I'm so grateful for her! **

**Last time we left Edward and Bella in a potentially compromising position. Let's see what happens…**

**Enjoy!**

EPOV

_She should say yes! No, she should say no! It's too soon for us to make love. But I want to! I need her so much!_

I was still staring at her, desperately trying to prevent my hips from bucking against her. She was so soft and the heat emanating from between her legs felt unbelievably good against my aching erection.

"Go further?" she asked quietly. "I'm not sure I'm ready for sex, Edward."

I felt like a beast. I was so in love with her and so horny that it had obviously scrambled my brain. It was only a few hours ago that I had almost taken her in the kitchen and now I was apparently completely ready to do it again.

"I know it's…stupid," she said hesitantly. "I mean, we've already slept together and I'm pregnant with your baby, but I wanted it to be…you know, special."

She sounded so apologetic and I felt like even more of an asshole. Of course she would want it to be special. I hadn't even taken her out on a date yet and I was already basically asking her for sex.

'Bella,' I mouthed and caressed her cheek. 'It's _not_ stupid. I'm so sorry.'

I rolled off her and my body instantly felt cold without her warmth against it. I tried to control my breathing and felt her shift on the bed next to me.

"Are you okay?" she asked anxiously.

I turned my head to look at her and nodded with a smile. I just needed to jerk off and I would feel so much better. Even the thought of getting off in my own hand was making my cock throb. I had rarely gone this long without a release and my body was aching for it. I groaned a little and shifted my hips uncomfortably, wondering when I might be able to excuse myself and take a shower to deal with my highly pressing issue. Bella's eyes darted down to the lower half of my body.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I shouldn't have…I mean, gotten you, um, so worked up."

I shook my head immediately and gave her what I hoped was a comforting smile. Kissing her was beyond wonderful and even the pain in my balls couldn't make me regret it.

'I need to…shower,' I said silently, trying to be discreet.

I really didn't trust myself when I was feeling like this. The fact that Bella looked so sexy and smelled incredible didn't help matters any. All I wanted was to seduce her and my baser side was dangerously close to taking over.

"I could, um, help you out," she said, and her eyes once again darted to my obvious erection. "I could touch you."

_Oh God! Yes!_

_No way! You are not letting the woman you love give you a hand job just because you're hornier than a fifteen year-old who just watched his first porno! Have you no control?_

I shook my head and she frowned.

"You don't want me to touch you?"

'No, I do!' I mouthed immediately, not wanting Bella to ever think that I didn't want her.

"Well, okay then," she said with a smile and pressed her body against mine.

'No, Bella. You shouldn't,' I protested.

"Why not?" she asked. "I'd really like to."

I blinked.

'You would?'

She nodded and gave me a sexy smile that nearly took my breath away.

"I want you to feel good," she said softly. "I know it's…harder for men when they don't, uh, finish."

'Bella,' I mouthed, getting ready to object since I felt convinced that she was just doing this for me and not because she truly wanted to.

I didn't get any further than mouthing her name before her lips were on mine again and her hand caressed my chest. Her touch created a fire under my skin and I actually whimpered when I felt her hand snake its way under my t-shirt. Her tongue was in my mouth dominating the kiss completely and I was powerless to stop her. My mind kept telling me that this had nothing to do with the romance that I wanted to give Bella but my body wanted her touch so badly.

When her small warm hand palmed my erection I gasped and groaned into her mouth. I couldn't escape the thought that I was using the woman who I loved so dearly for my own selfish pleasure, but God help me, I was just a man and when I felt her pop the buttons in my jeans all thoughts of resisting evaporated. She pulled down my pants and boxers and I let out a strangled cry when her hand came into contact with my cock. When she moaned softly I felt as though I would lose my mind if I didn't touch her as well. I rolled on my side facing her and trailed my hand down the side of her body loving the contrast between her narrow waist and the flare of her hips. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and covered her breast with my hand.

Bella moaned again and tightened her grip on my erection. We kissed passionately while I kneaded her full soft breast and her hand worked eagerly in the space between us. When she suddenly swept her thumb over the head, spreading the moisture around, my hips thrust forward of their own accord and I moaned loudly.

_Fuck, that's fantastic!_

At times like this I had a hard time remembering that I couldn't tell her how wonderful she was making me feel. I wanted her to know how much I loved her touch and kissed her deeply to show my adoration and love for her.

I was so close already and while I desperately needed to come, I also didn't want this to end. Bella moved her mouth to my neck and reached her other hand down to gently massage my balls. I was panting, moaning and thrusting into her hand, my body racing to finish. When she sucked on my neck and swept her thumb over the head of my cock again I was done for. I let out a sound that could only be described as animalistic, pushed my hips forward and exploded. I came and came and came some more. Long hot spurts shot from me while I gasped and gripped her breast roughly. Pleasure coursed through my body and the sweet relief that followed was incredible.

"Edward," Bella murmured and covered my hand on her breast. "A little softer, please."

My eyes shot open and I felt how tightly I was holding onto her. I removed my hand immediately feeling ashamed of what I had just done. I glanced down in the space between us. My cock was still in Bella's small soft hand and I had come all over the front of her shirt.

_God, I suck!_

I didn't want to look her in the eye but if I wanted to apologize there was really no other choice for me. I felt that this was just as bad as if I had taken her on the kitchen counter earlier, although considering how quickly I had finished just now I was beyond grateful that Bella had not wanted to make love. I was pretty sure that our special first time would be less special if I had ended up blowing my load the second I entered her.

'I'm so sorry,' I mouthed and stroked her cheek.

"What for?" she asked and frowned. "That was incredibly sexy to watch. I loved doing it."

I stared at her in disbelief. I had basically just fucked her hand and manhandled her, and for the grand finale I had soiled her shirt. How could she possibly have loved that?

"Edward," she sighed. "We don't know each other very well yet but you need to know that I'm not the kind of girl who would offer to do something like this if I didn't really want to. I could tell how much you needed it and being able to do that for you was just…a huge turn on."

_She really liked it? Amazing!_

She brushed her lips against mine, let go of my dick and wiped her hand on her already dirty shirt with perfect ease. Then she rolled up the t-shirt in the front and pulled it over her head in a smooth motion and threw it on the floor. I expected her to blush but she simply smiled when she saw me gawking at her breasts and lay down next to me again.

'So beautiful,' I mouthed and ran my fingertips softly over the lace that covered her.

Bella inhaled deeply and I felt her nipple hardening under the thin fabric. I repeated my actions on her other breast with the same results. Since she had said that she wasn't ready for sex yet I decided that maybe she wouldn't be opposed to just moving forward a little today. After what she had done for me I really, _really_ wanted her to feel good even if it was limited to the area above her waist.

I kissed her softly and sweetly, hoping to convey that I really wasn't just a horny guy who was interested in using her to get off. She responded eagerly and to my great surprise I felt my cock starting to stir again. I didn't want this to be about me and pulled away momentarily to tuck myself back in my jeans before I focused on her again. I kissed her lips and lifted my head to look deeply into her eyes.

'My Bella,' I mouthed.

She smiled and caressed my cheek.

'Can I?'

My eyes flickered down to her breasts for a second and I smiled widely when she responded by nodding eagerly.

I kissed her again and massaged her tongue with mine before moving my mouth down to her neck. I gently kneaded her breasts and swept my thumbs over her hardened peaks.

"Oh, Edward," she moaned softly and pushed her breasts into my hands.

I trailed kisses down her amazingly soft skin and nuzzled her before hesitantly covering her nipple with my mouth and sucking lightly.

"Yes," she sighed and tangled her fingers in my hair.

I opened the clasp on her bra and uncovered her breasts. They were full and perfect with rosy nipples that were hard and begging for attention which I was more than happy to give. I kissed gently across her mounds and sort of weighed them in my hands. Was it my imagination or had they gotten a little bigger in the past six weeks? They felt fuller and I concluded that this must be because she was pregnant.

_God, pregnancy is amazing! _

I licked around each nipple before taking the right one in my mouth and sucking gently. My beautiful angel moaned loudly and pressed my face into her enticing flesh. I pushed them close together and moved my mouth between her nipples, giving both of them attention. I suckled, licked and bit them gently and Bella's reaction was fantastic. She moaned, panted and moved her hips rhythmically.

"Oh, oh, Edward. Oh God," she chanted and tightened her grip on my hair.

I sucked harder on the nipple between my eager lips and pulled on the other one with my thumb and index finger. Bella cried out suddenly.

"Please! I'm so close. I-I need…"

I wanted her to come more than anything and I took her cry as permission to touch her more intimately. Quickly, I opened her jeans and slipped my hand inside her panties to find her warm and wet. I massaged her swollen clit for a few seconds and that was all it took for my sweet Bella.

"Ah! I'm coming!" she gasped and arched her back.

I continued to suckle and stroke her gently while she rode out her climax and her body grew heavy and relaxed against me.

"Oh God," she breathed out and ran her fingers through my hair. "I didn't know…that I could almost…like that."

_You and me both._

I had heard that some women were able to climax from stimulating their nipples but had always discarded it as being an urban legend sort of thing. Bur seeing Bella so close to orgasm before I had even touched her below her waist was making me re-think it. I lifted my head and she gave me a beautiful lazy smile which made my heart flutter.

'It feels good?' I asked silently and gently caressed her breasts.

That beautiful blush which I loved finally made an appearance.

"Yes. They're really sensitive these days," she confided shyly. "I guess it's because I'm pregnant."

I leaned down to nuzzle her breasts and placed soft kisses on her nipples.

"Mmm," she hummed and massaged my scalp with her fingertips.

I breathed in her scent and pretty much rubbed my face all over her naked upper body. I couldn't get enough of her warmth and softness now that I had finally gotten her shirt off. She seemed to enjoy it as much as I did, placing kisses on my forehead and stroking my hair. I looked up at her and smiled.

"I'm so happy," she whispered.

'Me too,' I mouthed and moved up to kiss her lips.

We stayed in bed for a long time kissing, holding each other and talking in our special way. I felt so close to her and any lingering feelings of sadness from my bad experience at the doctor's office were soon chased away by my angel's soft words and gentle caresses. Eventually Bella's stomach growled loudly and reluctantly we pulled apart and got up to make some lunch.

The rest of the day passed in quiet bliss. Every time we looked at each other we would exchange goofy smiles and I kissed her every chance I got. This was my version of heaven on earth. We didn't do much; we hung around the house, watched a movie and held hands. But in my mind it was absolute perfection. I was with Bella and nothing could ever beat that.

After dinner I started to get nervous. Alice and her husband were supposed to come over at eight and I was scared of what might happen. She didn't know what had happened to me at all and I was worried what she might think of this version of Edward that she was about to meet. Gone was the spoiled headstrong boy she had grown up with and he was now replaced with a broken man who had seen too much cruelty. But she was also meeting a man who was madly in love and an expectant father. I didn't know if I should tell my sister that, though.

I looked at my angel who was brushing her hair after her shower. I was lying on her bed – something that I had done completely on purpose. I felt that I belonged in this bed and I hoped that if Bella got used to seeing me on it she would share the sentiment and let me sleep with her at night. I cleared my throat to get her attention and she surprised me by jumping on top of me, straddling my hips.

"What's up?" she asked with a smile.

My dick immediately reacted to the position we were in and I shifted a little underneath her.

"Whoa!" she grinned when she felt my erection. "I guess I know what's up."

I laughed and pulled her down for a passionate kiss which she returned eagerly.

"God, Edward," she sighed. "I can't believe you're really here. It seems too good to be true."

I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her again.

'I'm here forever,' I promised with a smile.

She sat up and I rubbed her flat stomach gently.

'Should we tell?' I asked and raised my eyebrows.

"Your sister?" she asked, and I nodded.

"I don't know," she said unsurely. "It's really your news to share with her so I guess it's up to you. I know it's best to wait until the second trimester to announce it in case something…um, happens."

I sat up and held her hands in mine.

'Are you scared?' I mouthed.

"No, not really," she answered. "The baby's heart is beating and that's a really good indication that everything will be alright. But there are no guarantees."

'I wish I could have seen it,' I said slowly.

"Next time," she said with a glorious smile. "You can come with me to everything. Doctor's appointments, Lamaze, shopping for the baby, all of it, we'll do it all together."

_Perfect!_

I hugged her to me and mouthed the word 'thank you.' This would be an adventure beyond my wildest dreams and my heart swelled with pure joy.

"Thank _you_, Edward," she said softly. "For wanting this as much as I do. You'll be a great dad, I just know it."

I hoped that she was right. I didn't know a lot about babies but I assumed that this could be said for many first-time fathers. If they could do it then so could I. Our baby would never want for love and affection from either of us and the other stuff I would learn along the way. I smiled and kissed her softly. Then I laid her down and caressed her stomach.

'I love you, little baby,' I mouthed and kissed the spot where I estimated that our child was.

"Did you just talk to the baby?" Bella whispered.

I looked up at her and nodded.

"I do the same thing," she said and her eyes filled with tears.

She wiped her eyes and smiled.

"Sorry, it's the hormones, I think. I'm so emotional."

'I am too,' I grinned and kissed her stomach again before crawling up next to her and pulling her into my arms.

I glanced at the clock on the nightstand and saw that my sister would be here shortly. I shuddered lightly in trepidation and held Bella tighter.

"Are you nervous?" she asked softly.

I nodded and took a deep breath.

"Has it been a long time since you've seen her?" she asked.

I nodded again. Years and years. She was still a kid in my mind. Not somebody's wife, not somebody who would have finished college by now. The thought was mind-boggling.

"It will be okay," she said and stroked my hair. "She loves you and she misses you."

I nodded for the third time and held her a little tighter. I believed my sweet angel. She would be with me no matter what happened. Of that I was absolutely sure.

After a while we got off the bed and I dressed in some of the new clothes that Bella had bought for me. I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to see what Alice would see when she saw me. Someone taller and broader than the brother she remembered, with eyes that spoke of bad experiences but also newfound love and happiness. I was not the version of Edward that she knew. But now, for the first time I realized that the old version of Edward wasn't who I wanted to be either. There were aspects of him that I wanted to reclaim. His trust in people and carefree attitude. But I didn't want his ignorance and his ability to look the other way when his father bullied his mother and sister because he wanted to instill his fucked up old-fashioned values on them.

This new version of Edward that I was now may have had his flaws but he was also the man who Bella had fallen in love with. In my mind that was proof enough that I couldn't be beyond redemption. I no longer wished to be the old version of Edward. I wanted a combination of the two of them. I wanted my old life to merge with my new and have both my family and my Bella. I knew that it would surely be the road to great happiness and contentment.

My angel smiled at me when I came into the living room where she was putting out coffee cups.

"God, you look great," she sighed and let her eyes roam over me. "You should seriously model or something like that."

I smiled at her compliment but rejected the thought immediately. I had a feeling that the modeling world was a place that I definitely didn't belong with its substance abuse. I had seen enough of that on the street to know what misery it brought to people. I looked at my innocent angel and was suddenly eternally grateful that she would never know the things I did. Bella believed in the good in people and I wanted her to stay that way. If she only knew what I did that belief would be shattered.

I had met teenage girls who offered to suck me off for a few dollars in order to get their next fix, I had seen children crying with hunger because their mothers spent the last money on drugs or alcohol and I had witnessed violence in every form. I shuddered at the unpleasant thoughts running through my brain and Bella noticed.

"Are you okay?" she asked and wrapped her arms around my waist while gazing up at me with a concerned look on her beautiful face.

'I am now,' I mouthed and stroked her cheek. 'I'm with you.'

Her eyes welled up with tears and when she blinked they fell from her eyes. I was about to ask her is she was alright when she punched my shoulder.

"You can't say stuff like that to me just before we have company," she sniffled. "I'm such a mess."

She wiped her eyes and gave me a scowl.

'Sorry.'

I couldn't hide my grin and I really wasn't sorry. Pregnant Bella was completely adorable and my heart filled with happiness.

"It's not funny," she mumbled. "I'm nervous too, you know."

I made her look up at me.

'Why?'

"What…if it doesn't work out the way you hope, Edward. I want you to be happy."

She looked so concerned and sincere. She truly wanted me to have happiness and the thought that she cared this much made me want to cry as well.

'I _am_ happy,' I said silently. 'So incredibly happy.'

"Really?"

I smiled and lifted her up to give her a slow deep kiss. I put her back on her feet and she stumbled a little in my arms.

"Wow," she breathed out. "I felt that everywhere."

I grinned and nodded in agreement before I pulled her against my chest and felt her melt into my embrace. I don't know how long we stood like that but all of a sudden the buzzer for the door downstairs went off and my heart jumped in my chest. Bella pulled back and looked at me.

"Are you ready?" she asked.

I took a deep breath and nodded. Bella laced our fingers and we went into the hallway to open the door to the street. I could hear a familiar voice on the stairs and my heart started to pound faster in my chest.

_Oh God. Alice!_

There was a light knock and with one final smile up at me Bella reached out and opened the door. I stared into the face of my sister and for a moment it felt as though I was eighteen years old again and Alice was begging me not to go to Fort Benning to start my basic training.

"Don't go!" she had pleaded. "I have a bad feeling. Please stay, Edward!"

"Everything will be alright. I'm doing this for all of us," I had said with a smile. "I'll make you all proud of me. Even the old man."

_I was such a naïve fool! I should have listened to her._

Before I had a chance to mouth anything, Alice had jumped up and thrown her arms around neck which was quite a feat considering that she was even smaller than my angel.

"Edward! Oh, my God!" she gasped and held onto me so tightly that she almost choked me. "It's really you. You're alive!"

I hugged her gently and tried to remember the last time I had held her like this. We were never big on showing physical affection in my family and I honestly couldn't recall ever having hugged my sister like this before. I decided then and there that this would never be the case with my child. He or she would be kissed and hugged every day by both myself and Bella and from now on I would show my sister how much I loved her.

"They said you were dead," she whispered and started to cry. "I thought I had lost you!"

I felt horribly guilty that I had made her worry so. I could have contacted her anytime I wanted but my pride and stubbornness kept me away. I was a lousy brother at best. She pulled back and looked up at me with big curious eyes.

'I'm sorry,' I mouthed.

"You – you really can't talk at all?" she asked and tried to control her breathing.

I shook my head and gave her a sad smile. I finally got a good look at her and was amazed to see how she had changed over the years. She was still skinny as a rail but it looked natural on her somehow because it wasn't a result of dieting but rather the way that she was meant to look. She wore makeup and her clothes were quite different from anything I had seen her in before. They were a tighter fit and I knew for a fact that our father never would have let her wear a skirt as short as the one she had on tonight. The biggest change was her hair. I touched the short spikes and smiled widely.

'I like it,' I mouthed slowly.

"My hair?" she smiled and blinked back a few tears. "I cut it the first day I moved out."

_That makes sense. _

I nodded.

'Good,' I told her.

I was both referring to the fact that she was no longer living at home and also that she had taken charge of her own life and finally gotten the hairstyle that she had always wanted. My father believed in long hair for girls and no amount of begging on Alice's part could convince him otherwise. When she was in the 9th grade she had it cut into a bob without our father's permission and even though it wasn't exactly short he still grounded her for six months and took away all her privileges like her cell phone and TV. Alice missed the dance at school that year and cried her eyes out because the boy she liked at the time had asked her to go. She never tried anything rebellious again. Our father never abused us physically but he still managed to turn his home into a dictatorship. Compared to most kids we had a good childhood. We were never hungry and if we behaved we never wanted for anything, but we still ended up resenting our father and the power he exerted over both his children and his wife.

'I've missed you,' I told her and swallowed the lump in my throat.

_Don't start crying!_

"What?" she furrowed her eyebrows.

"He missed you," Bella supplied next to me.

I looked down on my angel feeling immense gratitude for the fact that she was here with me. The look in her eyes made my heart flutter. Love and warmth shone in her gaze.

"I missed you too," Alice sniffled and gave me another quick hug.

She turned her attention to the beautiful woman at my side.

"You must be Bella. Thank you so much!" my sister said and hugged her fiercely. "You gave me back my brother."

Bella returned the hug and I saw her tear up as well. The two of them looked at each other and suddenly started laughing.

"Sorry," Alice chuckled. "I'm not usually such a crybaby."

"Me either," Bella said with a smile that was just for me.

We had a wonderful secret. I smiled back and even added a wink when Alice looked out into the stairwell.

"Jasper," she said and wiped her eyes. "You can come in, honey."

Her husband had been hidden in the darkness outside the door but now he stepped forward and into the hallway.

_No!_

My every instinct was telling me to recoil from the stranger who was standing just a few feet away. It was plain as day: The way he surveyed the room and the people in it, the way he carried himself, his haircut. Everything about him screamed "military" and he may as well have been wearing a uniform. There was no doubt in my mind that the man in front of me was somehow connected to the army and I wanted him out of my sight.

_Get him the hell away from me!_

**Uh-oh…**

**I hope you liked the chapter even though they didn't 'do it'. **

**Leave me a review if you agree with Bella that Muteward will be a great dad. :)**


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Chapter twenty, people! My little one-shot is all grown up. *Sniffs***

**Now for some news. Like Bella I recently discovered that I am pregnant and this was something of a surprise to us. So if all goes well we will have another kid in February. Unfortunately this means that my writing time has become even more limited because I am tired and puking all the time. I'm also extra cranky because of hormones and the fact that I quit smoking which was my favorite thing (yeah, I know it's bad for you, it smells and it's expensive. I still loved it.) Anyway, my point is that I would really appreciate it if I don't get anymore 'why aren't you updating, you lazy cow?' emails. I am writing as fast as I can, I swear. I don't enjoy keeping you guys waiting for updates. Believe me!**

**Oh, and on that note I should probably mention that my story "Taken" is on hiatus until I have finished this or possibly both of my other stories. It just wasn't working and it only stressed me out.**

**Thank you Melanie for all the great stuff you added to this chapter. You have a gift for dialogue, my friend. :)**

**Now, on with the show. Enjoy! **

EPOV

"Edward! Edward, baby, I need you to let go."

The voice sounded muffled as if I was underwater and I couldn't figure out who it belonged to.

"Edward, I need you to let go of my wrist. Please sweetie, you're hurting me."

I was hurting someone? I shook my head and blinked repeatedly. Now I could feel a tugging on my left arm. My fingers were curled around something which was pulling away from me.

"No! Stay back, Alice!" the sweet voice said. "Edward, open your hand. Now!"

I obeyed the direct order automatically and turned to see who had issued it. Immediately I was lost in a pair of beautiful brown eyes and my lips curved up into a smile when I recognized them.

_My Bella, my angel._

Suddenly what had transpired in the last five seconds came rushing back to me: Bella asking me to let go because…because I was hurting her?

_Oh no! No! No! NO!_

Immediately my hands were all over her, checking her small fragile body for possible injuries. My heart was racing and I could hear a strange whimpering noise only to realize that it was coming from me.

_Is she okay? Is she hurt?_

I searched her eyes again.

"I'm alright," she said but when I looked her over again I saw that she was holding onto her left wrist.

With a shaking hand I reached out to uncurl her fingers.

"No Edward, don't," she said softly and tried to pull her arm away.

_Please God, tell me I didn't…_

I ignored her plea her took her hand away. The pale skin on her delicate wrist was marred with angry red bruises. As if in a daze I wrapped my fingers around it only to see what I already knew; the bruises fit the shape of my fingers to a 'T'.

_NO!_

I could feel my mouth open but all that came out was a strangled sob. I had hurt her! I hurt my Bella!

"Edward, listen to me," Bella said and tried to cup my face in her hands.

I took a step back. She shouldn't have to touch me after what I had just done to her.

_I need to get out of here before I hurt her again! I have to leave!_

I could feel myself backing away from her, wanting to protect her from the monster I was.

"Edward Anthony Cullen!" she shouted. "Get back here. Now!"

She pointed to the spot right in front of her and her eyes blazed with determination. I stopped my silent retreat immediately. I was completely torn. I should get away from her before I ended up hurting her even more, but the way she commanded me made my feet want to move towards her.

"I said; get your ass over here!" she hissed.

_Holy shit! She is scary!_

I swallowed and moved towards her with my heart in my throat. Her eyes softened and she reached out and held my hand firmly.

"Listen to me," she said. "You didn't hurt me. I bruise like a peach. I am fine."

She held up her wrist and twisted her hand back and forth demonstratively. I watched her face closely for any signs of pain or discomfort but found none.

'I'm so sorry,' I mouthed and took a hold of her wrist.

I brought it up to my mouth and kissed the angry red skin softly.

"It's alright," she said. "Now, I need you to listen to me carefully. Okay, sweetie?"

_She's calling me sweetie? I love that!_

I nodded.

"Your sister and her husband are in the hallway and they don't have a clue what just happened and frankly neither do I."

_Alice?_

Then I remembered. They were coming over tonight. We had been in the hallway. I looked around. But now we were in Bella's bedroom? How did we get in here?

'How?' I mouthed and gave her a confused look.

"You…you dragged me in here," Bella said softly. "You had some sort of reaction when you saw Mr. Whitlock. I reached out to shake his hand but you intercepted it."

I gasped. Now I remembered. He had stepped into the light and every fiber of my being had screamed to me that this man was a threat. He was a stranger and the fact that he was military had pushed me over the edge. All I had wanted was to get my Bella and our baby as far away from him as fast as possible. My instincts had taken over completely. Having this side take control had saved my life on more than one occasion while living on the street and I still reacted like this whenever there was a supposed threat around. But tonight I was just mortified by my reaction.

'I thought…'

"You thought what?" Bella asked.

'He was dangerous,' I mouthed, mostly to myself.

"Oh!"

I looked at her.

"Like the time Mike walked in on us?" she asked and squeezed my hand.

I nodded, remembering how I had jumped on top of Bella to protect her.

"But Mr. Whitlock isn't dangerous," she said quietly.

I nodded again. I knew that, of course. He was my sister's husband and I had just made a horrible first impression on him and probably scared her.

_Fuck, I am so damaged!_

I let go of Bella's hand and scrubbed my face.

"It's not your fault, Edward."  
I looked at her again. Her eyes showed nothing but love and support and it floored me completely.

"What happened to you isn't your fault," she said. "I need to go and tell them you're alright. Just wait here and I'll be back, okay?"

I nodded for the third time and sat down on the edge of the bed with a sigh as Bella walked out. I couldn't believe how horribly I had just acted and I certainly couldn't believe that my angel was so understanding and forgiving. I had grabbed her and dragged her away, hurting her wrist in the process. This couldn't ever happen again. Then a terrifying thought hit me:

_What if this does happen again after the baby is born?_

I could be out somewhere holding the baby in my arms and suddenly something could spook me. What then? What if I unintentionally ended up harming our child because of my trauma? I felt my stomach convulse at the very thought. An unbidden image of a tiny chubby wrist covered in purple bruises flashed through my mind and I couldn't hold back anymore. I lunged for the trashcan and proceeded to throw up violently.

"Oh my God, are you sick?" I heard Bella ask as she came into the room.

I pushed the trashcan away and stumbled backwards until the back of my legs hit the edge of the bed and I crumbled to the floor next to it.

"Edward, are you okay?" she asked and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder.

I shook my head. I was nowhere near okay. I was dangerous.

"I'll get you some water," she said and before I knew it she was back and handed me a glass which I drank slowly.

"Better?" she asked softly.

I shook my head again and looked at her.

'Bella, I can't be here,' I mouthed.

Her face turned ashen at the blink of an eye.

"No," she whispered.

'I have to go,' I said.

"No," she said more firmly and gritted her teeth.

She didn't understand. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave her ever again but I was terrified of hurting her and our baby. I stood up slowly and she jumped up and grabbed a hold of my arm. I gave her a watery smile and pointed to a pad which was on the nightstand. She relaxed visibly and let me walk over and get it. Then I sat back down on the floor with Bella glued to my side. I wrote her a note.

'Bella, I don't want to go. Not ever. Please believe me. But I'm too dangerous for you to be around. What if I really hurt you the next time something like this happens? What if I hurt the baby?'

She read it quickly and pressed her lips together for a few seconds before turning to me.

"No," she said. "You're not leaving."

'Bella,' I started.

"No, Edward!" she half-yelled and her eyes filled with tears. "You are not leaving me again! Not ever!"

My heart was breaking but I had to make her see reason.

'It's the right thing to do,' I wrote.

Her eyes flared with anger.

"No, it's NOT the right thing. Don't you dare," she said in a low terrifying voice which sent shivers up and down my spine. "Don't you dare make that choice for me! If you do then you're no better than your father!"

My jaw dropped but Bella was nowhere near done, it seemed.

"You have put me through a lot of shit, Edward. You broke my heart and you left me twice but I have forgiven you for that. You promised me that you weren't leaving again. You promised!"

'But-'

"No buts," she interrupted me. "I choose you! You!"

She poked my chest with her index finger.

"You. Muteness, estranged family and war trauma included. I want _you_, Edward. I know you're not perfect and that you have issues but you're also the kindest, sweetest, most wonderful man I have ever met and I could never want anyone else. I want us to have this baby together and be a family, and I know that you could _never_ hurt us. Except if you leave us now. If you leave us now you will hurt us. You will hurt me and you will hurt our baby. And much more so than a little bruise on my wrist. It will leave a scar that will NEVER heal."

She took a deep breath.

"You have only been here a few days and you're not used to being in a safe loving place yet where nothing will harm you. We have time before the baby arrives and you _will_ get better, Edward. I know you will. Together we will figure this out – but only together. You're not leaving and that's final."

I gaped at her. She really and truly wanted me. Even with all my fucked up issues and trauma. And I realized that she was right. If I made this decision for her I really would be acting just like my father; a controlling, supercilious tyrant. I shuddered lightly at the thought.

'You're right,' I mouthed.

I wrote her another note.

'I'm sorry. I never meant to be like him. I'm just scared.'

It was hard for me to admit something like that but I knew that I could tell Bella how I felt and she wouldn't think any less of me. She had seen me at my lowest, she had seen me cry, scream and fight and she still wanted me.

"I know," she said. "I get scared too. But you can't just run away when things get scary, Edward. That has to stop – now."

She sighed heavily.

"We have company. We shouldn't do this now," she said.

_Do what? What are we doing?_

She looked so tired all of a sudden and lurched a little when she got on her feet. I jumped up to support her but she took a step back.

_She's avoiding my touch! Oh God, what have I done?_

I picked up the soiled trashcan awkwardly and motioned to the bathroom.

"We'll be in the living room," Bella said and went ahead of me, probably to usher my sister and her husband away so they wouldn't see me until I had a chance to clean myself up.

After taking care of the trashcan I brushed my teeth and splashed some cold water in my face. I stared at myself in the mirror.

_You can do this! He is not dangerous and everything will be fine._

I took a few deep breaths to collect myself and walked towards the living room. I could hear them talking in there as I approached.

"But what's wrong with him?" Alice asked. "Why is he acting so crazy?"

I stopped dead in my tracks.

_She thinks I'm insane!_

"He's _not_ crazy," I heard Bella say immediately. "Edward has been through a lot and he is doing his best to cope with it."

"I'm sorry," my sister said. "I'm just not used to seeing him like this. Doesn't he ever scare you when he's like that?"

I held my breath.

_Please say no!_

"No," Bella said firmly. "Edward would never hurt me. If anything he's a little over-protective of me."

_Am not! Oh, who am I kidding? I totally am!_

I chose to make my presence known at that point and came into the room where they were seated. Bella gave me a smile that didn't reach her eyes and Alice looked a little worried but smiled none the less. Her husband was appraising me silently with a neutral expression on his face. He still made me uneasy but I was able to join Bella on the smaller of the couches that I had never sat in before. I caught Alice's eye and mouthed the word 'sorry'.

"What happened?" she asked and shifted nervously in her seat.

I didn't know what to say. I freaked out completely and it probably won't be the last time you see me do it? Bella looked at me and asked for permission with her eyes. I gave her a relieved and grateful smile.

"Edward… saw you as a threat, Mr. Whitlock," she explained.

"What?" Alice exclaimed. "But Jasper would never! Why, Edward?"

I looked directly at my sister's husband.

'You're military, right?' I mouthed.

"I'm sorry," he said hesitantly. "I, uh, I didn't catch that."

I turned to Bella and mouthed the word 'military' with a nod towards him. Her eyes widened a little and she nodded.

"Mr. Whitlock," she started.

"Jasper, please," he interjected.

"Jasper," she continued. "Are you in the army?"

He furrowed his brow and looked at his wife for explanation. Alice looked just as surprised and shrugged her shoulders.

"Uh, yes ma'am, I am," he answered.

_I knew it. My sister is married to a goddamn military man! _

This made me unreasonably angry. Alice had been so adamant in her disapproval when I enlisted and yet she had chosen to marry into the very institution which had thrown me aside when I wasn't useful to it anymore. I could feel myself getting worked up and Bella moved a little closer to me.

"Easy," she whispered in my ear. "Take a deep breath."

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. When I let it out I could feel my tension lessening.

"I think Edward picked up on your profession when he saw you," I heard Bella say. "And it probably made him react so strongly."

"Why?" I heard him ask.

I opened my eyes and looked directly at him.

'I _hate_ the army,' I enunciated slowly.

His look turned glacial. He understood every word. I knew that I shouldn't say something like that to him. The army was probably his life just as it had been mine, and if anyone had spoken badly of it I would have had a very strong reaction to it. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair.

'Sorry,' I mouthed to him.

He nodded curtly but didn't say anything. I was not making any new friends on that front with how I was behaving. Bella sensed the tension and cleared her throat.

"Would you like some coffee or tea?" she politely asked our guests.

Alice opted for tea and Jasper had coffee. I decided to join Bella for a cup of tea, both to support her in not drinking coffee and also because I knew it would make me jonze for a cigarette.

_And I could really use a smoke right about now!_

When she reached out her hand for the honey bear I grabbed it and pretended to push it off the table. The tension on her face vanished for a second and she gave me a real smile. She looked over at my sister and Jasper who were regarding us curiously.

"Sorry," she said. "Private joke."

"Oh," Alice said and shifted nervously. "Um, so how did you two meet?"

_There's a question!_

I didn't know what to tell her. If I told her the truth I would have to reveal the fact that until just a few days ago I had been homeless, living on the outskirts of society. I didn't really want my sister to know this but I also didn't want to lie to her.

"It's probably best that Edward tells you," Bella said.

I turned and looked at her. I had made my decision.

'No, go ahead,' I mouthed.

"Are you sure?" she whispered. "I mean, _everything_? Where I found you?"

I nodded solemnly. I had never lied to my sister and I didn't want to start now.

"What's going on?" Alice all but whispered. "Is something wrong?"

I shook my head but never took my eyes of Bella. She swallowed nervously and nodded back to me before she turned her attention to my sister and her husband.

"I…uh, I found Edward on the street," she said hesitantly.

"What do you mean?" Alice asked. "You…picked him up?"

I almost laughed. I couldn't imagine my sweet angel doing anything so forward. But there was no doubt in my mind that I would have gone with her if that had been the case. As expected, Bella's cheeks turned a little pink.

"Um, no," she said. "Edward was living there."

"Living where?" Alice asked and looked deeply confused.

Jasper sat up straighter. I could feel his eyes on me. He knew.

"Wait. Living on the street?" Alice asked incredulously. "Edward, are you…are you homeless?"

Her voice shook and I didn't want to look at her because I knew there would be tears in her eyes. I turned my gaze to her anyway and gave her a comforting smile. Hesitantly I reached over and took Bella's hand in mine. She let me do it although I didn't know if she was merely tolerating it because we were in the presence of others. I held up our joined hands.

'Not anymore,' I mouthed slowly.

_My home is here with Bella._

My sister relaxed marginally.

"But you were?" she asked.

I simply nodded.

"How long?" Jasper surprised me by asking.

'A while,' I answered vaguely.

I could see that my answer didn't satisfy him but I didn't want to elaborate. The less they knew about my former life the better.

"You didn't…in the winter?" my sister asked.

I resisted rolling my eyes at her. I had been just as ignorant about the homeless before I actually became one. I leaned a lot of hard lessons the first few weeks. I nodded to answer her question. I had survived two winters on the street.

"No!" she cried. "But it was so cold!"

She looked between myself and Bella with desperation painted on her face. I quickly walked over and knelt down beside her.

'I'm okay,' I mouthed and took her hand.

"But you were outside, Edward! It was freezing! And what did you eat? Did you starve? Why didn't you come home? Why didn't you contact us?"

She was sobbing now and it hurt my heart. I had been so stupid and proud, and I would never forgive myself for hurting my sister so much.

'I'm sorry, Alice.'

"Mom and dad think you're dead," she hiccoughed. "I thought you were dead. I didn't want to believe it, but…but…"

'I'm not,' I said silently and squeezed her hand.

"Edward," she sobbed and launched herself at me with so much force that she nearly knocked me over.

I held her tightly while she cried and mumbled unintelligible words into my shirt. I heard a sniffle and saw that Bella was crying as well. I wanted to hold her too but I couldn't let go of Alice either. I was very surprised when Jasper came to my rescue after he must have sensed my dilemma. He lifted Alice off my lap and held her and I rushed to Bella's side. I put my arm around her and thankfully she didn't pull away. I looked over at the man holding my sister. He was a stranger and a part of an institution which I now loathed but as our eyes met I didn't see a threat anymore. I saw someone who loved my sister as I loved Bella.

"I'm okay, really," Bella sniffed and took a deep breath. "You should go over to your sister."

"No, stay," I heard Alice say.

I looked at her and saw that she had calmed down as well.

"Bella, may I call you Bella?" Jasper asked her.

She nodded and wiped her eyes.

"You said that you found Edward on the street. Did you know him from before?"

"No," Bella said. "It was snowing heavily when I first saw him and I couldn't just leave him out there. So I brought him back here."

I smiled at the memory. Everything had changed that night and the past few days living with Bella had been the happiest of my life. At least until I screwed up just fifteen minutes ago and almost left her again. I was such an idiot!

"That was very brave of you," Alice whispered to Bella.

"Most people would call it foolish," she said softly. "I call it the best decision I have ever made."

My heart pounded wildly in my chest. It seemed like maybe I hadn't ruined everything after all if Bella still felt that way.

"God, that's so romantic!" Alice exclaimed. "And then it was just love at first sight?"

_Yes…_

Before I met Bella I would have said that something like that didn't exist. Lust at first sight, yes. But not love. However, now I could see how wrong I had been in my assumption that soul mates were something that belonged in cheesy romance novels and teenage fantasies. It was real and I had one. I looked at her and knew this to be true.

_Bella and I belong together. We were always meant to find each other._

I realized that neither of us had answered Alice's question and peeked over at the woman by my side. Bella was squirming and blushing because of my sister's forwardness. We still hadn't openly declared our love for one another and this was certainly not the way I wanted it to happen. I did something completely juvenile and threw a cookie at my sister out of sheer desperation.

"Hey!" she exclaimed and immediately threw it back, hitting me in the chest.

She grinned at me and for a brief moment we were kids just having fun together.

'Butt out, nosey,' I mouthed slowly and motioned discretely to Bella.

Alice looked at her and could obviously see how uncomfortable she was.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly. "I didn't mean to pry."

"No, it's okay," Bella said shyly. "Our, um, relationship is still very new."

"Oh," Alice said and looked confused. "But…I thought you said that you met this winter?"

"We did," Bella confirmed. "Let's just say that Edward has been in and out of my life until a few days ago."

I noticed that she frowned for a second before she hid it away. I gave her hand a small squeeze but she didn't return it. I was definitely not her favorite person right now. That much was evident.

"But now you're staying here?" Alice asked me.

I nodded and looked at Bella who simply smiled a little.

"And the two of you are…a couple?" she asked hopefully.

_We were. Does Bella still want that?_

I raised my eyebrows and held up another cookie. Alice laughed and backed off.

"I'm sorry," she chuckled. "So…what do you do for a living, Bella?"

I could hardly concentrate on anything other than observing the woman by my side as she talked to my sister. I knew that I had made a huge mistake in trying to make the decision whether or not we should be together without her input. I had panicked and reacted badly. She was sad and probably disappointed in me. I looked down at our joined hands. Bella's lay limply in mine as if she didn't want me to touch her. I pulled my hand away slightly, hoping that she would follow with hers but she didn't. She retracted her hand slowly when I broke contact and soon my hand was alone in my lap, mocking me.

"Edward?"

I looked up and saw that the three of them were looking expectantly at me. I had no idea how long I had been watching my empty hand and what the others had been talking about.

"Jasper asked you why you were living on the street," Bella said. "What do you mean?"

"Well," Jasper said. "With Edward's…disability he's eligible for compensation outside his regular VA benefits. It's not a fortune but it should be enough to keep him off the streets at least."

_Oh God, here we go._

"That's wonderful!" my sweet lovely Bella exclaimed and actually grabbed my hand in her excitement. "You didn't know that, Edward?"

She beamed up at me and I almost shook my head just to keep her smiling so happily. Unfortunately I couldn't do that. I knew all about VA benefits and disability compensation, and I also knew that I would never see a penny of that money. I nodded my head solemnly.

"But why aren't you collecting it then?" she asked, obviously confused. "You're entitled to it. Just like Jasper said."

I shook my head and ran my free hand through my hair.

"No, you really are," my sister chimed in. "One of Jasper's friends was injured in the line of fire last year and he's getting all the benefits."

'No,' I mouthed to her.

"All veterans are eligible," Jasper insisted. "Unless…"

I looked at him and saw him sizing me up with narrowed eyes. He was a smart guy. He knew.

"Unless what?" Bella asked and looked between myself and Jasper.

"Unless they get a DD or a BCD," he answered and looked carefully at me.

"What is that?" Bella asked.

"A Dishonorable Discharge or a Bad Conduct Discharge," he said almost automatically, not taking his eyes off me for even a second.

I could see it so clearly in his glare.

_Shame! Failure! _

That was all anyone thought when they heard those words.

"But what is that? Is it bad? Edward?"

Bella was searching my face for answers but before I could write anything Jasper continued in his icy voice.

"It's when a soldier fails to uphold the codes of conduct and honor. It could be a number of things: Homosexuality, mutiny, murder, sexual assault. The soldier is court-marshaled and will probably spend time in prison. It's the worst fate for a soldier. Your honor is stripped forever."

_Thank you for that wonderful lecture, Jasper. Now get the hell out of my sight!_

Bella gasped and immediately shook her head.

"No, Edward would never do something like that!" she said emphatically and squeezed my hand.

_God, I love her. She believes in me unconditionally._

"That's not true, right?" Alice asked me. "What Jasper just said? You didn't get one of those discharges."

All I could do was nod my head, but I refused to hang it in shame. In my heart I knew I had done nothing wrong! Now I just needed to convince the most important person in my life that I had acted out of compassion and a sense of what was right. I simply wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror if I hadn't done what I did. Damn the army, damn the world and damn their opinion of me. They meant nothing to me. All that mattered was that the woman by my side who was now clutching my hand would still look at me with love in her eyes. I took a deep breath and turned my face to meet her gaze.

**Ooh, has Edward been a bad soldier? What could he have done to get a DD or BCD? (There are clues in the previous chapters of the story, although I don't expect anyone to actually read the whole thing again, lol.)**

**Edward messed up and Bella is pretty angry with him. That's fair, right? I mean, the guy did almost leave. Again! Again! **

**By the way, this story isn't going to be all EPOV in the future. I know that it has been his POV lately but that's just because so much of the story is focusing on him right now. BPOV will be back later. :)**

**Finally, I should mention that I don't have anything against the army and I am not writing this as anti-military propaganda. It's just a story and Edward feels wronged and bitter. **

**Take care until next time. **


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

BPOV

This would without a doubt go down as the most intense day in my life so far. It had started out with the unexpected phone call from Edward's sister which was followed immediately by my first experience with morning sickness, and who could forget Edward fetching breakfast and me going into a state of panic thinking that he had left again. Then we almost had wild sex on the kitchen counter, and then we had our breakfast date in bed where I finally learned a little more about Edward's past, shopping for new clothes, therapy which didn't go very well, being intimate with each other, Edward panicking at the sight of Jasper and now this revelation that Edward hadn't had a regular exit from the army.

It was almost too much to take. I was tired, hormonal, immensely sad and angry with Edward for having the knee-jerk reaction to leave me again, annoyed with myself because deep down I knew that I wasn't treating Edward fairly and he couldn't help the way he felt since it was sign of the trauma that he was living with. I shouldn't ignore his affection because of it but it had just about shattered me when he pulled away from me in my bedroom after he accidentally bruised me. I thought that we had moved past him leaving ever again and I was finally beginning to trust him. I had kissed him and we had touched each other just hours earlier, he had promised me time and time again that he would never leave me. But it only took one small mistake for him to panic and I had to yell and swear at him to make him stay and listen to me. I was physically and mentally exhausted and all I wanted was to crawl in bed and forget everything for a few hours.

But that wasn't an option right now. I had to be strong for Edward and be by his side. And that was exactly what I did while I listened in horror to his brother in law recite all the things that could have caused the man I loved to get thrown out of the army.

The words swirled around in my head: Dishonorable Discharge, Bad Conduct Discharge, sexual assault, murder, mutiny, homosexuality. The idea of Edward doing any of those things was just preposterous! Murder and sexual assault were impossible possibilities and I wouldn't even consider them for a second. And homosexuality was just a ridiculous option since Edward was undoubtedly straight. And even if he had been into men for a while it shouldn't have warranted a DD, as Jasper called it. I couldn't believe that something as innocuous like a person's sexual preference could get you kicked out of the military!

That only left mutiny. A concept I could only associate with novels I had read about sailors abandoning their captains on deserted islands and the like. The whole thing was just…incredulous. Edward was brave, selfless and inherently good. I didn't know him very well yet, but I knew these things to be true about him. So how on earth could he have received a less than honorable discharge from the military? I mean, he was wounded in battle for Christ's sake! He lost his ability to speak and had severe emotional scars on his soul and he did it all to defend his country. And that was how they repaid him?

I could feel myself getting angry. Angry with the army for treating Edward in such a way and angry with Jasper who most of all sounded accusatory. I gripped Edward's hand tighter and he turned his head to look at me. His eyes widened in shock when they met mine and his face crumbled. He pulled his hand away from mine and looked absolutely heartbroken.

_What? Why is he doing this?_

I realized that I must have looked furious and Edward mistook my expression as though I was angry with him. Immediately I grabbed his hand again and softened my gaze.

'Bella…I'

He seemed almost frantic in wanting to find the right words to say to me and his eyes darted between our joined hands and my eyes. He was shaking lightly and breathing faster.

_He's panicking!_

"Edward, sweetie, listen to me," I said and cupped his face with my free hand. "I'm not angry with you, I swear."

'But…'

"I don't care that you got a Dishonorable Discharge or whatever it's called. No, that came out wrong. Of course I care that you were treated so horribly and it pisses me off. But it doesn't change the way I feel about you. You have honor, Edward. You saved my life and you saved the doctor's life. You're such a good person and I know that you didn't do anything wrong. I just know it," I rambled and took a deep breath. "Please don't doubt that, okay?"

He seemed baffled for a second and then his lips curved up in a glorious smile.

'Thank you,' he mouthed and kissed my hand. 'Thank you, angel.'

Alice cleared her throat and both of us looked over at her. I had almost forgotten that we weren't alone.

"What happened, Edward?" she enquired. "I don't believe that you did any of those things either. I mean, at least not intentionally."

He shook his head and gave me a desperate look.

'I can't,' he mouthed. 'I'm scared that…'

He pointed to the hallway and I immediately understood.

"You're worried that it will cause another panic attack?" I asked softly.

He gave me a defeated nod. I turned to his sister.

"The doctor who is treating Edward told me that he has this sort of block in his mind because he witnessed something really horrible in the war. He tried to break through it in therapy today but it didn't go very well. He gets these…"

I glanced at Edward who nodded for me to continue.

"Panic attacks like what you saw when you arrived and Edward thinks that it might cause another one if he starts talking about what happened in Afghanistan."

I looked at Edward for confirmation that I had gotten everything right and he gave me a sad smile and nodded again.

"Oh," Alice said and wrung her hands nervously. "And is that also why he can't talk anymore? Because of what happened?"

"Yes, the doctor said that it's his mind's way of protecting him from what happened."

"But what was it?" she whispered and looked scared. "Was it really bad? Because some of Jasper's friends have seen a lot and they never…"

She motioned to her brother and wiped away a tear. I looked at Edward who once again nodded. It seemed that he didn't want to keep any secrets from his sister.

"I don't know all the details," I said hesitantly. "But I know that a boy was killed and Edward saw it. It shocked his voice out of him, the doctor said."

"Did you do it? Did you kill him?"

I gasped.

_He didn't just ask that?_

Jasper had remained quiet during most of the conversation this evening but now he had decided to speak up at the worst possible time. Edward gripped my hand so hard that it hurt and I managed to pry it away from his.

"Jasper!" Alice cried. "How can you ask him that?"

"It happens a lot, unfortunately," he said, almost casually.

I could feel the rage bubbling up inside of me and did my very best to control my voice.

"Mr. Whitlock, you don't know Edward because if you did you would know that he would _never_ kill a child. I don't have any of the details but I am absolutely certain that Edward didn't do that."

"I'm just saying that accidents occur," Jasper said calmly. "Every war has its share of innocent victims. That's the price you have to pay for freedom sometimes. It's unfortunate but the fact of the matter is that it happens. When you're under fire things happen really fast and sometimes people get caught in the crossfire. That's what you civilians don't understand about war. Bad things happen but it's all worth it in the end because we get to live in the greatest country in the world and we're defending our way of life and taking down the terrorists."

I stared at him, probably completely wide-eyed. I felt sick. Never in my life had I heard words so cold and callous disguised as patriotism.

"It is _not_ worth it when innocent children are killed," I said through gritted teeth. "It is not worth it when good men like Edward end up on the street because their country abandons them. How dare you come into our home and accuse him of killing a child and then saying that it is all worth it in the end?"

I suddenly noticed that Edward was practically vibrating next to me. I turned my face to look at him and recoiled reflexively. Edward looked dangerous. Lethal, even. I had only ever seen him angry once; the night I tracked him down in the all-male shelter and he had been upset because it was too dangerous for me to be there at night. But that was nothing compared to this. The rage in his eyes made me shiver and he wasn't even looking at me. He was looking at his brother in law who didn't seem fazed at all. Either he was incredibly brave or really, _really_ obtuse.

"I'm not accusing him of anything," Jasper responded. "But if he didn't do it why would he get a DD? It doesn't make sense because the U.S. army doesn't abandon good soldiers! He did something wrong!"  
Jasper pointed an accusatory finger at Edward.

"Jasper! Shut up!" Alice yelled angrily.

Next to me Edward rose slowly and for a second I thought he was going to launch himself at Jasper. But he turned and walked out quickly. After a few seconds he returned with his pad and pen. His hand shook with what I assumed was a combination of anger and nerves and with a determined face he started writing. I knew what he was doing. He was telling us what happened and it scared me more than anything. Not because I thought that Edward would reveal that he had played a part in killing the boy. I would never believe that.

No, I was afraid that this would push him over the edge. It was too soon. He couldn't talk about it in a controlled environment with an expert like Dr. Gordon without having an attack and right now he was so angry and upset. He had stopped writing and was breathing heavily next to me. I could see the beads of sweat starting to form on his forehead as he tried to control himself. I placed my hand on his arm.

"Edward, you don't have to do this. Don't force it out like this," I said softly. "You don't have to tell us anything."

I didn't know if he actually heard me. It seemed like he was in deep concentration, trying to force his hand to write what he couldn't say out loud. He started shaking violently and finally threw the pen and paper across the room with a frustrated growl. He walked into the hallway and I followed with my heart thundering in my chest. I could hear Alice crying behind me, yelling and cursing at Jasper but I couldn't focus on her right now.

Edward was pulling his shoes and jacket on, still shaking all over.

"Edward?" I managed to choke out as I almost collapsed against the doorframe from sheer exhaustion.

_Please don't leave me!_

I realized with startling clarity that at this very moment I simply didn't have any fight left in me. If Edward tried to leave me now I wouldn't stop him. I couldn't take anymore. This day had taken too much out of me and I was just…done. Edward stopped his movements and looked at me. His own troubles seemed instantly forgotten. The concern in his eyes was evident and he pleaded with me silently.

'I'm _not_ leaving,' he mouthed slowly. 'But I need…'

He held up his index and middle finger in a telling gesture that made me understand that he needed a cigarette.

'I'm sorry,' he added.

I didn't know if he was apologizing for smoking or for leaving the apartment.

"You'll be back?" I whispered.

He nodded immediately.

'I have to go…or…'

He motioned to the living room and his eyes clouded with anger again. He would end up hurting Jasper if he stayed. I acknowledged that and nodded in understanding.

"You have money?" I asked.

I didn't care if Edward went out and bought some cigarettes. It wasn't easy quitting from day to day the way that he had done and it was a lot better than him beating up his sister's husband, even if he did deserve it. A lot. He nodded and patted his jacket pocket.

"Key?"

He smiled faintly and nodded again.

"Come back soon," I whispered.

He nodded a third time and glanced briefly at the living room.

"I'll tell him to leave. But what about Alice?" I asked.

Edward gave me a look filled with regret. His reunion with his sister had not gone the way he had hoped it would. He held up his hand and mimicked a phone showing me that he wanted to keep in touch with her.

"I'll tell her," I said softly.

'Thank you.'

He took a step forward and brought his hands up to touch my face but pulled them back again immediately. I looked at his hands and saw that they were still trembling.

'I'm sorry,' he mouthed again and practically ran out of the door.

I stood, feeling completely paralyzed. Then I remembered what and more importantly who had driven Edward away from his own home and I slammed the door angrily before marching into the living room again.

"Where's Edward?" Alice asked.

Her cheeks were stained with tears and she was sitting on the opposite end of the couch as her husband.

"He left," I said through clenched teeth.

"Is he coming back?" she asked, sounding alarmed.

"I sure as hell hope so," I said and turned to the blonde man whose throat I wanted to rip out.

"Get out," I snarled at him. "I don't ever want you coming into my house ever again."

"I apologize if I have upset you, Ma'am," he started and stood up.

I barked out a humorless laugh and interrupted him.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to. You drove Edward out of his own home, back on the streets where he almost died. Twice!"

Alice let out a strangled sob, but I continued.

"He was finally starting to feel safe here and then you come along and ruin everything! I realize that you can't help being in the army and Edward's reaction to that, but what you just did was…was…"

I couldn't even think of any words to describe it.

"Get the hell out of here and be thankful that Edward is a good brother or he would have kicked your ass tonight!"

"Bella," Alice said hesitantly. "Is he angry with me?"

She looked so small, hugging herself while rocking back and forth.

"No," I said in a softer tone. "He wants you to call him, or he'll call you. Well, I guess I'll be calling on his behalf but you know what I mean."

She nodded, took a deep breath and glared at her husband.

"We'll go now," she said. "Jasper and I aren't nearly done _talking_ yet."

In any other situation I would have found it comical that he looked genuinely scared of the tiny woman who yanked him out of the living room. She practically pushed him out of the door and told him to wait in the car in an icy tone. Jasper nodded silently and walked down the stairs with slumped shoulders. All his former arrogance seemed to have evaporated under Alice's anger and while I now hated his guts I could still acknowledge that he must love his wife dearly.

_It didn't stop him from accusing her brother of being a child killer, though._

"Bella, I'm so sorry!" she said frantically the second her husband was out of earshot. "He's a good man, really he is. He just gets so _fucking_-"

"I'm sorry, I never swear. Honestly. He just makes me so angry sometimes. When it comes to the army he's just…impossible. Please, I'm so sorry!"

"Alice, you didn't do anything wrong," I said softly. "Look, I'm exhausted and I'm sure you want to get home. We'll call you once things settle down a little, alright?"

She nodded and blinked back fresh tears.

"I never thought this would happen," she whispered. "That my brother and my husband would hate each other. There's…there's so much I didn't get to say to Edward tonight. There are things he needs to know. I have to see him again, Bella, I don't care what Jasper thinks. I love him, but…he drove my brother away and I just got him back after thinking I had lost him forever!"

"I'm so sorry," I said sympathetically and rubbed her arm lightly.

This had to be hard on her. Naturally she didn't want to choose between the two of them but what would she had to? Would she cut Edward out of her life because of her husband? Or would it be the other way around? I didn't want to think about that right now. I had enough on my mind as it was. Alice gave me a quick hug and left, leaving me in the empty apartment.

I started to clean up almost on autopilot while I worried about Edward. He had said that he was coming back and I wanted to believe him so badly. I didn't want to doubt his word or his commitment to me and our baby, but I couldn't push away the feeling of unease completely.

I noticed the pad that Edward had been writing on earlier and picked it up carefully. Edward's usual neat handwriting was nowhere to be found. I could hardly make sense of the scribble that he had made with his trembling hand but tried to read it anyway:

'Bella, please believe' followed by scrawl I couldn't make out. 'Didn't kill' and 'couldn't save' was clearly stated. But also 'my fault' and 'he ran towards me' was readable. The rest was just gibberish followed by an angry attempt to cross it all out before Edward had thrown the pad across the room. I stood there trying to digest everything and get some kind of meaning out of his writing. He hadn't killed the boy. That much was obvious and I would have been shocked to my very core if that had been the case. But why would he still say that it was his fault? I had to wait for Edward to tell me everything when he was ready for it and make sure that he wasn't almost forced to divulge like he had been tonight. I looked around the empty room and felt very much alone at that moment.

I picked up the phone and knew who I wanted to talk to about all of this. I felt incredibly guilty that I hadn't let Angela know that Edward was back, but so much had been going on in the past twenty-four hours that it had completely slipped my mind. I decided to remedy it immediately and dialed her number.

"What's up?" she said the second she answered.

As always, Angela didn't waste time on greetings.

"Um, hi. Well, a lot actually," I answered and flopped down on the couch.

"Yes?"

"Edward's back," I said.

"What?" Angela yelled, and I had to hold the phone away from my ear to prevent hearing damage. "He's really back? He's there with you right now? What did he say about the baby? Are you guys together? How long has he been back?"

"Slow down," I chuckled, enjoying the familiarity of my best friend's knack for asking a million questions in one breath. "He's happy about the baby, I don't know if we're together exactly and he came back last night just before dinner."

"Last night?" she shouted, once again almost causing my eardrums to bleed. "What the fuck do you mean 'last night,' Isabella Marie Swan? He's been with you an entire day and you didn't call me?"

"I'm sorry," I said, rather pathetically. "Things have been crazy around here ever since he arrived."

"But he's definitely staying for good?" she asked.

_Hopefully…_

"I-I think so," I answered weakly.

"Put him on the phone," she demanded.

"What?"

"Put him on the phone," Angela said slowly, as if talking to a child. "I have a few things to say to our dear Mr. Cullen."

_Shit!_

"I…Uh, he's not here right now. He sort of left."  
"He left again!" she yelled.

"No, it's not like that," I said quickly, all the while hoping that I was right. "He needed some air. He had an awful night. Well, we both did to be completely honest."

"What happened?" she asked.

I told her everything. Everything that had happened from when Edward had shown up last night to him leaving just now. I talked and talked until my voice was hoarse, stopping only to cry when I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Angela was completely silent and didn't interrupt me once which was completely uncharacteristic for her. She merely hummed every once in a while to let me know that she was still listening. It felt so good to get it all out, cathartic and freeing somehow. I could feel the weight lifting off me as I told Angela the good parts; Edward's reaction to the news of my pregnancy, our breakfast date, the shopping trip, being intimate and spending the day with him. And I shared the bad things as well; My fear that he had left this morning, Edward's therapy which had left me scared when I realized the extent of his trauma, his reaction to Jasper and feeling like leaving was the only option, Jasper's accusation and Edward's subsequent reaction and finally my worry because he had now left me again.

"Okay, that's all," I said lamely as a way of finishing my story.

"That's more than enough," Angela said. "No wonder you didn't have time to call me."

"Yeah, things have been pretty hectic," I admitted.

"Here's what I want you to do," she said firmly. "You are going to take a nice long relaxing bath, listen to some soothing music, goddamn Kenny G or something, and then it's straight to bed with you. You sound completely wound up still and you know it's not healthy for you and the little one."

"But Edward," I started.

"No. Edward is a big boy and like you said, he has a key. He is coming back, Bella. You need to start taking care of yourself now. Forget about him for a little while. He'll be there when you wake up in the morning. Okay?"

"Okay." I nodded even though she couldn't see it.

"And we'll talk more about this in person the second I get some free time, I swear," she promised. "Now take a deep breath in and let it out slowly."

I did as she told me.

"Good girl," she said and I could hear the smile in her voice. "Now, say 'Goodnight Angela' and start relaxing."

"I love you, Angela," I whispered, feeling so incredibly lucky that she was my best friend.

"I love you too, Bella," she said softly. "I'll call you tomorrow, alright?"

"Alright," I said. "Goodnight."

In true Angela fashion she hung up without saying goodbye. I smiled, loving the fact that some things I could always rely on. Angela's lack of telephone manners was definitely one of them. I drew a bath, brought my IPod which incidentally didn't hold any Kenny G songs but I already knew that Angela had been joking about that part, and let the world drift away for half an hour while I soaked in the warm water. Afterwards I felt a lot better and dressed in my pajamas. I heard the door and thinking that it was Edward I rushed into the hallway only to see that it was Joe returning from his date at Mary's place.

"Hey kiddo," he said with a bright smile. "What's with the long face?"

"Edward," I said quietly.

He looked around and narrowed his eyes.

"Where is he?"

I shrugged helplessly.

"He went out for cigarettes a while ago," I said, realizing how cliché it sounded.

"What happened?" he asked and hung up his jacket.

"That's a really long story, Joe. Edward's sister and her husband came by tonight and it didn't go very well at all. Edward had to leave or I think it would have turned into a fight. I promise that we'll talk more tomorrow, but right now I really need to go to bed. We have work in the morning and I'm exhausted."

"You look it," Joe said gently. "Yeah, you go to bed and I'll make up the couch for Edward. I'm assuming that he's still sleeping there?"

I nodded.

"Thank you, Joe."

I gave him a hug and he patted my back a little awkwardly. We didn't usually show affection in a physical way but I didn't care. I needed a hug tonight and I wanted to show Joe how much he meant to me.

"You're welcome, Bella," he said and gave me a small squeeze. "I'll see you in the morning."

It was comforting to know that I had reliable people like Joe in my life. I could trust his word completely when he said that he would be here when I woke up. Sadly, I couldn't quite do that when it came to Edward.

I went to bed and tried my best not to stare at my alarm clock and listen for the door. I cried a little but not nearly as much as I had thought I would. I felt calmer knowing that Angela and Joe would be there if something should happen with Edward and he decided not to come back despite his promise. It was only a little after 10 but I felt as though I had pulled an all-nighter. Still, I was actually amazed when I felt myself drifting off to sleep. I didn't think that I would be able to when I hadn't heard Edward come home, but my pregnant body demanded rest and my eyes finally closed around 11 when I put my hand on my stomach and mumbled a sleepy goodnight to the baby.

I woke up and immediately knew that he was there in bed with me. He was lying behind me with his body pressed firmly against mine and his arm curled around my waist. I took a deep breath and could tell that he had just gotten in. He smelled like fresh night air with a hint of cigarette smoke. I had no idea what time it was since I was facing away from the clock on the nightstand and it didn't matter anyhow. Edward had returned to me.

"You're home," I whispered.

He nodded against me and placed a lingering kiss on my naked shoulder where the tank top didn't cover my skin. Then he gave me another one, followed by another one. He trailed kisses up to my neck and brushed my hair to the side to gain better access. His hand on my stomach slipped under my top and he sighed when it came into contact with my warm skin. I shivered a little, both because he was cold and also because of the spark of desire I already felt in the pit of my stomach.

He nibbled on my earlobe and the small involuntary moan that escaped me seemed to embolden him because he moved his hand up and cupped my breast. My nipple hardened instantly under his cool touch and he groaned softly in my ear as he ran his thumb over it repeatedly. He pressed himself against me and I could feel him hard and ready as he rubbed his erection against my ass and kneaded my breast expertly. The faint throbbing between my legs increased and I couldn't stop myself from rubbing my thighs together to gain a little relief.

Quicker than I could register Edward rolled me onto my back and was on top of me between my parted legs. I blinked a few times and focused on his face. He looked beautiful as always and I reached up to touch him. The anger that I had seen in his eyes when he left was replaced by sadness and regret.

'I'm so sorry,' he mouthed before he leaned down to kiss me.

His mouth was soft yet demanding and the second I parted my lips his tongue brushed against mine and he moaned. He tasted like mint from my toothpaste and I was thankful that I couldn't tell that he had been smoking. The kiss quickly became heated and Edward started grinding himself against me and found my breast again with his hand. I wasn't any better, really. I moved my hips with his, my body loved the wonderful friction it caused and my hands slid under his shirt to caress his naked back.

Then things started happening really fast. Edward's shirt came off and my tank top followed. I was dizzy with pure lust and all that mattered was getting even closer to him. He pulled his pants down and mine as well. His hungry mouth was on my breasts, licking and suckling them until I thought I would die if I didn't get find release soon. I wanted him inside of me. I wanted to feel his thick hardness stretching me in the best possible way as he possessed me completely. Edward was panting against my chest and pushed my panties to the side. Then I felt him against me, running the head of his cock up and down my wet folds. He pushed forward slightly, slipping the tip inside of me and his hand brushed over my lower abdomen. Right over the spot where our baby was growing inside of me.

_No! I can't do this!_

It hit me like a tidal wave. All the desire I had felt a second ago vanished and the fire in my blood turned to ice.

_What if he leaves me again? I love him so much and this is just all wrong! I don't want this, I don't want this! I want him to love me, not just fuck me!_

I could feel myself breathing even faster than before while the tears streamed down the sides of my face wetting the shells of my ears. I could sense Edward not moving on top of me anymore and felt his hand against my cheek. I caught a glimpse of his face when I blinked away new tears and he looked completely devastated. His mouth kept saying my name over and over again with no sound coming out. My hands flew up and covered my face as I started sobbing violently. I felt Edward moving off me and I rolled onto my side facing away from him. Hesitantly he wrapped his arms around me and held me while I cried. I don't know how much time passed but eventually I calmed down. I couldn't cry anymore and I felt angry with myself that I had let my overly hormonal body take complete charge when clearly I wasn't emotionally ready for something like that. I should have stopped Edward much earlier and not let him believe that I wanted to sleep with him tonight.

"I'm sorry," I sniffed and drew a ragged breath.

I felt him turn me around to face him and he brushed away the last of my tears. I knew that I must have looked absolutely horrible with swollen red eyes but Edward didn't seem to notice. His gaze was as tender as ever.

'_I _am sorry,' he mouthed.

"I shouldn't have done this just now," I whispered. "I'm not ready for that."

'I know.'

"I…I don't trust you completely yet, Edward," I admitted.

He had a right to know how his actions tonight affected me. He looked hurt when I said it but I couldn't regret telling him the truth. It was just the way I felt. He sighed and nodded.

'I know,' he mouthed again.

"I _want_ to trust you," I added. "But you make it really hard for me when you keep talking about leaving. Like earlier tonight when you accidentally grabbed me a little too hard."  
He started to say something but I had to speak my piece and covered his mouth with my hand.

"I know why you thought you had to leave," I continued. "That you're scared of hurting me and the baby. But you have to know this, Edward: If I think for even a second that you will hurt us then I won't let you anywhere near us. I would never risk something like that and once the baby is born, if I feel that you are a threat then I won't let you touch it."  
I took a breath.

"I know that sounds horrible, not letting you hold your own son or daughter but you need to understand that I am not naïve. As much as it will hurt I will _always_ choose our baby's safety over having you in our lives. Can you trust me to make that call?"

Edward nodded and I removed my hand from his mouth.

"I won't let you hurt either one of us, Edward. I know you don't trust yourself, but please trust me."

He nodded again.

'I do trust you,' he mouthed. 'Thank you, angel.'

I smiled and he brought his hand up to touch my cheek.

'I will earn your trust,' he said slowly. 'I promise.'

I merely smiled again and leaned into his gentle touch. He moved his face an inch forward but hesitated immediately.

'Kiss?' he mouthed and looked very apprehensive all of a sudden.

"Yes, you can kiss me," I whispered, while my heart rate increased again. "I love kissing you."

He broke into a huge smile and was obviously relieved that I hadn't put a hold on all physical contact. As if I could ever do that. I couldn't pretend that Edward and I were just friends. We may not have made love after he had returned to me but there was no doubt in my mind that we were lovers in every sense of the word except the physical aspect. I loved Edward and I could see that he loved me. I didn't know why we hadn't said it yet when we had been so close to several times, but I decided not to dwell on it. I could see it in his eyes and that was more than enough for me.

Edward pressed his lips against mine and this time the kiss was slow and tender. His thumb stroked my cheek gently and he pulled away with a small sigh. When I opened my eyes to look at him he was smiling again and I returned it.

"I should probably get some sleep," I said and stifled a yawn. "I have work in the morning."

He nodded immediately and started to move off the bed. I remembered that we were both practically naked and quickly pulled my pajamas back on while he also got dressed. I was thankful that he didn't say anything about sleeping on the couch. Having him in my bed tonight after our heated encounter would be too much and I suspected that Edward felt the same way. He sat down on the edge of the bed and stroked my hair.

'Sleep,' he mouthed.

"You'll stay here until I fall asleep?" I asked.

He nodded and smiled.

'Goodnight, my Bella,' he told me.

"Goodnight," I whispered, but I was reluctant to close my eyes.

'Sleep,' he repeated.

"I'll see you in the morning?" I asked.

He nodded immediately.

"Okay," I said softly and closed my eyes.

I drifted off to sleep to the feel of his hand caressing my hair, the sound of his slow breaths and his promise to still be there when I woke up. I hoped that he wouldn't ever let me down again and we could finally start working on becoming a family.


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer

**Thank you for all your reviews and private messages. I know I suck at responding but I promise that I read them all.**

**Melanie has had a rough week and still does a fantastic job as my beta. Leave her some love in your reviews because she reads them too. :) **

**Very interesting reaction to Jasper in the last chapter. Some people hated him and others felt that he was merely speaking as a military man would. There will be more with both him and Alice in a later chapter. A few have asked me if Rosalie and Emmett will become a part of the story and the answer is sadly, no. It just wouldn't make sense since they live in N.Y (Emmett was in the World Trade Center on 9/11, in case anyone forgot). Maybe they'll make a brief appearance later on but they won't be major players. **

**As for Carlisle and Esme. Edward has daddy issues that I won't leave unresolved so yes, you will get to meet them down the road. Someone needs to tell Carlisle off. Will it be pregnant Bella? **

**Oh yeah, a few were complaining that it was pointless of me to decide that they shouldn't have sex yet since Bella is already pregnant. I'm not quite sure how to respond to that one, but let me see if I understand correctly: So because Bella is pregnant and they have had sex in the past it is perfectly fine for her to screw his brains out even though they still have trust issues and she is constantly worried that he will leave her again? **

**So far their relationship has consisted of having sex, Edward leaving and Bella nursing him back to health and you think it's stupid of me to spend a few chapters on the two of them connecting on an emotional level and actually getting to know each other before the sexcapades can begin? Riiiight. Okay. We'll just have to agree to disagree on that one. **

**I think that's everything. A lot of you were wondering what Edward did after he left the apartment in the last chapter. Well, now you'll know. Enjoy!**

EPOV

The second I was down on the street I started running. I ran because I was angry with Alice's husband and the callous accusation that he had made. I ran because I was frustrated by the harsh fact that I couldn't even write a goddamn note to explain myself. But most of all I ran because I was afraid. Afraid that I would end up hurting someone if I stayed. The need to fight was strong and I had to get away before I ended up smashing my brother in law's face in. I didn't want any more violence in my life. I was done with that shit.

I ran until I thought my lungs would collapse and my heart would pound right out of my ribcage. My anger had lessened now and I slowed down to a walk. I felt better. My head was clear and the cool night air felt wonderful against my flushed skin. I was approaching the downtown area of the city and more people were on the street. I didn't have a watch but I assessed that it wasn't very late yet, probably around nine-thirty. I stopped by a coffee place and bought a cup to go. Next, I bought a pack of cigarettes and a lighter at a newsstand. I was still amazed at how easily people accepted my muteness now that I was dressed nicely. They took me for someone deaf and no one raised an eyebrow when I pointed to what I wanted instead of using actual words. They would write down the amount I owed and smiled when I left.

When the smoke from the first cigarette hit my lungs it felt so good that I had to sit down on a bench next to the newsstand to fully appreciate the sensation of nicotine permeating my system. I did feel guilty about doing it since I had told Bella that I was quitting and I was glad that I was using Joe's money and not hers to buy the damn things. Still, a cigarette was preferable to alcohol and getting shit-faced tonight was what a lot of people would have done, I'm sure. Not me though. I had seen what alcohol abuse could do to a person many times since most of the people on the street drank whenever they could. I couldn't even remember the last time I had a drink, to be perfectly honest. But I wished that I could somehow forget what had transpired in the apartment tonight and the things that my brother in law had said.

I would be lying if I said that his reaction surprised me. It didn't. He was an army man and as such completely loyal to the institution which he served. I could relate. I had been the same once. I wondered if he had ever been stationed or if he held a desk job permanently. Something told me that it was the latter. I couldn't believe that he had witnessed the horrors of war and was still able to discuss them so calmly. It seemed as though he was talking about statistics when he mentioned how innocent civilians were often killed, and this made me think that he hadn't actually seen any of this first hand. Either that, or he was truly a cold-hearted bastard and I couldn't imagine that my sister would ever marry such a man. Besides, I could see that he was not incapable of sentiment and he clearly loved Alice very much. He was not unfeeling. He just didn't know. It was one thing to read the numbers of children killed. It was something else entirely to see it for yourself.

Yes, that had to be it. He just didn't know. It didn't make me any less angry with him but now it made sense at least. I took a drink of my coffee and lit another cigarette before getting up. I started walking again, lost in my thoughts. I had failed my angel tonight and I hoped that she would forgive me for having to go out. I hadn't been able to be the brother that Alice deserved and I hoped she would give me another chance. I wanted her to be a part of my life but I would be damned if I had to sit in the same room with her husband again. That wasn't going to happen again anytime soon. I couldn't guarantee his safety if I saw him again in the near future.

I looked up and saw that I had entered one of the rougher neighborhoods. It didn't faze me and I kept on walking. People were eyeing me, though. Someone who looked like me didn't usually venture down here after dark unless they were looking for either drugs or female company. I wasn't there for either but as strange as it was, this place felt familiar to me. Only yesterday this had been my neighborhood but already people viewed me as a stranger. It was amazing what a bath, a shave and some new clothes could do.

"Hey baby, you lookin' for a good time?" a woman slurred as I passed her.

I shook my head automatically but made a full stop when I glanced at her. I approached her and her eyes met mine for a second before she looked me over.

"You're a big boy," she mumbled and reached out her hands to touch my chest.

I grabbed them and she recoiled. I didn't want her to touch me like that.

"Hey man, no need to get rough," she slurred.

Finally she looked up at me and I waited for her to recognize me as I had her.

_Victoria._

She stared at me blankly and pulled her hands away.

"You could've just said that you weren't interested, asshole," she muttered and stumbled away from me.

She didn't know me anymore and we had been as close as you could be out here. I had taken care of her and her son before he was taken away, and now she just saw me as some John who didn't want to fuck her anyway. What had happened to my friend?

_Life on t__he street happened._

She was clearly on something and this was definitely a new development. To the best of my knowledge Victoria never did drugs before. But then she had her son Riley with her and had someone to live for. That reason was gone now and it seemed that darkness had taken over her, just as it had many others in her situation. I understood why she did drugs. She needed to forget the things that had happened to her, the things that still happened to her, probably on a daily basis. It wasn't easy being out on the street in general, but for a young woman like Victoria it was a nightmare. She couldn't fend for herself and I was pretty sure that she had a pimp now to protect her. It was the lesser of two evils. Either she would get raped on a regular basis and get her money stolen or she could give him most of what she earned in exchange for a safe place to sleep. Well, relatively safe. The pimp, whoever he was, would most likely expect sexual favors from her as well. Still, in some fucked up way I could imagine that it was better than the alternative. The devil you know and all that.

I tapped her shoulder and she spun around again. She gave me a dazed smile, probably thinking that I had changed my mind and now wanted her services. I wanted to give her the rest of the money in my pocket but I wasn't an idiot and I knew that undercover cops came down here all the time.

_And I don't want to get arrested for soliciting!_

Plus I was worried that she would spend it on either alcohol or drugs, when what she really needed was food. She was so skinny now. I motioned for her to come with me and because she was desperate she followed me blindly through the streets until we were standing outside a fast food chain. I motioned for her to wait for me and went into the place where I bought her a meal with the last of the money that I had borrowed from Joe.

"You got me food?" she asked when I returned and handed her the paper bag. "What kind of kinky shit are you into?"

I sighed. Of course she would think something like that. She was after all a prostitute and why else would I approach her if it wasn't for sex? Random acts of kindness didn't happen to someone like her unless people had ulterior motives. I shook my head and practically thrust the bag into her arms. After giving me a suspicious look she finally dove into the food, obviously starving. I watched her silently as she finished everything in the bag before she went for the soda that I had bought.

"Thank you," she mumbled. "Do you want to go to your place now or…?"

I shook my head again and offered her a cigarette which she accepted.

"You don't want?" she asked and motioned to herself.

I shook my head for the third time.

"Well, your loss, I guess," she shrugged and got up to leave.

I watched as she took a few uneasy steps away before she turned halfway towards me again.

"You're nice," she said with a slight slur. "You remind me of someone I knew. I think he died. He was my friend."

And with those parting words she walked down the street and didn't look back. I stared after her and wondered if I would ever see her again. She was so lost now.

I wished I could say that I was shocked to see her in this state, but it was to be expected. I wished that I could save Victoria. I wished that I could save all of them like Bella had saved me, but I knew that it was impossible. Even if I had told Victoria that she did know me, that I was Edward, it wouldn't have made a bit of difference. Victoria was a junkie and I couldn't bring her with me. She would steal anything she could get her hands on for her next fix and wouldn't hesitate to hurt Bella in the process. And Bella was such a kind-hearted person that she probably would have let Victoria stay with us if I brought her back with me. No, I couldn't let that happen. Maybe someday when I had money of my own, I could somehow help my friend and get her into a program but for now I was helpless to do so.

I didn't have anything to offer her. The nice clothes on my back, the expensive shoes on my feet and even the delicious food in my stomach was only there because Bella provided them for me. Because for some inexplicable reason she wanted my sorry ass around.

And what had I done? I had left her there to clean up my mess, metaphorically and figuratively speaking. She was the one who had to face my crying sister and tell her that I ran away again, and then she had to wash up the used coffee cups and plates that she had generously put out before she had opened up her home and made sure that I could see my sister in a nice place.

I was an asshole of epic proportions and why she hadn't kicked me out was beyond me.

I looked around and took in all the misery around me: The prostitutes, the homeless, the junkies. I felt horrible for all of them and I wanted to save them. But how could I, when I couldn't even save myself? I needed my Bella to give me the strength to do so.

_I want to go home now. Home to Bella._

I was done with this. It was unfair that none of the people around me had a Bella of their very own to save them. But by some miracle my angel had found me, and I knew that if I didn't get my act together now I would lose her. I remembered how devastated she had looked when I left tonight. The way that she could hardly stand on her feet because she was so tired. I wasn't making life any easier for her as I had promised myself that I would. I was making things harder for her and that had to stop. Now. I stood up and handed the cigarettes and lighter to an old homeless man who was rummaging through the garbage outside the fast food joint. He shook the pack and seemed surprised when he discovered that it actually contained cigarettes. Then he tested out the lighter which worked just fine. He quickly hid the items inside his clothes before he looked up at me and gave me an almost toothless smile. Then he dove back into the trash, muttering to himself about nothing in particular.

Could that have been me in thirty years if I had been in a shelter on the day of the blizzard? If I had never met my angel? Probably not. I wouldn't have survived out here to such an old age. I would have gotten killed in one of the fights or offed myself eventually. I shuddered at the thought of my own demise and suddenly I longed so much for my Bella that I felt a physical pain in my chest. Without another look around on the life I had once led I started running. This time I ran towards hope. I ran towards love. I ran towards the promise of a new life, a good life with Bella and our child.

I pulled out my key and for a second I was almost worried that Bella had changed the locks in my absence because she had decided that I wasn't worth the heartache that I had brought her over and over. But once again my angel came through for me and the door opened easily to the safety of my new home.

Once inside the dark apartment I quickly cleaned myself up and went into Bella's bedroom. I knew that I shouldn't climb into bed with her. It was too tempting when the longing I felt was this palpable and I wouldn't be able to control myself. But when I saw that she wasn't sleeping peacefully, but rather tossing and turning, I did it anyway. I wanted to comfort her and I knew that I was most likely the cause of her troubled sleep. And the selfish bastard inside of me wanted to touch her more than anything even though I didn't deserve it after what I had put her through. Still I wrapped my arm around her and held her tightly to me.

_I love you, Bella. I'm so sorry for everything.__ I swear I'll do better._

She woke up almost immediately and spoke the sweetest words:

"You're home."

I was home. It was so basic, really. A home was a place where people cared about you and I knew that I had that right here. My home was never out there on the streets. I felt as though I had always been waiting for Bella, for her to find me. I had spent more than a year of my life feeling empty and completely lost, but when Bella found me it was as if I also rediscovered myself. I started feeling things again, both good and bad emotions that I had suppressed since I returned from the war. At this very moment I was overwhelmed by a number of those emotions: love, longing and desire. What happened next was entirely my fault and I never should have let it get as far as it did.

I intended to kiss Bella's shoulder just once, but the second my lips left her skin I needed more. So I kissed her again and again. Still it wasn't enough. I moved my lips over her and slipped my hand under her top. She was so warm and soft, the exact opposite of the life I had led on the streets where the nights were cold and there were only hard places to lie down. When I heard her react positively to my caresses I lost all sense of control. I knew that Bella was very easily aroused because of hormones and just because her body wanted this it didn't mean that she was ready for sex. But such rational thoughts vanished when she started moaning softly. Before I knew it I was grinding against her ass while my hand was on her breast.

And even when I moved in between her parted legs it wasn't enough. I needed more. More warmth, more softness, more Bella. I told her that I was sorry. It wasn't a singular apology. I was sorry for ever leaving her, for causing her pain and for being a burden. I was sorry that I was so useless to her. I couldn't provide for her and our baby and I couldn't tell her that I loved her, at least not in the way that I wanted. But I could do this. I could give her pleasure. I could make her scream my name in ecstasy. I could make her feel wonderful.

Our clothes came off quickly and soon I was completely naked and Bella was only wearing her panties. She was so beautiful underneath me. Even in my lust-filled haze I could see that clearly. She was writhing wantonly while I licked and suckled her nipples and we rubbed against each other. If Bella had been completely naked we would have been having sex. God, how I wanted to be inside of her. I wanted to bury myself in her and never pull out again. I was still a little shaken by everything that had transpired tonight and it obviously clouded my judgment because I didn't give a single thought to the aftermath of what we were about to do, how this would affect us when we our immediate desire had been sated. I just needed to be closer to her. I needed to feel her in every way.

_Make me w__arm again, angel. Help me back to life. I've been lost without you._

I pulled her panties to the side, far too impatient to take the time to remove them. She was wet and warm against the head of my dick and I moved my hand up her naked body because I wanted to touch her face when I pushed inside of her.

And then it all just went to hell. I felt the tears on her face a second before I also noticed that her breathing had gone from fast to full on hyperventilating.

_Oh God, no! What the fuck am I doing?_

The sight of her in absolute despair killed my hard on instantly and I was able to think straight. I felt terrible. I had made her cry again. I was an asshole!

'Bella, Bella,' I mouthed, wishing with all my might that I could say something to comfort her.

She covered her face and rolled away from me while sobs racked through her. I couldn't whisper in her ear how sorry I was for once again letting my desire get the best of me and instead I held her against me. I was grateful that she didn't pull away, that I hadn't scared her. I never wanted to do anything that she didn't want also.

I held her while she cried, feeling like the biggest, most clueless fuck-up on the planet. What the hell had I been thinking? Well, obviously I had only been using my little head and look how well that had turned out. It was so wrong of me. Bella didn't need my cock. She needed love, support and tenderness which were concepts I was just slowly starting to understand. I could fuck her six ways from Sunday and make her come over and over again, but that wasn't what this was about. This wasn't like my marriage, where all Tanya wanted from me was friendly conversation and my hard dick a couple of nights a week. How could I ever have thought that we had a happy marriage simply because we didn't argue and the sex was good? There was so much more to being in a relationship but I hadn't realized that until I met my angel. I may have had a long-term relationship before I met Bella but I had never been romantic and tender before. Not the way that she needed and deserved.

After she stopped crying she told me that she was sorry, and it made me feel even worse about what had just happened. I understood her needing my affection and my touch as a way of compensating for the fact that I spent half the time pulling away from her. But Bella had never pulled away from me and I had no real excuse other than my frazzled mind and overly active libido for letting things get out of hand yet again.

When she said that she didn't fully trust me yet it stung, but I knew that it was more than reasonable to think like that. It was no more than what I expected. Bella was sensible and thoughtful, especially when it came to the welfare of our unborn baby. This was made perfectly clear when she told me in no uncertain terms that she would never put me in a position where I accidentally ended up hurting either of them. Her words comforted me greatly because no matter how much it would hurt me to stay away from our baby, it would shatter me completely if something bad happened like earlier when I had grabbed Bella's wrist.

After I had kissed Bella goodnight I stroked her hair until she fell asleep and went into the living room where I lay down on the couch. It had been a long and trying day for both of us and just like my angel I was completely exhausted and fast asleep within minutes.

I woke up trembling and covered in sweat. My heart raced in my chest and for a brief second I didn't know where I was. The place was quiet, warm and I was lying on something soft. Definitely not a shelter.

_I'm at Bella's place. No. Our place. I live here too._

I drew a deep breath and relaxed. Nothing would harm me here. No one would steal my stuff or try to take me out in my sleep. I was safe. I had been woken up by my usual nightmare and was suddenly worried that I had disturbed Bella and Joe if I had called out in my sleep. I got up and tiptoed into Bella's room to find her sleeping peacefully with a small smile on her face. I was amazed at how resilient she was and that after a day like yesterday she was still able to have happy dreams. I envied her that ability.

Going back to the couch after my bad dream was impossible and I spent the rest of the night sitting in the chair next to her bed while I watched her sleep. She looked so serene and untroubled like this and I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. When the room started to brighten I reluctantly pulled away from the vision in the bed and went into the kitchen where I made both coffee and tea. I tried to be as quiet as possible but I must have made a little noise because I was suddenly startled by Joe's raspy voice.

"Morning, kid."

I gave him a wary smile, expecting a tongue-lashing. I knew that Bella shared most things with him and had no doubt that he knew how I had run away last night.

"Did you get in late?" he asked and poured himself a cup of coffee.

I nodded.

"Couldn't sleep anymore?"

I shook my head.

"Bad dream?" he asked gently and blew on the hot liquid.

I nodded again.

"It'll get better," he said and patted my shoulder. "What do you want for breakfast?"  
I stared at him in disbelief.

_That's it? No lecture? _

"Relax Edward," he said with a smile. "Bella said that you left to avoid a fight. It was the right thing to do."

He started pulling items out of the fridge and turned on the radio. I stood by and watched as he started making something with eggs feeling ridiculously useless again.

'Can I help?' I asked and pointed to the breakfast.

He smiled.

"Why don't you bring Bella some toast and tea in bed?" he suggested. "Maybe a little fruit too. That'll be easy on her stomach and maybe she won't get sick this morning if she eats before getting up."

I nodded and cursed myself internally because I hadn't thought of that myself. I hated that I needed Joe to tell me these things that should have been obvious. Joe must have felt my dismal mood and squeezed my shoulder.

"You're doing fine," he assured me. "You've never been around a pregnant woman before, have you?"

I shook my head and pointed to him. I knew that he didn't have any kids and I wondered how he knew about morning sickness.

"I read a little here and there after Bella told me that she was expecting. I thought I would be living here with her the entire time and I figured that I needed to know at least the basics," he explained with a smile. "But now she has you."  
I frowned and started to protest silently. I didn't want Joe to feel like he couldn't live here anymore just because I had moved in as well.

"You two need your privacy," he said in a light tone. "You're a young couple just starting out and you have a baby on the way. It's time for me to get a place of my own. If not the super's apartment in Mary's building then somewhere else."

The thought of Joe moving out saddened and excited me at the same time. I liked having him here but at the same time I knew that he was probably right. The apartment would get awfully crowded when the baby arrived and I was sure that Joe didn't want to have his sleep disturbed every night when Bella and I got up for feedings.

"Don't look so down," he laughed. "I'll be close by, I swear."

'Promise?' I mouthed.

"I promise," he said. "You know, Edward…"

He hesitated and cleared his throat.

"You and Bella are…I mean, I don't have any family of my own, but I guess I sort of think of you two as…well, you know what I mean," he said, turned back to the stove and cleared his throat again.

I did know what he meant and placed a hand on his shoulder. He patted it quickly and concentrated on his eggs. I didn't say anything else and I got the feeling that Joe was grateful for that fact. We worked side by side in comfortable silence while listening to the radio and in that moment I felt closer to Joe than I ever had to my own father. Joe would never set impossibly high standards and goals for his children, he wouldn't confuse their fear with respect and he wouldn't try to make them something that they were not. Joe would love and support his children unconditionally, and it struck me as incredibly unfair that a man like him was never able to father a child. I decided then and there that despite what might happen with my dad in the future, Joe would always be in our baby's life. Maybe not as a grandfather, but certainly as a favorite uncle who would come by often to babysit and spoil him or her rotten. Our child would love Joe. Of that I was absolutely certain.

I finished making Bella's tray and gave Joe a smile before I left the kitchen. I heard him crooning along with the song on the radio as I walked down the hall and I knew that my friend was happy. Bella was still sleeping soundly and as much as I hated to wake her before she was completely rested I knew that she didn't want to be late for work either. I put the tray on the bedside table and smiled because it reminded me of how Bella had taken care of me when I was sick. Now I was finally the one to take care of her. I sat down on the bed and caressed her cheek gently, which made her stir. She made a moaning sound and stretched, and I did my very best not to stare at the way her breasts pressed against the fabric of her top when she arched her back. And I certainly tried not to remember how I had touched and suckled them last night.

_God, I want her so badly it hurts._

Luckily I didn't have a chance to get completely lost in my lusty thoughts because Bella opened her eyes and smiled at me. She looked like a sleepy rumpled angel and my heart clenched with love for her.

'Good morning,' I mouthed and stroked back her wild hair.

"Mmm…'morning," she sighed. "You were sitting right there when I fell asleep last night. Did you sleep at all?"

I nodded and smiled while she sat up slowly.

"God, I feel almost hung over," she mumbled and rubbed her neck. "I'm still completely beat."

'I'm sorry,' I said and took her hand. 'Breakfast?'

I picked up the tray and placed it in Bella's lap.

"You didn't have to do this," she said softly.

'I know,' I mouthed. 'You feel okay?'

I patted my own stomach to emphasize that I was asking about her morning sickness.

"I feel fine," she nodded and took a bite of the toast. "Thank you for this."

I waved my hand dismissively and smiled. I wanted to do this for her every day.

"Aren't you having any?" she asked. "I feel kind of weird just sitting here eating in front of you."

'Later,' I mouthed.

"Okay, well…um, do you mind if I check the news then? I didn't really get a chance to watch any yesterday."

I shook my head and handed her the remote. I hadn't really thought about it, no longer used to the luxury of daily access to a TV. She patted the spot next to her and I practically jumped into bed with her, overly eager to be near her. She lifted the covers and let me snuggle up to her while she finished her breakfast. I really wasn't interested in watching the news so instead I put a pillow behind my head and closed my eyes. After a few minutes I heard her move the tray back to the table and I felt her hand in my hair, gently stroking it. I sighed happily and enjoyed the warmth of her soft bed and her caress immensely. I was right at that point where you start drifting off to sleep when I heard a terrifying yet familiar sound: An M-16 assault rifle being fired. I shot up on the bed as if someone had burnt me to assess the immediate danger while my pulse thundered in my ears.

"Oh God, I'm sorry," Bella said quickly and immediately the sound disappeared.

_The TV. It was just the TV._

Bella had been watching the news and there had probably been a report from the war. I took a deep breath and felt my rigid muscles start to relax again.

"Edward, I'm so sorry," Bella whimpered. "I-I wasn't thinking."

I turned my head to look at her. She was biting her lip and her eyes were wide. I felt bad again. It wasn't her fault that I was so messed up that I couldn't even have the news on.

"Are you alright?" she whispered.

I nodded immediately and opened my arms to her hoping that she would accept the invitation. She melted into my embrace and I kissed the top of her head.

"No more news," she mumbled. "It's all bad anyway, and who the hell needs to hear that in the morning?"  
I chuckled and held her a little tighter. We sat like that for a few minutes before Bella had to start getting ready for work. I cleaned up after breakfast and listened to the radio with Joe while he waited for Bella. She came into the kitchen and I swallowed audibly when I saw her. She looked incredibly beautiful and sexy in a fitted dark blue knit dress, a light jacket and pumps. Her hair was up and she had on a little makeup. Joe poked my ribs with his elbow and I realized that I had been gaping at her with my mouth hanging open. Thankfully Bella didn't see it and I was able to form a somewhat neutral expression when she put down her coffee cup and turned to us.

"Ready, Joe?" she asked with a smile.

He nodded and gave me a grin.

"Have a good day, kid," he said before he walked out.

Bella came over to me and I stood up.

"We'll be working until six today so I'll just bring home some pizza for dinner. Is that alright?"  
I nodded immediately.

"Do you need any money?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"Well, just…make yourself at home," she said and motioned out her arm. "There's plenty of food in the fridge and you can borrow my computer if you want to use the internet."

I nodded again and mouthed the word 'thank you.' She shifted her weight and the awkwardness of the situation was beyond palpable.

"I feel kind of bad leaving you here all alone," she said.

'Don't,' I mouthed and gave her a smile.

I was more than capable of entertaining myself and even though I wished that she could stay home with me I knew that she had to work since she was supporting both of us. It still killed me that I couldn't contribute but I would have to get used to that, at least for a while.

'Have a great day,' I said and cupped her face in my hands.

I bent down and gave her a gentle kiss goodbye but I was not at all prepared for Bella's reaction. She wrapped her arms around my neck and deepened the kiss when she pushed her tongue into my mouth and moaned softly. I hadn't expected her to be so passionate after what happened last night but there was no way in hell that I was stopping her. As long we were both fully clothed to prevent us from going too far again I would let her kiss me any way she pleased. I returned the kiss eagerly and soon we were making out like crazy. Bella's hands fisted in my hair and I held her closer against me, not caring that she could probably feel my hard on pressed against her stomach. Bella's tongue caressed mine and I groaned into her mouth. I was enjoying the kiss so much that I was ready to beg for her to stay home with me again today just so that we could keep doing what we were doing.

"Ahem!"

Bella immediately pulled her soft lips away from mine and the move was accompanied by a wet smacking sound that made her blush furiously. I couldn't stop myself from grinning like an idiot while I wiped my mouth discretely with the back of my hand. I looked over to the doorway where Joe was shaking his head while trying to hide a laugh.

"Yeah, I definitely need to get my own place," he chuckled and disappeared back into the hallway.

"I, uh, I'm late. I should get going," Bella said quickly. "Where's my bag? I-I need my bag."

I laughed a little and pulled on the strap of it since it was already hanging over her shoulder. Her face flushed again.

"Right. Uh, thanks. I'll see you later, okay?"

She made it halfway through the kitchen before I was able to grab her hand and pull her back into my arms.

'You look beautiful," I mouthed and ran my hands down her back to rest them just above the curve of her ass.

"Thank you," she whispered.

'I'll miss you,' I told her and gazed into her eyes.

"I'll miss you too," she said in a strangled voice and moved her hands up and down my chest.

This was the part where I was supposed to let her go but I couldn't get my hands to cooperate. She seemed just as reluctant to leave my arms and her eyes were filled with longing.

"What are you doing to me?" she whispered.

I didn't know what to tell her. Obviously she felt the attraction just as strongly as I did and if we weren't careful we would soon find ourselves in the same situation as last night.

"I have to go," she said.

I nodded and brushed my lips against hers for a brief second before I took a step back to prevent anymore heavy kissing at this time. She took a deep breath and walked to the doorway before she turned to face me again.

"See you tonight," she said and gave me a brilliant smile.

I nodded eagerly and smiled right back at her. She stumbled into the hallway and I heard Joe tease her about her pink cheeks before the door closed and they were off. I leaned against the table with a heavy sigh. Being relatively chaste with Bella would be near impossible and I knew that I had to talk to her about our level of intimacy tonight when she got home. I was flying blind at the moment. Well, not entirely. I knew that kissing was alright, but what about other stuff? Could we still touch and give each other orgasms? The decision had to be Bella's because I was more than ready to make love to her immediately. In fact, I wanted nothing more than to run after her, throw her over my shoulder and carry her back here where I wouldn't let her out of bed for the next couple of days.

I groaned and shook my head. All I got out of those kinds of thoughts was an aching cock and a ton of sexual frustration. I needed to focus on something else and looked around the kitchen. I remembered that the dishwasher was almost full but it hadn't been started yet, and Bella had laundry in her hamper that needed washing. I decided that I would spend the day helping Bella and Joe out with the chores. And I should probably try and familiarize myself with the vacuum cleaner as well. I looked at the dish washer again. Sure, I had never actually started one of those, but how hard could it be, really?

_Edward Cullen: homemaker sounds a lot better than Edward Cullen: homeless. _

Filled with determination I walked over to the dish washer. Time to go to work!

_How much soap does one of these use, anyway? God, there sure are a lot of buttons. Help!_

**I hope that everyone enjoyed that. How do you think Edward Cullen: Homemaker will do with the chores? That's sort of rhetorical but if you have any fun ideas for how he could mess up please let me know since I am actually blessed with a fiancé who is great at all that stuff. **

**About the intimacy. It's okay for them to do a little more than just kissing, right? And when should Bella allow Edward to sleep in her bed again? **

**Finally, The Blizzard has been nominated for two awards in The Hidden Star Awards, namely Most Original Story and Best All Round Story. Thank you to whoever nominated me and please vote if you feel like the story deserves it. **

**www (dot) ****thehiddenstarawards**** (dot) blogspot (dot) com/p/voting (dot) html **

**(Just replace with actual dots and remove the extra spacing to get to the site and you'll find the categories at the bottom of the page) **

**Thank you again. :) **


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Thank you to everyone who reads, reviews and takes their time sending me PMs. As always I must apologize that I don't respond to all of them. My free time is becoming increasingly limited and I hope no one will mind that I spend it writing new chapters.**

**My pregnancy is progressing smoothly. I am 21 weeks along and recently found out that we're having a boy. :)**

**Lastly, a special thanks to Melanie, my beta who is currently struggling with real life issues but somehow still manages to encourage and help me out. She is one of a kind and please leave her some love in your reviews.**

**Enjoy!**

EPOV

I had always been a go-getter in most aspects of my life. I was an accomplished athlete in school and a good student. I did well in my first semester as a pre-med student despite the fact that I hated it, and even in the army I had been a role-model. Until the end, of course but that was another matter. I had never been unsuccessful at anything I did, really. Hell, I was even good at being homeless. The fact that I had survived two winters, hadn't turned to drugs or alcohol and my moral compass still pointed North was proof of that. In short, I had always done well before, but after having stared at Bella's washing machine for a good ten minutes without coming any closer to actually doing the laundry I realized just how little I knew about domestic life. And that was my life now. I was not a soldier, I was not a student and I was not homeless. I was a man who desperately wanted to clean the clothes of the woman that I loved as a surprise for her when she returned home after a long day of work.

And for the first time in my life I was failing at a task.

I wished that I had paid better attention to my mother and Tanya when they performed household chores but the truth was that it had never interested me in the slightest and I was spoiled rotten by both of them. The dirty clothes in my hamper would appear in my closet, clean and folded as if by magic a few days later and I never cared enough to learn how they got that way. Now I was standing with a load of Bella's laundry and I had no idea how to clean them. No idea whatsoever. There was soap and fabric softener but I didn't know where to put it and if I should use one or both. There were a million buttons and dials and words like 'cycle', 'spin' and 'delicate' which made no sense to me.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry about that fact that my previous choices in life had made so that I could assemble and disassemble an M-16 rifle in less than a minute but I couldn't do a simple load of laundry. I tugged at my hair and groaned in frustration, but finally decided to leave it. I had seen an episode of a sit-com once where the clothes accidentally shrunk from having been washed the wrong way and I really didn't want to risk anything like that happening. My mission was to make Bella's life easier, not complicate it further.

At least the dishwasher had been simple enough once I got a closer look at it. I just squirted a good amount of soap on the dirty dishes and it had started up when I pushed a button with a picture of a cup and a plate. Easy as pie.

I figured that I couldn't screw up vacuuming and watched with satisfaction as it sucked up the crumbs under the table in the kitchen. I made my way through the apartment with a smile on my face, happy that I was able to contribute with something. I was very thankful that Bella and Joe would be bringing home pizza for dinner since I didn't feel up for the task of cooking just yet. I had almost finished in Bella's bedroom when suddenly the vacuum cleaner stopped.

_Now what?_

"Well, well. Look who's back."

My system was on full alert and my muscles tightened reflexively, preparing for a possible fight. I spun around and breathed out in relief when I saw that the voice belonged to Angela. She was standing by the door with her finger still on the switch. I smiled and gave her a wave. She didn't return either. In fact, she looked pretty pissed with her arms crossed over her chest and a scowl on her face. She opened her mouth several times to speak but each time she huffed and shifted her weight. Suddenly she bent down, took off her right high-heeled shoe and threw it at me. I reacted instantly and dodged it so that it landed on Bella's bed behind me.

_What the fuck?_

"Jerk," she muttered and limped past me to put it back on.

I threw my hands up and gave her my best 'what the hell' expression.

"You deserved that," she said. "You left Bella all alone and pregnant."

I waved my hands to protest but she cut me off.

"Yes, yes. I know you weren't aware of Bella's birth control glitch but you still left her, Edward. That's just not right! You have no idea how much you hurt her. I was with her that very same morning and she was devastated. Yeah, she tried to put on a brave face and all but she couldn't hide it from me. You broke her heart!"

I felt like garbage and swallowed thickly.

'I'm so sorry," I mouthed slowly.

"You should be," Angela continued. "Do you even know how lucky you are? She takes you back no questions asked _and_ she's having your baby. You do realize that most women would have had an abortion, right? Bella is a fucking saint and I honestly don't know where she gets the strength from to deal with all of this. I would have slammed the door in your face, Edward. I would hate your guts for walking out on me twice, and then she calls me last night and tells me that you left again!"

She took a deep breath and continued.

"I get that you didn't want to kick your brother in law's ass, and he sounds like a total dick by the way, but couldn't you just have counted to ten or something like that? Did you really have to leave _again_? I swear to God, Edward, if I get another call from my best friend in tears over you, I'll…I'll punch you in your baby-making balls, got it?"

The thought of getting punched in my sac made me cringe and I nodded immediately. There was no doubt in my mind that Angela would make good on her threat if I ever hurt Bella again. And I would let her do it, too. If I ever hurt Bella I would deserve it. Angela sighed and rubbed her neck.

"I want to like you, Edward, I really do. I want to root for you and Bella but you make it really easy for me to think of you as an asshole, you know? She's my best friend. Hell, she's more like a sister, really, and I look out for my family. That could include you if you would just pull your head out of your ass."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"There. I'm done," she said and looked at me again. "Now. Are you really staying this time?"

I nodded immediately and held up three fingers.

"You were a Boy Scout?" she asked and raised an eyebrow.

I nodded again and grinned.

"You're serious? Not about the Boy Scout thing. You're really not leaving? You're here for good? You'll never leave Bella and the baby?"

She gave me a stern look and I tucked away my grin and made my face serious.

'I swear.'

"Good," she nodded. "That's good. Because I really don't enjoy punching guys in their junk."

"Much," she added with a smirk.

I let out a nervous laugh because what do you really say to something like that?

"Now, are you ready to get your life back?" Angela asked and motioned for me to come with her.

I didn't know what she meant but followed her into the living room where she eyed the rumpled sheets on the couch with a smirk. Apparently Joe wasn't the only one who thought that Bella keeping me out of her bed was a good idea. Honestly, it was like they didn't think I had any self-control! I could certainly sleep next to Bella without it leading to anything sexual. Of course I could. I wasn't a horny teenager anymore! I was older and wiser, more in control of my urges. Oh, who the fuck was I trying to kid? I was a horny twenty-something who was also in love for the first time and almost addicted to the taste, smell and feel of the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. Maybe sleeping on the couch was the sensible thing to do. It was easy to convince myself of that right now when Bella wasn't around but I knew that I would feel differently tonight. Come bedtime I would want to crawl into her warm bed and snuggle with her, but I knew that I had to wait for her to invite me.

_God, I hope it happens soon! _

"So are you ready?" Angela asked again and sat down in the armchair and opened her briefcase.

I shrugged my shoulders and raised my eyebrows in confusion.

"Well, you're basically living under the radar now," she said. "The first thing we should do is get this place registered as your permanent address. That is what you want, isn't it?"

People would be able to find me then. Specifically my father, who I wasn't ready to face just yet. I wanted to have my life in order before doing that. My speech impediment, my lack of a job or a plan for the future would only serve as ammo and he would make me feel like shit and accuse me of having thrown my life away. I didn't want that. But then again, why would he be looking? Angela cleared her throat. The stern look was back and I nodded immediately. I would have to deal with my father if it came to that. Showing Bella my sincere intentions of staying far outweighed that risk.

"Good. What else? Do you still have a valid driver's license?"

Fuck, I missed driving. I shook my head sadly. It was stolen, like so many other things.

"That's okay," Angela said cheerfully. "We can get you a copy. I just need some sort of identification? Passport? Birth certificate?"

I shook my head again. It was as though I hadn't existed for the last year and a half.

"Well, I guess we could see about getting a copy of your birth certificate and work from there," she mused. "Um, this isn't any of my business, Edward, but wouldn't your parents maybe have a lot of the stuff we need?"

I shook my head emphatically. That was not an option.

"Family issues?" Angela asked gently.

I nodded and sighed.

"Hey, I get it," she said lightly. "I hardly talk to my dad because I work for an "evil" law firm and I'm living in "sin" with my boyfriend."

She made quotation marks with her fingers and rolled her eyes.

"He's a minister," she added. "And really set on getting me married and working for the legal aid. Excuse me for making good money and not needing a ring on my finger! I mean, the guy still thinks these are the 1950's where a woman needs a husband to feel complete! Marriage is just _so_ archaic and out-dated!"

_Oh God, I wonder if Bella feels the same way? Then she won't ever want to marry me. I want her to be independent and stuff, but couldn't she do that AND be my wife?_

"Sorry," Angela chuckled and held up her hands. "Those are my issues."

'That's okay,' I mouthed and gave her a small smile.

"But you believe in it, don't you?" she asked, eyeing me speculatively. "Marriage, that is."

I nodded cautiously.

"I figured as much. You looked a little shocked at my outburst," she grinned. "Bella usually just rolls her eyes at me and accuses me of not being romantic, which is totally not true, by the way."

'So, Bella…' I mouthed and motioned with my hand.

"Oh yeah, she wants all that mushy romantic stuff: Wedding, kids, a white picket fence. Always has, I think. Her parents split up when she was a kid and her mom is really...well, you'll see once you meet her. But I think that's why Bella's always craved the conventional, you know. That's probably also why she stayed with that asshole Mike for so long hoping that he'd change. She wants all the stuff I've always been rebelling against. I mean, I love Ben. God knows, I do. But the day you see me barefoot and pregnant, surrounded by kids and cooking a Sunday roast in an apron, is the day you know the pod people have invaded. Bella, on the other hand, now I could totally picture her doing that."

The image that Angela had just created filled my mind and it made me ridiculously happy. I wanted a big family as well, and while I would never expect Bella to give up her career, I would whole-heartedly support her if that was her choice. Either way, I could definitely see myself in that picture helping out with the cooking and playing with the kids. Angela snapped her fingers in front of my face and laughed.

"I'm guessing that you like that idea, huh?"  
I nodded and smiled sheepishly.

"Well, before any of that happens we need to get you back on the grid," she continued. "Can you write down all your information on a piece of paper for me? Full name, date of birth, place, social security number, parents' names. The works."

I nodded and reached for the legal pad she pulled out of her brief case.

"Excellent. Do you still have some coffee left over from breakfast, by any chance? I'm starting to twitch here."  
I nodded and pointed to the kitchen. I hadn't had my breakfast yet, but after doing so much for me Angela could certainly have my coffee. I started writing down the information when I heard her shriek.

"Edward, what the hell?"

I ran into the kitchen and almost lost my balance. The floor was wet, slippery and completely covered in bubbles.

_Holy fuck! Noooo!_

I gave Angela a desperate look and tugged my hair with both hands.

"Turn it off!" she half-yelled and pointed to the dishwasher.

I skated through the soapy cover, somehow managing not to fall and started pushing buttons frantically.

"What are you doing? Turn it off!"

_I don't know how!_

"Fuck!" I heard her growl and then I was pushed aside.

Angela quickly made the infernal machine stop and opened it. It was filled to the brim with bubbles!

"Edward, what the hell did you do?" she asked. "Use liquid dish soap?"

I nodded and pointed to the bottle next to the sink.

"Oh God," she groaned. "The dishwasher uses these tabs."

She opened the cupboard under the sink and pulled out a box which she thrust into my hands.

_How was I supposed to know that?_

"Have you never done this before?" she asked incredulously.

_Yeah, yeah. Edward's a spoiled brat who hasn't done any housework ever. I get it, already!_

I didn't bother answering her and stared at the mess I had made.

_Oh fuck! Bella can't find out!_

I grabbed Angela's shoulders and pleaded with my eyes.

'Don't tell Bella,' I mouthed very slowly. 'Please.'

"Don't tell Bella?" she asked.

I nodded and made my best puppy-dog eyes. I could be a charming guy if I had to.

"Yeah, okay," she said. "Let's get this mess cleaned up. Take out everything and I'll be right back. I need to call the office and borrow some sweatpants or something of Bella's."

'Thank you!' I told her and she patted my arm before leaving the kitchen.

I pulled out everything in the dishwasher and Angela returned having changed out of her business suit and into some of Bella's sweats. She showed me how the drain the water and then told me to clean it up on the inside while she rinsed everything in the sink. After we refilled the dishwasher and she instructed me how to use it properly we started on the floor. I was thankful that I had vacuumed just before this happened so it was just a matter of mopping up all the bubbles and with Angela's help it didn't take very long.

I was putting away the mop when she came back out in her regular clothes.

"So is there anything else you need help with now that I'm here?" she asked and checked her watch. "I cleared my schedule for the entire morning."  
I nodded and pointed to the washing machine.

"Oh yeah, that can be tricky," she chuckled. "Um, did you separate the clothes?"

I shook my head and Angela launched into a story involving a load of whites and a blue sock while she showed me how to avoid catastrophes like that. She told me about temperatures and delicates, and pretty much everything I needed to know. Then she showed me how to work the dryer in case I needed it but she told me that usually they just used it for bedding and towels, and that I should hang the clean wet clothes to dry. I was really happy that she included that little fact since I probably would have tossed everything in the dryer afterwards. I grabbed both of her hands and thanked her over and over.

"Don't worry about it," she said with a smile. "You're doing this for Bella and like I said earlier, she's family. It's good that you're helping her out."

I nodded and followed her back into the living room.

"Oh, speaking of which," she continued. "Are you in charge of dinner tonight?"

She gave me a dubious look, correctly assuming that I couldn't cook worth shit. I shook my head and she looked relieved when I mouthed the word "pizza".

"Can you cook?" she asked curiously.

I shook my head and almost hung it in shame. Sure, I could make a sandwich and probably fry an egg and some bacon without burning it but that was about it. It was intimidating having to cook for Bella and Joe when both of them were excellent in the kitchen.

"Jesus, how have you survived up until now without ever learning how to?" Angela asked with a grin.

Without thinking I tapped my ring finger and immediately regretted it. I hated thinking about my marriage.

"Oh, right," she said and nodded. "I guess you lucked out there."

I grimaced at her words. Spending most of my adult life with a woman who only married me out of convenience could hardly be classified as lucky.

"By the way," Angela continued. "Is everything settled with your ex-wife or do you need some help? I am a lawyer after all."

I waved my hand dismissively. It was settled alright. After I returned from the war and it became clear that I would most likely receive an OTH discharge Tanya tried to get me to contact my parents to get help in the form of money. When I refused she promptly divorced me. She didn't want to spend her life with a damaged man like me who couldn't support her financially. Being comfortable was all she cared about and when I couldn't provide that, I was no good to her anymore. I had been in a very bad place having just lost my home on the base, my wife and my entire career and I didn't have it in me to fight her in the divorce proceedings. Tanya had always been resilient and the second she spotted my weakness she swooped in with her lawyer and took me to the cleaners. It was pathetic, really. I was the injured gazelle and she viciously attacked like a goddamn hyena on Wild Kingdom.

It didn't matter to her that I had always treated her well. I had never raised my voice to her and showered her with gifts. I had never really loved her, but it wasn't because I didn't want to. Before I met Bella I didn't know I was capable of such strong feelings. Tanya had given me a nice home and someone to share a bed with but that was all it had been to her. She took off with my few but hard earned savings and left me with nothing. I took to the streets after that and never looked back. I had no idea where she was today and I didn't care. If I never saw her again it would be too soon.

"Oh, I got you this, by the way," Angela said.

I shook my head to clear it of everything involving Tanya and focused on Bella's friend again. She was holding out an iPhone to me. I wasn't an idiot and I knew that those things were expensive. Immediately I started shaking my head.

"Will you just take it already?" she said impatiently.

'It's too much,' I mouthed slowly and took a step back.

"Edward, I'm a fairly successful lawyer who's currently living rent-free with my boyfriend. I can afford a phone for you. Besides, you need this."

I started to protest silently but she just closed her eyes and continued.

"Now you can text Bella when you're out so she won't worry, and send her sappy love notes while she's at work. Doesn't that sound nice?"

It sort of did. I had to admit that. The thought of keeping in touch with my angel during the day was making me feel a little giddy and I smiled. Angela opened her eyes again and grinned triumphantly, knowing that she had won.

_God, I'm predictable, aren't I? _

"Plus, I got you a special feature," she said excitedly and started clicking the buttons at top speed. "You're going to love this!"

She stood next to me and showed me the display.

"You know how to text, right?"

I nodded.

"Okay, we'll this thing actually turns the written text into voice."

I blinked, not really getting the big picture.

"Like when you're out shopping and you don't want to rely on paper to communicate. You can just write what you want to say and this does it for you," she explained patiently. "You want a demonstration?"  
I nodded eagerly and she quickly typed something with a wicked grin on her face.

"You probably shouldn't use this while you're with Bella," she grinned. "The voice would ruin the moment, I'm sure. But you get my point."

She clicked the iPhone and a voice sounded:

"That feels so good, baby. Harder, do me harder. Yes, just like that."  
_No way! It sounds like a dirty talking robot!_

I gaped at Angela, then the phone and finally doubled over with laughter. I could just imagine trying to give Bella some sort of verbal encouragement while we were intimate and that ugly synthetic voice cutting through the silence. I found it hysterically funny. I glanced at Angela who wasn't doing any better and for a few minutes we laughed our heads off.

"Oh my God," she gasped. "Promise me that you won't ever try and seduce my friend with this."

I held up three fingers again and that sent us into another round of laughter. I wiped my eyes and reached for the phone. It took me a little while to figure out how to use the text feature but soon the robotic voice rang out again:

"Thank you, Angela. For everything."

"You're welcome," she said with a smile. "I already put in Bella's, Joe's and my number."

I finished jotting down my information and gave Angela the legal pad back.

"Edward, there's, uh, there's one more thing I wanted to ask you," she started. "Bella sort of mentioned that your discharge from the military wasn't…the regular kind."

_Oh God, is she going to assume the worst just like Alice's husband?_

I nodded hesitantly.

"I don't really get it," she continued. "Is there any truth to it? Was it a fair ruling?"

I started to frown.

"I'm not judging you or anything," Angela added quickly. "But if you feel that you were treated unfairly we should do something about it. I don't know squat about military law but…"

I held up my hand and shook my head. There was no point in letting her continue this.

"So it was...fair?"

I laughed bitterly. Fair? I didn't think so. I had dedicated seven years of my life to the army and they threw me away like yesterday's goddamn paper. But I knew that it was hopeless to fight the ruling. Because the truth was that I _had_ done something wrong. Only it wasn't wrong in my opinion. It was wrong according to military code. I had disobeyed a direct order and I had suffered the consequences of my choice. But I didn't regret doing it. Not for a second. I couldn't stand idly by while a child was in danger, and apparently that made me destitute of honor in the eyes of the military.

Angela was waiting for my answer and I finally shook my head.

"But if it wasn't a fair ruling we should do something," she insisted.

I shook my head again and sighed. I didn't want to get into all of this right now. I hadn't even told Bella what had happened and she deserved to know first.

"Are you sure?" Angela asked.

I grabbed the phone and texted:

"Positive. But thank you."

"Alright," she said with a resigned nod. "It's your decision. I won't ask again."

She checked her watch again.

"I should get back to the office. Things are probably falling apart without me. Walk me out?"  
Without waiting for an answer she hurried out of the living room and I followed with a smile on my face. I had never met a woman quite like Angela before. She was effective to an almost scary level and I could imagine that she would be very intimidating to be up against her in a courtroom. And yet she was caring and kind underneath the tough exterior, which was a side of her that I was sure many didn't get to experience. I was grateful that my angel had her as a best friend and I hoped that one day Angela would include me in her chosen family, hopefully as her pseudo brother in law since she viewed Bella as a sister.

"I'll get started on getting a copy of your birth certificate and work from there," she informed me as she was walking out.

She turned and gave me an appraising look.

"I know that you mean well, Edward. But please try not to screw up again, okay?"

I nodded solemnly.

"Oh, and make her a chocolate cake," she added and fished out some bills.

I tried to refuse but she simply rolled her eyes and stuffed them in my back pocket.

"You can pay me back by making my friend happy. Get one of those cake mix things and follow the directions on the pack. It's impossible to screw it up," she said and hurried down the stairs with a wave of her hand and a "later".

_What a weird way of saying goodbye._

I went back inside the apartment and looked around feeling a little stunned by everything that had happened in the last few hours. The dishes and the laundry were being washed, I had a brand-new phone and soon I would get papers that would make my transition back to life official. Plus I had money to make my Bella a cake as a surprise when she got home.

_Thank you, Angela!_

I found myself wishing that I could do something for her in return. But then I remembered how she had said that I could repay her by making Bella happy and that was all I wanted anyway. The rest of the day passed quickly. I had something to eat and after a shower and some clean clothes I went to the supermarket armed with my new phone and the money Angela gave me. I bought one of the cake mixes that Angela had talked about and a bouquet of pink tulips for Bella since the flowers that I brought her the night I arrived were starting to wither. If I had my way she would always have fresh flowers to look at. I was able to make my purchases without having to use my phone and once again I marveled at how easy it was for me to blend into society now that I looked the part.

When I got home I hung the clothes from the washer to dry and feeling confident, I decided to do another load, this time towels. Afterwards I emptied the dishwasher and finished vacuuming the apartment. Finally, I decided to bake the cake. I read the instructions carefully as if it was a bomb that could blow up if I did something wrong. I wanted to get this right!

I was sure that these mixes were created as a timesaver for busy working mothers and people who didn't have half a day to bake like I did, but it still took a long time for me. Every time I added something, be it eggs or butter, I grabbed the box and reread it again to make absolutely sure that it was correct. I put it in the oven but I wasn't sure how to work the timer and instead I ended up pretty much staring at it for the next forty minutes. I didn't really mind, though. After years of being on guard duty plus all the time I used to sit still and beg, I was used to sitting still and doing nothing but observe quietly. When the time was up I took the cake out and smiled widely. It looked and smelled fantastic.

_I did it! _

I finished doing the rest of the laundry and then made the frosting for the cake. When it was ready to be served I walked around the apartment to see if there was anything else I could do. There wasn't. It was only three in the afternoon which meant that Bella and Joe wouldn't be home for hours. I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV for lack of something better to do. There wasn't anything on that could capture my interest and I was starting to feel my lack of sleep from last night when I had spent hours watching Bella after my nightmare woke me up. I lay down, closed my eyes and simply enjoyed being in a safe place where I could let my guard down without worrying about getting attacked or having my things stolen. I was asleep within minutes.

I woke up with a growling stomach and was happy to see that my two roommates could be home any minute. I was feeling very well rested and went into the kitchen to set the table when I heard them at the door.

_Finally, she's home!_

I grabbed the flowers I had bought and went out to greet them. I hadn't realized just how much I missed Bella today before she stepped through the door. Our eyes met and her whole face lit up in a beautiful smile when she saw me. I wondered briefly if a small part of her was worried that I wouldn't be here when she came home. I handed her the bouquet.

'Welcome home," I mouthed and returned the smile.

"Thank you," she said shyly. "They're beautiful."

I had an overwhelming urge to touch her and with a quick wave to an amused-looking Joe I grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her with me into her bedroom for a proper hello.

_Or maybe improper._

The second we were inside I had her against the closed door, my body pressing against hers and effectively trapping her.

_Mine._

Her eyes were wide and she was breathing faster. I stepped away, suddenly worried that I was scaring her but she pulled me back immediately.

_Okay. Definitely not scared then._

I placed the flowers on her dresser, took out the clip holding her hair and watched as her chestnut waves cascaded around her slim shoulders, and slipped the jacket off her as well. I trailed my fingers up her naked arms barely touching her soft pale skin and smiled when she broke out in goose bumps. My hands ended their journey and cupped her face carefully. She was so beautiful; her big brown eyes gazing up at me, her cheeks soft and full under my touch and her lips; pouty, pink and so tempting.

"Edward," she whispered. "Please…kiss me."

That was all I needed to hear and a second later my mouth was on hers. I wanted it to be gentle and sweet, I swear to God I did, but the fire under my skin was burning too hot, my need for her too great. The kiss was feverish, frantic and fucking fantastic. Bella moaned loudly and her hands fisted in my hair. The way she tugged at it sent shivers up and down my spine and turned me on like crazy. I briefly considered stopping when I felt myself grow hard.

_No! As long as you have clothes on everything is fine. Clothes are good. _

_No, they fucking blow! I want her clothes off and mine too!_

But somehow I managed to restrain myself. I didn't want to take things too far and make my Bella uncomfortable. She obviously liked kissing me and I wasn't about to overstep her boundaries again by being an insensitive asshole who was ruled by his dick. So I kissed her. And tried to ignore the need to rub myself against her. We broke apart for air and I trailed openmouthed kisses down her neck and sucked on her sweet skin.

"Edward, oh God," she moaned. "That feels so…"

I could feel myself start to lose control, my hands itching to touch her everywhere, to stroke and squeeze and pinch and tug until she screamed my name in ecstasy. My mouth captured hers again while I wrapped my arms around her and I allowed myself the exquisite pleasure of feeling her soft curves pressed against my body. My tongue swirled around hers and I groaned when she started to rock her pelvis against mine.

_Stop now. You need to stop._

Abruptly, I pulled away and held her at arm's length while I fought to regain control of my body which was screaming at me to continue what I just stopped.

"Oh, wow," Bella panted. "I…That's quite a welcome home."

I took a deep breath and smiled at her, loving the way her eyes shone and her cheeks had flushed with excitement.

'I missed you,' I mouthed.

"I missed you too," she said huskily and looked so enticing that I leaned in to kiss her again.

"Um, guys?" Joe's voice rang out. "I don't want to interrupt but the, uh, the pizza's getting cold."

As if on cue, Bella's stomach growled loudly and she let out a short laugh.

"Are you hungry?" she asked.

I nodded and then remembered the iPhone in my pocket. I pulled it out and Bella's eyes widened when I quickly typed a message and the robotic voice said:

"I am starving. Let's go eat, my angel."

"Cool!" she exclaimed. "Where did you get that?"

'Angela.'

"Oh, she was here today?" Bella asked and led us into the kitchen where Joe was putting plates and drinks on the table.

I nodded and smiled. Bella looked around the room and her eyebrows drew together in confusion.

"Did you vacuum in here?" she asked uncertainly.

I nodded again and smiled widely.

"Oh my God! You washed the floor, as well?" she asked when she got a better look.

_Well, I sort of did. It happened accidentally but I think I'll keep that one under my hat._

"Thank you so much," she said. "But you really don't have to, Edward. I want you to relax and enjoy yourself."

"I enjoy helping out," I texted and Joe's head shot up.

"Whatcha got there, kid?" he asked curiously and came over. "It sounds like something out of a sci-fi movie."

I showed the phone to both of them and told them that Angela had been by today. Bella's smile was radiant when I mentioned how I was getting my permanent address here.

"What else did you do today?" she asked.

I grinned and pulled her with me to show her the laundry that I had done and the dishes. I saved the best for last and led her back into the kitchen and gestured towards the cake which was plated, frosted and hidden behind two boxes of cereal. The look on my beautiful angel's face when she found her surprise made my whole day. Hell, it might just have made my whole year. And then she threw her arms around my neck and kissed me. I was a hero. And a homemaker.

"It looks delicious," she murmured as she slowly pulled away from me, although she looked more like she wanted to devour me at that moment. "Did you really make it yourself?"

I nodded eagerly and received a pat on the back from Joe who also gave me the thumbs up when Bella wasn't looking. He knew that I couldn't cook at all and probably understood just how big of a deal it was for me to make her something as simple as a chocolate cake.

"I can't believe you did all this," she said as we sat down to eat. "Now there isn't anything to do around here?"

"Are you complaining?" Joe chuckled.

"No," Bella laughed and opened the pizza box. "Thank you so much, sweetie."

_Sweetie. I could get used to that._

I smiled and eyed the food. I loved pizza and I couldn't remember the last time I had one. We all dug in and in between bites they told me about their day, and I about mine. Of course, I chose to omit the part about the dishwasher disaster.

"You have an appointment with Dr. Gordon tomorrow at 11. Is that alright?" Bella asked.

I nodded immediately. I was ready to try again with the therapy.

"And, um, Alice called me," she said cautiously. "She wanted to apologize on Jasper's behalf again and asked if maybe she could come by and see us sometime? Just her."

I suppose I shouldn't expect an apology from the man himself and I wasn't about to fault my sister for his rude assumptions so I simply nodded. I did want to see her again and hear about her life and also about our mom and how she was doing. A large part of me hoped that she had wised up and left my father, but I knew that this was highly unlikely.

"It won't be for a little while, though. She's going out of town for work," Bella continued.

"What does she do?" I texted.

"She's an interior designer. She has her own company and everything."

_Wow. My little sister really is all grown up. Her own company? That's amazing!_

"I hope she didn't think this place was a total dump," Bella mused and looked around with a frown.

I shook my head immediately. My sister had always been a sweetheart and I very much doubted that she would think something like that.

"How did she get her own company?" Joe asked and took a sip of his water. "How old she is?"

"Twenty-four," I texted.

"I don't know," Bella said pensively. "But I think maybe her husband has something to do with it. Um, I get the impression that he's her silent partner or something like that. That he's the money, so to speak."

That made sense, I suppose. I didn't think my father would support something like that. He would probably think it was a frivolous occupation since my mother had always done that stuff at our house without charging for it. Come to think of it, she was always great with finding furniture and other things to decorate the house with. Not that I ever paid much attention to that. Alice probably became interested in that line of work from seeing our mom do it and I was sure that she was proud of her daughter.

_She thinks I'm dead. It isn't right. _

I needed to let my mother know that I was alive and doing alright. I looked at my best friend who was laughing at something Bella said. I was thankful for him. He had taken care of her when I couldn't and now he had a job and a good life off the streets. I looked around the warm cozy kitchen and felt peaceful on the inside. I was home. Finally I looked at my angel. My sweet, beautiful Bella. She had stopped laughing with Joe and her eyes met mine. They spoke volumes to me and were filled with promises of happy times and a future together as a family. Looking into Bella's eyes I realized that I needed to let my mother know that I wasn't merely alright. I wasn't just doing okay or getting by.

I was home and I was loved.

**I hope everyone enjoyed that. How cool is Angela? I just love her! I know that some of you who read the teaser on the Twilighted Forum were hoping that Angela was going to help Edward get his discharge changed, and I am sorry to disappoint you. Unfortunately, Edward did break the rules and suffered the consequences. Do I think it's right that he got booted for wanting to save a child? No! But military codes were broken and according to the army he acted incorrectly. There's no way to change that now. **

**From now on I am going to be jumping a little in time to keep the pace of the story. Edward is established as far as therapy and living with Bella goes and it's time for new challenges like seeing his family, finding out what he is going to do with his life and of course moving forward in his relationship with Bella. **

**On another note: I am participating with a one-shot for the 'Countdown to Halloween' which can be found here:**

**www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/6326403/1/Countdown_to_Halloween_II_One_Haunted_Hallows_Eve**

**I can't tell you which one is mine or if it has even been posted yet since it's anonymous, but all the stories are great (and lemony, I might add!) and I encourage you to check them out.**

**Take care until next time. **


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer

**Thank you to all of you for reading and reviewing. I know I say this every time, but I apologize for not replying to everyone. I read every message and review I get and cherish them greatly. :)**

**Thank you to my lovely Melanie for always making great suggestions and adding little things here and there that make all the difference. I cherish you most of all! **

**Enjoy!**

EPOV

_NO!_

I gasped for air and frantically searched my surroundings for any immediate danger. My fists were clenched, ready for fight. My eyes darted around the dark room but there wasn't anyone but me. I was safe.

_I'm alright. I'm home and I'm safe._

I fell back with a sigh and scrubbed my sweaty face in my hands. My body was still shaking a little from the nightmare and I knew that I wouldn't get anymore sleep tonight. This time I hadn't been dreaming about the war but about my former life, if you could even call it that, on the street. I had seen almost as much violence and death out there as I had while stationed and I would occasionally have nightmares so vivid that I was certain that they were real.

_No. __It was just a dream. You are not homeless anymore. You are warm, your stomach is full and just two doors away your angel is sleeping peacefully. _

I stood up immediately and desperately needed visual confirmation that she was in fact real. My angel, my Bella. This would hardly be the first night that I snuck into her room to watch her sleep. The frequency of my nightmares had lessened slightly since I found my home with Bella, but I still spent a few nights a week perched in a chair next to her bed until her room brightened at dawn and I would slip out undetected and return to the couch. I knew that I probably shouldn't be doing this but I couldn't help myself. I had become almost addicted to the deep sense of peace which always settled on me when I gazed upon her sleeping form. She was my peace, my calm, my steady rock and I loved her more than I had ever thought possible.

I took my usual spot in the chair and immediately felt more tranquil; the memory of my nightmare fading fast. I would never spend another night in the freezing cold or feel the dull pain in my stomach which indicated hunger. No more looking over my shoulder or having to be alert every second of the day. No more bruises and black eyes would mar my face and body.

And it was all thanks to her; the small woman who was sleeping peacefully just a few feet away from where I was sitting. Because she saw something in me that was worth holding on to, worth saving, and maybe even worth loving. My sweet, kind, beautiful angel who had come to my rescue one dark, cold, stormy afternoon when others would have walked on by and left me for dead. My Bella.

I leaned forward in my chair and hesitantly reached out my hand to caress her cheek. I sighed when I felt her warm skin against the back of my fingers and somehow resisted the urge to touch her face again, afraid that I would wake her.

These past few weeks had without a doubt been the happiest in my life. I had spent every moment I could with Bella and it had been absolute bliss. I had quickly fallen into a routine and it suited me greatly. I suppose that was one of the reasons I was so comfortable in the military. I liked order and schedules, and had accordingly made my own. I would get up before Bella and make her breakfast in bed to help her limit the morning sickness which forced her into the bathroom a few times a week when even eating in bed couldn't prevent it. I knew how much she hated me seeing her like that because she thought it bothered me but it never did and I still went with her to hold her hair and rub soothing circles on her back. She was sick because she was carrying my baby and it was the least I could do to soothe the discomfort she felt because of her pregnancy.

I spent my days doing everything I could to help with the household stuff. Thankfully, I hadn't made any more mistakes and every day Bella and Joe returned from work to a clean home with a stocked kitchen. So far I hadn't been brave enough to cook dinner, but I paid very close attention when they prepared our meals and I wanted it to be a surprise when I did decide to try my hand at cooking.

Unfortunately, my becoming better and faster at doing the house work also meant that it wasn't nearly enough to fill my day. I wasn't the sort of person to lounge on the couch and watch bad TV for hours and most days I ended up pacing back and forth like a trapped animal that was desperate to return to the wild. It was a very strange predicament. I knew that I belonged here with Bella and I would never leave her again. I just didn't belong cooped up in the apartment all day. I realized that I needed more than simply doing the household chores but I had no idea what else I could do to fill the time while Bella worked. Besides my time of the street I had never been unemployed and I didn't like it one bit.

Therapy was only a few hours a week and so far it had been a complete bust. Every time the good doctor would do his thing I would have an anxiety attack and basically black out like the first time when Bella had gone with me. I was becoming increasingly frustrated with myself for not making any progress but when Bella asked how it went I always got away with a smile and a shrug. I didn't think I was fooling her at all, though.

The lack of physical activity was also bothering me a bit. Having been an athlete in high school and a professional soldier for years, my body was used to exertion and training. It wasn't much of an issue when I lived on the street since my limited diet kept my energy level down and I also did a lot of walking. But now my circumstances were completely different. I was eating healthily and regularly again, basically stuffing my face with all the wonderful meals that Bella and Joe cooked every day. I was also getting plenty of rest and even though I had nightmares I was still sleeping more than I had in years. My body was quickly regaining its former strength and I was left with a lot of excess energy that I didn't have an outlet for. If I had my own money I would have gone out and joined a gym, but I didn't feel right asking Bella for something as frivolous like that. I knew that she would probably give me the money without hesitation but I couldn't exploit her generosity simply because I was getting a little stir crazy.

_Maybe I could get some cheap running shoes? That might work._

I decided that I would talk to her about it sometime. Maybe today. I was happy that it was a Friday both because the weekend was just around the corner and also because I knew that Bella didn't have to go to work until ten, which meant that we could spend the morning together. Joe was leaving early and tonight was our final night together as roommates. As we had all expected he got the super job in Mary's apartment building and was moving out tomorrow. I was both happy and sad about this. I would miss seeing him every day and I knew that Bella felt the same way, but at the same time I was also excited to see what this would mean for our relationship and especially our sleeping arrangements.

With Joe's room being available it left the burning question of whether or not I would move in there or if we should turn it into a nursery immediately. Naturally, I was hoping for the latter option. I was tired of staying on the couch. Not that I was ungrateful. Not at all. I knew how lucky I was to be living here, but I desperately longed for Bella at night. I wanted to hold her, stroke her hair and listen to her breathing become deep and regular before I succumbed to sleep myself. I hoped that she would let me back into her bed soon.

"Little baby…" Bella mumbled in her sleep and smiled.

_Is she dreaming about the baby?_ _God, that's adorable. _

Everything was going great in that department and I was beyond excited about the doctor's appointment next week where I would finally get a look at the tiny life growing inside her. It was a little surreal to think about because Bella didn't look pregnant yet. Well, apart from her breasts that strained against the fabric of her shirts. But I tried not to think too much about that. Usually, I was unsuccessful.

Bella and I had somehow managed to stay relatively chaste in our physical relationship and resisted the urge to rip each other's clothes off whenever we kissed and touched. Don't get me wrong; we made out like crazy whenever we got the chance but our clothes remained in place and prevented us from going overboard. I didn't mind waiting. Honestly, I didn't. Of course, I was hornier than a fifteen year old most days, but thankfully my mind had developed beyond that age even if my libido hadn't. I knew that what Bella and I had was forever and therefore it didn't seem so bad that we were taking things slowly and really getting to know each other before we jumped in the sack. There would be plenty of time for that later. And I planned on making good use of that time when it came. But for now I was happy with deep lingering kisses, warm embraces on the couch when we were alone in the apartment and unavoidably jacking off in the shower every morning.

I wondered how Bella was coping with our lack of sexual activity. She looked so sweet and innocent in her slumber but I knew from previous experience that she was passionate and very sexual. She had to feel just a little frustrated, right? Did she take care of herself after she went to bed?

_God, I hope so. I would combust without my extra-long showers. _

The thought of Bella pleasuring herself was making me squirm in my seat and I needed to redirect my thoughts to something that would kill my hard on.

_Alice and mom. Yep__, that works._

I hadn't seen either of them yet because my sister had been out of town for work. I had been texting with her ever since I got the iPhone from Angela and knew that she was coming back this weekend. I had decided to kill two birds with one stone and meet with both of them once Alice returned. That time was almost here and I was nervous as fuck.

How would our mom react to seeing me again, so broken compared to the boy who left her many years ago? There would undoubtedly be tears, and if there was one thing I couldn't handle it was the sight of a crying woman. The few times I had seen Bella cry it crippled me and made me feel as though I had been punched in the gut, and I knew it would feel similarly when my mother did it. My guilt was becoming increasingly overwhelming. I felt like scum for not having contacted her the second I returned to the States. Hell, I should have never cut her out of my life in the first place. I should have been smart enough to understand that she was merely following my father's orders and that it wasn't her choice to ban me from my childhood home. I was paying for my foolish pride and stupidity now.

I hated to admit it to myself but there was also a tiny part of me that couldn't help but resent her just a little bit for not being strong enough to stand up to my father. I was her son and as far as I knew she never spoke against it when he kicked me out. I couldn't help but feel like she had chosen my father over me.

I envied Bella for her uncomplicated relationship with her parents. She didn't see them very often but she felt nothing but love for both of them and it sounded like she had had a very happy childhood despite the fact that they were divorced. They didn't know that they were going to be grandparents yet because Bella preferred to keep it to ourselves until she entered her second trimester and I respected her wishes. I knew that she worried about miscarrying like she had once before and the thought scared me as well, mostly because I was afraid of how Bella would react if something like that should happen. I would be very sad if we lost the baby but it would devastate her completely, and until she gave birth my main concern was her wellbeing. When the baby came it would be a tie between the two of them. It would be a huge relief to both of us when she reached the second part of the pregnancy and she didn't worry so much about things going wrong.

I reached out and gently stroked her cheek again.

_Don't worry, angel. Our baby will be here before you know it and you are going to be the best mother imaginable. _

My touch made Bella stir. I stood up quickly and as quietly as possible I made to the door with my heart in my throat.

"Edward?"

_Shit! I am so busted!_

Her voice was a little husky but still as sweet as ever, and thankfully she didn't sound upset to have discovered me in her room. I turned slowly and tried with my best smile although I wasn't sure if she could see it in the dark room.

"Is everything alright?"

I nodded and walked back over to her bed. She was rubbing her eyes while she scrunched up her nose and it looked so cute that I found myself wishing that we would have a daughter, if not this time then the next, and I might get to see the same thing in a miniature version of my angel.

"It's only 4," she said and suppressed a yawn. "Why are you up?"

_Be__cause I had a nightmare. I was cold and hungry, and worst of all I wasn't with you._

I shrugged but she must have seen something in my expression that gave me away.

"Another bad dream?" she asked softly.

Her question caught me off guard. Had she heard me call out in my sleep or had Joe mentioned my nightmares to her? I hadn't told her because I didn't want her to worry about me but it seemed that she already knew. I sighed and nodded, not wanting to lie to her. And then a miraculous thing happened; Bella moved over and lifted her covers in silent invitation. I stared at her but her face didn't show any doubt. I didn't hesitate for a second after that and immediately crawled under the covers. Any question on whether or not I should hold her disappeared when Bella snuggled into my side, rested her head on my shoulder and wrapped her arm around me. Her warmth and sweet fragrance enveloped me and I had never felt safer in my life. I pulled her close in a tight embrace and sighed with happiness. I was finally back where I belonged; in Bella's bed with her in my arms. I was so content that I didn't even think about the fact that we were finally lying close together with very few clothes on. Had I been aware there was no doubt in my mind that my body would have reacted and I wouldn't have been able to sleep. But as it was, I quickly drifted off to a peaceful slumber with a smile on my face.

BPOV

_Mmm…he smells wonderful._

I inhaled Edward's scent greedily from the crook of his neck and closed my eyes again. I had only been awake for a few minutes and already this was the best day in a long time because I woke up in Edward's embrace. Not that the other days hadn't been fantastic, because they truly had. Edward had been here for more than three weeks and I had treasured every moment. He was there every morning with a breakfast tray and he was waiting for me when I came home from work. We ate dinner together every night and cuddled on the couch before bedtime. We were a regular, slightly boring couple and to me it was sheer perfection. There hadn't been any drama or tears; just the quiet bliss of everyday life that I had longed to share with Edward before he came back to me.

I sometimes wondered if it was enough for him, though. He had led a life filled with both adventure and excitement and my small existence had to be a little dull for him at times. I didn't know where the thought came from because Edward never said anything to indicate that he felt that way. But sometimes his knee would bounce up and down uncontrollably and he would have a hard time sitting still. And sometimes he would stare into space for a long time as if he was longing for something. It made me a little worried that maybe this wasn't enough for him and that he wasn't completely happy. Any doubts that I might have felt concerning his commitment to me and our baby had all but vanished, and I no longer worried that he would up and leave us. But I wanted him to be as fulfilled and ecstatic as I was, and something told me that he wasn't quite there yet. I was hesitant to breach the subject because I didn't want to seem presumptuous and I hoped that Edward would tell me if something was bothering him.

I knew that he had a lot on his plate with therapy and his family reunion coming up and I wondered why he didn't confide more in me. Was he trying to protect me? That wasn't what I wanted at all. I wanted to support him and listen to his concerns. I knew that he talked a little with Joe about his nightmares because I had overheard them unintentionally some mornings before I joined them in the kitchen, but he never mentioned them to me and I had to admit that it hurt my feelings a little. But I also sensed that even without his speech impediment, Edward would have been classified as the strong silent type and it probably wasn't easy for him to talk about his emotions and worries.

Edward was more of a doer; something that I had witnessed in the last few weeks while he had been taking care of the household chores. The place had honestly never looked better and what he did was above and beyond. I was very grateful that he didn't mind doing the laundry and cleaning because I was bone tired most nights when I came home from work. Besides the occasional bout of morning sickness that was the only indication that I was pregnant. Well, almost. There was another physical reaction that was becoming increasing difficult to deal with. To put it frankly, I was horny as hell. And having a real life Adonis like Edward around was not making things any easier. I didn't think it possible but he had become even more handsome and sexy in the time he had been living here. The weight that he had gained had filled him out in all the right places and the haunted look in his eyes had disappeared as he had started to feel at home here. I honestly didn't know how I had managed not to jump him and fuck him silly. God knows I wanted to. All the time.

Whenever he kissed or touched me my whole body lit up like a Christmas tree. I was pretty sure that he wanted me just as badly. Sometimes I would catch him looking at me with blatant hunger in his eyes and the way he pressed himself against me whenever we kissed left little room for doubt. I had also noticed that he took an awful long time in the shower and I had a fairly good idea what he was doing in there. The thought of Edward touching himself made me warm all over and started a tingling sensation between my legs. Almost as though Edward could sense my excitement in his sleep, he moved his leg up higher and rubbed his thigh against the crotch of my shorts. I had to bite my lip not to moan out loud but I couldn't stop my nipples from hardening or the faint throbbing sensation that the friction caused. It took so little to get me worked up these days and I couldn't resist the urge to grind against the hard muscles in his thigh.

Edward made a low guttural sound and his hands descended to my ass which he squeezed roughly before he pulled me against him. I could clearly feel his erection; hard and warm against my stomach as his hands continued to massage my cheeks and push me against him. I debated with myself for a few seconds. Did I want this to happen now? Was I ready?

_Yes. Definitely._

I was tired of keeping Edward at arm's length when it came to being intimate. True, I was beyond physically ready both due to hormones and the attraction that I had always felt to Edward. But more importantly, I was also emotionally ready because I trusted him again. Edward had proven that he wanted to be here. He worked so hard every day with therapy and chores, but he was never too tired to shower me with affection when I came home at night. Affection that I had desperately needed from him. He was attentive and caring; always asking about my day and how I was feeling. He was just as involved in my pregnancy as I was and eagerly joined me on the couch whenever I pulled out one of my books on the subject. I felt loved, wanted and taken care of, and it was time to show Edward just how much I wanted him. In every way.

I had only finished the thought when his body jerked and he inhaled sharply above me. Then he moved away from me quickly and left me feeling cold and my arms empty. I blinked and sat up slowly. Edward was already out of bed, running his hands over his face.

'Sorry,' he mouthed and motioned to the bed.

He looked like he wanted to say something else but gave me a watery smile and walked out quickly. I was momentarily stunned by his recoil and listened intently to the faint sounds of the shower starting up. I fell back against the pillows with a groan.

_Damn it! _

Why didn't I say something to stop him? Edward obviously thought that his advances were unwanted and it didn't exactly surprise me that he thought so. I hadn't given him any indication that I was ready for more of a physical relationship.

_Stupid, Bella!_

I shook my legs and clenched my fists in the sheet. I was still completely worked up and the throbbing ache between my legs was demanding attention.

_Maybe I could…_

Normally, I didn't masturbate a lot. But lately, with all the kissing that Edward and I had been doing every night, it had become a nightly ritual before I went to sleep. I simply had to or I knew from experience that I wouldn't get any rest. My body seemed insatiable already and there was only one thing that kept it relatively calm: Orgasms. Lots and lots of self-induced orgasms. I groaned in frustration and rubbed my thighs together.

_Well, if Edward can do it then so can I. _

I needed to talk to him later and tell him that I was ready to invite him back into my bed, with all that it entailed. But right now I needed relief badly. I moved my left hand up under my top and cupped my breast. My nipples were erect and so sensitive that it was bordering on embarrassing. I had to wear padded bras everyday to hide them away. My right hand slipped into my shorts and I was hardly surprised to discover that I was both wet and warm. I gasped a little when my fingers slid easily over my clit and the sensation hit me hard. This wouldn't take long at all. Not that it did lately. Five minutes from start to finish was normal these days, but of course most nights once wasn't enough to appease my hormone addled body. I really needed to make love with Edward before I developed mouse arm or something equally tragic.

_I wish he hadn't pulled away before. His mouth could be on my breasts right now._

I tugged my nipple gently and moaned.

_And his amazing long fingers deep inside my…_

"Edward," I whispered huskily and used my own fingers to act out the fantasy in my head. "I want you."

With one final pinch to my nipple my left hand travelled down and joined my right underneath my shorts. By now I was practically a pro at this and my hands worked effortlessly together, bringing me closer and closer to the sweet release I so desperately craved. It felt so amazing and I shivered when I imagined how much better it would be when Edward was inside of me and not just my fingers. He would be just as big and hard as I remembered. He would fill me completely and take away the nearly constant ache I felt. His thrusts would be relentless. He wouldn't stop until I screamed his name and came all around him.

"Edward," I whispered and burrowed the side of my face into the pillow. "Oh, fuck me, please."

"Unh."

My whole body stilled immediately and I knew that something was wrong.

_Oh God, please don't let it be…_

I opened my eyes and gasped. Edward was standing in the space between the door and my bed, completely frozen and wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. His mouth had fallen slightly open and his eyes were trained on me. They were dark with lust and my inner muscles clenched involuntarily around my fingers when I took in his appearance.

_Sweet Jesus, he is so hot!_

Edward looked almost feral. All of his muscles were tense and he was breathing heavily. My heart galloped and blood rushed into my cheeks. He knew exactly what I had just been doing.

_Fuck! He heard me!_

"Edward, I-I…" my voice cracked and I didn't try to speak again because I honestly didn't know what to say.

I tried to remove my hands discretely but Edward's eyes darted to the small movement below the covers immediately and I flushed again. He walked over to the bed slowly and I inhaled sharply when the towel came loose and dropped to the floor.

_Oh. My. God!_

Edward didn't seem to notice but I sure did. His perfect cock was fully erect and I couldn't help but whimper at the thought of feeling it inside of me. In a fast move he pulled down the covers and looked at my flushed body which was only hidden by a tank top and a pair of shorts. Without warning he grabbed my wrist and held up my hand where the evidence of my arousal was still visible on my fingers. Before I could say or do anything he crawled onto the bed and hovered above me, and then put my fingers in his mouth. He groaned and closed his eyes, and I couldn't help but moan when he sucked them eagerly.

He opened his eyes again and held the tips of my fingers against his lips while we stared at each other. My pulse was thundering in my ears and my entire being was aching for his touch.

"Edward," I whispered.

He had a look of quiet desperation on his face and his eyes burned into mine. I had never felt more turned on as he crouched above me; strong, naked and ready to pounce. His attack was swift and before I knew it I felt his weight on me and his mouth on mine. His kiss was wild and aggressive; his lips pulling at mine and his tongue invading my mouth. His big hands were everywhere all at once, pulling my top off me and tugging down my shorts. Suddenly I was naked against him and he moaned loudly when he placed himself between my legs and moved against me in long deliberate strokes without slipping inside just yet. This was a very different side of Edward than the one I had seen in the last few weeks. The loving, sweet and gentle man, who gave me backrubs, bought me flowers and watched sappy romantic movies with me had been replaced with a creature of powerful lust; all flexed muscles, hungry mouth, groping hands and a big hard cock.

As much as I loved feeling him like this, I knew that it wasn't what either of us wanted. Edward was a romantic at heart, same as me. Right now he was merely overcome and after the way he had reacted in the kitchen when he had almost taken me on the counter, I had a feeling that he would regret doing it like this, the first time at least. This wasn't the time for wild, hard and rough.

"Edward, please. Slow down," I moaned as he growled against my breast and gave my nipple a harsh suck that made my insides clench deliciously.

"Edward, wait," I insisted when he gave my other nipple the same rough but fantastic treatment.

Finally, I pushed on his shoulders and even though I was nowhere near strong enough to budge Edward, he must have felt my feeble attempt because he practically flew off me and was halfway to the door before I could sit up.

"Wait!" I half-yelled.

He stopped his retreat immediately and turned to face me again. His chest was heaving and he had a look of regret and sadness on his face. He folded his hands in front of him and pleaded with his eyes as though he was begging for forgiveness that he didn't need at all. I was up on my knees, arms and hands stretched out towards him.

"Please, come back," I begged. "I want this. I want you."

He looked confused.

"Please, I just wanted to slow down a little," I explained lamely. "You know, prolong the experience."

'You…want me?' he questioned silently and motioned to the bed to emphasize what he meant.

"Yes," I whispered. "I want you so much, sweetie. I'm ready. I trust you. Please come back."

The look on his face and the smile that followed made my heart swell. He walked back over and lay down next to me, immediately pulling me into his arms. He buried his face in my hair and held me tightly against his chest. Then he lifted his head and gazed into my eyes.

'My Bella,' he mouthed.

"Yours," I agreed.

He smiled again and the tenderness that I knew so well was back in his eyes.

'So beautiful,' he said silently and cupped my face in his hand before he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine.

Now the kiss was gentle and sweet but every bit as wonderful and exciting as before. Our tongues moved slowly together, tasting each other while our breath mingled. Edward's hand swept down my side and caressed my curves while his mouth descended to my throat. I shivered when his soft lips reached my ear and nipped the lobe, and his hand covered my breast.

"Are…are we home alone?" I managed to whisper, remembering the open door to the hallway.

I did not want Joe to walk in and interrupt us and I had no idea what time it was. Edward nodded against my neck and lifted his head to smile at me before his lips covered mine again. I ran my hands up and down his upper body, touching every inch of his skin that I could reach and I felt his breathing matching mine in speed as both of us became more and more aroused. Edward's soft lips nuzzled my breasts, almost as if he was making amends for having been a little rough earlier, and then suckled each nipple gently.

"Edward, that feels amazing," I moaned when he carefully parted my folds and rubbed my clit in slow circles.

He groaned against my breasts when his fingers swept lower and he felt how ready I was. When he moved to lie in between my thighs I was sure that he would make love to me but instead he rained soft kisses down my body and spread my legs further.

"What are…?" I whispered and lifted my head to look at him.

He smiled warmly and stroked his cheek against my inner thigh before he lowered his eyes to look directly at my pussy, all wet and spread out for him. I felt the blood rush back into my cheeks at the same time as the throbbing sensation in my clit intensified under his gaze, and held my breath as Edward lowered his head and gave me a long slow lick. He moaned against me and I threw my head back as he started to work me with his mouth. He seemed intent on making me orgasm immediately; flicking his tongue over my clit in just the right way and predictably I didn't make him wait long.

"Edward! Ah! I'm coming!" I shouted after just a few minutes and gripped the sheets in my hands as my body was flooded with pleasure.

Edward held my bucking hips down and kept licking me gently while I rode out my orgasm and came to on the other side panting and shivering lightly.

"That was amazing," I whispered breathlessly and ran my fingers through his hair.

I felt him place a gentle kiss on my clit and I held my arms out to embrace him when he crawled up my body. But he didn't do that. Instead he started licking me again as if I hadn't already had an orgasm.

"Edward?" I said and propped myself up on my elbows to look at him.

He smiled at me with his eyebrows raised inquisitively.

"Don't you want to…um, make love to me?" I asked and blushed.

'I am,' he mouthed with a sweet grin.

"Oh. Yeah, but I, uh, I meant…traditionally?"

He shook his head.

"No?" I asked incredulously. "You don't want to have sex?"

'Not today.'

"Oh," I frowned.

'We have time.'

That was certainly true. I knew that Edward was staying with me.

"You want to just do this?" I asked.

He nodded and moved his tongue over my clit while he kept eye contact with me.

'I love it,' he told me with a sincere expression on his face.

"But that hardly seems fair," I whispered. "I want to make you feel good too."

He smiled brightly, leaned up to give me a kiss and then started to move his body around. I had a pretty good idea of what he wanted to do.

_Sixty-nine._

I had never tried it myself but Angela told me that it was fantastic. I thought I was supposed to climb on top of Edward but he pulled me down a little, placed me on my side facing him and lifted my top leg over his shoulder. I didn't know that you could do this while lying on your side and I wasn't exactly sure what to do but when Edward sucked gently on my clit I forgot those thoughts and decided to just do what came naturally. I was sure that Edward remembered how inexperienced I was when it came to something like this and he had purposely angled the lower half of his body making sure that he wasn't right in my face, so to speak. I reached out my hand and when I caressed the warm silky skin of his cock Edward moaned softly and scooted closer. I stroked him a few times before I licked my lips and brought him into my mouth. Edward's body jerked and he made a low noise that sounded like something in between a moan and a sigh. I loved hearing what I was doing to him. I rarely got a chance to hear his voice unless he laughed and I reveled in the sound of his pleasure.

"Mmmph!" I moaned loudly around Edward's erection when he suddenly slid two long fingers inside of me.

I thought I heard him chuckle softly at my reaction but at that point I really couldn't be sure of anything except for the fact that I was enjoying the hell out of his talented mouth and digits. Everything he did felt wonderful; the way he alternated between licking my clit, sucking it and even tugging it gently with his teeth. And all the while his fingers kept pumping in and out of me, occasionally curling and hitting that spot inside that only he had been able to find. I did my best not to get completely lost in the pleasure and also remember to take care of him, but I knew that I wasn't able to give him my undivided attention. He didn't seem to mind, though. He simply moved his hips, sliding in and out of my mouth slowly while I created occasional suction and used my hand to caress his balls.

There was something so incredibly erotic about feeling his cock slide between my lips while he used his mouth on me and I knew that we were definitely going to do this again. It was also a lot more intimate and caring than I had imagined. Angela had made it sound a little dirty and kinky when she talked about how Ben would smack her ass while she basically rode his face and sucked him off at the same time. It wasn't like that at all now that Edward and I did it. Surprisingly, it felt as though we were making love using our mouths and hands rather than doing it the traditional way and it made me enjoy it even more.

My second orgasm hit me out of nowhere when Edward sucked down on my clit and pushed against my g-spot. My whole body seemed to spasm and he did nothing to keep me from subconsciously grinding my pussy against his mouth which prolonged my orgasm until I had to release him or I most likely would have passed out from lack of oxygen.

"Oh God, oh God, that was amazing, so amazing," I chanted softly when I was finally coherent enough to form actual words.

Edward's hand snaked up my body and lovingly caressed my breasts and nipples when he started kissing and licking my over-sensitive flesh again. I jerked a little when his tongue flicked over me and I pulled away from his insistent mouth. He lifted his head and looked at me.

'Too much?' he mouthed.

I smiled and kissed his hand before placing it back on my breast.

"No, it's just your turn," I said boldly and immediately took as much of him into my mouth as I could while I sucked and licked the underside of his cock.

He groaned loudly and threw his head back. I encouraged him to keep moving his hips and concentrated on using my tongue and hands while he pumped in and out of my mouth. Edward's hand tightened slightly on my breast and I knew that he was getting close. I remembered the last time I had done this to him and how much he had enjoyed everything I did. It seemed that Edward remembered as well because he started moaning loudly the second I moved my hand from his balls and stroked the skin underneath them. When he started thrusting frantically I hummed around his cock and increased suction.

"Oh! Oh! Ah! Bella!" he shouted and came with a loud groan.

_He said my name again!_

His whole body relaxed immediately and he rested his head on my inner thigh while he struggled to catch his breath. I grabbed my discarded top and as discretely as possible spit out his sperm before folding it up and dumping it on the floor. Usually, I didn't mind swallowing but I was both a little worried that it might trigger my morning sickness and I also couldn't get past the thought that the baby ingested everything I did. I hoped that Edward wouldn't mind but when I looked at him I doubted that he had even noticed. His eyes were half-closed and he was wearing the most beautiful serene smile that I had ever seen.

_God, I love him so much._

I sat up and he immediately pulled me into his arms and kissed me everywhere he could reach: my lips, cheeks, eyelids, neck and chest were all covered in soft kisses before he cupped my face in his hands and gazed into my eyes.

'My beautiful angel,' he mouthed. 'Thank you.'

And then he kissed me tenderly before burying his face in my hair and wrapping his arms around me again.

"Thank you for everything," I whispered as I did my best to keep my eyes from welling up. "Thank you for staying and for wanting this as much as I do."

He lifted his head and looked at me.

'Bella,' he said silently. 'I'm so sorry.'

"What for?" I asked.

'Leaving,' he mouthed. 'Please forgive me?'

"There's nothing to forgive," I said softly and blinked back the tears that threatened to spill over. "You're here now."

'Forever.'

His eyes were so tender and sincere. He was really mine. This beautiful man in my arms was mine to keep. His mind may have been traumatized and his voice lost for the moment, but his heart was kind and whole and it was all mine.

"I love you, Edward," I whispered.

His eyes widened at my declaration before they filled with tears that matched the ones I was trying to hold back. It didn't feel scary at all telling Edward how I felt about him. It was the easiest thing I had ever done.

_Meant to be._

He swallowed a few times and suddenly looked incredibly apprehensive. A small sound escaped his throat and he opened his mouth.

"No!" I whispered and covered his mouth with my hand. "Don't try to speak. It'll hurt you."

His eyes were so pained that I couldn't stand it. It hurt my heart to see him like this. He tried to remove my hand.

"No, don't," I implored him. "I know. I know how you feel, sweetie. I don't need your words right now. Please don't do this. I know. You show me every day."

He sighed and nodded. I slowly took my hand away and he held it against his cheek.

'I want to be everything for you,' he enunciated slowly so that I would understand.

"You already are. I love you so much, Edward. You are everything I want. With or without your words."

'What…what if I never…' he trailed off and the same pained look in his eyes returned. He caressed my stomach and sighed heavily.

"We'll work it out," I said softly. "We'll learn sign language or something, and we can teach it to the baby as well. It won't make me love you any less or change the fact that you'll be a wonderful father. Please don't ever think that, okay?"

Edward nodded but he didn't look fully convinced. I held his face between my hands.

"Believe," I whispered. "Believe that we're strong enough to do this, Edward. I feel it. Don't you?"

He nodded again and this time he smiled before leaning in for a deep slow kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me flush against him. The feeling of his warm naked body against mine was exquisite and I groaned when my alarm clock went off, signaling that I had to get up and go to work.

'Don't go,' Edward mouthed before capturing my lips with his again.

_So tempting!_

"I want to stay," I moaned between kisses. "I want to stay in bed with you all day."

He grinned and wagged his eyebrows before moving his mouth down my neck and chest while his big strong hands squeezed my ass.

"But I really have to go to work," I said, rather unconvincingly and proceeded to gasp when he sucked one of my nipples into his mouth.

Edward made a sound of dissatisfaction and pulled back with a resigned nod and a pout before he released me from his embrace.

"Don't look so sad," I laughed. "We can continue this tonight when we get back from Joe's new place and go to bed."

'I'm…sleeping here?' he questioned and patted the mattress with a hopeful expression on his face.

"Well, I don't know if we'll be sleeping," I replied cheekily. "But I want you to stay here at night. I'm ready to move forward…if that's alright with you?"

Edward rolled his eyes and laughed softly before he nodded eagerly.

"And we can stay in bed all day tomorrow as well," I said dreamily. "I don't have to work and Joe is moving out tonight."

Edward smiled brightly and nodded again. I was sad to see Joe leave, but I knew that he was thrilled about getting his own place and I still got to see him at work most every day.

"It's just the two of us now," I mused.

'Three,' Edward said and caressed my still flat stomach before he pulled me closer and covered my mouth with his.

I arrived ten minutes late for work but Mary and Joe simply smiled indulgently at me, probably because I was wearing the biggest grin on my face for the rest of the day.

**I hope you all liked that. Those pregnancy hormones can be a little overwhelming at times. **

**For those of you keeping track Bella is now about ten weeks pregnant and there will be a doctor's appointment in the very near future. And of course we'll be seeing Alice and Esme as well. **

**Anyway, that's all for now. Take care until next time. I'll start working on the Dom chapter of The Education so look out for the teaser on the Twilighted forum as usual. It will be very naughty, I promise. ;)**

**Oh, and if you haven't already, check out the Halloween one-shot I wrote for the countdown. It's on my profile.  
**


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Hey everyone, I hope you are all well. I know it's been a while and I apologize for that. **

**My pregnancy has taken quite a toll on me compared to when I was expecting my daughter and I'm still tired all the time, it seems. Also, I'm trying to wrap up some stuff for school before I go on maternity leave in February so I won't have to focus on anything except the new baby and of course my writing whenever he takes a nice long nap. ;)**

**Melanie is just beyond brilliant. I cannot thank her enough for all the hard work she puts into this and it always amazes me how she's able to beta in just a matter of hours and get my stuff back to me so quickly. It's because of her that you guys get the new chapter today already. :) **

**Enjoy!**

EPOV

I felt so at peace as I looked around and my eyes met nothing but happiness. There was Joe, who was standing in the center of his small living room with an awed expression on his face, silently taking in the space which he could now proudly call his home. There was Angela and Mary who were busy hanging up curtains and talking animatedly about the improvements that they wanted to make in Joe's new place. And finally there was my Bella, who was putting out drinks and snacks for all of us with a glorious smile on her face. If possible it widened even further when her eyes locked with mine and she walked over to me and slipped her little hand into mine.

Peace of mind wasn't something that I had ever given much thought to in my former life but now I found that the search for it was as vital to me as breathing. I wanted contentment, I wanted the untroubled sleep of a man who knew only happiness in his life and most of all I wanted the woman at my side to always look at me with love in her eyes, the way that she did at this very moment.

_She loves me._

I still couldn't fully believe that this wasn't some fantasy like the ones that I would indulge myself in on my lonely nights when we had been apart: When I would close my eyes and try to block out the sounds of the other homeless around me and imagine being with Bella. Really being with her. Not just for a night or a few days while she nursed me back to health, but to actually share a home and a life with her.

That fantasy had finally come true; Bella had opened up not only her apartment and bed to me, but miraculously also her heart.

_If only I could tell her!_

I cursed my inability to reciprocate with words and even though she had assured me that she didn't need it I still wanted to tell her how much I loved her. She deserved to hear it but I refused to put it into writing or mouth it silently. I wanted my voice back and I couldn't think of better incentive for getting better than to finally be able to say those words. Out loud.

_But what if even __want isn't enough? What if I never get my voice back? Can she really be perfectly happy with me, flawed as I am?_

"Are you alright?" my angel asked me and leaned into my side. "You look so pensive."

I simply nodded and gave her a smile. It was just the same old shit running through my head and I didn't want to put a damper on this happy occasion.

"You know that you can talk to me, right? If something is bothering you?"

I nodded again. There was no doubt in my mind that Bella would immediately tell me how my inability to speak didn't matter because she loved me, but my lack of a voice was just part of the problem. That was made abundantly clear just minutes later when a strange man walked into the living room. Suddenly it was as if the space was too small and I was hyperaware of the fact that he was currently blocking the only exit. I couldn't get to safety without going through him first.

"Hey you!" Bella said cheerfully and let go of my hand to approach the stranger.

I fought against my instincts, knowing that the man obviously wasn't unfamiliar to her but I couldn't stop. I watched helplessly as my hand grabbed a hold of her wrist and pulled her back to supposed safety behind me and my stance became defensive. God help me, I think I even growled at him.

"Whoa! Easy there," he said gently. "You're Edward, right?"  
I nodded cautiously although his knowing my name didn't ease my discomfort. I suddenly noticed that the room had grown quiet and that the others were looking at me. Joe with sadness, but understanding in his eyes, Angela; incredulously and Mary; outright shocked. I hadn't reacted that strongly when I first met her, but I was always more wary around males since they posed a bigger threat, physically, and this guy had taken me off guard.

"Edward," Bella said quietly, "please let go of me."

I discovered to my horror that I was, once again, gripping her much too tightly and dropped her wrist immediately as the shame washed over me. I swallowed thickly and turned to look at her, fear gripping my heart.

_Please, not another bruise!_

"It's okay," she said the second she saw my expression. "See? No harm."

She held up her hand and I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that there wasn't a mark on her flawless skin. I took her hand gently as if it was made out of glass and kissed her palm before holding it against my cheek, just as I had done in her kitchen on the night when we first met.

"You won't hurt me. I know that now," she said with confidence and it made me smile because she was obviously remembering that night as well when she had mistaken my affection for something sinister, and had begged me not to harm her.

_As if I ever would. She'__s my whole world now._

Bella glanced to the side and blushed when she remembered that we weren't alone and that the others had witnessed our moment. She cleared her throat and her hand on my cheek found mine and laced our fingers instead.

"Edward, I want you to meet Ben, Angela's boyfriend," she said and motioned behind me.

It hit me like a proverbial ton of bricks.

_I turned my back to him!_

I _never_ turned my back to a supposed threat. That was suicide! And yet I had done it without a second thought when I feared that Bella was hurt. I wasn't quite sure how to feel about this. On one hand, it meant that I was losing my edge, the strong defenses that had kept me alive while living on the streets. I would be vulnerable without them. But on the other hand it also meant that I was becoming accustomed to being in a friendly setting again and that I was letting my guard down. Dr. Gordon, my therapist, had told me just how important this was for my healing process; that I would be more open towards the EMDR therapy once I got used to being safe.

Angela came over and wrapped her arm around Ben's waist, almost as if to show me that he wasn't dangerous. I felt myself relax slightly at the sight of the two small women obviously trusting him. He looked at his girlfriend who nodded encouragingly towards me, and then he held out his hand to me.

"It's nice to meet you, Edward," he said. "Angela has told me a lot about you."  
I fought back my natural impulse which was to shy away from his outstretched hand and shook it carefully for a second.

'Sorry,' I told him silently, and I meant it.

"Good boy!" Angela said playfully and patted my shoulder as if I was a well-behaved dog.

I rolled my eyes at her. I was comfortable enough around her now that I was used to her touch, and I had a feeling that we were very close to the point where I would start making impolite hand gestures when she acted like a smartass.

"Leave him alone," Bella said protectively and directed me over to the coffee table for a drink and a little space.

I couldn't resist sticking my tongue out at Angela in a completely juvenile display which only made her and Ben laugh.

The rest of the night went smoothly. We had takeout for dinner, hung pictures and lamps that Mary had helped buy and toasted to Joe's new job and home; the others in champagne, and Bella and I in nonalcoholic cider although she said that I didn't have to abstain for her sake. Before I knew it, it was late and Bella was hugging Joe goodbye with tears in her eyes.

"This is so silly," she sniffed. "I'm going to see you on Monday at work."

"Of course you will," he said and patted her back. "But…I'll miss you, too."

He pulled back and took her hands in his.

"Thank you, Bella. None of this would have been possible if it hadn't been for you. You have truly changed my life in the most positive of ways and there aren't enough words to express my gratitude."

"I didn't do anything," she croaked and cleared her throat. "You got this job and this place all on your own. I'm so proud of you!"

She started crying and mumbled something about hormones when Joe gently turned her over to me and I wrapped my arm around her.

"Take good care of her, kid," he said to me as he walked us out.

I nodded solemnly. That was one responsibility I wasn't about to take lightly. The others said their goodbyes and I smiled when I noticed that Mary didn't leave with us. I was happy that they were getting so serious with each other. Angela and Ben gave us a ride home and Bella slumped against me in the backseat, obviously tired. I needed to get her home to bed. Because I was a typical guy deep down there was a small part of me that felt just a hint of disappointment when I realized how exhausted she was. It meant that we wouldn't be making love tonight after all. And that was something I had been looking forward to.

_Stop being an ass. She's tired for a reason._

Bella was pregnant, she had had a long day and on top of that she was a little sad to see her friend move out, and now I felt like a jerk for even thinking about sex when she probably needed a cuddle and good night's sleep more than anything else. I reprimanded my dick for being an insensitive…well, dick, as it was and helped her inside after we were dropped off at the apartment. Both of us did our business in the bathroom and there was a strange moment after I had stripped down to my boxers and t-shirt and crawled into bed. Bella was still fully dressed and lingered in the space between the bed and the door to the hallway.

"I just need a few minutes to get ready," she said and fidgeted with a bag that she had gotten out of her closet.

She walked out into the bathroom again and I wondered what on earth she was doing. Finally she came back in and I felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room.

_Motherfucking hell!_

Bella was a vision in black silk and lace, and I had trouble breathing. It wasn't even that the nightgown was very provocative or revealing. God knows that my ex-wife had worn stuff a lot skimpier, but all of her thongs, corsets and crotch-less panties had nothing on this outfit when it came to sex-appeal, or turning me on. And I was turned on! Bella was gorgeous and sexy always, but I had never seen her in anything like this before. Usually she slept in cotton tank tops and shorts and that was more than enough to leave me aching when we said goodnight before I would go to the couch to spend yet another lonely night pining for her.

But tonight I was sleeping in Bella's bed. No, _our_ bed and she was wearing hottest little number I had ever laid eyes on. If I had seen it in a catalogue I probably wouldn't have given it a second glance because of its lack of obvious sexiness. It wasn't see through or indecently short; just a simple slip in black silk with lace trimmings, but because Bella was wearing it I couldn't contain the crazy lust that coursed through my body as a result of the stunning visual. Her body looked phenomenal; all soft curves and silky skin that I wanted to run my hands and then my tongue over for hours on end before I finally took her and made her mine.

Her face, on the other hand, told a different story. She was dog-tired. My dick had quickly forgotten all about being a gentleman but fortunately, I wasn't as easily swayed and I could clearly see that Bella's heart wasn't in it. Her shoulders sagged and her eyes were dull, but she was trying to hide it as best she could. When she approached me I found myself shaking my head. I couldn't let her touch me. I was only a man and I knew that I wouldn't be able to control myself if I felt her against me. I would take her, and probably not in the way that Bella had dreamed about. It would be frantic and hurried, and worst of all, Bella wouldn't be able to fully enjoy it because of her fatigue.

"You hate it."

My eyes snapped up to hers and I frowned. What was she talking about?

"This isn't sexy," she said to herself. "I should have listened to Angela and gotten something racy. God, I am such an idiot!"

She turned to hurry out but before she made it to the door I had reached her and had a gentle hold on her wrist. I couldn't let her believe for even a second that I didn't want her. She looked up at me and her eyes were clouded with confusion.

'Beautiful,' I mouthed and kissed her gently.

"But you don't think I'm sexy," she said weakly. "It's the Madonna/whore thing, isn't it?"

_What?__ What does that mean?_

'Madonna/whore?' I mouthed.

"Angela said that maybe you saw me mostly as the mother of your child and not…you know, someone to, um, fuck."

I gaped at her with my mouth hanging open. Nothing could be further from the truth and I had half a mind to send Angela a wordy text message. She didn't know what she was talking about! I shook my head adamantly.

"I feel ridiculous even saying it. Angela just has a lot more experience with men and she said that maybe you put me on a pedestal, and I needed to make you see me as a woman first."

She sighed.

"That's when she suggested we go lingerie shopping after work," she continued weakly and tugged lightly on the hem of her slip. "Needless to say she had something different in mind. Something sexier."

_If she looked any sexier I would be drooling right now!_

I couldn't believe that women even talked about something like this. I was used to men's locker room talk and I honestly couldn't picture my sweet Bella discussing our sex life. She seemed much too innocent for something like that.

_Wow, maybe I really do put her on a pedestal? But I definitely see her as a woman too!_

'You. Are. Fucking. Hot,' I mouthed.

I usually didn't swear in front of her but I needed to emphasize just how badly I wanted to fuck her. Not just make sweet love, but fuck her senseless. Bella needed that reassurance tonight. She was beyond desirable to me.

"Hot?" she said and smiled a little. "You've never called me that before."

'SO hot,' I mouthed and ogled her shamelessly without trying to hide it at all, or conceal that fact that I was sporting a massive boner.

She squirmed and blushed under my lusty gaze, and I hoped that meant that she was now convinced that I wanted her in more ways than just as the mother of my unborn child. I wanted to be her lover, as well.

"But why did you shake your head before?" she asked.

I led her to the bed where we sat down. I kissed her gently again and traced the circles under her eyes with my fingertips.

"It's not so bad," she whispered. "I'm really not that tired."

I raised my eyebrows because she obviously wasn't telling me the truth.

"Okay, I'm exhausted," she finally admitted. "I'm so sorry, Edward."  
I shook my head and held her hands in mine.

"But we were supposed to do it tonight," she said. "It's our first night together alone in the apartment and everything. I just wanted it to be perfect."

'It will be.' I assured her and pulled her into a hug.

I still wanted her, but I was able to push that urge aside to give her the comfort she needed. That was the way it was supposed to be in a loving relationship, right? Bella yawned softly in my arms and I released her.

"Thank you," she said and kissed me. "Let's go to bed, okay?"  
She started to get under the covers, but I stopped her.

"What is it?"  
'_Not _in that,' I mouthed and pointed to her sexy nightgown.

There was only so much I could take and being pressed up against Bella all night while she was wearing it would be way too tempting.

"Oh, you want me to change?" she asked.

I nodded immediately.

"Okay," she said softly and walked out again.

She was smiling to herself as she left the room and I knew that I had thoroughly convinced her that I found her sexy. It made me feel good that I had been able to put her mind at ease. Maybe I wasn't so bad at this tender loving stuff after all. Bella came back in wearing an oversized t-shirt and while I was grateful for her effort to dress modestly I still wanted her. She snuggled against me in my favorite spoon position and gasped softly when she felt my erection against her ass. She tried to move away but I simply pulled her back. I would be sporting wood no matter what and I didn't want to miss out on having her in my arms tonight.

"Sorry," she whispered.

I shook my head and wrote the word 'hot' on the back of her hand before I laced our fingers.

"Even wearing this?" she asked.

_I always want you, angel._

I nodded against the back of her head and kissed her hair. She didn't say anything else but the way she squeezed my hand for a few seconds and snuggled even closer into my embrace told me that she was happy. She fell asleep within minutes, a clear sign that tonight she definitely needed it a lot more than sex. It was fine, I could wait. I would wait forever for her.

I woke up the next morning with the very distinct feeling that my dick had decided that forever had arrived. I had slept like a baby without nightmares and I could clearly see that my dreams must been of a much more pleasant nature judging from the way I woke up. Bella was still sound asleep, completely unaware of the fact that I had been groping her. Her shirt was pushed up to just below her breasts and my right hand was shoved inside her underwear.

On one hand I felt a little embarrassed that I was copping a feel in my sleep like some horny teenager but on the other I really couldn't care less. This was a great way to wake up! She was distinctly wet against the tips of my fingers and I wondered if Bella was the type of woman who was into morning sex. She had been very willing yesterday when we woke up and I decided to take things just a little further. I moved down on the bed and kissed the soft smooth skin on her stomach a few times before I pushed up the fabric of her oversized shirt with my nose to reveal her beautiful breasts. I kissed both of her nipples gently and watched as they hardened from my simple touch. My tongue teased both of them, drawing wet circles around them until they were fully erect and practically begging for my mouth.

When I suckled one of them Bella moaned softly and pushed her hips up to get more pressure from my hand. I was happy to oblige and moved my middle finger over her wet clit easily as her legs spread of their own accord. I glanced up at her face but I couldn't tell if she was fully awake yet or she merely thought she was having a vivid erotic dream. Then I looked down to where my fingers were playing with her and almost laughed out loud.

_The panties! God, I love that she wore those!_

My sweet angel was wearing the cute white ones with red hearts that I had had first become acquainted with on the night we met. They were perfect! I wondered if she had done this deliberately because she remembered their significance or if it was simply a happy coincidence. Either way I was thrilled to see them again and they turned me on even more than her sexy nightgown. Even though a lot had changed since that cold February night when I first made love to her after she had saved my life some things remained the same. She was still my angel and every day she saved me over and over again by letting me be a part of her life. I still wanted her just as badly as I had that night and I was still just as awed about the fact that she wanted me too.

_I need her now._

This time it wasn't frantic and desperate lust but a deep sense of longing and love which motivated me.

"Edward?"

I looked up at her. She was awake and was now probably wondering why I had stopped touching her. She smiled when our eyes met.

"I'm not tired now," she said with hope in her voice.

I grinned like an idiot. I didn't need any more convincing on her part. I was more than ready to make love to her.

_Well…almost._

'Bathroom,' I mouthed and jumped out of bed, more excited than a kid at Christmas.

I did my business quickly, brushed my teeth and checked to make sure I smelled alright. Maybe once we had been together a while something like bad breath wouldn't matter so much, but I intended to kiss her a lot this morning. I almost bumped into Bella when I came out. She was obviously waiting her turn and quickly brushed past me to do whatever she did in the bathroom in the morning. The second I was back in the bedroom I shed my clothes and jumped under the covers again. I was giddy with excitement and practically bouncing up and down on the bed when Bella returned. She had brushed her hair but she was still wearing the oversized t-shirt.

"Do you want me to put on the nightgown?" she asked and shifted her weight nervously.

I shook my head. I wanted her just like this: Natural-looking in plain cotton and still the sexiest woman I had ever seen. I took a chance and motioned to her shirt.

'Take it off?' I mouthed.

_She won't do it. I think she's too shy for something like that._

She hesitated and I was about to apologize for asking when she suddenly grabbed the hem and pulled it over her head in one fluid motion. I drew in a sharp breath and my eyes darted over her to take in everything.

_God, she's so perfect. I can't believe she wants me._

I gawked at her beautiful body, itching to touch and taste every inch of her. She let out a nervous laugh and I did my best to soften my gaze. I knew that Bella's sex life had been less than stellar in the past and she was still pretty shy about it. But I also knew that once she got going her hesitancy quickly vanished and she became very passionate and wild. We had only slept together a few times but it had without a doubt been the best sex of my life and I was eager for us to reconnect on that level.

"Remember these?" she asked and motioned to her cute underwear with blushing cheeks.

I nodded eagerly and she smiled. I took a deep breath and motioned for her to remove those as well. She hooked her thumbs under the waistband and slowly dragged them down until they pooled at her feet, leaving her completely naked in front of me. She was a goddess…and I was suddenly nervous as fuck. I felt just like a teenager about to have sex for the first time. Bella had said that she wanted it to be special the first time we did this again and I wondered if this was special enough for her. There wasn't any candlelight or rose petals or whatever the hell people found romantic in this sort of situation. It wasn't even night time. I didn't know if that would make a difference since I was definitely in unfamiliar territory.

The first time we had made love it had had been so unexpected that I didn't have time to worry about doing everything perfectly. The second time was when I knew that I was leaving her and she had begged me to make love to her, again very unexpectedly. But this time, right now: This was expected, it was anticipated, we had both longed for it for weeks while we slowly re-established a connection and put the physical aspects aside to get to know each other. Now we were finally crossing the threshold and consummating our relationship, and I was scared shitless that I was going to screw this up. This good, no fucking fantastic thing I had found with Bella was more precious to me than breathing and I so wanted to live up to her expectations and be the man that she had always dreamed of.

"Edward? Are you alright?" she asked and crawled right into bed with me to wrap her arms around my neck. "You're shaking."

I was. I was also suddenly deathly afraid of losing her. I didn't know where this fear came from but I couldn't shake it. Everything was going so well and for some reason I was sure that something or someone would come along and break us up. Could I really keep her, the sweet beautiful angel? Or was this another one of life's cruel tricks and would she be taken from me the second I started to believe that this could really be forever? I had lost so much already; my career, my voice, and my peace of mind. Even my wife, although that didn't matter to me now. And I had screwed up a lot too; my sister was practically a stranger to me, not to mention my parents who were even more of a distant memory. I had been proud and stupid, thinking that I didn't need a family anymore and also resentful of their dismissal of me. In short, everything that I had ever cared about had either been ripped from me or I had pushed it away myself. It made me scared because I loved Bella and our unborn child more than anything in the world and the thought of not being with them made my insides hurt, and I suddenly had trouble breathing.

I wrapped my arms around her and crushed her to my chest, relaxing slightly at the feel of her naked skin against mine. We held each other for a long time and Bella simply stroked my hair until I calmed down in her embrace. I pulled back and gave her an apologetic smile, feeling embarrassed that I had reacted so strongly.

"What happened?" she asked softly.

I sighed. I hated that she had to see this weak side of me when all I wanted was to be strong for her.

'I'm…scared,' I finally admitted.

"Scared of what?"

I looked into her eyes.

'Messing up. Losing you.'

"Edward," she said. "You won't lose me. I'm so happy to be with you finally and I swear I'm not going anywhere."

Her words were so sincere and I had no doubt that she meant them. Bella was always so much braver than me; she was ready to give our relationship a real chance from the get go, where as I kept running away. It was bitterly ironic that now when we were in a relationship I was the one who was worried about losing her when she had lost me not once, but twice. I had no reason to believe that Bella would leave me, although I still didn't fully understand what she was doing with me. She was beyond perfect and I was beyond flawed.

"I want you," she whispered in my ear. "In every way, sweetie."

I turned my head and captured her lips with mine. I wanted her too and I just hoped that this would be everything she had imagined. We moved down on the bed and I lay on top of her, our kiss deepening and our bodies intertwining. My hands roamed all over her and my mouth descended to her neck and then her chest. She fisted her small hands in my hair and moaned out my name when I sucked on her nipples and massaged her breasts. When I started to move down her stomach she pulled me back up and kissed me.

"Please, stay here," she whispered and wrapped her legs around my waist, lining us up perfectly.

I looked down to where we were almost joined and swallowed nervously before meeting her gaze again.

'You sure?' I asked silently.

I never wanted her to regret this.

"Yes," she nodded. "This is perfect. I want you so much, Edward."

I kissed her slowly and deeply, reaching down to grab her hip and get a better angle. I remembered how tight she had been around my fingers yesterday and knew that I had to start off slowly or she would be sore from this later on since I hadn't touched her yet and stretched her a bit like I normally would. I shifted my hips forward to slip the head of my cock inside of her. She gasped softly and I paused to look at her.

'Okay?' I mouthed.

"Better than okay," she whispered. "I love you, Edward."

I put my hand on her cheek and gazed into her eyes, hoping that she would see what I couldn't put into words.

_I love you, Bella.__ Forever and ever._

She smiled softly and nodded.

"I know," she simply said, but it meant the world to me that she knew how I felt about her.

I kissed her again, sliding my tongue into her mouth while her hands trailed up and down my back which sent shivers of pleasure up and down my spine. I broke the kiss and leaned my forehead against hers before I slowly pushed all the way inside her.

_Oh God! It's better than I remembered! Please don't come yet!_

I clenched my jaw and took shallow breaths while I tried to fight the urge to thrust again which would definitely make me blow my load immediately. It had only been 24 hours since my last orgasm but I hadn't been inside of her for two months and she was so, so tight around me.

_The last time we did this __she became pregnant._

I suddenly worried if this could be hurting our baby. I wasn't a complete idiot and knew that pregnant women could have sex but I wasn't sure about this position which seemed to put an awful lot of pressure on her belly.

'Is this okay?' I asked and lifted myself slightly to brush my hand over her lower abdomen.

She looked confused for a second before her eyes softened in understanding.

"Yes, it's fine. As long as I feel good," she said and kissed my lips sweetly.

Reassured I pulled back and thrust into her slowly.

"Oh! And I feel really, really good right now," she moaned with her eyes closed.

I couldn't help but grin in stupid male pride because she was enjoying it so much. I sat up on my knees and teased her clit with my thumb while I kept up my slow deep thrusts and much to my joy Bella had apparently decided that I should know how she was feeling.

"Edward, Edward. Oh! That's so good! Please don't stop, please don't stop," she chanted breathlessly as she writhed beneath me.

I thrust a little harder and rubbed her faster until she cried out and clenched all around me. This was going to be over in a matter of seconds if I didn't slow down but Bella was still in the throes of her orgasm and I wanted her to get as much pleasure as possible. In a flash I had pulled out and replaced my cock with three fingers while I lowered my mouth to her pink swollen clit and started lapping at it with my tongue. Bella screamed and arched her back, grinding herself against my mouth and fingers. She was completely uninhibited at this point and I loved that I was able to bring her to such heights. I kept licking and sucking while working my fingers in and out of her until she came again and I couldn't delay any longer. I wrapped her legs around my waist and buried myself in her in one swift move which made her cry out again. She pulled me down on top of her and kissed me passionately while I held her tightly and continued to thrust faster and faster until I exploded in a mind-blowing climax which reduced the whole world to pure pleasure. It crashed over me again and again and dragged me under until I came to still clutching her tightly and panting like I had just run a marathon.

"I love you, I love you," she whispered, sounding completely out of breath.

_I love you__ too._

I kissed her neck, her soft cheek and finally her lips while I caressed up and down the side of her body and enjoyed the fantastic feeling of being joined with her again after all this time. I gently touched her eyelids to get her attention.

'Are you okay?' I asked when she opened her eyes and looked at me.

"Mmm," she hummed and smiled lazily. "That was incredible."

I agreed wholeheartedly and kissed her deeply.

"I love hearing you call out my name," she whispered and dragged her fingers through my hair.

_What?_

"You still do it when you come," she said shyly.

'Every time?'

"Well, no. Not every time. But just about. You don't even realize that you do it, do you?" she asked curiously.

I shook my head. I knew that I had done it the first time we were together because she had told me, but I had no idea that it had happened more than once. What did this mean? Making love to Bella was the greatest pleasure I had ever known and maybe that cancelled out the pain? Or could it simply be because I lost myself so much in the sensations that I didn't even realize I was saying her name? That made sense since the good doctor's theory was that I was able to speak as long as it wasn't something I did consciously. That also explained why I could talk in my sleep and when I had been very sick. I decided not to dwell anymore on it, at least not until later. Right now I just wanted to enjoy Bella and try to put all worries aside.

"Are _you _okay?" she asked and stroked my hair again.

I nodded and smiled. How could I not be okay? I was in bed with the most beautiful and sweet woman in the world who I loved beyond anything. I tightened my arms around her and rolled us over until she was on top of me so I wouldn't worry about putting too much weight on her.

"I'm really happy right now," she whispered and placed a kiss on my chest before resting her head down.

I smiled, ran my fingertips up and down her back slowly and thoroughly enjoyed feeling her warm naked body against mine. It didn't take too long before I started hardening inside her again which made her laugh and wiggle her hips playfully. I groaned, grabbed her ass and soon she was riding me while my hands and eyes roamed all over her and I wondered if this wasn't some dream I had slipped into because it was almost too perfect to be real.

Afterwards I rolled her over again, kissed her and slipped out of bed to see about some breakfast. I didn't want any morning sickness to creep up on her and food was the only way to prevent it.

"Edward, wait," she called and sat up quickly.

I turned and gave her a puzzled look. Then she laughed.

"I was going to remind you that you're naked," she giggled. "But then I remembered that we're alone now."

I nodded and grinned.

"We can do anything we want," she mused and rose from the bed. "Walk around naked in the kitchen. Shower together. Make love everywhere."

_Yes and please!_

She let out a laugh and jumped into my arms. I caught her easily and laughed along with her.

"Take me to the kitchen," she demanded.

'Take you _in_ the kitchen?´ I mouthed slowly with a salacious grin which made her laugh even harder.

"I'm hungry, but we'll see how it goes," she replied and kissed me while I carried her into the hallway, both of us stark naked and giddy.

After a great breakfast and a long hot shower I found Bella standing in the door to Joe's old room with a wistful smile on her face. I walked up and wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Do you think it's too early to start making this into the nursery?" she asked quietly.

I shook my head. I was hopeful and I very much doubted that it would make a difference in terms of our grief if something should happen. We should be optimistic about this and prepare just like any other set of expecting parents would.

"We don't even know if it's a boy or a girl…But I suppose we could keep the colors pretty neutral," Bella said with palpable longing in her voice.

She turned to look up at me.

"Do you want a boy or a girl?" she asked me curiously.

I thought about it. When I had been married to Tanya and she announced that children were not something that she wanted, I secretly mourned the loss of the son I would never have. I had always envisioned teaching him sports and coaching his team. But after I found out that Bella was pregnant, daydreams of a little girl who looked just like her kept popping into my head and I saw myself playing with dolls and tea sets. Both visions were horribly cliché but that was the way it looked when I dreamed about them. Bella was still waiting for my answer.

'Both,' I said with a grin.

"Both?" she laughed and put her hand on her stomach. "Well, I hate to burst your bubble but there's only one in here so you can't have both."

'Next time,' I mouthed.

"Oh," she said softly. "You…you want more than one?"

I nodded immediately, hoping that she felt the same way. Of course, I would be more than happy with one child but I wanted to be honest about my wishes for the future.

"I do too," she said with a radiant smile. "It sucked being an only child. I want a big family."

I nodded again, agreeing completely.

"So I guess we can start buying the bigger items that can be used for both genders like a pram and a crib. Do you want to do that next week after the doctor's appointment?"  
I nodded for the third time and smiled so widely that it hurt my cheeks.

"Also, I think we should get a car," she said, almost like an afterthought.

_Just when I thought I couldn't love her more!_

'Really?' I asked eagerly.

"You like that idea," she concluded with grin that matched my own.

'Hell yeah!' I mouthed and picked her up for an eager kiss. 'I love cars.'

"That's good," she chuckled. "Because I don't know the first thing about them, but I think we're going to need one for getting the baby around and all the stuff we need to buy. Maybe we can go look at some later today? It doesn't hurt to shop around as far as I've heard."

I nodded enthusiastically and felt a surge of excitement at the prospect of getting a car. We could take trips outside the city, have adventures. A car meant freedom and fun.

_But also repairs, money for gas and insurance. _

'Can you afford it?' I asked slowly, once the reality of the situation settled on me.

I wouldn't be able to help with any of the payments and it put a bit of a damper on my good mood.

"Yeah, don't worry," Bella said. "I have my inheritance from my gran and I've saved up ever since I got the job at the library four years ago. I haven't spent a lot on myself, like, ever. I haven't taken vacations and I've never bought anything big before. I lucked out with this apartment being rent-controlled. Please don't worry about money, okay?"

I stared at her in awe. I would never have been able to be so responsible with money in my old life when I actually had it.

'Why?' I asked.

"Why what?"

'Why no vacations, cars?'

"I want a family," she said softly. "Kids cost money. I've always known I wanted that. It's my dream."

She stood up on her toes and brushed her lips against mine.

"Having a baby with someone I love the way I love you. That's the only thing I ever wanted," she continued and gazed into my eyes. "Thank you for giving me my dream, Edward."

I suddenly had a lump in my throat the size of a grapefruit and I very much doubted that I would be able to get a word out, even if I _could_ speak. I didn't know how to respond without ending up in tears so instead I picked her up and kissed the hell out of her. Everything I couldn't tell her went into that kiss: How much I loved her, wanted her and needed her. How thankful I was for the little life growing inside of her and the fact that she wanted to share her dream with me when she could have easily turned me away.

We ended up in bed where I made love to her again, slowly and sweetly, taking my time to worship her and silently thank her for this whole new life she had given me when I thought everything was lost. She fell asleep in my arms afterwards and I realized that this was the first time where I wouldn't be leaving her the morning after having made love to her. Things were different now. We were together, finally, just like we were always meant to be. I basked in the afterglow while my angel napped in my embrace and I felt certain that if there was a heaven it couldn't be better than the one I was in at this very moment. I could have stayed in this moment forever.

But then of course reality came knocking when my phone beeped and signaled that I had received a text. I reached over to the nightstand and picked it up, being careful not to jostle Bella around too much.

"Edward, I'm back in town and I'd really like to see you tonight if you're free. Mom is coming over. I haven't told her anything yet. She will be very shocked to see you and I honestly didn't know how to explain everything to her. Bring Bella if you want. Jasper won't be here, I swear."

And just like that all my sense of tranquility disappeared without a trace. I knew I had to go over there and face my family and deal with our difficult history, but I selfishly wished for just one day of perfect happiness with Bella. Just one day where we could laugh, talk, make love and discuss plans for the future without a shadow hanging over our head. But it seemed that I had been too greedy in my desires and now time was already up. I looked down at Bella's peaceful expression and held her tighter to me. She would be nervous about going over there, scared that things wouldn't work out the way I wanted them to. She would probably cry if my mother did. She would become upset if I got angry that my mother had cast me aside and chosen my father over me.

_I'll tell her when she wakes up__. Just a little longer._

And so I closed my eyes, buried my face in her soft fragrant hair while pretending that the world outside hadn't just pierced the happy little bubble we had been in all morning, and there wouldn't be any emotional confrontations tonight and that everything was absolutely perfect. Just for a little longer.

**Yay, they finally did it! It was about time, huh?**

**So, mother Esme will be making an appearance in the next chapter. What will she be like, I wonder? How will she react once she realizes that Edward is alive and well? **

**I am hoping to finish my other story The Education of Prof. Cullen pretty soon and then hopefully the Blizzard chapters should start coming out faster. **

**Take care until next time. :)**


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**It's been forever, I know. So I figured that the best thing would be to give you a summary of what has happened up until now. If you remember the story, feel free to skip the paragraph below. **

**Edward, a homeless war veteran suffering from PTSD which has made him mute, is saved from freezing to death by Bella, a recently single librarian living in Chicago. They spend the night together, but the next morning Edward leaves, leaving Bella a note and his dog tags. Bella, who has already fallen hard, spends weeks searching for him and finally finds him in a homeless shelter downtown where he is staying with his closest friend, sixty-something Joe. They are attacked, Bella escapes and the next night Joe arrives on Bella's doorstep with a very sick Edward. After nursing him back to health Bella makes love with Edward and he again leaves, believing it is what's best. Bella discovers that she's pregnant and invites Joe to stay with her and also gets him a job at the library. Her best friend, Angela, is very supportive of her decision and is a big help to Bella. After a lot of soul searching, Edward decides to return to Bella and also start therapy for his PTSD in the hopes of getting his voice back. Several weeks later, Bella and Edward have grown close again, Joe has moved into a place of his own and Edward is finally ready to see his estranged sister who he hasn't spoken to in years. The visit ends badly when Alice's husband Jasper, who is in the army, accuses Edward of having done something terrible when it is revealed that Edward's discharge from the army was not honorable. Weeks later, Edward receives a text from Alice, asking him to come and visit, and to see their mother who knows nothing of Edward's life since Carlisle disowned him for choosing the army over medical school. **

**Okay, that pretty much sums it up, I think. :)**

**Thank you to Edward's Eternal for beta'ing this and for all her helpful advice. :)**

**And thank you to all of you, who are still reading this story despite the loooooong hiatus. **

**Enjoy! **

BPOV

I woke, feeling incredibly relaxed and deliciously sore in all the right places. It made me smile. Edward and I had finally made love and it had been fantastic. Those weeks of waiting had definitely been worth it. I rolled over to find the other side of the bed empty and sat up, looking for him.

"Edward?"

I grabbed my discarded sleep clothes from the night before and put them on before leaving the bedroom. I stopped abruptly outside the living room at the sight of him; he looked different somehow. Pacing, pacing, like an animal trapped in a cage, as if he couldn't escape. I had the strangest feeling that this was not the first time he had done this, only now I was here to witness it. Did he feel confined? Was he longing for something more than my small life? I'd had these thoughts before and I knew I had to ask him.

"Edward."

He turned and the look on his face just about made me cry. He looked guilty, like he had been caught doing something he shouldn't.

'Bella,' he mouthed, standing stock-still.

"Are you alright?"

He nodded slowly, then grimaced and shook his head.

"Do you…do this a lot?" I dared to ask.

He nodded again, avoiding my eyes, but I wouldn't have it. I walked over to him and held his face between my hands, lifting it up. I knew something was wrong, but not for a moment did I think that he wanted to leave me. Those days were behind us.

"What do you need?" I whispered. "Anything, sweetie."

He sighed, his warm breath fanning across my forehead.

'I'm restless.'

"I can see that," I said.

He opened his mouth to speak but shook his head and turned to pick up his phone. His finger flew across the screen, typing out a message for me to hear.

"I'm sorry, Angel. I love being here but I need more. I need to run, to get more exercise. I need to get out every day or I'll go stir crazy. I should have said something but I didn't want to ask you for anything else. You've given me so much already."

I actually breathed out in relief. That was all? He needed to run?

"We'll get you some running gear then," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "It's no big deal, Edward. I want you to be happy and I definitely don't want to see you pacing like this again."

'But the money.'

"Will you please not worry about that?" I asked gently. "We can afford some shoes and stuff for you, I swear."

"I'll pay you back when I get a job," he typed.

"Okay," I nodded, sensing that this was important to him.

'Thank you.'

"I wish you would have said something sooner," I said.

"I didn't want to burden you," he typed.

"You're not a burden," I told him firmly. "I know that it's been all about me and the baby lately, but you matter just as much."

He shook his head.

"Yes, you do. I want you to talk to me if something is bothering you. I want to know and I want to help you if I can. You don't have to hide things from me. I love you, Edward, and nothing is going to change that. I swear."

He smiled then, so beautifully for a moment, but then his eyes clouded again.

"What is it?" I asked.

He hesitated and fiddled with his phone before handing it to me where I read the text message on the display.

"Your mom," I whispered and looked up at him. "Tonight?"

He nodded slowly.

"So…we're going?"

'You'll come with me?' he mouthed, reaching out to hold my hand.

"Edward, of course I will."

He pulled me into his arms, against his chest, and I felt his whole body sag against me with relief.

"Of course I will," I said again, now muffled against his shirt. "You won't ever be alone again."

He tightened his arms around me in response and I held onto him just as firmly. I meant what I said; he was never going to be alone again. No matter what happened today with his family, he had me and that was never going to change. I loved him so very much; this silent, tormented man who had so much love and kindness inside of him. I wanted him to feel safe and cared for always, because he deserved it and he made me happier than I had ever been.

"Are you scared?" I whispered.

He nodded and let go slowly before leading me to the couch where we sat down together. His phone made our communication so much easier and he started typing immediately.

"I think I made a mistake," he started.

He glanced at me and I nodded for him to continue.

"She cut me out of her life when I left, but I did the same to her. I never contacted her after I was discharged and now she thinks I'm dead. I was stupid. Proud. What if she doesn't want me in her life? I was so ungrateful to her when I lived at home. I never ever appreciated everything she did for me. I was a shit son."

"Edward…"

"I was," he insisted, tapping angrily at the display. "My dad treated her like crap and I just let him. I never stood up to him."

"You did," I said softly. "You left to do what you wanted instead of following his ambitions for you. You made your own way in life. That's what a mother wants for her child."

"And look what happened," he typed. "I don't have anything to show for my decision."

_Ouch._

"Well, you have me," I said, unable to keep the hurt out of my voice. "You probably wouldn't have met me if you had stayed and finished school."

Edward's expression turned remorseful and he took my hands in his.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean…'

"I know," I answered automatically.

'Bella, I didn't," he mouthed. 'Forgive me?'

"There's nothing to forgive," I said. "But I guess your dad won't exactly be impressed with your life now, will he?"

Edward shook his head, releasing my hands to pick up his phone again.

"He'll say I threw my life away."

"But you don't feel that way, do you?" I asked.

"No," he typed. "This is where I'm meant to be, I know that. Everything else doesn't matter but he won't see it like that. Career and money. That's all he ever cared about. He'll say I'm a loser, that I'm nothing."

"Then fuck him!" I exclaimed.

Edward cracked a smile.

'Fuck him?' he mouthed, grinning.

"Yeah," I smiled. "Fuck him. We don't need him, right?"

'We,' he said silently. 'I love that.'

"We," I said. "You and me and baby. Always. And maybe your mom and Alice too?"

He nodded.

"You want them in your life?"

He nodded again.

"Do you think it's possible?" he typed, glancing at me with an anxious expression on his face.

"I hope so," I whispered, holding his hand. "I really hope so."

Later that night I found myself standing outside a large beautiful townhouse, still holding Edward's hand in mine. He was clutching it so tightly that it almost hurt but I wasn't about to let go. He needed me so much in this moment.

"Should we ring the bell?" I asked, looking up at him.

He nodded stiffly, clenched his jaw, but didn't move a muscle so I reached to do it, going very slowly in case he wanted to stop me. He didn't. Instead, he flinched slightly when the sound rang out but didn't move otherwise. I didn't blame him for being on edge. The last time he had seen his sister, it had ended disastrously and I hoped Alice had been telling the truth when she promised that her husband wouldn't be here tonight. I had no doubt that it would be too much for Edward to handle, and seeing his mother again after all these years was more than enough to cause him stress and anxiety. I was apprehensive, as well. I knew that Edward's parents were rich and that their social circle consisted mainly of other people with money. The daughter of a small town police officer probably wasn't the sort of girl they had imagined at their son's side. Still, I hoped Edward's mother would like me and reached down to straighten my dress. Edward squeezed my hand and I looked up at him.

'Beautiful,' he mouthed and gave me a soft smile.

"Thanks," I whispered and drew a deep breath. "I guess I'm a little nervous."

'Me too,' he said silently, cracking a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

The door opened and Alice appeared, dressed in tight black jeans and shirt which looked like she had altered it to her own specifications, chopping up the neckline and adding safety pins here and there. With her black spiky hair and dark makeup she looked like something out of a Goth fashion magazine. I liked it a lot, although it wasn't something I could ever see myself wearing, but I could see how comfortable Alice felt. Edward had told me of their father's old-fashioned views on appearances and I was glad that she was finally able to wear what she wanted.

"Edward, Bella," she said, opening the door wider. "I'm so glad you're here, please come inside."

We shuffled inside, and I'll admit that Alice's polite, automatic greeting puzzled me a bit. It was so far removed from the way she had been the last time we saw her. Edward's eyes darted around the place and his grip on my hand tightened.

"Is someone else here?" I asked Alice.

"No!" she said. "I'm sorry, I should have…I mean, mom isn't here yet. And, uh, neither is Jasper. He's…out."

Edward's relief was palpable and his smile turned genuine as he faced his sister.

"I'm so glad you're here," she said softly, her eyes welling up. "I've missed you."

Edward released my hand and drew her into his arms. It made me beyond happy to see how much love there was between them, in spite of everything.

"Come in and sit down," Alice said after a minute, leading us into the living room. "Would you like something do drink? Maybe some wine, or are you driving?"

"We took a cab. We don't have a car," I explained. "At least not yet."

That made Edward smile. He was really excited about getting one.

"No car?" Alice asked, clearly shocked. "How do you get around?"

"Well, I, uh, I walk mostly," I said awkwardly. "Or take the 'L'. A car is pretty expensive and there hasn't really been a need for one."

"Oh, of course. I didn't realize…I mean, Edward and I always had cars, you see," she said, sounding apologetic. "Ever since high school."

"I only lived a few blocks from school so I rode my bike, mostly. Small town," I said, shrugging. "I did get a truck my senior year, but I only used it when my friends and I would go to the beach or hiking in the woods nearby."

"That sounds really nice," Alice said, a spark in her eyes. "I bet you wore cutoff jeans and t-shirts, right? And you got to eat ice cream and junk food and have sleepovers?"

"Well, yeah," I smiled, remembering it. "Especially during the summers. Angela and I, she's my best friend, we were inseparable back then. Still are, actually. You two didn't do any of that?"

Edward and Alice both shook their heads.

"Oh."

I had no idea what to say.

"We spent summers in Europe," Alice said. "Stupid hotels, stupid people, drinking tea, going to museums, eating weird food."

"It did kind of suck," Edward supplied, using his phone. "We never saw our friends during the breaks. Dad was always off visiting hospitals wherever we went."

"And mom was miserable," Alice mumbled. "Still is."

Silence fell, heavy and uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, I got off track," Alice said with a nervous laugh. "Would you like some wine or something else?"

Edward shot me a look, raising his eyebrows. Was he asking if it was alright for him to have a drink?

"I'll just have water, thanks," I replied, turning to Edward. "Beer for you, sweetie?"

He nodded and smiled gratefully.

"I'll be right back. Make yourselves at home," Alice said, before she hurried off, leaving us alone in the large room.

"Wow," I said, looking around at all the expensive furnishings. "This place is unreal. You grew up in a house like this?"

Edward grabbed his phone.

"Yes, and like I said, it sucked. I want to see your home in Washington, ride bikes with you and go to that beach. I want our kid to experience all that, to have your kind of childhood. All that money never made me happy like I am now."

"Shhh!" I stage-whispered, motioning to Edward's phone. "That thing isn't exactly quiet. I don't want your sister to know about the baby yet, please?"

He nodded contritely.

"I know what you mean, though," I confessed. "I've never really imagined myself raising a child in the city. And Forks _is_ a great place for families."

Edward's eyes were lit up and I couldn't believe we were discussing something so important at a time like this.

"Later, okay?" I whispered, taking his hand in mine. "You haven't even seen the place yet and there's my job and Angela and Joe and your family…"

'Okay,' he mouthed, still smiling.

Edward in Forks….For some reason I could easily imagine it. It was quiet there, safe and peaceful, which was something he could definitely benefit from. And I did miss Charlie a lot. Plus it would be easy to find a house to rent, a job for Edward, maybe working with the lumber. We could have a beautiful little life there, raising our baby far away from the streets of Chicago and all the bad memories that haunted Edward. It was definitely worth thinking about.

Alice returned with our drinks; water for me, a beer for Edward, a bottle of red wine and two glasses.

He saw the extra glass and shifted nervously, probably thinking about their mom joining us.

"When is your mother coming?" I enquired on Edward's behalf.

I didn't want him to sit on pins and needles, thinking that she could arrive at any moment. Alice glanced at her wrist watch.

"Umm, half an hour," she said, sitting herself down on the couch across the table from us. "I wanted us to have a little time alone first. I hope that's alright?"

Edward nodded slowly, relaxing into his seat.

"First of all," Alice said. "I want to apologize again for what happened with Jasper when we came to visit you, for what he said, and I want you to know that I didn't agree with him. When I met him he wasn't even in the army anymore, he was in school. But he went back after graduation, and he became an officer."

She fidgeted and took a drink of her wine.

"The army is his life," she continued, looking at her brother. "I didn't expect to fall for an army man, it just happened. I know it's not perfect and I don't believe you did what Jasper said, but…Jasper loves his job and the military. And, and I love him."

"Alice, you don't have to apologize for who you love," I said.

I, of all people, should know that you don't choose who you fall in love with and while I disliked Alice's husband for having driven Edward out into the streets with his harsh comments, I could hardly fault her for loving her husband.

"I know," she said. "He's really not a bad guy, I swear. He's so good to me. You have no idea."

Next to me, Edward sighed and scrubbed his face with his hands.

"I know you probably won't get along very well, but I know that Jasper is willing to try if you are," Alice said hesitantly. "He knows he was out of line, Edward. He said so himself when we got home."

"That's…good," I murmured, glancing at the man next to me.

He nodded and picked at the label on his beer bottle.

"Okay," Alice whispered. "I have to tell you something now, Edward. It's really the reason why I wanted you come early tonight. Before mom shows up. I…"

She took a drink of her wine.

"I don't even know how to say this. I was going to tell you last time but then the thing with Jasper happened, and I didn't want to tell you over the phone."

Edward leaned forward.

'Tell me,' he mouthed. 'It's okay'.

"Edward, you're dead," Alice whispered.

_What?_

"They found your body. I mean, it wasn't you, obviously, but we thought it was…you. There was a funeral and everything!"

Alice's voice cracked and her eyes filled with tears.

"I didn't believe it at first. I didn't want to, but…but all of your stuff was there; your driver's license, wallet, even an Mp3 player with all the bands you liked."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing and yet…Alice had cried so hard on the phone when she heard that Edward was alive and she had said something about all of them thinking he was dead. I hadn't really pondered her choice of words. Until now. And I realized that it wasn't just assumption on their part. Edward was _officially _dead. But…how?

Edward made a croaking sound and I immediately took his hand in mine. His face was pale and his eyes wide. He mouthed something but I couldn't make it out.

"Again, sweetie," I whispered and gently cupped his cheek to turn his face towards me.

'Who?' he asked.

"Who?" I said. "You mean who did they bury?"

He nodded.

"I-I don't know," Alice stammered. "The body was….damaged, they said. No way to identify him but all of your stuff was there, and…and everything else matched. Even the height and hair color!"

"What happened to your license and all your things?" I asked.

'Stolen,' Edward mouthed, his face still ashen. 'First winter.'

"They found, um, him, last summer," Alice whispered. "In an old abandoned building downtown. He'd been dead…a long while. And…"

She started sobbing.

"There had been some animals. I didn't see, but they told us that his face was…gone!"

_Oh, God._

I couldn't stop unwanted images from entering my mind and my stomach convulsed. Standing abruptly, I covered my mouth with my hand and ran towards the hall. I had no idea where the bathroom was, so my only thought was at least making it to the door before I lost it. Edward was right behind me and the moment I bent over to throw up in the bushes outside I felt him pulling my hair back and supporting me so I wouldn't fall.

"I'm so sorry!" I gasped before vomiting again and again.

When I was finally done, my body was shaking and I felt cold sweat on my face. Edward helped me stand, smiling faintly and stroking my hair away from my forehead.

'You okay?' he mouthed.

"Yeah," I croaked. "Worst one yet."

"Oh, my God."

I turned my head and saw Alice standing just inside the door, her mouth hanging open.

"Bella, are you, are you pregnant?" she asked.

_Shit._

I looked up at Edward, hoping he wouldn't be upset, but he was still just smiling and stroked my hair again.

"I guess the cat's out of the bag," I whispered.

He smiled wider and simply shrugged. I turned to his sister.

"Yes," I said.

"I'm going to be an aunt?" she whispered.

Edward laughed softly and nodded his head.

"Oh, my God!" Alice exclaimed. "Oh, my fucking God!"

"Yeah, I know," I said.

"This is happy news, right?" she asked eagerly. "You're happy, right?"

"Yes," I nodded and smiled.

"Oh, my God!" she yelled again and rushed over to embrace the both of us. "I'm so happy for you guys."

"Thank you," I whispered and looked up at Edward.

His eyes were so beautiful and the look in them was so warm. The shock he had received just minutes ago seemingly forgotten as he held both me and his sister in his arms. This was what he needed; happiness and being with the people he loved. This moment was perfect.

"I can't believe it," Alice said, still grinning widely as she drew back. "This is amazing. A baby!"

I drew a deep breath when my stomach seemed to flip again and I covered it with my hand.

"Oh, we should get you inside," Alice said. "You shouldn't be on your feet."

I laughed softly as both Edward and his sister started ushering me through the door, as though I could hardly walk on my own, which certainly wasn't the case. But then I heard a sound behind me and my laughing stopped. It was a high pitched cry that sent chills up and down my spine, and made all three of us turn around at once.

_Oh, no. Not like this._

A woman stood in the driveway next to a car, her eyes fixed on us. Green eyes, just like Edward's. Just like Alice's. It was their mother.

"I…" she said, stumbling on her feet. "I don't…I…"

Before any of us could say or do anything her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she collapsed on the ground.

"Mommy!" Alice shrieked and rushed to her. "Edward, help me!"

I followed right behind him as he knelt down next to his mother and Alice, and ever so gently lifted her into his arms before pressing his three middle fingers against her throat, checking her pulse. He exhaled and looked up.

'Okay,' he mouthed, blinking back the tears I saw in his eyes.

"E-Edward?"

The woman's eyes were still closed, but it was obvious that she was struggling to open them.

"Yes, mom," Alice croaked and grasped one of her mother's limp hands. "It's Edward. Everything will be alright now."

She started crying and I couldn't stop my own tears from falling when their mother finally managed to open her eyes and looked at her son for the first time in years.

"Honey?" she whispered, reaching up her free hand to brush the wetness away from Edward's cheek.

Edward's mouth opened and closed several times as he tried to mouth words to her, but even I couldn't make sense of them. His lips trembled too much, but it didn't matter. The look in his eyes said it all.

_I love you, mom. _

**I swear, that I will try my hardest to get the next chapter out as soon as possible, but as most of you know, I am still buried in my thesis, I have two small children, plus I had to take a part time teaching job starting this August to make ends meet, which means I will be really busy. **

**I hope you liked this. Thank you for reading. :) **


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Hey everyone, it seems I am always apologizing for being slow to update. As some of you know, my four year old daughter was recently diagnosed with Infantile Autism, as well as an intellectual disability. It's been a rough couple of weeks and we're still trying to figure everything out. I still have my thesis, my job and my two years old son to take care of on top of all of this, so as you can imagine, I am busier than ever. Feeling a bit worn, to be honest. I won't take this story of its temporary hiatus, because I don't want to get everyone's hopes up. I will still update my stories when I am able to, I promise. Writing keeps me sane and I can't give it up entirely. I want to thank all of you who have been so kind to me since we got the diagnosis, offering advice, articles and sharing your stories with me. It helps a lot. **

**A huge thank you to EdwardsEternal who is not only my beta, but also my friend. She is always there for me, and I hope she knows how much I appreciate her. You should all check out her stories, if you aren't reading them already. She updates several times a week and writes sublimely! **

**I also want to thank Mauigirl60, who helps me sound more American and less like someone who's stumbling her way through what will always be a second language. There is always more for me to learn. Thank you. :) **

**Finally, thank you so much for all your reviews! I know I am not very good at responding to them but I swear that I read and cherish each and every one of them! **

**So…it's been a while. There's a summary of the story up to this point in the beginning of the previous chapter, in case you need it. You probably do. I don't blame you. **

**Enjoy. **

EPOV

She looked exactly the same as when I last saw her, and yet didn't. It was difficult to explain. I recognized her immediately even though the image in front of me didn't match the memory in my mind. I had spent so long being angry with her, which over time, turned into resignation and, finally, acceptance of the fact that I no longer had a mother. That I no longer had a family. There were so many things I had wanted to ask her: Why hadn't she stood up to my father when he cast me out? Why couldn't she have supported my decision to enlist? Why hadn't she come to my wedding when I'd married Tanya? Why hadn't she been there to take care of me when I'd returned to the States, utterly broken and disillusioned? Why didn't I have a home to go to when I needed it the most?

But, as I held the woman who gave birth to me and saw, _really saw_, how unkind the years had been to her, all those questions faded away. I decided that they didn't matter. I didn't care. She had made mistakes, and so had I. I had my scars to prove them and so did she. I saw them clearly in the deep set of the lines on her once flawless face, the streaks of grey in her hair and the hollowness of her pale cheeks that even carefully-applied cosmetics could not cover.

My mother had grown old.

'I love you, Mom,' I mouthed. 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!'

"I don't understand, I don't understand," she kept crying, as she touched my face.

Her hand was so cold, her fingers bony with perfectly-manicured nails. Were these the hands that once applied cold rags on my feverish forehead during a bout of influenza and wiped away tears when I took a tumble on my skateboard when I was eight years old? I remembered them being warm and soft, soothing and caring. What seemed a lifetime of aging was written on her face and hands. Even her eyes had changed; they were nearly black.

_Dilated pupils?_

I looked at Alice.

'Drugs?'

"W-what?" she sniffed. "I didn't catch that."

I shook my head. It could wait. We had to get Mom inside. She let out a small yelp when I scooped her up and rose to my feet. God, she weighed next to nothing. Her dark eyes never left my face as I carried her inside. How did I look to her now? Could she see how much I had changed, both inside and out? I wasn't a boy anymore; lanky, headstrong and stubborn. I was a man who had seen more human suffering than most, and yet experienced both kindness and love. Real love. I looked over my shoulder at Bella who was trailing behind us. Could my mom see how much I loved the woman who was now holding my sister's hand, supporting her as though they were old friends? I hoped she could.

"Put her on the couch," Alice directed, as we entered the living room.

I lay her down gently, but when I attempted to rise, her hand clamped onto mine, refusing to break the connection between us.

"Mom," Alice said. "Can I get you a drink or something?"  
A burst of laughter escaped her, which quickly turned to tears.

"A d-drink?" she hiccupped. "No, I don't want a drink. I want to know…I want to know. I don't understand anything! Edward, you're alive. You're here! I don't…I don't…" Her words were drowned in a rush of tears.

She cried for a while then and I did the same, never letting go of her hand. I was worried that she might pass out again, but she didn't.

"It wasn't Edward," Alice whispered, once mom had calmed somewhat. "Someone stole his stuff, and…"

"But where have you been all this time?" she asked me, her voice high-pitched. "Why didn't you come home? We thought you had died!"

I couldn't answer her. My eyes found Bella's, searching for help.

"Mrs. Cullen," she said. "Let me try and explain."

Mom looked at her, confused.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Edward's girlfriend, Mrs. Cullen. My name's Bella."

"Oh, err, pleased to make your acquaintance."

I nearly laughed. Even in a moment of crisis you could always count on my mother to uphold a sense of decorum.

"Likewise," Bella said, shifting a little in her seat.

I couldn't imagine how awkward this whole situation had to be for her. Not exactly the ideal way of meeting your boyfriend's mother.

"Edward, please talk to me," mom said, turning her attention back to me. "Where have you been all this time?"

Shit.

'Bella?' I mouthed.

"What's going on? Why won't you say anything?"

Mom was starting to sound hysterical.

"Mrs. Cullen," Bella said again. "That's the thing. Edward - he can't talk…right now."

How I loved that she added the 'right now'. She had so much faith in me, even when I didn't.

"He has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's taken his voice away."

I listened as Bella and Alice explained everything to Mom. Bella told her about finding me in the freezing cold, how I became a part of her life, the treatment I was currently under and how we were now living together. Alice spoke of the phone call, seeing me again for the first time and, finally, setting up this meeting. Afterward, Mom was quiet. Really quiet.

'Mom?' I gave her hand a soft squeeze.

"H-homeless?" she whispered. "You'd rather be on the streets than come home to me?"

I swallowed and blinked back the tears in my eyes.

"Mom," Alice murmured. "Dad kicked him out, remember?"  
"Of course I remember!" she yelled. "You think a day goes by when I don't think about that, if I'd just…if I had…"

Her sobs tore at my heart and I sat there, useless, with no words to comfort her.

"I'm sorry," she cried. "I'm so sorry, honey! I never meant for that to happen. I thought…I thought you'd come back right away. That it'd be okay and then, we hadn't heard anything for so long until they'd said you'd been found in that awful place downtown, dead for weeks and weeks, and all alone!"

I couldn't make out her words after that. I held her as she wailed and screamed and sobbed against my shirt, crying my own tears of regret.

"I-I know you must hate me," she stuttered. "And I don't expect you to f-forgive me, b-but please, don't leave again, honey. Let me be in your life."

She pulled back a bit and looked up at me.

"_Can_ I be in your life again?"

I nodded without hesitation.

'I'm sorry, too.'

"No." She shook her head. "You're my son. You and Alice, nothing means more than the two of you. If you had come home…I would have welcomed you. I don't care what your father would have said or done. I would have left with you, if necessary. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you think you couldn't come home."

Would she really have left with me, if I had showed up on their doorstep, dirty and broken? I would never truly know, but I wanted to believe the sincerity in her voice.

'I forgive you,' I said, very slowly. 'I love you, Mom.'

"Oh, Edward!"

She launched herself back into my arms. I looked over and saw that my beautiful Bella was smiling through her tears and Alice was outright sobbing. I motioned for them to come closer, but only Alice did, wedging herself in between myself and our mother.

"We're going to be a family again," my mom promised, holding us tighter. "Everything's going to be all right. I love you both so much."

"I love you, Mommy," Alice cried. "I love you, Edward. We'll be together now."

_Together, like a family. _

I knew that included Bella and even though she wasn't a part of our tearful embrace, I felt her love radiate toward me from her seat on the other couch. I felt as though something had shifted inside me, as strange as that sounded. Until that moment, I hadn't realized how much I had missed them, how much I had needed my mom and sister in my life. I knew it would never be the same as when Alice and I were kids: when our dad had been away on weekends attending medical conferences, and we'd stay up late watching movies with Mom until we had fallen asleep on the couch, just the three of us. We couldn't go back to that, but now we had a chance of starting something new. We could still be a family, in spite of everything that had happened in the past. No, not _could_ be. We _were_ a family. We weren't perfect by any standard. I had PTSD, in some ways Alice still seemed like a confused kid trying to figure out who she was after a childhood filled with strict rules, and I was fairly certain that Mom was on some kind of drug. And yet, we were a family, nonetheless.

"I think I'll take that drink now, Alice," Mom chuckled, drying her eyes with the back of her hand. "Oh, I'm a mess."

A Kleenex appeared in our periphery.

"Here you go, Mrs. Cullen," Bella said kindly.

"Oh, please," Mom said, taking her offering. "Call me Esme. There's hardly any need for formality after what you just witnessed, my dear, dear girl."

She grabbed hold of Bella's hand.

"Thank you," she said. "For everything you've done for Edward. I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am that you saved him and took him in, you gave him a place to call home and you're taking care of him and…"

Mom started tearing up again.

"Please, Esme, there's no need, really. I did what any decent person would do the night I found Edward during the blizzard. And as for the rest, well, I…I love your son. He's my home as much as I'm his. I wouldn't want to be without him. Truth be told, he takes more care of me, of everything, these days. I'm really quite spoiled, never having to clean or do laundry anymore."

I smiled at her sweet words, even though I didn't feel like I did nearly enough to contribute. Bella did, though, and that was the most important thing.

"You do laundry?"

I shrugged and smiled again before pulling out my phone.

"I just like to help Bella out and she pays all the bills so it's only fair," I texted.

"Not anymore," Mom said. "Anything the two of you need; money, clothes, a new car? How about a nice vacation somewhere?"

I held up my hands.

"Really, Esme, we're good, but thank you for the offer," Bella said in a gentle-sounding voice. "We'll let you know if we ever need any help, okay?"

Mom looked dissatisfied, but nodded just the same. I wondered how on earth she would have smuggled that kind of money out from under my father's watchful eye without him noticing.

Alice handed Mom a glass of red wine and I snatched it away, unthinkingly.

"Edward," my sister complained. "You could have just asked for one of your own."

I felt torn. Mom was a grown woman and it felt odd to be the one to question her actions, especially in front of other people. On the other hand, I couldn't just ignore the signs I had picked up on since she arrived.

'Your eyes,' I mouthed and motioned to my own.

Mom frowned. I put the glass on the table, out of her immediate reach.

"Pupils dilated," I texted, cringing a bit for exposing her like this.

"Oh." Mom's pale cheeks flushed. "It's nothing."

I raised my eyebrows.

"Really," she insisted.

"Mom?" Alice's voice was very quiet. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, honey, I'm fine. It's just some medicine. Your brother's right, though. I shouldn't be drinking."

"What kind of medicine?" Alice asked. "You're not sick, are you?"

"No, of course not, I swear. They're just…I take them to feel better."

Mom looked down and brushed something invisible off her skirt.

"Like, anti-depressants?"

I glanced at Alice whose question hung in the air, unanswered, and I remembered how she had said that Mom was miserable.

_She's like this because of me. Because I left. Because she thought I was dead._

Only, I wasn't dead. I was here and I could do something about this. Help her.

"It will be okay," I texted and held her hand.

"It will, Mom," Alice agreed. "Edward's back now. You don't have to be sad anymore."

"Oh, sweetheart," Mom merely said, pulling Alice down for a hug.

I took this chance to check in with Bella who was, once again, seated across from us.

'You okay?' I mouthed, putting my hand on my stomach.

She nodded and smiled.

"Happy," she whispered, her eyes shifting to Mom and Alice for a moment.

'Me too.'

I felt so incredibly happy and it seemed a bit surreal how quickly things had fallen into place for me. Mere months ago I had been on the street, wondering when I might get my next meal; now, I was living with the woman of my dreams, who was also carrying my baby. I had it all: love, family and hope for a good future. What more could a man truly ask for? It all came back to her. My angel.

'Bella.'

'Yes?' she mouthed, smiling wider, eyes twinkling with humor.

I didn't say anything. I refused to speak my words of love silently. That was the goal I was working towards: to be able to tell Bella I loved her, out loud. I just wanted to say her name, in my own way. Moments later, I said it again, against her lips, before I kissed her as chastely as I could manage.

"I love you," she whispered.

_I love you._

We sat in silence for a few moments, simply enjoying being close. Alice and Mom talked softly across from us. 

"Honey?"

I turned my attention to Mom.

"Will you go outside with me? I need a little air, I think."

I nodded.

"Bring your phone," she said. "I'd like to hear more about your life."

I smiled and grabbed it before giving Bella another quick kiss and followed Alice toward the door leading outside. Looking over my shoulder, I met Bella's beautiful gaze and her encouraging smile, before walking out into the yard bathed in the last golden sunlight of the day, my mother at my side.

BPOV

Alice practically collapsed onto the couch once we were alone, letting out a long breath.

"Weird day, huh?"

I laughed.

"You could say that," I agreed. "It's really great, though."

I looked outside at Edward and his mom, walking slowly toward a bench at the other end of the yard.

"This place is beautiful, Alice," I said, looking around the large room.

"It's been in Jasper's family for generations. I guess they're what you'd call 'old money'." She shrugged.

"I've never met anyone like that," I said. "Not a lot of wealthy folks up in Forks."

"Is that where you're from?"

"Yeah, Washington state. It's really nice."

"It sure sounds like it, the way you talked about your childhood and everything," Alice said, with longing in her voice.

"It's not for everyone. My mom, she really hated it but she stayed there for me, for as long as she could, I guess. My dad still lives there, probably always will."

"They're divorced?"

I nodded.

"I moved with her to Arizona when I was six. I guess mom knew she'd be stuck in Forks if I started school and stuff. I think she did love my dad once, but it wasn't enough to make her happy. It took her some years to find the place she belongs. She was on anti-depressants too, you know."

"Really? But not anymore?"  
I shook my head.

"What did she do?"

"Married a much younger man and became a Wiccan," I chuckled. "It's a little strange, but it works for her. She's really happy."

"That's good. I wish my mom could do the same," Alice said, sounding defeated. "I don't think there's a divorce or younger men in her future."

"She has Edward back, though," I whispered. "That's something."  
"Yeah," Alice nodded and smiled a little. "That _is_ something."

The conversation had come to a lull and I figured this was a good time to freshen up.

"Alice, can I use your bathroom? And, uh, possibly borrow a toothbrush?"

"Oh, my God, of course!" she exclaimed. "I had completely forgotten."

She led me toward the bathroom, all the while peppering me with questions on my pregnancy; if we wanted a boy or a girl, and if she could arrange a baby shower. It was a little overwhelming, but her enthusiasm was nice.

"I think my best friend Angela would want to do that," I said. "The baby shower, I mean."

"Oh, okay."

"But, um, maybe you two could do it together," I added. "She's really busy and she might like some help."

"That would be great!" Alice said. "I'd like to be involved with everything, Bella."

She fidgeted a little.

"I know Mom already offered, but if you and Edward need anything…please just tell me, okay? I have money."

I could see how sincere she was, how much she wanted to help.

"Well," I started. "I don't know much about design, and you obviously do."

She nodded eagerly.

"I'd like some help setting up the baby's room, when the time comes. Make it look nice."

"Of course!" Alice gushed. "Oh, I'd love that. I'll start looking for stuff immediately!"

"Thank you. That would be great." I smiled. "I'm just gonna…"

I motioned to the bathroom door.

"There are new toothbrushes in the second drawer," Alice said before leaving me to it.

I felt better after cleaning my teeth and fixing my makeup.

"Quite a day, huh, baby," I murmured, caressing my abdomen. "That was your grandmother and your Aunt Alice. They're going to spoil you rotten."

With a smile on my face, I left the bathroom and went in search of Alice, which proved to be quite a feat in the large house. I was coming down the stairs when I heard a door slam followed by a loud, angry voice that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

"ESMEEE!"

I froze mid-step at the bottom of the stairs, my heart pounding in my chest. Before I could decide whether to run back upstairs or continue down into the hall, I was discovered.

"Esme! I thought I told you, that…oh, hello."

The man in front of me looked to be in his late fifties or early sixties. He was dressed in khaki-colored dress pants and a polo shirt, a sweater draped across his shoulders. His hair was nearly white and his eyes icy blue. He looked nothing like Edward and yet I somehow knew: this was his father. The moment he saw me, his whole demeanor changed; the anger in his eyes disappeared without a trace and his stance became relaxed.

"Hello," I managed.

_Oh, God, oh, God. What do I do?_

Edward wasn't ready for this.

"I'm Carlisle Cullen," he said, walking closer. "And who might you be?"

"I'm…" I attempted to swallow the lump in my throat. "I'm Isabella Swan."

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Swan," he said, coming all the way over to where I was standing, still glued to the spot. "You wouldn't happen to know where my wife is, would you?"

I couldn't lie. Esme's car was parked right outside and he obviously knew she was here.

"She's helping Alice," I said.

It sounded unconvincing, even to me. Dr. Cullen raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips.

"I'm working on a charity project with Alice, for the place I work, and I understand your wife knows a lot about hosting those kinds of events," I rambled nervously.

"It's for a good cause," I added lamely.

"I see. Well, that's good, Ms. Swan. What type of work do you do?"

"Dad?"

Alice. Thank God!

"W-what are you doing here?" she asked, walking over to where we were standing.

Dr. Cullen looked her up and down with unmasked disdain before his façade went back up. He smiled.

"Alice, dear, don't be rude. I was just looking for your mother and getting to know the lovely Ms. Swan here." He turned his attention back to me. "Now, you were telling me about your work?"

"I'm a librarian," I said, shooting Alice a quick glance. "We're having a banquet to raise funds for a literacy program and Alice is decorating it."

"That's right," Alice chimed in. "And Mom…"

"She's helping us," I added. "It's for a good cause."  
_Shit, I already said that! _

Dr. Cullen smiled again. It was unsettling.

"A librarian. Isn't that wonderful, tinkering around with books all day." He gave Alice a meaningful look. "A very admirable and fitting profession."

_For a woman. _

"It certainly sounds like a wonderful program and with my wife's list of contacts, the banquet will be a splendid occasion," he continued. "And not a bad way of meeting some suitable eligible bachelors, eh?"

The bastard actually gave me a conspiratorial wink.

"Right," I managed to get out through my clenched teeth.

On the inside, I was fuming.

"Do you want me to get Mom for you?" Alice asked her father.

"Oh, no. I wouldn't want to disturb her while she's poring over color schemes and deciding on chicken or fish."

He laughed. The bastard.

"Just tell her I'll see her at home later. Have a good night, my dear."

"'Bye, Dad."

"Ms. Swan, a pleasure," he nodded to me.

"Likewise," I lied.

He walked toward the door and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Ms. Swan?"

_Fuck, just leave already!_

"Yes?"

"Perhaps you could take it upon yourself and bring Alice with you the next time you go clothes shopping. Your taste might rub off on her," he said casually, before he left.

I was speechless. With my pretty dress, modest heels and long hair, I realized that I looked exactly as a woman should according to Dr. Cullen's antiquated view of the world. The man made me out to be someone who merely worked until I was able to snag myself a rich husband and become a trophy wife. Part of me wanted to chase after him and give him a piece of my mind. I wanted to yell at him that there wasn't anything wrong with Alice's clothes, that being a librarian wasn't just 'tinkering around with books' and, most importantly, that he was an unfeeling bastard for kicking his son out. Of course, I couldn't do any of that. I was grateful that he had left when he did, before he discovered Edward or the other way around.

"So, yeah," Alice said. "That's my dad."

"He's…" I had no idea how to finish the sentence.

"I know. Come on." She tugged on my hand, breaking the trance I was under. "Let's make some coffee and eat some chocolate. That always makes me feel better after seeing him."

"You make him sound like a Dementor," I said.

"Someone who sucks all the happiness in the world away? If the cloak fits." She shrugged.

"I'm sorry," I offered, as we walked into the kitchen.

"I'm used to it." She shrugged again. "I got away from him. He can't tell me what to do anymore."

"Should we tell your mom and Edward that he was here?"

"I think we have to," Alice said, pouring water into the coffee maker. "He wouldn't have come here looking for Mom unless there had been a reason."

"He was really angry when he got here. He was yelling."

"Yeah, he does that."

Alice stopped what she was doing and pressed her lips together.

"I wish I could help somehow," I whispered, putting my hand on her shoulder.

"You can make the coffee," Alice said, smiling slightly. "I suck at it anyway. As for Mom, I've tried talking to her about the way he treats her, but…"

She shook her head and hopped up on a barstool next to the kitchen island. I made coffee, located cups and the chocolate while Alice talked about growing up in the Cullen household. She spoke of Dr. Cullen's horrible temper, how he'd be away a lot and how those would be the best times. She told me that Edward was one of the most popular kids in school, but he rarely brought his friends over and mostly spent time at their houses, which left Alice and their mom alone a lot of the time.

"I don't think Edward really understands how bad it was," Alice concluded. "How bad it still is. I was really angry with him for leaving. Dad got even worse afterward. He was always yelling at us, and he got even stricter with me. I felt like a prisoner, until I met Jasper."

"He helped you?" I asked.

"So much. We got married during my second year and I moved in here. Dad was furious. I don't know why, though. All he's ever talked about is how my purpose is to go to college and find myself a husband. I guess I didn't do it the right way or something. I just couldn't stay there anymore and Dad refused to let me live on my own while he was paying for school."

"And now?"

"Well, Jasper paid for the rest of my time in college. I got to pick the major Iwanted, wear the clothes that I liked, and see the people I wanted to see. It was amazing - the freedom." She smiled.

"Jasper and I are different in a lot of ways; he's older than I am and a lot more conservative, but he loves me and he lets me be my own person. He put me through school and helped finance my company after I graduated. I never would have been able to do any of those things on my own. I love him."

I nodded. My impression of Jasper hadn't exactly been good, but I knew that he loved Alice.

"I wish I hadn't left Mom, though," she added sadly.

I didn't know what to say.

"We should get back to them," Alice said, picking up the coffee. "Thanks for listening, Bella."

"Anytime, Alice," I said, and meant it.

"Hey, is it a secret?" she asked. "The baby, I mean. Will you tell Mom tonight?"

I pondered for a moment.

"A few people know," I admitted. "I'd rather not tell any more, until we're sure nothing bad happens."

"Why would something bad happen?" Alice asked in a gentle voice.

"I was pregnant once before." My eyes watered a little at the thought.

"Oh. With Edward?"

"No. It was before met him. He knows, though."

"I'm sure everything will be fine," she said. "You're glowing, you know."

I laughed.

"I am not."

"You are," Alice insisted. "You look so happy. You both do. It's meant to be. I'm sure of it."

"Well, if you're sure," I joked.

"Come on," she said. "Edward's probably missing you."

We walked into the living room and my heart melted when I saw Edward sitting on the couch, holding his mother's hand. He looked so happy and relaxed that I felt bad for interrupting them.

"We made coffee," Alice announced softly.

Edward jumped to his feet and took the tray from my hands before sitting down next to me, while Alice chose the seat next to their mom.

"Everything go okay?" I whispered.

Edward laced our fingers, nodded and smiled, looking down at our joined hands. He was so handsome; his hair in its usual state of disarray, his long eyelashes, strong square jaw and perfectly-shaped lips. I wanted to kiss them, to feel them on my body, nipping, sucking, caressing.

_Whoa. Pregnancy hormones._

I needed to get a grip. Now was not the time for that. I turned my attention to the coffee being served and the talk that followed.

"Mom," Alice began. "Dad came by looking for you earlier, when you were in the yard."

Esme's relaxed posture became rigid and Edward sat up straight.

'He saw me?' he mouthed.

"No, don't worry," I said. "He was only here for a few minutes."

"I should get home," Esme said and started rummaging through her bag. "What's today's date?"

"Mom, wait," Alice protested. "You don't have to rush off."  
"The date," she demanded.

"The 27th," I supplied.

She pulled out a day planner and flipped the pages frantically.

"The 27th. Oh, no. Those stupid pills! They make me so…he was having people over after his golf game."  
"So what?" Alice said, sounding defiant.

"I was supposed to be there," Esme said, standing up quickly.

"To do what, exactly? Pour drinks, refill the snack trays? He can do that himself!"

Alice's voice had become loud and shrill.

"Honey, you know-"

"No! He's going to yell at you again when you get home. You know he will! He'll throw things and he'll call you all those names again. You think I couldn't hear them when I lived at home? Bitch, lazy ingrate, stupid, weakling!"

Alice sobbed into her hands, Esme looked like she had been struck and while Edward was silent, the expression in his eyes screamed bloody murder. I had to say something. Edward couldn't and Alice was too upset right now. I was worried now, terribly worried.

"Esme," I said, as gently as I could. "Is it safe for you to go home?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, having recovered a little. "Of course it's safe. It's my home."

Edward looked straight at me, his eyes pleading. He wanted to know, I was sure of it.

"I mean…will he hurt you?"

"No," she said, shaking her head.

I looked at Alice, but I couldn't find any answers in her expression. My eyes found Esme's again.

"No," she said, more firmly this time. "Carlisle doesn't hit. Never has. Not once."

"But he yells," Alice cried. "He screams and breaks things and blames you for everything, Mom. It doesn't matter that he doesn't hit you. He still hurts you! Please don't go back to him!"

"He's my husband," Esme whispered.

"Who the fuck cares? He promised to love you and cherish you, and does he? No!"

Alice wiped her face and grabbed her mom's shoulders.

"He's mean, Mom, and he won't ever change. I got away and you can too. Stay here with me and Jasper, _please_."

Esme looked bewildered and started shaking her head.

"Please stay here." Edward's phone sounded out. "Don't go back."

"Or, you can come and stay with us," I offered. "It's not much, but we have an extra room."

Edward whipped his head around toward me.

'Really?' he mouthed.

I nodded, feeling absolutely certain. After having actually met the man, I couldn't send Esme back to him. He may not hit her, but I was pretty sure it still counted as abuse, the way he was treating her.

"No, that's…that's very kind of you to offer," Esme said to me. "But…"

"Please, Mom," Alice whispered. "You're not happy and you deserve to be. I can take care of you now. _We_ can take care of you now. Please let us."

"All right."

The whisper was so faint that I thought I had imagined it for a moment.

"You'll stay?" Alice asked.

Esme nodded.

"I don't know what to do," she said, sitting back down. "What should I say to your father?"

"The truth," Edward said, using his phone. "That you want to be happy and you will be again, without him."

"I'll call Jasper and tell him," Alice said.

"He won't mind?" Edward asked.

"No," Alice said simply.

I had a feeling she and Jasper had discussed this option before and were in agreement on it. I leaned into Edward's side and he wrapped his arm around me.

"Everything's going to be okay," Alice promised, looking around the room. "For all of us. I have a good feeling."

I smiled, believing her words.

**I don't have much to say now, if you can believe that. Take care of yourselves and your loved ones. Thank you for reading. :) **


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